上位 200 件のコメント全て表示する 438

[–]koproller 290ポイント291ポイント  (51子コメント)

"the next few days, a officer of the law will come by every Americans house to take their weapons. Lethal force is authorized."

[–]SimplyCapital 96ポイント97ポイント  (48子コメント)

Yeah that would definitely lead to some sort of civil war. Please don't.

[–]hpfan2342 39ポイント40ポイント  (47子コメント)

and with the type of weaponry we have, it would be much much worse than the 1800s one.

[–]EdenBlade47 48ポイント49ポイント  (43子コメント)

Only on one side. Citizens are better armed than the 19th century. But the government has tanks and bombers and drones, as well as incredibly detailed intel on the "enemy." The citizens would get slaughtered.

[–]Raildriver 60ポイント61ポイント  (21子コメント)

You're assuming that the military would just go along with killing their countrymen. The military is largely very conservative and in favor of the right to bear arms, there would be a massive internal revolt.

[–]nursasdf 18ポイント19ポイント  (2子コメント)

They usually will ask soldiers from one part of the country to attack another part.

This is what happened in China.

[–]x2dz 34ポイント35ポイント  (7子コメント)

I've always made this argument when someone tires to say citizens couldn't overtake the government. Most of the military would take what they could grab and join the citizens. Plus military isn't going to go shooting up there friends and family.

[–]cDgGumdrop [スコア非表示]  (1子コメント)

Don't forget about the sheer size difference between the population of the USA and the size of the military.

Even if the entire US military somehow became brainwashed and was completely loyal to the Federal Government, there is simply too much territory for the US military to police effectively.

[–]MSL0727 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Plus a large percentage of the military personal comes from senior military schools (i.e. Texas A&M) that mostly live in areas very pro-gun.

[–]DevIsaac 1ポイント2ポイント  (4子コメント)

The only reason revolting against ourselves was a thing in the 1700s was because the enemy was English, not coming from the same land. It'd be almost impossible nowadays because most of the military wouldn't approve of their orders

[–]illvetis [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Then we can just get rid of the weapons, right? Military/government always has civilian's best interests in mind and soldiers will disobey orders immediately if they conflict with their morals.

[–]OnTheCanRightNow [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

American troops have been responsible for a number of massacres of American civilians in the past. Kent State is the most famous recent event.

It's not like they'd issue orders saying "go massacre all those people." For certain units, it's be easy. Phone coordinates and fire orders to an artillery company, for example. Even infantry can be easily manipulated: such and such a place has "domestic terrorists." Go in and seize their weapons. If they comply, mission accomplished. If they don't, and become violent, the soldiers will defend themselves.

A large part of the problems the US has been having with domestic police forces in recent years can be traced back to the preferential hiring of vets. They're already trained to treat civilian populations as hostile, and it's clear that that training has transferred to apply to the American civilian population.

[–]NormGreen 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

Except the soldier wouldn't necessarily side with the government

[–]mkizys 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

Exactly, this isn't american colonists against the british army. It would be american citizens vs the american army, when the army is actually made up of citizens its a completely different story.

[–]thelastremainingdodo 438ポイント439ポイント  (27子コメント)

My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia. We begin bombing in five minutes.

[–]iamtheonewhoknocks69 166ポイント167ポイント  (10子コメント)

exactly 140 characters. Good work

[–]Aqquila89 57ポイント58ポイント  (1子コメント)

Ronald Reagan actually said this (as a joke) in 1984. Except he said "outlaw Russia forever" but that would've been too long.

[–]phoebewood0609 21ポイント22ポイント  (0子コメント)

The fact that you checked the character count is funnier than the tweet itself.

[–]DANNYonPC 0ポイント1ポイント  (6子コメント)

Tried it on twitter, had 2 char's over

[–]iamtheonewhoknocks69 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

I had zero... I think. Did you delete the spaces at the end?

[–]jaynay1 1ポイント2ポイント  (4子コメント)

Wait do you mean you were 2 characters over or you had 2 characters left over.

I had 2 left over.

