上位 200 件のコメント全て表示する 225

[–]ohyouresilly 969ポイント970ポイント  (26子コメント)

And the dogs desperately want it to stop

[–]Rhamni 140ポイント141ポイント  (11子コメント)

Hey, that bitch came on to me! Just like those horses and that goat did.

[–]Deadboss 108ポイント109ポイント  (5子コメント)

[–]MrClimatize 21ポイント22ポイント  (3子コメント)

It's the pigs you have to watch out for. Turn your back for one second and you're sent off to the glue factory

[–]wellyesofcourse 13ポイント14ポイント  (2子コメント)

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.

And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter.

You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig."

[–]Dances_With_Boobies 11ポイント12ポイント  (2子コメント)

Don't get me started about the sexy fuckers in /r/Aquariums

[–]yellsaboutjokes 16ポイント17ポイント  (0子コメント)

IF YOU USE YOUR IMAGINATION THIS COULD BE AN EXPLANATION THAT PRINCE ERIC RATHER THAN FALLING IN LOVE WITH A MERMAID INSTEAD SUFFERED SOME SORT OF HYPOXIA-INDUCED BRAIN INJURY THAT CAUSED HIM TO BELIEVE THE FAIRY TALE WAS REAL WHEN IN REALITY HE WAS MERELY SUFFERING FROM RATHER EROTIC WATER-CENTRIC HALLUCINATIONS

[–]grabageacct 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

I even unzipped my pantaloons...I don't know what I expected there.

[–]siledas 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Really? All of them came onto you?

...like, at the same time? Because that's a hell of a lot of animal cum.

Edit: I'm just saying, you're gonna need at least two wet wipes or something. Sounds like a mess.

[–]Xforce 19ポイント20ポイント  (3子コメント)

This isn't even an insult because dogs are known for loyalty, and yet it's men that cheat who are most often called dogs.

[–]kindall 30ポイント31ポイント  (2子コメント)

Dogs are also known for completely losing their minds any time they're around a female in heat, which is the analogy in play here.

[–]deadlypinfish 7ポイント8ポイント  (1子コメント)

That and dogs aren't loyal in a human sense. They'll fuck your girl given the chance. Hell they'll let strangers pet them and sometimes when dogs get separated they attach to a new family. If they were truly loyal they'd attack the family and find their true owner.

[–]zerounodos 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

If they were truly loyal they'd attack the family and find their true owner.

Now I'm picturing a John Wick-style movie starring a dog who got caught by animal control, and was given in adoption to a family, only to go beserk on them a short while after arriving to their home in order to escape and find his true owners.

Sounds wicked. Maybe "Bethoveen 9: This Time is Personal"?

[–]Diplomjodler 3ポイント4ポイント  (2子コメント)

I really resent the implication. I'm certainly not fucking any dogs right now.

[–]ohyouresilly 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Same, I stopped fucking dogs almost 24 hrs before I even saw this post

[–]Diplomjodler 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

I won't be drawn into specifics but I can state with absolute certainty that I wasn't fucking dogs when I wrote that post.

[–]soal1 555ポイント556ポイント  (37子コメント)

Somebody call the fire department to put that bitch out.

[–]cosmicsans 322ポイント323ポイント  (33子コメント)

Volunteer firefighter here.

No.

[–]Vondi 351ポイント352ポイント  (30子コメント)

Calls himself a Volunteer.

Doesn't Volunteer.

[–]Derp-herpington 97ポイント98ポイント  (28子コメント)

It's for the greater good.

[–]cosmicsans 48ポイント49ポイント  (18子コメント)

For the greater good.

[–]whydoyouhefftobemad 24ポイント25ポイント  (17子コメント)

For the greater food.

[–]burncenter 30ポイント31ポイント  (11子コメント)

For the Watch.

[–]cosmicsans 18ポイント19ポイント  (7子コメント)

Fuck you, Olly.

/r/fuckolly

Ninja edit: Spoilers. Duh.

[–]jonas691 3ポイント4ポイント  (3子コメント)

Right i've had just about enough of this, i will start the Olly fan club. All aboard the Olly hype train. Olly is Azor Ahai!

[–]RenVit318 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

For the night is dark, and full of terrors

[–]trueBearsFan 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

For the crater food

[–]Squez360 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

For the creator of food

[–]zeno1476 14ポイント15ポイント  (4子コメント)

THE GREATER GOOD

[–]curtmack 16ポイント17ポイント  (2子コメント)

I AM YOUR WIFE! I AM THE GREATEST "GOOD" YOU ARE EVER GONNA GET!

