上位 200 件のコメント全て表示する 417

[–]PainMatrix 2650ポイント2651ポイント  (104子コメント)

Too bad she can't apply that fine to her face.

[–]GentleLazers 393ポイント394ポイント  (77子コメント)

That is really good.

[–]ThereOnceWasAMan 163ポイント164ポイント  (63子コメント)

Seriously. Did /u/PainMatrix come up with that on his own? That might be one of the first (good) original jokes I've seen here in a while.

[–]PainMatrix 371ポイント372ポイント  (51子コメント)

I did. In full disclosure I used it the last time this was posted as well, but thought it was too good to not use again.

[–]Fyodor007 229ポイント230ポイント  (47子コメント)

So you're stealing jokes from your younger self?

[–]PainMatrix 870ポイント871ポイント  (38子コメント)

My younger self has more potential than I ever will.

[–]TK421IsTheLoneliest 172ポイント173ポイント  (26子コメント)

I like this observation/joke even more than the original

[–]PainMatrix 206ポイント207ポイント  (24子コメント)

Thanks! I should probably quit for the day while I'm still ahead.

[–]bewbtewb 7ポイント8ポイント  (1子コメント)

HOW DO YOU KEEP ZINGING?!!!?!?!?! i want to be your friend.

[–]KaySquay 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Had to check out all your top comments and my god, you are now my favourite redditor ever

[–]onewiseowl 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I like this observation/joke even more than the original.

[–]Fyodor007 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

They way the brain is a depreciating asset... too true.

[–]electrolytesyo 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

That's because your younger self hasn't yet realized his limitations.

[–]twofap 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Wow that's deep and very grounding to all kids and proud parents.

[–]____really____ 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

You seem funny, let's be friends.

[–]2beer 4ポイント5ポイント  (7子コメント)

Legal note, can't steal something that's yours.

Unless you mean the younger self is a distinct individual, separate to the current self.

I have no idea how to process this eventuality

[–]Fyodor007 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

I smell an insanity plea forming.

[–]Ollyvyr 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Legal note, can't steal something that's yours.

Unless you're OJ Simpson

[–]Spy-Goat 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

So, you're like a resposter, but just with jokes? Like a Dad then really!

[–]dantepicante 10ポイント11ポイント  (8子コメント)

More like /u/punmatrix, amirite?

[–]hanky2 7ポイント8ポイント  (2子コメント)

I don't get it can someone explain this to me?

[–]justanothergamer 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

"Fine" can also mean "high quality". For example, "that face is fine" would be interpreted as "that face looks good."

So if she applied the fine to her face, it would make her face fine, giving her a pretty face.

[–]slotbadger 22ポイント23ポイント  (2子コメント)

I'd like to believe she's absolutely stunning, and that cop is just a legend.

[–]N-eight 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

You don't have to be a legend to give a hot girl a ticket. Its his job, and it's not like she's going to have sex with him for not giving her a ticket.

[–]DarkRubberDucky 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Goddamn if that isn't one helluva joke.

[–]iNVWSSV 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Speeding ticket and rekt, both in the same day.

[–]spAnser 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

I want to upvote but the current comment score is 911

[–]Omni314[🍰] 81ポイント82ポイント  (8子コメント)

She's doing it the wrong way round! You're supposed to say "I didn't think officers as good looking as you gave people tickets"!

[–]kalmakka 27ポイント28ポイント  (4子コメント)

"You're too good looking to be a police officer. I bet you are a stripper on your way to a hen party. Do you do private performances as well?" *wink wink*

[–]humanHamster 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

"I would write you up for bribing a police officer but, uh, look at you..."

[–]definitely_not_david 980ポイント981ポイント  (39子コメント)

Now they need to call the ambulance too, to take her to the burn ward.

[–]GORILLAMAFIA17 200ポイント201ポイント  (27子コメント)

Should have just shot her and end the misery.

[–]Patchface- 210ポイント211ポイント  (20子コメント)

Kill ugly people? New reddit will ban you.

[–]Camman97 8ポイント9ポイント  (1子コメント)

Also need to call the fire department to put out the fire that officer started.

[–]Grifter42 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

Jesus, this is like some serious fourth degree burns. NSFL that shit. Necrosis is gonna set in. You gotta amputate the site of that burn. Jesus Christ... That's like what napalm does.

[–]corby315 106ポイント107ポイント  (12子コメント)

I would love to see her face when he delivered that line.

Actually I would like to see her face just to judge for myself.

[–]robm111 62ポイント63ポイント  (9子コメント)

I think it could be pretty much fact that if a girl is driving a shit-green Taurus, she's probably of the 4/10 variety.