[–]hpfan2342 3ポイント4ポイント  (6子コメント)

Wait, wasn't this an april fools joke by an earlier president?

[–]InvictaDark 11ポイント12ポイント  (3子コメント)

It wasn't an April fools joke. as /u/Aqquila89 says above it was Reagan joking around before a address to the nation from the oval office. He didn't know the mic/camera were on.

[–]Aqquila89 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

From his ranch, to be precise. And his words were recorded but not broadcast immediately - someone leaked them.

[–]RaRaRaV1 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

Idk if saying you're going to bomb another super power would make the best April Fools joke

[–]-SoItGoes 13ポイント14ポイント  (1子コメント)

I think NeoCons would pass out from the sudden transfer of blood from their heads to their erections.

[–]ApatheticAbsurdist [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

You're forgetting it's Obama who's saying it. The first operational imperative is that anything he says must be a terrible idea. Their minds would rationalize this as Putin being a bastion of the American Ideal that Obama is trying to destroy.

[–]Relaaaxx 87ポイント88ポイント  (5子コメント)

@Putin Fuck you

[–]RaRaRaV1 31ポイント32ポイント  (3子コメント)

fite me irl

[–]archiehord 28ポイント29ポイント  (1子コメント)

1v1 me m8 i swer on me nan ill rek u

[–]MirthMannor 12ポイント13ポイント  (0子コメント)

God, even their white trash is better than our white trash.

[–]FrankenstineGirls [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Tony Abbot basically did this once. What a badass, I bet Putin was shaking in his ex-KGB boots.

[–]what_wags_it 193ポイント194ポイント  (13子コメント)

Execute order 66.

[–]FirstPotato 109ポイント110ポイント  (3子コメント)

Alright men! Prepare to execute Order 66!

In every American base across the world, the Quartermaster Corps rushes forward, replacing all Pespi products in the army vending machines with Coca Cola products.

Order 66 was a resounding success.

[–]odie4evr 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

But the machine in my local military base ate my money!

[–]Number-6 9ポイント10ポイント  (0子コメント)

"Execute Order 66"

No member of the Corps should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee.

[–]Bluffz2 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

That'd be more hilarious than anything.

[–]hylian122 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeah, if I were president I'd probably tweet that.

In a related thought, I'll never be president.

[–]FuckCazadors 122ポイント123ポイント  (6子コメント)

I hereby decree that I am dissolving the Senate and Congress and will rule indefinitely as President for Life.

[–]HolyGarbage 17ポイント18ポイント  (5子コメント)

Even better: feudal rule.

[–]ComradeRoe [スコア非表示]  (1子コメント)

Selling off Malia. She'll start your bloodline off strong. 20 intrigue. 18 stewardship. Only 100 ducats.

[–]wolferaz [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Primogeniture succession is now the latest constitutional amendment.

[–]Mondonodo 188ポイント189ポイント  (12子コメント)

@KimJongUn come fite me ya bitch

[–]popcorn38 107ポイント108ポイント  (4子コメント)

1v1 Rust quickscopes only

[–]Furples 45ポイント46ポイント  (3子コメント)

Kim Jong Un seems like the type of guy who would enter this match and just hard scope with an EBR

[–]The_Capulet 25ポイント26ポイント  (2子コメント)

TIL me and Kim Jong Un play the same.

[–]A_H0RRIBLE_PERSON 7ポイント8ポイント  (3子コメント)

that would actually be pretty cool.

[–]Droconian 2ポイント3ポイント  (2子コメント)

We need a badass president. One that does shit politically and then isn't afraid to slander his enemies.

[–]RemiD 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

...A tweet he won't receive until just after they finish writing an interface for twitter that runs on an 8085... Except it will automatically translate to "Glorious Leader makes puny Americans feel bad about not being North Korean"

[–]Causative 141ポイント142ポイント  (3子コメント)

First the keys go missing and now the launchcodes but I'm not firing my new North Korean janitor just based on suspicions.