[–]Mechbiscuit 1ポイント2ポイント  (2子コメント)

Crusty jugglers...

[–]NicolasNSane 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

That's it! Chunky Monkey for a week!

[–]aedansblade36 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

He's a volunteer, he can choose to opt out if he wants. That shit ain't his job

[–]sailfacecannon 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Off-topic, but god damn I love your username.

[–]dlatty 20ポイント21ポイント  (1子コメント)

We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn.

[–]indrion 9ポイント10ポイント  (0子コメント)

Burn motherfucker, burn.

[–]pikk 89ポイント90ポイント  (5子コメント)

definitely expected this to go in a different direction

[–]ThisIsSoInternet 257ポイント258ポイント  (12子コメント)

If men are fucking dogs then the women are the bitches

[–]kupovi 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

"If I'm a dog then you're a bitch" - Weezer, Butterfly

[–]howdareyou 13ポイント14ポイント  (3子コメント)

men are dogs but dogs are man's best friend so men are man's best friend.

[–]high_class_ass_eater 11ポイント12ポイント  (2子コメント)

Men are fucking dogs. That means they fuck their best friends. No homo, though.

[–]cavalierau 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

Fish are friends, not food.

[–]silverskull39 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Instructions unclear. Dick stuck in fish.

[–]schwagle 75ポイント76ポイント  (5子コメント)

This...this works on more levels than it should.

[–]ottawapainters 175ポイント176ポイント  (4子コメント)

Two. It works on precisely two levels.

[–]North_London_Gunner -2ポイント-1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Works on three as far as I can make out.

[–]kylestephens54 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Looks like you can't make out far.

[–]IDoNotAgreeWithYou 123ポイント124ポイント  (21子コメント)

Is red male or female, this is really strange.

[–]innitgrand 232ポイント233ポイント  (13子コメント)

Male, he met the girl's husband and later met the girl who started to hit on him. He refused and years later the husband divorced the girl for cheating. Now the girl is posting this and the male is replying.

[–]BDCanuck 266ポイント267ポイント  (11子コメント)

I assumed red was a woman, and that the computer virus thing was all a setup by the couple for a threesome. I thought the whole seduction attempt was all in the same day.

[–]Deesing82 101ポイント102ポイント  (5子コメント)

glad i wasn't the only one. Had to read it twice to really understand it. The way he describes the nice guy and puts "friend" in quotes made him seem like a girl.

[–]iWasAwesome 24ポイント25ポイント  (4子コメント)

I got the impression it was a girl too, but even after reading it all, my impression never went away. Maybe it is a girl, what do we know, we ain't OP.

Calling OP /u/brown_amazingness

[–]PM_me_account_names 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is an old image. Doubt he knows either.

[–]Nextil 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm guessing the "friend" in quotation marks was meant more as a friend, for emphasis, and that the OP is male. I don't know, it's weird.

Edit: Someone did say in the original thread that OP is male.

[–]Gr33nman460 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

I was confused as well.

[–]xDeezyz 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

THE BIG DAY IS LESS THAN A WEEK AWAY MOTHERFUCKER

[–]molsonbeagle 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I had to read it twice because that was my first thought too. Didn't make a lot of sense at first.

[–]renopants 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Took me a couple pass throughs to get it.

[–]down_vote_magnet 40ポイント41ポイント  (1子コメント)

  • Red = Guy #1 who is good at computers

  • Guy #1 meets Guy #2, who asks him to fix his computer.

  • Guy #1 meets Wife (turquoise) of Guy #2.

  • Wife tries to hits on Guy #1, who is not interested.

  • Guy #2 leaves his wife because she cheated on him.

  • Wife posts status saying "men are fucking dogs"

  • Guy #1 lols

[–]AlphaTyrant 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thank you for the quick and easy guide

[–]rarely-sarcastic 14ポイント15ポイント  (2子コメント)

Red is definitely male. The way he wrote it at first seemed like a girl who had a crush on a guy but it was all just guy love.

[–]12ealdeal 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

That was the unexpected part for me, realizing the red was male.

[–]cavalierau 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

It could have gone either way, really.

[–]shigeno56 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

Aren't dogs supposed to be loyal? Is it s compliment? I'm confused....

