Feminist Author Demands that Men Pay Her for Being Their Friend

Jess Zimmerman, who writes for the Guardian, has a brilliant idea: why don't people pay her for being their friend? In an article titled, "“Where’s My Cut?”: On Unpaid Emotional Labor," Zimmerman makes the case that she deserves cold hard cash for being there for people.

Zimmerman begins her article by summarizing a recent case of a psychic swindling a man out of hundreds of thousands of dollars by telling him she could make a woman fall in love with him. The psychic wasn't completely at fault, Zimmerman writes, because men treat women like property and the hopelessly in love man should have realized that. And women never chase after men who aren't interested, she implies.

Eventually, Zimmerman writes that she helps men with their problems sometimes. "Why not get a Rolex out of the deal?" she then asks.

"People are disturbed by the very notion that someone would charge, or pay, for friendly support," she writes. "It’s supposed to come free. Why?"

Zimmerman then starts to talk about #GiveYourMoneytoWomen, which demanded that men give money to women for free. "Men like to act as if commanding women’s attention is their birthright, their natural due, and they are rarely contradicted," she writes, as if men don't ask other men questions. "It’s a radical act to refuse them that attention. It’s even more radical to propose that if they want it so fucking much, they can buy it."

Zimmerman

The concept of "emotional labor" is the problem, according to Zimmerman. "We are told frequently that women are more intuitive, more empathetic, more innately willing and able to offer succor and advice," she explains. "How convenient that this cultural construct gives men an excuse to be emotionally lazy. How convenient that it casts feelings-based work as “an internal need, an aspiration, supposedly coming from the depths of our female character.”"

House work, sex work, and being a friend is all very similar, Zimmerman argues, saying, "Housework is not work. Sex work is not work. Emotional work is not work. Why? Because they don’t take effort? No, because women are supposed to provide them uncompensated, out of the goodness of our hearts."

And why do women not charge men for being their friend? The Patriarchy; Zimmerman writes, "We let this happen because patriarchy is so good at training women as its proxies; we’ve internalized the idea that our effort is men’s birthright.

"Enough of that. We don’t necessarily need to insist that men just give us their money – though you should, if that works for you, and write down what they say because I bet it’ll be funny. But we absolutely get to recognize that the constant labor of placating men and navigating patriarchal expectations is exhausting because it’s work."

Zimmerman concludes, "I don’t expect to get $700,000, now that I’m trying to remember that emotional labor has value. I don’t expect to get anything, really. But at least now I know that when I get nothing, I’m being cheated. That’s a start."

SHARE

Aurelius

Founder and editor of the Social Memo

• 
•