[–]xRaw-HD 36ポイント37ポイント  (0子コメント)

You'd have to make it believable so nothing too crazy that would be a dead giveaway he's been hacked. I'd make it seem that he tried to DM someone posting a bunch of random numbers "00023403240234" then i'd immediately delete the tweet. People would immediately screen shot the tweet and let the chaos ensue.

[–]Noqtus 70ポイント71ポイント  (8子コメント)

not damage, but i would maybe write something like "i thinks Trumps idea of cutting 20% budget of military and giving that 50/50 to schools and environmental research is a great idea, and i will personally support his "schools no bullets"-campaign"

[–]forerunner398 27ポイント28ポイント  (7子コメント)

Trump made that idea???? I am impressed :)

[–]Noqtus 15ポイント16ポイント  (6子コメント)

i hope you're not serious here

[–]WooHooBar 7ポイント8ポイント  (4子コメント)

I hope you're not serious here.

[–]Noqtus 19ポイント20ポイント  (3子コメント)

ok im worried.

the plan here was to force trump into taking credit for doing something good he wouldn't normally do, but he can't step back once obama tells the world that the "idea" is good. He than has to figure out how to make that idea reality. which is good for the world...

[–]Mikhial 8ポイント9ポイント  (1子コメント)

In what world is Trump bound by what Obama says is a good idea? If you didn't notice in 2012, Obama could say anything no matter how uncontroversial and the republicans would disagree with it. And it's not like any of Trumps policies are going to make it into law.

[–]Bitrandombit 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Obama: Tacos are Awesome!

Republicans: Obama's Muslim! See how he hates pork!

[–]use-a-bfh 57ポイント58ポイント  (17子コメント)

My wife still thinks the USA sucks. We're moving to Kenya in 2017

[–]Aqquila89 81ポイント82ポイント  (6子コメント)

Moving back to Kenya.

[–]Redebo 16ポイント17ポイント  (5子コメント)

Where the giraffes are!

And the Zeb-ra.

Kenya. Kenya, Kenya, Ken yaaaaaa.

KENYA! We're going to Kenya!

[–]MwafrikaMzuri 8ポイント9ポイント  (9子コメント)

That would be music to us Kenyans ears. Obama is arguably the most beloved politician in Kenya.

[–]ClydeCKO 1ポイント2ポイント  (6子コメント)

Why is he loved in Kenya?

[–]MwafrikaMzuri 9ポイント10ポイント  (2子コメント)

We consider him one of us, " the son of the soil". Obama is like family to Kenyans. Some would argue he is family. He represents hope and potential of what any one of us is capable of with hard work.

[–]ClydeCKO 8ポイント9ポイント  (1子コメント)

It seems Kenya claims him much more than the US does.

[–]ataris816 106ポイント107ポイント  (1子コメント)

"I am endorsing Donald Trump for President in 2016." This fucks with the heads of both parties.

[–]Aqquila89 19ポイント20ポイント  (1子コメント)

The conspiracy theorists were right. I'm a Muslim, I'm planning a takeover, and you can't stop me now.

[–]system0101 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

link a nasheed and a gif from unexpectedjihad and its perfect!

[–]I_Went_Okay 33ポイント34ポイント  (5子コメント)

"I'm using executive privilege to cancel Star Wars Episode VII."

[–]Rickrickrickrickrick 97ポイント98ポイント  (19子コメント)

How to forge a birth certificate?

[–]Rickrickrickrickrick 88ポイント89ポイント  (0子コメント)

Oh fuck I thought this was Google! How do I delete this!?

[–]Soulrush 29ポイント30ポイント  (0子コメント)

"As of 10 minutes ago, Donald Trump's wife won't be going back."

[–]ChrissyNHC 28ポイント29ポイント  (1子コメント)

"Good luck chain! Forward this to all of your friends to get good luck. If you don't, you will have bad luck, lose all of your money and be made homeless within 24 hours.

A promise from Obama"

[–]ftardontherun [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

How about: "Good luck chain! Forward this to all of your friends to get good luck. If you don't, you will have bad luck, lose all of your money and be made homeless within 24 hours.

I'm the president, I can fucking make it happen."