[–]kinkyslinky 25ポイント26ポイント  (8子コメント)

posted 1 min ago

[–]Alabaster_Sugarfoot 23ポイント24ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't think red took the screenshot. There's no "delete" or "edit" options underneath.

[–]LazyBlueStar 15ポイント16ポイント  (2子コメント)

He took the screenshot before she deleted it?

[–]kinkyslinky 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

He took the screenshot and then deleted it before she would see it

[–]JakJakAttacks 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Gotta screenshot before it gets deleted otherwise no one will know how witty and clever he is.

[–]XL_Miro 17ポイント18ポイント  (24子コメント)

I just love how quickly she printed the status.

[–]relevantusername- -2ポイント-1ポイント  (18子コメント)

What I don't get is why the minute wait? It says "posted just now" for the first minute, so this guy would've had to post it, wait a minute, then screenshot. Maybe he had to google how to screenshot or something.

[–]Professional_Bob 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

The box covering the guy with the rant is a different colour from the box covering whoever took the screenshot.

[–]Alabaster_Sugarfoot 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Red didn't take the screenshot. There's no "edit" or "delete" underneath. Somebody saw this a minute after red posted it and took a screenshot. Or the whole thing's fake, I don't know.

[–]elbitjusticiero 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

The screenshot was not taken by whoever wrote the comment , as pointed above. It offers to like instead of edit or remove.

[–]relevantusername- 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

as pointed above.

You acknowledge I've already been told this yet you still reply to me anyway? I don't need like five people telling me this.

[–]XL_Miro 0ポイント1ポイント  (13子コメント)

Maybe she was so proud of what she wrote that she just stopped to read it, and then printed it.

[–]max_adam 5ポイント6ポイント  (11子コメント)

This can't happend in spanish :( . That's one of the reasons we dont have many puns or phrases with more than one meaning.

[–]UnluckyLuke 5ポイント6ポイント  (3子コメント)

But there isn't any double entendre, pun or worldplay here

[–]max_adam 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

But it is what the last comment at the picture says. "Men are fucking dogs". It has two meanings for me, that men are having sex with dogs or men are like dogs. In spanish it has two possible translations:

  1. Los hombres son unos malditos perros
  2. Los hombres están cojiendo perros

[–]UnluckyLuke 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I didn't get that and I'm not certain that was intended. Either way it's still enjoyable even without the pun

[–]robotnudist 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

That double meaning is not addressed in the OP at all, the red commenter merely thinks it's funny that this woman is calling men dogs because her husband left her for cheating.

[–]duano_dude 2ポイント3ポイント  (6子コメント)

Spanish Joke Time:

 Q: Cual ave pone los huevos mas grande?

 A: La avispa

Looks like a double meaning to me.

[–]max_adam 0ポイント1ポイント  (4子コメント)

Haha I recall that joke. But I didn't mean that "double meaning"

[–]duano_dude 1ポイント2ポイント  (3子コメント)

It's probably my favorite Spanish only joke. ... And yeah, I know what you meant.

[–]max_adam 6ポイント7ポイント  (2子コメント)

And a joke about spanish accents I saw around there.

 Mi papá tiene 47 años= My dad is 47 years old
 Mi papa tiene 47 anos= My potato has 47 anuses

[–]duano_dude 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

And to take it a bit further:

El Papa tiene 47 anos = The Pope has 47 anuses

[–]Dildo_Gagginss 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

So all those times in high school that i forgot the tilde on my n's ive been writing anus? thats hilarious that my spanish teacher mustve read it that way.

[–]NZzzzzzzz 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

I like farcebook posts that are self-referential.

[–]Sketchy_Uncle 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

Same kind of person that says "I hate drama" on facebook.

[–]LoLThatsjustretarded 35ポイント36ポイント  (9子コメント)

For all the tears women spill about misogyny, a lot of them are awful quick to talk shit about men. And it never occurs to them that one often follows the other.

[–]New__York__Bozo 51ポイント52ポイント  (4子コメント)

Yes, every group of people has some good people and some bad people. That's how people are.

[–]arkofcovenant -1ポイント0ポイント  (1子コメント)

I think the point he was making is that it is prevalent enough that it goes beyond the whole "some individuals"

[–]sephera 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

but i'm not sure it's an accurate point

[–]red5standingby375 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Is it not okay to give contextual examples of that?