[–]Tex-Rob 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

That's funny, and true for the most part. You ever see a really hot girl in a shit car and wonder, "I wonder how fucked up mentally that girl is?" I mean, sometimes pretty people drive shitty cars, but not usually. I should clarify I am talking like a 1980 Crown Vic or Ford LTD, that level of shitty.

[–]wiiya 241ポイント242ポイント  (47子コメント)

Source

Just in case anyone's wondering, TruTV is scripted reality skits.

[–]danby 163ポイント164ポイント  (13子コメント)

Scripted Reality. The best kind of reality

[–]khorns 30ポイント31ポイント  (3子コメント)

I try and script my reality all the time, but it never work out as planned

[–]wahoorider 18ポイント19ポイント  (0子コメント)

You need to hire some better actors.

[–]I_Has_A_Hat 13ポイント14ポイント  (0子コメント)

"No no, that's not right at all! The correct line is 'Yes I'd love to!'. Now let's try it again...

Will you go out with me?"

[–]spintiff 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

The only kind of reality... Anymore, anyways.

[–]FalconHunter 68ポイント69ポイント  (9子コメント)

Just in case you don't know, that clip existed before TruTV...so for as much as you're correct, this clip is genuine.

EDIT: To be clear, the added audio of the joke/quip sounds dubbed in, but the traffic stop is not part of a clip/setup/scripted shop.

[–]wiiya 28ポイント29ポイント  (2子コメント)

I think that you're right that the video is older, but if you get to about 2:05 the voices change and it sounds like its dubbed over.

[–]daimposter 11ポイント12ポイント  (1子コメント)

Yeah, 1:57 to 2:05 are dubbed over. Is that typical of TruTv? I've never seen it.

[–]furophile 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

VERY common. If they don't think the actual audio is "funny enough" they will add their own but won't put subtitles so you know which is real and which isn't.

[–]Natten 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

I think this clip has been around long before TruTV started doing that repo shit. This is shit is probably from "Real TV".

[–]AnindoorcatBot 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

man I was just thinking about that show and how it was like my first youtube

[–]Malephic 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Not all of their programming is scripted FYI.

[–]jpaek1 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I came here to say just this. TruTV is 100% fake shit.

[–]horsespower 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's dubbed or I'm Patches O'Houlihan, it sounds nothing like the cop you fools.

[–]rising01 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

A Ticket and insult too. Bad day for that girl.

[–]ChiefBromden 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

we weren't, because cops don't give pretty girls tickets, unless they are really really butthurt about something (like being turned down at the bar the night before).

[–]aerodrome_ 188ポイント189ポイント  (17子コメント)

Rekt

[–]tabasco_fiasco 84ポイント85ポイント  (12子コメント)

[–]MonitorMan 75ポイント76ポイント  (5子コメント)

i thought carlton was too short to be a basketball player

[–]antantoon 27ポイント28ポイント  (4子コメント)

Once again reddit reminding me how unoriginal all my thoughts are

[–]Jungle2266 6ポイント7ポイント  (3子コメント)

Nah dude, it's just shared originality.

[–]________________end_ 18ポイント19ポイント  (1子コメント)

Dude is channeling some serious Carlton vibes.

[–]Its_free_and_fun 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Carlton: 5'6" Glen Davis: 6'7.75"

But yeah, similar looking. Also, a little weird: https://media2.giphy.com/media/qb1XWkETR0iCk/200_s.gif

[–]refracture 6ポイント7ポイント  (1子コメント)

Has Glen Davis ever committed a foul in his entire life?

[–]superslayer44 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Has he ever skipped a buffet either?

[–]yousaltybrah 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

[–]dweezil22 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

In case anyone else was wondering, she apparently broke a few ribs. And, reading between the lines, no one likes her.

http://brocouncil.com/Throwback-Friday/throwback-friday-falling-grape-lady

[–]philography 17ポイント18ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm surprised the fire department didn't show up.

[–]advice_animorph 71ポイント72ポイント  (13子コメント)

[–]idub92 53ポイント54ポイント  (11子コメント)

Well someone has fucked her.

[–]theknightmanager 24ポイント25ポイント  (3子コメント)

Probably wasted drunk for the entire relationship.

[–]darkw50 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

Initially for the first time, then outta necessity.

[–]mark_wooten 6ポイント7ポイント  (2子コメント)

Whenever I see this woman, I can't help but think of the opening sequence of Idiocracy, where only the trashy people are the ones procreating.

[–]psyboarz 22ポイント23ポイント  (3子コメント)

This is outrageous piggish behavior. This poor woman is being oppressed and ticketed based on her looks.

