Earlier this year, the well-known ultra-hipster magazine Vice launched a new site called Broadly, which is essentially their answer to feminist blogs like Jezebel and Feministing. When the blog was first announced, its publisher Shannon Kelley stated: “If you look at the current landscape of women’s media, it is purely reactionary. Blogs are either reacting to the news, gossiping about celebrities or discussing the latest beauty and fashion trends. No one is telling original stories that women specifically relate to. For Vice, it is in our DNA to provide original, story-driven video content and speak to a millennial audience.”
Pictured: A very small sample of the kind of content published by Broadly. Empowering, thought-provoking stuff, to be sure.
So, what kind of original, non-reactionary, millennial-approved content that women specifically relate to is Vice publishing under its new Broadly umbrella? Well, aside from the usual insipid junk about fashion, celebrities, dating, horoscopes, “the patriarchy”, and so forth, Broadly just published this new article about how bestiality is the latest progressive thing that modern-day women should embrace.
No, I’m not exaggerating.
The article is called “Animal Urges: Women and Bestiality“. It opens with this picture, setting the mood:
Yeah, you see where this is going. But let’s go further.
Why would anyone want to have sex with anything other than a human being? I scoured the internet for female bestiality performers and found lessons on desire and deviance instead.
If you’re taking “lessons” from people who have sex with animals, it might be time to rethink your life.
The author states that, before conducting her “research”, she agreed with sensible people that bestiality is wrong:
We all know the main argument for why inter-special mating between animals and humans is wrong: common language. “Animals cannot talk, thus cannot accuse the individual of forcing them to have sex with him/her against their will,” wrote Ramsis in his 1969 study, which is cited by sexual therapist and author Dr. Hani Miletski in her book Understanding Bestiality and Zoophila.) Furthermore, animals carry different diseases, genes, hormones; it’s just too obscure. Most people think it’s biologically gross and morally wrong.
This is where I stood when I started this research. Why would anyone want to have sex with anything other than a human being? But, as I logged into every bestiality forum that would accept me, read all the comment threads, uncovered all the theories from therapists, doctors, and sexologists, and talked to some female zoophiles themselves, my thoughts changed. I’m not for it, but their arguments started to seem…if not valid, at least understandable. Did my nights on Beast Forum create a type of Stockholm Syndrome? I mean, what’s so wrong about desiring a reindeer? I found myself thinking, horrified. How is having sex with a pig any crueler than murdering it for bacon? What’s worse, rape or murder? My logical self vacated for the sake of an argument.
Now, I’ve been a vegetarian since I was ten years old, but even I can tell you that killing a pig for bacon at least serves some kind of purpose, whereas raping a pig does not. This is not exactly a very complex concept. People in third-world countries depend on meat for living, but nobody depends on raping animals for anything other than their own sick desires.
The author goes on to describe at great length how bestiality has been practiced all throughout human history, as if that makes it okay. I mean, last I checked, murder has been practiced throughout all of human history too. So have rape, pedophilia, slavery, genocide, and – perhaps worst of all – “patriarchy”. Does that mean that those things are okay too?
The article then goes on to talk about the long history of porn actresses having sex with animals. You mean, porn actresses tend to be mentally damaged individuals? Shock and awe! I don’t know about you, but I don’t really consider the behavior of porn stars to be a model for what ordinary women should do.
The article then goes on to the author describing how hard it was for her to find female zoophiles who were willing to talk to her.
When I started this research my goal was simple: to talk to a woman who has had sex with an animal for either pay or pleasure. Male zoophiles dominated Miletski’s statistics (she had 80 male participants and 11 female), and I wasn’t interested in interviewing yet another pale German man about all the “beautiful, reciprocal” lovemaking he shares with his mutt.
In other words, men who have sex with animals are disgusting perverts (which, to be fair, they are), but women who have sex with animals are just misunderstood.
Defeated and without a subject, I turned my focus to those who fucked animals for pleasure, not pay, and dove deep into Beast Forum, the biggest international zoophilia chatroom going. The interface was outdated, like an Angelfire site from the early 2000s, but thousands of people are active daily. When I originally signed up for a profile, I forgot to change my gender to female and was shot down by almost any woman I approached in a chat room. I was honest about why I was there and batted down constantly. “I have no interest in talking to you for your work,” one lady retorted. This was the only place I was going to find an experienced zoo, so I filled out my profile page accurately as though I was on OkCupid and hit the chatrooms the next night. I offered my thoughts in public threads and spent hours integrating myself into the site. Suddenly, a few females were willing to open up with me. I quickly discovered women were mostly about having a relationship to animals rather than having sex with them, as Miletski would attest.
