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Some doubts going into my MAP (self.marriedredpill)

tenjed が 投稿

TLDR: 1) If I'm already outranking (SMV) my wife, is widening the gap really going to help? 2) What are the chances my vasectomy has already doomed these efforts?

Have been lurking here a while. I read NMMNG but a lot of the Nice Guy traits didn't really resonate with me. Yes, I have some Alpha work to do, but I'm not a total sap. I'm now about halfway through MMSLP, and it has been really eye opening - lots of very refreshing, hard truths there. I'm working on my MAP - actually had been doing that for a few months already before learning it had a name. But MMSLP has really left me with some doubts, and I'm looking for some feedback.

  1. I've realized I'm already at least a couple of SMV points (if not more) above my wife. I'm fit, reasonably attractive, fairly outgoing, a great dad, and hold an executive leadership position at work. She's attractive (at least to me) but has become overweight, is somewhat of a social pariah, and would be completely fucked if she had to support herself financially. She obviously isn't thinking about things this way and doesn't see any of this as a risk, or at least it certainly doesn't seem to make her any more attracted to me. Is widening that gap even more really going to get me anywhere? While I realize the end game solves the problem one way or the other, I'm more interested in making my marriage work than starting over with a new woman, which I'm sure I could easily find. I'm wondering if others here had this situation going in and saw any results from widening an already imbalanced SMV gap.

  2. MMSLP's mention of the importance of sperm and what a vasectomy can do (and the what he adds to that on his website) is freaking me out a little. Our sex life dried up shortly after we had our only child, and its around that time I got a vasectomy (several years ago now). This is obviously something I can't really "work on". What are the chances this is the reason there is no attraction, and my MAP is not going to make much if any difference?

In the end, I'm doing the MAP for me, not for her. But I'd like to go into this with my eyes open and not get my hopes too high if there's a good chance it's not going to go anywhere.

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[–]redpill-hardmodeMarried- MRP APPROVED 3ポイント4ポイント  (3子コメント)

Chances are its not the vasectomy that made sex dry up, its the new little cockblocker.

You know why they call them babies, right? Because calling them little cockblockers is impolite.

She has the baby, so she needs you less. It happened to me and it happens to all guys. Start with the dread.

[–]tenjed[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

You know why they call them babies, right? Because calling them little cockblockers is impolite.

Thanks for that - I needed some humor this morning!

I haven't learned dread yet but found and will be studying https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb/the_12_step_plan_of_dread_book_excerpt_from_my/

[–]redpill-hardmodeMarried- MRP APPROVED 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

BPP's explanation of the levels is the best explanation I've ever seen.

[–]Sepean [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

This doesn't capture the problem with kids. It's not the kids, or the time needed to take care of them; it is that the man begins acting like leaving isn't an option.

[–]stonepimpletilistsUnplugging 1ポイント2ポイント  (2子コメント)

honestly, a little bit of dread will probably go a long way, if it's just a case of perceived SMV (and don't kid yourself, thats the only one that matters for your relationship)

As far as the snip. I've never been a fan of the pseudoscience aspects of TRP... too much armchair biology, and I'd put the vascectomy as really close to that line.

To be honest, a good mindset here is that you have a depreciating asset. she's attractive (to you) but hasn't maintaned, and getting older. She did father you a child, and theres a stable thing there, but it sounds like as far as being social, she's more of a hinderence than anything.

You can do better... Your MAP is fine, and you need to realize, even with this scant level of detail, that you are the prize. She should be thanking her lucky stars that she got what she got... she probably doesn't, but a little dread will sort that out.

And if she's too daft to know this? Mistress, divorce, nonmanogamy, there's tons of options, and you can be fine with all of them.

Either way, fuck her, she isn't a factor in why you want your MAP

[–]redpill-hardmodeMarried- MRP APPROVED 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I agree with the pseudoscience. Athol can sure make some shit up.

Look at the vasectomy like this. You can fuck anyone and you can't get them pregnant. So wouldn't that make you more dangerous? LOL

[–]tenjed[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

As far as the snip. I've never been a fan of the pseudoscience aspects of TRP... too much armchair biology, and I'd put the vascectomy as really close to that line.

Yes, that's a good context to put this in. It did occur to me that it seemed odd that such an enormously common procedure could have such disastrous side effects without it getting a little more attention. But it didn't keep it from causing a wave of fear. I did a fair amount of research before letting a doctor mess with my boys, and never found any reference of this side effect.

[–]SorcererKingMRP SAGE[🍰] 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Yes, Dread is the answer. It makes the possibility of you leaving salient to her. Wakes her up and make her realize that just "being a good mom" isn't enough, that she needs to be a wife too.

Edit: fixed the damn autocorrect.

[–]tenjed[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Excellent point. She's a fantastic mom, not so much on the wife side.

[–]CountpudyoolaMarried- MRP MODERATOR 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

High smv without use of dread is like having a Ferrari parked in the garage you never drive.

Sounds like she needs a reminder to shake her out of baby oxytocin daze.

Bpp's 12 levels.

[–]ufdUnplugging 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

As others have said, my first thought was to go through the levels of Dread.

The link is already in the comments.

She feels that everything is stable, she has her husband, her house, her stable husband's income, and now it's all complete with baby makes three; time to sit back and coast.

Shake that shit up with some dread and make her realize it can change in a heartbeat.

Dread plus MAP is IMHO the answer, and if it isn't, then, as Athol says, you're in a the best place to move on with someone new (paraphrasing).