Auntie SparkNotes: A Pair of Old Feminists Is Harassing Me

Dear Auntie,

I need some advice on how to deal with people sticking their noses in places they don't belong. One day, my friend and I ended up discussing what our ideal lives/jobs would be if everything else was all set and secured. I told her that, ideally, I would love to be a stay-at-home mum. Apparently, a couple of women near us couldn't help but overhear our conversation and proceeded to berate me for 'bringing shame to feminism and undoing all of their work towards equality' and that I should be more like my friend (she's working towards being a vet which is a highly competitive field and, in this particular area, a male-dominated field). My friend, thankfully, managed to get me out of there (I tend to freeze when I'm being confronted angrily).

If this situation only happened once, it would be okay, but apparently these women cannot let a stranger go and do/dream what she is legally allowed to do and dream. They live on campus (I study full-time) and they have been berating me every time they see me. They interrupt my conversations with friends and study sessions, follow me into the library and try to get me to see that 'I really don't want to be a stay-at-home mum, that's just what you are being pressured into'—apparently, they can't see the irony of those specific words and their own actions.

I'm studying full-time in a very science-focused field, plus earning a certificate degree that is offered alongside my course. I don't need to deal with some people thinking they have a right to tell me what to do and dream, which I didn't even tell them about in the first place. My friends (thank goodness) have been very supportive and flexible with study sessions, but I can't do this and avoid these women forever.

I feel like it's really hindering my study progress and dreams. I know, realistically, that I probably won't be able to afford to be a stay-at-home mom—but I just don't want them to affect my overall degree and experience. I just need some advice on how to deal with this because I don't know anymore.

I'll be honest, Sparkler: Half of me is wondering if this scenario is actually real.

Not because you personally seem like a liar, but because the whole thing is so spectacularly, ridiculously awful, in a way that feels like the persecution fantasy of a Red Pill-er who wants the world to believe that feminists are mean and crazy and just want to spit on everyone's dreams.

But assuming that it is real, and that it's still happening, then repeat after me:

This is harassment, and it's unacceptable. Your comments aren't welcome here. Get the [fig] away from me, and don't [figging] approach or speak to me again.

Except, y'know, you shouldn't actually say "fig." You should say that other thing, which SparkLife editorial guidelines prohibit me from writing.

And since you mentioned that you tend to freeze up during confrontations, these are phrases you should practice at home (along with an accompanying death stare), so that you'll be able to access them and deliver them with the appropriate amount of volume and venom when necessary. And feel free to change them to suit your needs and vocabulary, if you want. All that really matters is that you tell these women in no uncertain terms to leave you alone.

Sorry, darling. I know you were probably hoping for a solution that didn't involve asserting yourself. But the fact is, you have to. Not just because it'll stop their behavior—although it might, and I hope it does—but because you have to establish this precedent in the event that it doesn't, which is when you know it's time to go to your campus police and file an official complaint. Like you said, this is interfering with your education. And colleges being what they are, yours must have some system in place for dealing with a pair of strangers following a student around and harassing her. Use it to get yourself some peace.

As for the rest of it, please realize that these women are not telling you anything about your integrity, your worth, or your future. How could they? They don't know anything about you. Their behavior only tells you about what kind of people they are: insecure, reactionary, and deeply threatened by anyone who lives in a way that isn't what they would choose.

Which, if you think about it, is pretty figging pathetic.

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