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Fastest way to the shower. (imgur.com)

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[–]superdankmaymays 271ポイント272ポイント  (5子コメント)

I guess you could say you got...

...shitfaced.

[–]RndmUserName123321 77ポイント78ポイント  (0子コメント)

YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[–]mindguru88 6ポイント7ポイント  (1子コメント)

It's just not the same without the Horaito Caine sunglasses face...

[–]Doctor_Loggins 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Just Google "instant csi."

[–]SlightlyEnraged 118ポイント119ポイント  (40子コメント)

I . . . I don't understand how. . . how this is possible. Wipe and drop, mofo, wipe and drop. Eeww.

[–]Cornholing_Infants 53ポイント54ポイント  (6子コメント)

I wipe, fold, wipe, fold, drop as I'm very frugal with my toilet paper. I still don't know how this was possible.

[–]Freyaka 2ポイント3ポイント  (3子コメント)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGCIGEUB32M

[–]adas1023 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

You can see how hard he's trying to keep it together

[–]Freyaka 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

He does an absolutely amazing job considering how hilarious it is. Aubrey Plaza is just sitting there in the corner losing it and that makes it even more hilarious!

[–]youtubefactsbot 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

andy's wiping problem [0:16]

andy dwyer consults a physician

Ed McNamara in Autos & Vehicles

839,048 views since Jan 2013

bot info

[–]Charliechar 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

As a non folder I am honestly confused. Why not just use a smaller amount of paper on each wipe rather than wipe and fold? It uses the same amount of paper at the end of the day.

[–]personalcheesecake 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

How often do you finger your ass when you try this? that's why.

[–]JamesonAFC[S] 22ポイント23ポイント  (24子コメント)

Nah man. Wipe, fold, wipe again, fold, wipe. Conservation.

[–]Jack_Bartowski 21ポイント22ポイント  (0子コメント)

I hope you learned your lesson! Wipe and drop man.

[–]WizzleTizzleFizzle 3ポイント4ポイント  (3子コメント)

That's disgusting.

[–]jeremt22344 22ポイント23ポイント  (2子コメント)

why? it isn't like you are actually touching a shitty part of the toilet paper. Your hand is touching a clean part and your ass is touching a clean part, what does it matter if it is one layer of shit or a few. Anyways it take less toilet paper and lowers the risk of clogging the toilet almost to zero.

[–]fluffyxsama 14ポイント15ポイント  (1子コメント)

Not to mention even if you do get shit on your hands, it's not toxic waste. Washing hands is not hard.

[–]Lazermazer 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

But how does the toilet paper ever come back up from below seat level? I fold with one hand while it's still below.

[–]NeoHenderson -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't know about you guys... But if I'm wiping a second time, I've dropped the first bunch and I'm using a new bunch.

Conservation is one thing... Shit on my hand (or nose) is another.

[–]dontupvotekthx -3ポイント-2ポイント  (4子コメント)

I don't care how poor I am. I'd never do this. How many damn squares are you using anyway?

Get some nice Charmin and 3 squares is all you need.

[–]Beanboy112 8ポイント9ポイント  (1子コメント)

yeah..

[–]Nishido 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

I love how the girl is trying to hold it together, but just can't.

[–]PoGoZ 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Exactly. 3 squares, wipe, fold, wipe, fold, wipe, drop. Get a wipe per square. Maximum efficiency

[–]CobraExspenseAccount 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Nope! See I pesonally use the Meatloaf rule ( Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad ) 3 squares 2 wipes. I like to live as a king!

[–]degjo -1ポイント0ポイント  (11子コメント)

Three wipes?

[–]nameihate 4ポイント5ポイント  (7子コメント)

What's the average wipe count for a Reddit user? I'd say I'm easily in the 20's.

[–]GoldenFalcon 11ポイント12ポイント  (6子コメント)

What the hell are you eating?

[–]UncleRot 3ポイント4ポイント  (2子コメント)

You know "shake it more than twice and you're playing with it"? Is there a rule for wiping? I'm not into touching my b-hole any more than is strictly necessary, and 20 sounds like a lot...

[–]JamesonAFC[S] 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

Do you not thoroughly clean your pooper? Hell man, I still use baby wipes... Tell me a location on your body you where if you get shit on it you'd be ok with wiping it with dry paper until you can no longer see brown?