[–]despisedlove2 29ポイント30ポイント  (3子コメント)

"We no longer have the reserves to service our debt. I am sequestering all T bills via executive order. Press conference at 10PM tonight."

[–]tvremote84 8ポイント9ポイント  (2子コメント)

That doesn't really make any sense. I'd imagine people would see through that pretty easily.

[–]despisedlove2 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

People can be rational individually. Mobs aren't. You can bet that the world economy would tank if the reserve currency was no longer good for what it said .

[–]50Olol5 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Anyone who knows how national debts work (i.e. anyone who took an economics class ever) would see right through it. Anyone who is into politics would know Obama would not and could not use an executive order like that.

The rest of the world, or your "mob", wouldn't understand the implications of it to panic.

[–]GoodMorningFuckCub 27ポイント28ポイント  (0子コメント)

"Pixels and Minions are both amazing movies"

[–]Slooper1140 27ポイント28ポイント  (5子コメント)

@VladtheimpalerPutin @LilKimJongUn nukes inbound! Have a great day! Lolol #murica #winteriscoming

[–]Dzhocef 11ポイント12ポイント  (0子コメント)

Shariah Law is the most intuitive and advanced system of governing. I am pleased to tell my fellow Americans it will be enforced. #UnRockTheCasbah

[–]peopleisaweirdword 60ポイント61ポイント  (2子コメント)

Guess what? Jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams.

[–]xRaw-HD 12ポイント13ポイント  (0子コメント)

Jet steam cant melt Dank memes

[–]Agent_Orange7 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

"That's why Bush used thermite. These reports are interesting."

[–]Telid 15ポイント16ポイント  (0子コメント)

If we are talking strictly within the US:

"I have signed the order authorizing immediate seizure of all private guns and other weaponry. Martial Law is effected for the collection."

If we are talking outside of the US:

"We are at war. The first nuclear bombs just detonated in Russia, China, Iran and Israel. The retaliation is imminent. Pray for your family."

[–]KoldProduct 35ポイント36ポイント  (6子コメント)

Popcorn is good

[–]gliding-overall 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

Like Satan. And abortions.

[–]Mondonodo 1ポイント2ポイント  (3子コメント)

Popcorn won't hurt you.

[–]Scept_R 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

It will if it gets stuck to the roof of your mouth

[–]Shapedhifter4tw[S] 270ポイント271ポイント  (13子コメント)

"Damn!! Malia's ass gettin fatter and fatter ! I swear if I wasn't her dad, the things I would do!"

[–]bigdilll88 11ポイント12ポイント  (1子コメント)

Some people say he's not........

[–]BrandonIngramGOAT 21ポイント22ポイント  (0子コメント)

Some people also believe the world is flat.

Go on with your point.

[–]eddie_starmaps 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

The category is 'People who annoy you'.

N_GGERS

Fill in the blanks yall! :D

Peace, Barry O

[–]SamShady007 18ポイント19ポイント  (5子コメント)

"I support Hulk Hogan"

[–]Reggeh 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

That would be a very sudden heel turn for President Obama, and the heat he would get from it would cement him in history.

[–]Furrocious_fapper 13ポイント14ポイント  (1子コメント)

I identify as a white man with a black girl fetish.

[–]karanag 15ポイント16ポイント  (2子コメント)

Yes, 9/11 was faked by the US Government. Wait for my address to the nation at 9 am tomorrow EST for more details

[–]hpfan2342 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

all tv signals are overloaded

[–]accountdureddit 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

that's not how that works

[–]lynch9 9ポイント10ポイント  (1子コメント)

"I'm looking to get another ar-15 to keep in my Tahoe. What's a decent brand for around 3k? Also, decent silencer brands?"

[–]carnivoris 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

"Just pushed the button. Say goodbye to Russia! #CapitalismFTW"

[–]Neutrum 25ポイント26ポイント  (0子コメント)

THEY are here. Area 51 has absolutely nothing to with it though. Area 51 is...an entirely different matter.

