The Definitive Ranking Of “Harry Potter” Fuckboys
Ranked on a scale of one to Lockhart.
posted on Aug. 8, 2015, at 1:07 p.m.
17. Cornelius Fudge
Warner Bros.
It’s a miracle that the wizarding world didn’t crumble under Fudge’s incompetence. He blindly refused to accept Voldemort’s return and subjected Hogwarts to the worst possible punishment: Umbridge. His ineptitude is attributed to something far worse than plain stupidity. Pretty much every decision he made was due to the fact the he felt threaten by Dumbledore’s badassery and feared he would try to take his job. Let it go, Fudge, let it go.
16. Viktor Krum
Warner Bros.
Viktor is your typical “sports bro.” He heart truly lies on the Quidditch field, and any witch would be lucky to come in second. Hermione revealed that Krum was more interested in the ~physical~ stuff than making actual conversation with her, and therefore, he maintains minor fuckboy status.
15. Percy Weasley
Warner Bros.
Every family has to have one bad seed, right? It took Percy way too long to realize that family > power. He had no problem throwing his family under the bus, and his pompous attitude and love of rules was really quite insufferable. Anyone that could knowingly make Molly Weasley cry deserves to be roughed up by some Death Eaters. At least he came back in time to see all seven of his siblings reunited for the final time.
14. Dudley Dursley
Warner Bros.
Dudley gives a bad name to only children everywhere. Not only was he a spoiled brat, but he enjoyed serving as the ringleader of a gang that really needed to learn to pick on kids their own size. Ickle Diddykins would have been better off if he had put down the cupcakes and picked up a book. It’s his own fault that he was as stupid as he was mean.
13. Gregory Goyle
Warner Bros.
Goyle may have been as dumb as a box of rocks, but he was less of a bully than his counterpart, Crabbe. He spent the duration of the series in Malfoy’s shadow, which automatically makes him a fuckboy by association.
12. Peter Pettigrew
Warner Bros.
If Wormtail had the opportunity to write a self-help book, it would probably be called something like
How To Lose Friends And Alienate People. Seriously, how shady do you have to be to betray the only people who have ever offered you friendship? He’s honestly too pathetic to be considered a total fuckboy; at the end of the day he’s just a weak little rat.
11. Argus Filch
Warner Bros.
Filch clearly had a lot of unresolved feelings about being a squib, but there was no reason for him to project these issues on the students. It’s no wonder that his cat was his only friend.
10. Vincent Crabbe
Warner Bros.
At first glance, Crabbe may seem on par with Goyle, but he’s actually a lot worse. Remember how he spent the moments leading up to his death calling Hermione a mudblood and shooting several “avada kedavra” curses at her? He died as he lived: A total fuckboy.
9. Severus Snape
Warner Bros.
Whether you loathe Snape or view him as a tragic hero, it’s hard to overlook his dickish qualities. Yes, he may have ~always~ loved Lily, but that doesn’t make up for years of bulling innocent students and the fact that he walked around Hogwarts with a proverbial stick up his ass. We get it dude, the love of your life passed away. Leave Hermione’s teeth out of it, alright?
8. Barty Crouch Jr.
Warner Bros.
Not only did Barty torture the Longbottoms to insanity, but he took his actions way too far when he impersonated Moody. He recreated Neville’s tragic secret by preforming the cruciatus curse on an innocent spider. Anyone that strives to make another person feel that uncomfortable is a fuckboy. End of story.
7. Ron Weasley
Warner Bros.
Yes, he may have redeemed himself in
Deathly Hallows, but Ron was a total fuckboy during books 4-7. It took him forever to admit his feelings for Hermione, and he spent a lot of time sulking around and treating her like shit. He basically dangled his relationship with “Lav-Lav” in front of Hermione’s face, all because he was too insecure to get it together and ask her out.
6. Tom Riddle
Warner Bros.
Riddle put his dickish qualities on display well before becoming the Dark Lord. Seriously, the signs were all there. He learned to blackmail and manipulate people from a very young age, and freaked the hell out whenever things didn’t go his way. Only an asshole would create a gang of followers to make up for the fact that he didn’t know how to make friends.
5. Gellert Grindelwald
Warner Bros
The teen-terror may have grown up to be the most feared wizard in the world, but his fuckboy status stems from the fact that he totally ghosted on Dumbledore. They had big plans together! They were going to take over the world for the “greater good!” Imagine how shitty Dumbledore must have felt when he realized that his BFF/first crush/partner-in-crime ditched him right when he needed him the most. Not cool, Gellert, not cool.
4. Cormac McLaggen
Warner Bros.
Yuck. McLaggen may have been hot, but his appearance was totally trumped by the fact that he was such a haughty prick. He walked around Hogwarts as if his shit didn’t stink, and don’t forget about the time he acted like a total slime-ball by trying to corner Hermione under the mistletoe at Slughorn’s Christmas party. Hey, even Gryffindor attracts its fair share of fuckboys.
3. Draco Malfoy
Warner Bros.
If Draco was a muggle, he definitely would have pledged a preppy fraternity and surrounded himself with others whose go-to threat is, “my father will hear about this.” His smug little face just reeks of entitlement, and he strutted around Hogwarts as if he owned the place. He was always a lot braver when Crabbe and Goyle were around, and even the dark mark didn’t do much to improve his wimpy attitude. Sorry, Draco, you can’t hide behind daddy forever.
2. James Potter
Warner Bros.
Yes, he died a hero, but let’s not forget that James was a total jerk during his years at Hogwarts. He was constantly showing off and would bully students in an effort to entertain his friends. It’s no wonder it took him years to finally persuade Lily to give him a chance. Go ahead, James, mess up your hair one more time. I dare you.
1. Gilderoy Lockhart
Warner Bros.
Oh, Lockhart. Poor, stupid, vain Lockhart. His permanent brain damage would feel slightly tragic if he didn’t act like a douchebag for years. While he may not be as traditionally “evil” as other villains in the wizarding world, Lockhart takes the top spot because he’s the walking, talking definition of a fuckboy. He’s a cheating, arrogant, image-obsessed jerk, and can we talk about that hair for a second? Those golden locks must have been the result of pounds of hair product and hours spent in front of a mirror. Sorry Lockhart, but karma is the ultimate bitch.
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