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Hacking victims (imgur.com)

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[–]me--ow 166ポイント167ポイント  (28子コメント)

My mom had an affair on my dad whose been dying of cancer for the past several years. We caught her based off an intuition I had, but mostly it was because my brother had bugged her phone and put a tracker on her car. I told him to check it in a few hours because she claimed to be going up north. Sure enough, he found her at a hotel.

Her response was basically along the lines of this: I know what I did was wrong, but your brother never should have bugged my phone - that's illegal! She also went on to talk about how abusive my dad had been, which I know there is some truth to when an angry man fears death and doesn't know how to handle it.

The worst part is, I'm pretty sure almost 2 years later and she is still having the affair. It makes me sick to my stomach everyday, but I've chosen to stay with my dad and help him until the end. I love them both so much, and it kills me to see people suffering so needlessly.

[–]silverman96 13ポイント14ポイント  (27子コメント)

As horrible as this was for you; what if you hadn't found anything and she was completely innocent?

This is an issue that people have with government watchdogs all the time. Don't want the government watching your computer? Well you shouldn't have anything to hide!

I don't mean to devalue your experience at all it just raises that moral question.

[–]me--ow -1ポイント0ポイント  (26子コメント)

I think we all kinda knew as there were provocative texts we found when her phone was lying around. She lied right to all of our faces even when I tried to be civil and open about it with her. I still don't think I can trust her fully

[–]andsoitgoes42 8ポイント9ポイント  (23子コメント)

And do you think she can trust you?

Seriously, yes it's shitty but you went so far that you could be legally charged with a crime in many states. What she did was maybe terrible, but what you guys did was very possibly illegal.

[–]CanlStillBeGarth 4ポイント5ポイント  (21子コメント)

Why would I give a shit about my mom trusting me when she was cheating on my dad who has fucking cancer?

[–]SteveRudzinski 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Because your mother is a human being with physical needs that should not be forced to give up something she wants/attention she needs when your father suddenly hasn't been able to provide it for years?

What's the other options? Option A, leave your dying father to be alone. Option B, your mother is forced to be miserable and hate her life for years. Option C, your mother stays and supports your father in his illness but gets the physical attention she needs on the side.

Only option C has all winners unless you're being irrational.

[–]14bfriendzonest 7ポイント8ポイント  (18子コメント)

Probably because your dad happens to be a dick that's abusing your mom. Cancer or not, he's still an asshole. Since your mother clearly can't see any love in her relationship she figures that she might as well get it from somewhere else... Even /u/me--ow admits to the abuse... So yeah, I don't blame her one bit. However, I do blame her two stupid sons who feel that it's okay to illegally monitor their mother.

[–]CanlStillBeGarth -5ポイント-4ポイント  (17子コメント)

He admits to a bit of abuse, which I'm not excusing. But she not only decieved the father but the entire family. If she felt the need to get out she should have been up front and left. But no she cared much more for herself than her family dealing with something terrible.

[–]14bfriendzonest 9ポイント10ポイント  (14子コメント)

She doesn't have to say shit to her kids... They don't need to know. It's none of their business. She didn't deceive them... They shouldn't have been in her shit. They were snooping through her phone when she left it unattended. /u/me--ow is a stupid cunt of a child...

If she felt the need to get out she should have been up front and left. But no she cared much more for herself than her family dealing with something terrible.

Oh yeah, okay... Then everyone would be jumping her shit for leaving while her husband is sick with cancer. At least this way she kept her husband happy and then she got some happiness for herself.

[–]CanlStillBeGarth -1ポイント0ポイント  (7子コメント)

She doesn't have to no, but a decent person would. I would lose all respect for either parent caught doing this and when I confronted them about the signs lied to my face completely. But no, this poor woman's emotions are the only one's that matter.

[–]14bfriendzonest 1ポイント2ポイント  (6子コメント)

She doesn't have to no, but a decent person would.

Uhh, no. She's the parent. OP has to mind his own fucking business.

I would lose all respect for either parent caught doing this and when I confronted them about the signs lied to my face completely.

Yeah, but just like OP, you wouldn't lose respect for the parent that's abusing the shit out of the other. You're worse of a person than OP's mom.

But no, this poor woman's emotions are the only one's that matter.

Yeah, that's why she chose to keep the family together rather than tear it apart during such a time. All she wanted was to feel like she was in a loving relationship, and what did OP do? Ruined it for everyone.

[–]sin_sin_salad_bin 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

You're completely excusing it despite him admitting to abusing her, you fucking nipple head.

[–]CanlStillBeGarth 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

No I'm not. From the context OP gave it sounds like he was lashing out at his circumstances and taking it out on his wife. Which is definitely not ok but I don't think it excuses infidelity and lying to your family either.

[–]Chantottie 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Look, I don't know what you're going through. Obviously it's a hard situation to be in, that's an understatement, but maybe when things settle themselves with your father you could maybe try to see it from your mother's point of view?

You said your father was abusive. If he's abusive, she probably has reason to want to leave him. Maybe she stayed with him for you, the kids. Maybe she stayed because she was scared of him. You likely know why better than any of us, but it's probably safe to assume she was feeling lonely before the cancer appeared.

Once he got cancer, how would you have reacted if she left before you knew about the affair? She would have been viewed as equally evil for leaving a husband who was just diagnosed with cancer. She was likely between a rock and a hard place and decided to discretely find affection where it was not provided by your father. The fact he was dealing with cancer likely made it even harder on her. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but she viewed it as less wrong than leaving the guy who was just diagnosed with cancer. Arguably, if no one found out about her affair, she would have been right.. but then her kids hurt themselves by illegally prying into her life.

Your father can't be there for her the way she needs him to be.. and if he was abusive, he likely hasn't been there for her the way she needed him to be for a long time. She can and is trying to still be there for him in the way he needs her (a nurse and companion).

I don't know. I don't know your situation. I'm not saying I'm right. I'm just saying that people are people, life and relationships are messy and everyone wants to feel loved. Everyone does what they do because they are trying to do the right thing while keeping themselves sane. No one is evil and nothing is blank and white.

[–]TouchDownBurrito 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

So, what if they hired a Private Investigator instead, and it was 100% legal? Does that make the end information any different?