[–]ChefBoyAreWeFucked 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

Not my face, that's for sure.

[–]nameihate 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Apparently a bunch of shit based on that reaction

[–]JamesonAFC[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Chipotle

[–]Greenouttatheworld 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

There there, no need to brown nose yourself.

[–]BigAppleBag 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

GG ghost poop.
Wipe once, and that papers unsullied.

[–]exor15 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

It only takes you one wipe every time? Are you on one of those all-liquid diets?

[–]JamesonAFC[S] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sometimes more

[–]peetee32 4ポイント5ポイント  (4子コメント)

Because it didn't happen. People just think of humorous scenerios and write these out. For example...was making toast...accidently put my wallet in the toaster. See how that works. That didn't happen but OMG could you imagine how CRAZY that would be!?!?!?

[–]Klompy 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

This was basically my thought on this too. There's just no way you'd make this mistake, and it's too easy to make this up.

[–]Shorkan 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is basically my thought on everything I didn't personally see.

[–]esdawg 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

A room mate of my friend wiped his ass with his jeans due to having no tp and threw them under his bed for a month. I still remember the smell.

This same room mate, in absence of a towl, used toilet paper to dry off. Going into the bathroom and seeing a giant basket of spent tp was . . . Interesting. And no these two events didnt actually occur in the same time frame.

Weird shit happens, especially weird and/or stupid people.

[–]GoldenFalcon 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

What???

[–]socsa 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I understand. When in bachelor mode with a cold, I've blown into some TP and then used it to wipe. Add a hangover to that equation and its pretty easy to accidentally cross the streams.

[–]heavy_84 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Karma, friend. This has been posted before, more than once. OP lies.

[–]Sy27 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Don't you check the tp after wiping before dropping?

[–]kjoro 24ポイント25ポイント  (5子コメント)

Mate, that is fucked up

[–]JamesonAFC[S] 7ポイント8ポイント  (4子コメント)

It was after first wipe too :-(

[–]celerontm 37ポイント38ポイント  (0子コメント)

.. and after the shower, used the same toilet paper to dry himself...

[–]TeazleDiesel 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

Brown noser

[–]DrLemonPepper 158ポイント159ポイント  (63子コメント)

I'll take "Things That Didn't Happen" for $500, Alex.

[–]SteampunkMuppet 6ポイント7ポイント  (1子コメント)

I saw my 3 year old son do it. Everything happened in slow motion, I couldn't get there in time. Then he started crying because I scared him with my horrified scream of nooooooooo.

One of the grossest days of my parenting life so far.

[–]Sydandish 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

See that makes sense, because he's three... I doubt OP is three.

[–]JamesonAFC[S] 79ポイント80ポイント  (52子コメント)

It never ceases to amaze me the stuff that's believed here, and while this actually happened, this is something that's considered unbelievable? Strange place this..

[–]AdamantiumLaced 11ポイント12ポイント  (32子コメント)

Do you wipe your ass sitting down or standing up?

[–]JamesonAFC[S] 10ポイント11ポイント  (31子コメント)

Sitting down..

[–]stiick 5ポイント6ポイント  (2子コメント)

And...let me guess. ..You wipe back to front. ..

[–]JamesonAFC[S] 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

No, front to back.

[–]The_Mighty_Rex 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Front to back is how girls do it man, ya gotta go back to front, just use your spare hand to lift the balls.

[–]tungmick 23ポイント24ポイント  (7子コメント)

Is there a reason why your shit paper doesn't immediately go into the toilet?

I dont see anyone who has to use a trash can for shit paper bring it anywhere except to the trash can. You dont just wave shit around. You avoid touching it to anything.

I do not believe you brought it to your nose, did not smell it, and then used it to blow your nose.

The way the shit paper would be placed in your hand is not the same hand position for blowing your nose. Do you blow your nose with one hand? You grabbed it with two hands and somehow didnt see shit and then put it to your face and still didnt see shit.

Yeah right.

[–]Kashik 14ポイント15ポイント  (4子コメント)

Is there a reason why your shit paper doesn't immediately go into the toilet?

Yeah, if you fold it and wipe again, as many people do.

