"I'm a full time mom."

jedi_tarzan · 5時間前

My wife is currently a "full-time mom" and she hates it, absolutely. Not to say she would undo having kids, she loves them as much as a mother should. But she is in no one whatsoever content with what she has going on right now. Unfortunately we can't afford a babysitter, and I was earning more at my job than she was at hers. We both fully acknowledge that I would make a much more contented stay-at-home parent than she does.

I guess that's not fully relevant, or relevant at all. But maybe I'm just adding that "full-time mom" isn't a vacation for everyone. For some it's a euphemism for cabin fever.

well-who-cares · 5時間前

I agree and don't agree.

Let's say a family has 3 kids under the age of 5. Staying at home to raise the kids is definitely contributing to society. I'd even say that putting all three kids in daycare, especially infants/young toddlers, is a detriment to society. I've seen children that absolutely need parenting and never quite got it. And they don't get it if their parents are both out "contributing to society" at their full-time jobs.

I don't think that kids need parenting as much past around the age of 10. At that age, they need input and guidance (teens can get out of control quickly), but in the majority of cases, a lot of things are already fully formed.

It's wrong to say that someone is a part-time Dad just for working a full-time job. That's not at all what I'm trying to say. Someone needs to work and sacrifices need to happen. But both the parent who is working full-time and the one who is staying at home is making huge sacrifices. And choosing to maintain individuality and "contributing to society" in the form of a full-time job (when it could be avoided) is a poor excuse for not parenting. Yes, those stay-at-home parents are unemployed. But if they are taking their responsibilities seriously, they are most definitely working.

Edit: They're --> Their

bubbles21041 · 2時間前

This is a touchy subject but this may be one of the more viscous threads I've seen on this subreddit... Goodness...

welcomexoverlords · 2時間前

I was with you until you said "You aren't contributing to society." Just because I don't have a paid position to go to every day doesn't mean I'm not contributing to society! I work hard for my kids, I keep my house and yard maintained, I volunteer at the library and school whenever I have time. It's pretty shitty of you to sit there and tell me that taking care of my family doesn't contribute to society. You aren't better than me just because you have a full time job. You aren't better than me because your wife works full time. You're different, you've made a different life for yourself. I respect the choices you make, but they don't make you a better person or a better parent than me.

elphabaisfae · 3時間前

I work full time, and my child goes to Daycare. Daycares around here, if I had to pay for it all on my own, would take up about half of what I make a month.

But not only do I work full time at a job, I also have a child. My responsibility (along with his father's), and I don't consider him a "job".

ke1ly · 2時間前

I think you're just taking the statement wrong? I'm not a stay at home mom, although I wish I could be. If I was and happened to call myself "full-time mom", that wouldn't make my husband a "no-time dad." Duh.

Kawaii_Fart_Tits · 2時間前

How is raising your kids, a future generation, and providing a solid home life not contributing to society at all? It doesn't mean that full time working parents aren't full time parents either. Both sides make sacrifices. It's not a competition. Both sides can have the potential to be lazy and shitty at what they do.

Also, it's not realistic to expect SAHM/F to self deprecatingly label themselves as unemployed and lazy. Clearly a lot of people put a lot of time and effort into taking care of the house and their kids. I'm sure there is an asshole out there that looks down on you and what you 'contribute'. Don't be that asshole.

IIIISuperDudeIIII · 51分前

My wife (stay at home mom) works MUCH harder than I do. And furthermore, the month that I stayed home with her and the newborn baby were the hardest days I've ever experienced in my life.

Going to work was a VACATION compared to staying home with a kid.

ImmaEatYourSoul · 1時間前

Just because someone is a stay at home mom means they don't contribute to society at all? I guess that all the volunteering at schools,hospitals,fundraisers and such aren't real contributions just because I don't have an actual paying job because our family can't afford childcare.Some of us actually do contribute to society,without getting paid for it.I may be unemployed but that doesn't make you better than me.

exhaustedkoala · 6時間前

I'm under no delusions I am unemployed. I definitely don't consider myself a full time mom. That is a stupid term. However, I am certainly contributing more to society by staying home with my kids and being there for them, teaching them, and showing them what a loving parent looks like rather than shoving them off to be raised by strangers all day just so we can have extra money for the newest technology and meaningless material things. I am definitely not better than most working mothers, I completely understand that many families need two incomes to get by....I however have zero respect for the ones who make plenty off one income and still have both working so they can make even more. If you prefer work over your kids, and they spend 5 days a week in full time daycare while you live in 500,000 dollar homes and have brand new cars... you are pathetic and just plain lazy when it comes to parenthood. Yes, I do love my kids more than those people. Because I do not put my own selfish desires for a career and money money money above taking care of these people whom I CHOSE to have. This idea that working 40 hours a week and making money is more important than your own children is disgusting. My husband loves his job and works hard for us, but like any normal human being he would much rather be at home. In families where family actually comes first, people work because they must. Not because if they don't they are useless or "not contributing to society" Puhlease.