[–]eoinconlan51 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

Anybody got any aloe vera?

[–]GaryTheTroll 40ポイント41ポイント  (10子コメント)

That reminds me of the time I was pulled over driving my grandmother Theresa's 1997 Buick Century. I had the cruise control feature set on 47 MPH as the speed limit signs clearly said 55 MPH. If it is one thing my absent father taught me is you must always go at or below the speed limit. Those signs are there for recommendation purposes only and if you do not feel comfortable driving at that rate of speed, then go at your desired pace. When I saw the cop turn on his lights, I quickly applied the automobile's turn signal apparatus and pulled over onto the shoulder. He approached the car and said "Son, do you know how fast you were traveling" ? I replied "Yes officer, I was traveling at 47 MPH or approximately 8 MPH under the recommended speed limit. I was absolutely shocked when he informed me that he clocked me at 30 MPH. There must be some sort of mistake I pleaded. Well you should of seen the look on his face when he informed me that I was reading the speedometer in kilometers. We both shared a good hearted chuckle and I was free to go.

[–]Machinax 14ポイント15ポイント  (1子コメント)

I quickly applied the automobile's turn signal apparatus

[–]Debug200 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

If there's one thing my absent father taught me

[–]Sailwave 71ポイント72ポイント  (1子コメント)

Please never drive on a road again

[–]Refreshify 16ポイント17ポイント  (0子コメント)

I can hear my insurance going up

[–]panthera213 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

How did you not notice that you were only going 47km/h?! 55MPH is close to 88km/h - that's like twice the speed you were going. And in a 55MPH zone 47km/h is SLOW.

[–]dgsrgsf 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

The worst case of police brutality I've ever seen. Somebody call sharpton.

[–]VaginalBurp 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Oh shit, ma'm, I'm gonna need you to pull over further because you just got rekt.

[–]anonymous853 2ポイント3ポイント  (5子コメント)

Thanks for the OC! Almost NEVER see OC in these subreddits, so this is a breath of fresh air.

[–]0fficerNasty 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

See, this is why we need body cams! I want to see her face after that destruction.

[–]Imanitzsu 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ok so I'm seriously not one to harp about reposts, but this has been reposted so many freaking times. Like, I usually appreciate a good repost once in a while, but I saw this on 4 diff subs in the last month. And on here.... I mean. Come on.

[–]10gauge 5ポイント6ポイント  (3子コメント)

She got burned twice by the officer, the ticket and the insult. Ouch, bad day for her.

[–]A_Real_Wolf 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

*Spoiler

In the next scene the car turns into Megatron

[–]Bananawamajama 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

She should have checked herself(in the mirror) before he wrecked her self (esteem)

[–]Blayer32 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

"Dispatch, reports of shots fired at the highway!"

[–]SemiHollowCarrot 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

"We don't. Now could you please sign this speeding ticket?"

[–]fallout_ranger 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

The video's at least ten years old, come on!

[–]artymort 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

ITT: came for the joke, stayed for /u/PainMatrix

[–]PALMghETTO 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

HAHA my favorite thing! I love seeing egomaniacs humbled!

[–]SlinkyBlue 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Foldgers classic roast

[–]Watermelonhypetrain 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

it's a repost but still good

[–]NicoReddit05 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

This has been reposted so many times still don't get it

[–]ArnieSchwarzenegro 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

rektrekt rekt rektum rekt rekt rekt erekt rekt rekt rekt erektion erekt rektrekt rekt rekt rektal rekt rekt rekt rektum rekt rekt rekt rekt

[–]IndirectCell 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Iv seen enough hentais to know where this is going :O

[–]Lareit 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

a tentacle monster killing the cop then raping the girl to then be slain by a magical girl?

Yeah i've seen that one too.

[–]earthmurder 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Snarky cops

[–]bed-stain 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

If what she said is partially true how does that skew statistics are far as which sex is a better driver?

[–]The_Yar 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

He needs to call an ambulance to the scene of that rek.

[–]shadow_catt 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Oh I love this...

[–]cloudyskies41 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Now that's what I call police brutality.

[–]MageeDisease 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

ooohhhhh shit biiiitch!!!!!

[–]thecentury 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Oldy but goody

[–]Leknasant 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Why do some states have you sign tickets? In NJ, you don't have to sign tickets, you can get them in the mail (big surprise when you don't know!) or they just hand you a printed Ticket now. That looks like it's running out of ink.

[–]OnlySaysBoop 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Snap crackle and pop.

[–]Exboss 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

And they are always ugly too.

[–]thecouchpundit 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Third degree burn

[–]myers82 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

[–]threecolorless 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeesh, could she have walked into that any harder?