[–]Rockaustin 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

Is this sarcasm? Do people actually fold it and wipe again?

[–]Slychops88 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Maximum efficiency man!

[–]tungmick 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I wont be one of those people. I do not want to accidentally touch shit. I am ok with using more toilet paper. Less than a dollar a roll. I would pay a few cents more per wipe to not touch shit

[–]MrNillows -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Gross bro, just get another piece. It's fucking cheap ass toilet paper

[–]Why do my balls feel weird?cyberchief 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

You put your shit paper in the trashcan? You savage. Everyone knows that civilized people throw it directly in the toilet with the shit. That way it doesn't stink up the room.

[–]tungmick 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeah mine drops directly to the water. Some people cant for whatever reason. I was saying OPs only reason to remove shit paper is to put in a bin. I thought someone already went over this last time a similar story was posted

[–]defleppardsucks 2ポイント3ポイント  (6子コメント)

Do you not immediately drop your tp in the bowl after dragging it through your trash compactor?

[–]trebory6 7ポイント8ポイント  (3子コメント)

No. Why would you wipe your ass without checking to see if you need to wipe again?

[–]steezefries 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Maybe other people just guess? You get it though.

[–]trebory6 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I feel that the people who "just guess" are the ones who are infamous for having streak marks in their underwear.

[–]defleppardsucks 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I do that too, I'm just trying to help OP out. If it's a matter of having a dirty asshole or a dirty nose, I would choose the dirty asshole.

[–]Kanerodo 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Wipe, look, fold, repeat.

[–]jackster_ 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I believe it.

[–]tacknosaddle 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeah, I just replied to the same comment because I had a friend who did nearly the exact same thing years ago.

[–]rib-bit -4ポイント-3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Shithead,,,literally...

[–]RageOverflows -4ポイント-3ポイント  (0子コメント)

The reason you're being called out is because we see a meme about this exact same situation every few months.

[–]RyanTheQ 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'll take "Jeopardy values that don't exist" for $600, Alex.

[–]NoFunHere 6ポイント7ポイント  (1子コメント)

What is OP's story?

[–]Trippze 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

why would this not be believable? I've actually almost done this

[–]JustWing 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I've actually done this, so can confirm. This one isn't that out there.

[–]monkeyfullofbarrels 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think it was a bachelor frog, or some kind of parrot last time it was posted. This meme hadn't been created last time I saw this one.

[–]paulx441 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

It was only a matter of time an old bachelor frog meme got converted into an insanity wolf meme got turned into a melvin meme.

[–]tacknosaddle 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I dunno why this is so hard to believe, I had a friend do almost the exact same thing years ago. He had just got out of bed and had to take a shit, he wasn't fully awake and realized he had to blow his nose and without thinking about it put the shitty toilet paper to his nose. I was at their house when it happened and heard the screaming freakout from the bathroom when he realized what he had done.

[–]The_Revolutionary 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

You gave yourself a Hitler?

[–]JustWing 11ポイント12ポイント  (0子コメント)

Nobody seems to believe this. I've done this myself and it wasn't pleasant.

I wipe, check for poop on the paper, then drop it. So while I was tired I wiped, it was relatively clean, then got the urge to blow my nose.

I typically rip off another piece of toilet paper and blow my nose, but one was already in my hand.

You guys believe some outrageous things but not this?

[–]dickpaste 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

there was a story like this on /r/TIFU

[–]JDL523 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

/r/quityourbullshit

[–]CeJeH 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I remember when I was a little kid I woke up in the middle of the night with a nosebleed. I wiped my nose with my hand, and sat up so that I could examine the liquid via the dim nightlight next to my bed.

Due to the color of the light, it made the blood on my hand look dark brown. Being half asleep, I came to the conclusion that I had shit leaking out of my nose and that I was going to die a horrible death.

So needless to say I know how you feel, OP.

[–]mcbellyshelf 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I would argue this is not a minor mistake

[–]Kuro_yami 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Seriously though.

[–]AbsolutePureEvil 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I laughed at that more than I should've

[–]Jager-Junkie 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

Pretty sure I've seen this meme before, but I'd say you're an idiot if you do this

[–]leginnameloc 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

A shitty mistake, if that were true.