[–]Private1nvestigator 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

"I have crush on Putin. 😍"

[–]screelings 6ポイント7ポイント  (1子コメント)

"I was born in Kenya"

[–]ClydeCKO 11ポイント12ポイント  (0子コメント)

He's still got a lot of characters left..

"and I'm Muslim, making all guns illegal, running for president again, fuck Russia, all whites are racist, fuck Jesus, Beyonce had the best music video ever"

[–]josephgordonreddit 9ポイント10ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yo @Putin, you're a bitch. Come fight me. #PutinOnThePiss

[–]Loudshell 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

He's got the supposedly got the spoilers for GoT right? "I know who died..."

[–]MwafrikaMzuri 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

"Jesus is black, Ronald Reagan is the devil and the government is lying about 9/11"

[–]Dickbutt_in_2016 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

INITIATE JADE HELM

[–]SkyIights 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

AllLivesMatter

[–]mistressg 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

"Sometimes I wish the Holocaust had happened."

[–]spoonybard326 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Today is National Emergency Awareness Day. Today only, call 911 for a chance to win $1000! Each call is a new chance to win!

[–]Kevmaniac 4ポイント5ポイント  (2子コメント)

tweet the nuclear launch codes; could result in a lot of damage if some launched them

[–]Mgzz 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

As part of my "Fresh Start for America" plan, I have signed legislation to release all currently incarcerated persons, regardless of reason for incarceration.

[–]AtL_eAsTwOoD 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

My fellow Americans. I have just instituted Marshall Law. The country will now be divided into thirteen districts. Each year every district will offer two tributes of children to battle to the death in what will be called the "Hunger Games". May the odds be ever in your favor.

[–]mtbike 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

Fuck Aurora they deserved it #yolo #beatmymeat

[–]mmherzog 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Picture of him blowing Donald Trump

[–]theKingOG 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Obama's "real" birth certificate proving that he was not born in The U.S.

[–]Go_Eagles_Go 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Effective immediately, all oil companies are now illegal.

[–]EnterTheDibble 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Just upload some fetish porn.

[–]Green_Bay_Fappers 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Jesus was a conspiracy and never existed

[–]raymmm 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

" I endorse Donald Trump for president"

[–]707RiverRat 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

"LOL you all fell for that CHANGE and HOPE nonsense"

[–]tommyjohnpauljones 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

liek dis if u cry evry tym (link to vine of someone doing cinnamon challenge)

[–]AngryFanboy 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Just a picture, a well photoshipped image of him, Putin, Kim Jong Un and the guy who runs Iran in bed together, wearing makeup, holding a cigarette, his 'real' birth certificate and captioned 'girls night in with my n******.' He'd lose everything and the US would be at war with three nations without any allies and nationwide riots. Obama change your password hourly cause there are psychopaths like me online.

[–]FuzzyCub20 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

We're lowering the minimum wage to $2.50. $7.25 is just too much money, and is hurting businesses.

[–]thisismundy [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

PUTIN IS MA BIIITCH #comeatmebro #russiasmrussia

[–]itsandercontrol 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Internet is now banned forever.

[–]420big_poppa_pump420 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

@cmpunk fuk u phil u fagot quiter

[–]pkta 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

President Obama @POTUS 3h

Feels great to visit my birthplace!

[–]alignedletters 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Michelle has man arms

#yupisaidit

[–]human_velociraptor 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

A link to a sex tape with him and Mia Khalifa.

[–]PipeosaurusRex 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

"Putin just tried to kiss me, with tongue."

[–]MrMeeeseeks 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Fuck you, Hulk Hogan! I challenge you to a cage match to the death!

RIP Obama

[–]juiceboxOG 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

.@kimjongun u want 2 try my city chicken?

[–]Kogoeshin 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

ayy check out my mixtape

[–]PM_ME_YOUR_DIABETES 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Who would win in a fight? A tiger or a bear?

[–]hairy1ime 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

"That's it. Time to turn all those rowel heads to GLASS!"

[–]MetalKeirSolid 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Tweet a picture of Muhammad.

[–]sdsdwwe 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

9/11 was an inside job