Last I checked, all pet owners had some kind of “relationship” with their pets. The key thing here is that, for people who aren’t mentally ill degenerates, it isn’t a sexual relationship.
The article then talks about how raping animals isn’t sexual deviancy, but pure love, you nasty bigots. At least, it is when women do it, anyways.
“I’m generalizing here, but in my clinical studies women are less interested in sexually deviant behavior,” Miletski had told me over the phone weeks before my foray onto Beast Forum. “The women that were in my [bestiality] study actually cherished the relationship to their animal partner. That was a big part of the whole appeal to these women, and all their partners were male dogs.”
It then discusses how the poor zoophiles (which is a LEGITIMATE SEXUAL ORIENTATION, bigots!) are stigmatized, ostracized, and marginalized by the cisheteropatriarchy, and how dogs are better than men anyways.
I logged into Beast Forum at night, when most of the action happened, and I trolled discussion groups: “Does Your Partner Know You Are Into Bestiality?”, “A Wife’s Priority: To All The Married Ladies Out There,” “Hey Housewives,” and pages and pages of forums on the stigma facing zoophiles who keep their sexual orientation secret from the “normals” in their lives. For some, it is just that: a sexual orientation. They argue they could not change even if they wanted to (and most do not.) For a lot of women in the discussion groups, their zoophilia started with some kind of fucked-up rejection from humans. One girl confessed that when her older boyfriend humiliated her after his wife caught her blowing him, she wished men were more like her loving dog, and then just ended up making the dog her boyfriend. Others wrote about life after divorce and finding calm, comfort, and great sex in their animal lovers.
Did we mention that dogs are better than men?
“I’ve never fallen in love with an animal that didn’t return the love,” one woman wrote. Most people on the message boards and in Miletski’s study said the same thing. People can reject you, tell you to fuck off; an animal can’t disappoint you the way a human being can. Your relationship to a dog can’t deteriorate over money problems or jealousy or sexual disinterest. It can’t fall “out of love” because it never was in what we define as love in the first place. A sexual relationship with an animal is basic, simple, and never emotionally exhausting. On the flipside, you cannot keep a person hostage under your domestic rule the way you can an animal. Although no zoophile on Beast Forum confessed to seeing her relationship as having a power dynamic, there is no way it wouldn’t be.
After lots and lots of graphic descriptions of how these women have sex with animals, the article concludes with the following:
During her peek of acceptance and popularity, Joensen did a bestiality advice column in SCREW magazine, helping other curious zoo females intimate sex with animals safely. In one entry, a reader asked her what the point was in sucking off a pig, since the semen “is so thick and clots so fast and it can stick in your throat and choke you to death.”
Joensen responded with a beauty tip in broken English. “But don’t you know the semen is making a beautiful cold cream compress for the shinningness [sic] and smoothness of the face skin? No pimples any more I am having since this wonderful discovery.”
Well, there you have it, modern women. There’s your non-reactionary feminism. I sure hope you swallow it (ugh) and enjoy it, because this is the cutting-edge of progressive feminist journalism. And, rest assured, folks: if you think that women having sex with animals is wrong, then WOW. LIKE, JUST WOW. I LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN. IT’S 2015 YOU FUCKING BIGOTS JUST WOW. I LITERALLY CAN’T BELIEVE PEOPLE LIKE YOU STILL EXIST. I HOPE YOU CHOKE TO DEATH ON PIG SEMEN YOU ZOOPHOBIC SHITLORDS.
One can only imagine what kind of bold, progressive, and thought-provoking content Vice‘s new feminist blog will give us in the near future. Perhaps an article about women who enjoy having sex with their own newborn babies? Hell, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised at this point.
Finally, I just thought I should mention that these other articles were published very recently too:
“Pedophilia: A Disorder, Not a Crime” in The New York Times
“Is Incest Wrong?” in Big Think
“Is Necrophilia Wrong?” in Big Think
“It’s time to reconsider how we treat pedophiles” in The Daily Dot
“5 Ways We Misunderstand Pedophilia (That Makes it Worse)” in Cracked
That thing that you’re feeling is the feeling of progress and enlightenment, folks.