[–]Goat42 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Were you shit faced?

[–]Bytewave 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

A shitty way to start the day.

[–]ClassicZinker 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I always blow my nose before I wipe to avoid this

[–]nirvanna94 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

A shower won't help. You need nasal irrigation!

[–]thek2kid 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I've wiped my ass after blowing my nose with the toilet paper but never this. Blowing my nose seems to get any shit lodged in my colon out.

[–]The_Troll_Gull 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Am I the only one who drinks coffee during my morning poop?

[–]baconsingh 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

What the fuck

[–]redneckrockuhtree 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Shitty timing

[–]learntofart 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

While people are giving OP shit (ha!) that this isn't possible, I only thought one thing: I can finally stop thinking that I'm the dirtiest motherfucker on the planet, because even in my wildest dreams I wouldn't imagine I'd do this shit.

Thanks for the indirect ego boost, OP, you smelly bastard.

[–]MTknowsit 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

aughhhhhhhhhhh GOD I just jerked back 3 feet from the computer!

[–]Senbonbanana 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Dude...

[–]dukeluke2000 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

why would the toilet paper leave the bowl after ass wipe, not logical. it's wipe ass in bowl, drop tissue in bowl, get another tissue and repeat.

[–]shuterdownjim 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't even feel bad for you Jim

[–]pomanE[🍰] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

brown-nosing to a whole new level.

[–]OHKaii 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Gives a whole new meaning to getting shitfaced in the morning.

[–]jckaos 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

legit shitpost..

also /r/didnthappen

[–]rawgabbit 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/leaving.gif

[–]DRTwitch1 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

My co-worker told me a story of a guy he worked with that went to take a shit while chewing gum. He ended up spitting the gum in toilet paper then he wiped his ass with it. Next thing they saw was him splashing water is his ass to get the gum out.

[–]woofoofoo 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is one of my fears actually. I always thought about having to blow my nose while taking a shit, and thankfully so far this never happened to me. Still think about it though.

[–]GamerChef420 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

You fucking liar this was a TIFU months ago. http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/247785/man-sneezes-while-shitting-accidentally-wipes-nose-with-used-toilet-paper/

[–]Xyexs 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thought it said "Fastest way to shower"

[–]oikoik1 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

you belong in a fucking care home then

[–]PromNightDingoBaby 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

http://i.imgur.com/Ymiqrvg.gif

[–]skrepas 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

[–]pinkglitter1979 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is so foul.

[–]SoApatheticItHurts 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

bravo sierra

[–]toppyheader 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thats's more than a minor mistake there, Marvin.

[–]DrAlphabets 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

The return of foul bachelor frog

[–]gfysbro 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ain't nobody that stupid.

[–]GroggyOtter 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

So tired of people making shit up just to try and get to the front page.

[–]JamesonAFC[S] -4ポイント-3ポイント  (1子コメント)

Enough of the cynicism, mate. Sometimes shitty things actually happen.

[–]DefMike12 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Now I would believe the other way around. Sitting on toilet. Get some paper ready. Blow nose. Plan to just drop it in bowl when you stand up. Automatically wipe when you stand up.

I don't believe the other way happened for a second.

[–]JamesonAFC[S] -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

You wipe standing up?

[–]youurascal 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Cool lie

[–]adarkfable 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

this is more of a german success kid.

[–]berthejew 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

At least you didn't smear snot on your butthole.

[–]Zaku0083 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

This was a TIFU a month or so ago. Come on man learn from other people's fuckups!

[–]lolzsupbrah 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

This didn't happen because no one is that stupid.

[–]one-hour-photo 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

There is absolutely no way this happened. Which is totally fine i guess.

[–]Pikkster 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I am calling bullshit. This is the kind of thing you see in a bad comedy movie.

[–]SurlyLaika 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

yea, didn't happen...ASSHOLE!

[–]JamesonAFC[S] -5ポイント-4ポイント  (0子コメント)

I wish I could say it was a lucky (ghost), but it was not.

[–]Lepang8 -3ポイント-2ポイント  (1子コメント)

So you ended up like the guy in this meme?

[–]Bender5001 -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Someones on the fast track to conjunctivitis it seems (assuming he gets it close enough to his eyes).