Also, I am still the one taking care of the kids after my husband gets home. I never shove them off onto him, even if I am exhausted or sick, because I know he has been at work all day and needs down time. He helps out too of course, because he loves the kids just as much as I do. But we both know having an actual parent raise them during their younger years is a million times better for their development and well being than the alternative. So, while they are young I am beyond happy to put my own goals on hold for them.

Just like the mothers who stay home and act like it is the most difficult thing in the world are idiots, so are all the working parents who act like they are better parents for working, and that all stay at home mother think and act the same way and do nothing but sit on their butt eating bon bons. All the whining about stay at home moms is just jealousy.

If you want to get over it, quit acting like all the brand new things out there are needs, learn to budget and use your finances wisely, and have one of you stay home. We have 3 kids, live off less than 40k a year, own our own home, have 2 vehicles, and have no issue paying our bills. Nope we don't have cell phones, or ipods, or cable TV, or many other useless things people consider musts It's not hard, just takes more sacrafice than most people are willing to give. Which is sad.

Our kids are important to us, and no matter what all the idiots out there think about it...stay at home moms have nothing to be ashamed of just because we put our kids first in life.

FlyLesbianSeagull · 1時間前

I completely agree with your take on this. I'm a 27-year-old single woman without kids, but I hope to have a family someday. My career has always been a top priority in my life. While I respect some women's choice to leave the work force when they have children, I do NOT consider being a SAHM to be a job, and I think it's demeaning to moms AND dads who work full time to call staying at home a career. Is it admirable, and a good choice for the kids? Sure. Is it a job? No. Not everything that requires effort and work is a career. Mowing my lawn and weeding my garden requires effort and work, but I don't advertise myself as a "part time landscape architect." It's just something I do to sustain my home and my life.

When a SAHP likens their choice to a career, it just smacks of insecurity. If you've made the choice to sacrifice your career for a specific parenting style, you shouldn't need to defend yourself and argue your way into "I work hard too!" Ok, yea, we're sure you do, here's a sticker and a lolly pop. You still don't get to call it a job.

The idea also opens up some alarming ideas if you really stick to the "staying at home is a full time job" idea. So who is your boss? Your husband? Does he evaluate your performance and give you raises based on how good of a job you're doing? Can he fire you if you're not doing a good job? Since you're doing this job full time, that would imply your spouse is not responsible for any of your job duties, since this is your "full time job." Is that a healthy dynamic on which to build a parent-parent partnership? I don't think so.

It really saddens me when I hear women say things like "all I've ever wanted to be was a mom, this is the best job ever!" As a society, we've conditioned women to see their role as mother as more important than any other life goal--career, adventure, travel, community service--forget that, it's all about the babies! People are more than capable of being parents and sustaining fulfilling careers and hobbies. To imply that you need to choose one or the other is short sighted and untrue.

SpiderPigUK · 1時間前

My mum works 40 hours a week, and she's STILL a full-time mum.

Allahsus · 1時間前

I tend to agree. Phrase that has always rubbed me the wrong way, is "Being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world".

Fuck. No.

A full time employed mom, who still have to cook, clean (assuming no dad) and care for their kids in less than half the time, has the worlds hardest job.

saudoff01 · 1時間前

I agree with this whole-hearted!!! Good rant!! Lost a few friends over this same argument a few years back. Haven't lost any sleep over it yet.

nbreg · 3時間前

What, so suddenly nanny or daycare isn't a full time job? Get over the semantics, no one is taking that dad name away from you. You're so ungrateful, you know that? You wouldn't even have a child if the woman you impregnated didn't BIRTH a child for you, which is frankly a lot more work than you put in, even though you both get the same reward. You are the reason why having children is so unattractive to women these days, especially those who can't afford childcare. You endure so much permanent discomfort and pain. You grow and nurture the economy's labour force at the cost to your attractiveness, health, and career. And society takes it for granted. You don't get any respect or status. You don't get paid. You don't get credit for your contribution. Oh, and assholes like this on his high horse call you unemployed, all the while getting career growth and a free child, without actually doing the shitty low-status work that keeps the child alive.

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