Disclaimer: I'm a huge fucking racist and should stop using reddit and whining about it. But regardless of how big of a fucking retard I am here's my story! P.s. thanks for gold

Hi everyone. I'm a 29 year old biracial (Asian/Hispanic) woman born and raised in a rough part Newark, NJ. I grew up with an extremely diverse group of friends, mostly black, hispanic and filipino. I'm engaged to a white guy who also grew up in the same neighborhood, we've been best friends since 2nd grade and we're a cute fucking couple.

I've been aware of race and racism all my life, I think because being this particular kind of biracial made me a target of fascination for many people growing up. Also, because I've never had a "camp", I've always felt like an outsider when it came to race. I feel like I have a unique view, not privileged enough to occupy the bubble most white people live in, but still privileged enough to not be continuously victimized by the systematic racism running rampant in the US. Thus I've always been put in the position to sort of "bridge the gap" of understanding between my white and POC acquaintances when and where I can.

Then I found Reddit. In the early 2000's it was a much better community. These past 2 years though...it feels like the place has been overrun with Stormfronters. Simple minded bigots who wanna twist their obvious racism into some kind of campaign for the new oppressed minority. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. Just because its 2015 and not as many people are laughing at your shitty gay/ethnic/woman jokes doesn't mean the country is becoming a fascist regime, it means you need to evolve or get the fuck out of the way.

What's been really jarring for me is the way the bullshit I see on Reddit is affecting the way I look at people in my real life. Mainly, white people. The assholes spreading this garbage on Reddit are not full blown klansmen or card carrying white nationalists. They're regular, unassuming people who are probably sweet as pie to my face when we're interacting in the wild, but probably spewing heinous propaganda about minorities online in their off time. Guys, I'm becoming so distrustful of white people that its becoming really uncomfortable for my personal life. I'm growing distant from people I used to get along great with at work, with every micro aggression I clock (not even toward me), or every lame joke that draws on a stereotype. I used to be able to brush that stuff aside and focus on their overall good qualities as people, but now I have to wonder if, say, that little benign joke is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what they really think.

I'm feeling increasingly uncomfortable around my fiancé's family for instance, who sometimes display that blue collar brand of casual racism that I used to be able to write off in favor of preserving my relationship with my fiancé, who absolutely doesn't think like them, but chooses to ignore certain things and keep the peace because he loves them as his only remaining family members (both his parents passed away when we were young).

Reddit, after 7 years of being active on it, has become a part of my daily routine, but I really hate how this shift in its ideology has me looking at people in my life with dwindling respect, not necessarily because they've become worse people, but because this two faced bullshit on Reddit has me assuming they have uglier views then they might let on.

I know these feelings might be par for the course for you ladies, so I'm wondering how you handle it. Mainly, I don't want these feelings to be the thread that ultimately unravels my 10 year relationship with my best friend.