[–]object_on_my_desk 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

The comment /u/New__York__Bozo is responding to seemed more like a generalization than a specific example. OP's post is a specific example and it's fucking beautiful.

[–]wolfblitzen 16ポイント17ポイント  (2子コメント)

Fidelity is not an issue of misogyny. This whole thing is a pretty unfair characterization.

[–]SeaJayCJ 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Really loyal people should call themselves "high fidelity".

[–]SadlyIamJustaHead 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Because they can communicate so well?

[–]sephera 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

i rarely see the overlap. it's usually difference women behaving in these two ways

[–]yusbarrett 6ポイント7ポイント  (1子コメント)

Whenever someone posts that phrase, first thing I reply is "never forget that, when properly treated, dogs are one of the most loyal and caring animals in the world"

[–]JasonBourne939 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

"Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks...

[–]thisMFER 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm have never fucked a dog.ever

[–]swill128 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I expected a man fucking a dog

[–]MrDangerMan 5ポイント6ポイント  (12子コメント)

[–]Mitsuho629 58ポイント59ポイント  (1子コメント)

A woman cheating on a man! That's completely unheard of, and a man calling a woman out for doing so! EVEN MORE UNLIKELY! These things could never happen in real life. /r/Thathappened.

[–]Just_Idling 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Finally someone with some sense!

[–]Paulo27 6ポイント7ポイント  (4子コメント)

Unless they set this up I don't this how this couldn't have happened, Red is talking about the person who posted the status.

[–]red5standingby375 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

People just love to be the one who "knows better than to believe the internet, unlike the mindless masses." It's like they think nothing like this has ever happened or ever will happen.

Yes, I know people make stuff up on the internet. And no, that doesn't mean that everything on the internet is made up. Finally, unless it's news, I don't care to distinguish.

[–][削除されました]  (1子コメント)

[deleted]

    [–]Paulo27 16ポイント17ポイント  (0子コメント)

    That applies to literally every story you read on the internet though...

    This doesn't even seem that unlikely anyway.

    [–]gunhorseunlimited 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Those gridlines are super useful - I was totally lost and confused until I noticed them

    [–]mbirth[🍰] 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

    [–]If_You_Only_Knew 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Oh, i bet this did happen, but i don't understand why anyone is upset.

    [–]ToThePint -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I'm pretty sure red is the same person that took the screenshot. Unless he read the status in under a minute and decided to share it, it seems more likely that he wrote it and took the screenshot after a moment.

    [–]Baldman5k 1ポイント2ポイント  (2子コメント)

    How many times is this going to be posted to reddit?

    [–]slothsandbadgers 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I'm kinda tired of seeing jokes on /r/unexpected

    [–]Zaloon 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Men might be fucking dogs, but that woman sure was a bitch.

    [–]If_You_Only_Knew 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Im not sure I understand why anyone is upset in this situation?

    [–]cracker4uok 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Plot twist: The plot is a twist.

    [–]Dan479 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    There is absolutely nothing that says Red isn't lying. But of course, that wouldn't funny.

    [–]mt007 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    what is wrong with dogs ?

    [–]turnleftdale 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    posted: 1 minute ago.

    deleted: 1 second after that.

    [–]TheCarpetPissers -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Hello, 911? Yeah, i just witnessed a fucking murder.

    [–]avalisk 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Why did you like the OP but not the honest post? Spineless.

    [–]Reality_Facade 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    That was truly unexpected

    [–]groebe 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    from the title i thought this was /r/twoxchromosomes

    [–]MrSpectator 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Am I the only one wondering about what happened with the computer?

    [–]SantazLittleHelper -1ポイント0ポイント  (1子コメント)

    oh, this again

    [–]Nekrag777 -3ポイント-2ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Ikr? At least it fits on this sub, though I would have expected this to have been xposted when it was actually new.

    [–]Boughner -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I'd fuck a dog if it saved a baby's life too!

    [–]cjbrigol -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Is red a boy or a girl?

    [–]El_Q -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Headshot

    [–]Bud_Tugley -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

    The three sec it took me to look at that title and figure out the joke was well worth the 15 sec laugh it gave me!

    [–]thecatsmeowbby -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I can't upvote this enough.

    [–]yeiness -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I guess the real question is

    Who let the dogs out?

    [–]droddt -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Hardly unexpected when this is an old as fuck multiple repost.