So I am trying to close all of my (virtually unused) bitcoin accounts on various websites to reduce my exposure to the whole industry. This sudden desire came after realizing that a few of these accounts were authorized with ~$50,000 in credit based instant bitcoin purchasing power. Which is not exactly something I want hanging over my head.

I spent a few hours the other day trying to unsuccessfully close my Coinbase account and I thought I'd share.

1) Login. Get 2 FA code via SMS. All good.

2) Realize I Have $19 in Bitcoin... great. Go to Wikipedia's site to donate it.

3) Wikipedia asks me for the donation amount, I punch in the exact BTC balance. It doesn't work. Oh right, the "fee less" currency has a hidden fee. Ok, what is the fee? It doesn't say anywhere. So I just trim the amount down a bit in the 3rd decimal until the transaction goes through.

4) I have a non-zero balance still. OK. Bitcoin eater it is. However, there does not seem to be a Coinbase way to send a specific amount (fee inclusive), so I'm in the same position as the Wikipedia donation page. I send some amount anyway.

5) I finally get around to the "close account" process on Coinbase. This time I get nailed by a different 2FA process (Authy app based 2FA). I had since uninstalled Authy on a phone wipe so first I needed to head over to tech support and reset my authy account. Great. Another 25 minutes killed.

6) Finally log in to the account close process with the Authy 2FA only to discover that the account closure process allows a fee-inclusive sweep of funds into an account of your choice. Great. I wish I'd known that earlier. Bitcoin eater it is.

7) FUCK. BALLS FUCK! My balance is not high enough to pay the (undisclosed) fee required to sweep the account into bitcoin eater.

8) I'm now in a back and forth with tech support.

9) For the love of all that is holy, someone please send me 3-5 cents in bitcoin (it will be destroyed, I promise).

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