At my local planetarium today...

koneil2 · 3日前

Mine says, "The stars and planets will not affect your life in any way." What did everyone else get?

spiffyP · 3日前

Technically, they will have imperceivable gravitational effects

Char10 · 3日前

You will feel emotions today. You shouldn't react upon them, unless you feel the need to. Be yourself. You are the person you want to be, but if you don't think you are then change your behavior.

aquarium_life · 3日前

You love the plane'arium...

lilgamelvr · 3日前

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXRinzI9Jmc

whomikehidden · 3日前

Now, you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative positions of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid scientific documented evidence so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true. Where was I?

JustPlainSimpleGarak · 3日前

Something's wrong here. Either they are lying to me, or Weird Al lied to me. The second option is inconceivable. This must be false.

N8theGr8 · 3日前

I liked Calvin and Hobbes' take on it:

http://imgur.com/IwjQ4Gc.jpg

memcginn · 3日前

My horoscope is false! The stars (or at least one incredibly close one) will radiate lifegiving energy onto the planet which holds me close with its gravity. The star's energy will regulate the temperature of my environment, making it possible for me to survive on this little speck of space dust!

DangerMacAwesome · 3日前

The stars and the planets will not affect your life in any way. Bold words from an employee of a planetarium.

Mutt1223 · 3日前

I'm a Scorpio so this doesn't apply to me.

crediblecat · 3日前

Ironically, this message comes from astronomers, the people whose lives are most affected by the stars & other planets!

Huntnpb · 4日前

I will just assume that this planetarium has never heard of solar flares.

kjata · 3日前

That's odd. The Sun and Earth have really meaningful effects on my life, and those are definitely a star and planet.

Curlydeadhead · 3日前

I can't say planet arium without putting the gap à la South Park.

murder_most_foul · 3日前

"This is the excellent foppery of the world, that, when we are sick in fortune, often the surfeit of our own behaviour, we make guilty of our disasters the sun, the moon, and the stars; as if we were villains on necessity; fools by heavenly compulsion; knaves, thieves, and treachers by spherical pre-dominance; drunkards, liars, and adulterers by an enforc'd obedience of planetary influence; and all that we are evil in, by a divine thrusting on. An admirable evasion of whore-master man, to lay his goatish disposition to the charge of a star! My father compounded with my mother under the Dragon's Tail, and my nativity was under Ursa Major, so that it follows I am rough and lecherous. Fut! I should have been that I am, had the maidenliest star in the firmament twinkled on my bastardizing."Edmund's monologue, King Lear 1 ii 58.

apocalypsedg · 3日前

"The stars and planets will not affect your life in any way"

FUCKING GAMMA RAY BURST

"The stars and planets will not affect your life in any way"

HerrWurst · 3日前

Landscape subject, portrait photo :(

PM_ME_YOUR_CORN_ · 3日前

How about the planet we live on, and the star that keeps us alive?

Se7enLC · 3日前

Gemini: You're gonna die twice.

Colors_By_Vest · 3日前

Bart Simpson getting punished at the planetarium.

6r3y · 3日前

Aquarius There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Pisces Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

Aries The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it? The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today) That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today) That's your horoscope for today

Gemini Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

Cancer The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

Leo Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

Virgo All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today) That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today) That's your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.

Where was I?

Libra A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Scorpio Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

Sagittarius All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them) Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

Capricorn The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today) That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today) That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today) That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay) That's your horoscope for today

bazoos · 3日前

Unless you're an astronomer or something

MrBinns · 3日前

I always wanted to fuck with my astronomy professor by showing up to a intro class and pretending it was astrology.

manfromfuture · 3日前

Ophiuchus: Maybe?

Reedalini · 3日前

Plane-arium

nexguy · 3日前

Pluto is going to affect my life in a few days. I'm not going to do anything else but pay attention to it.

Bontje · 3日前

Planearium *

invivo · 3日前

This is the Ward Beecher Planetarium at Youngstown State University.

Rotinajer · 4日前

They got every one right for once!!

RingoQuasarr · 3日前

I hope one of our neighbor stars doesn't throw out a gamma ray burst towards Earth or boy will their faces be red!

faleboat · 3日前

I mean, I get what they are after here, but at the same time it's kind of shooting themselves in the foot.

"Stars and planets are amazing!"
"Yeah? cool! How will they affect me!?"
"They won't! In any way!"
"Oh."

Ocisaac · 3日前

Hmm. incorrect, I am studing stars for a living and they do affect my life. Check your previlige.

Cideleetivy2 · 3日前

I was hoping that only one of them just said: "Fuck you."

iluvatar3 · 3日前

Looking up at the planet Venus at dusk, and hit by car. BAM, affected.

BosomBosons · 3日前

*Unless you are an Astronaut.

superthingy101 · 3日前

I'd love if one of them, and only one of them read "You're fucked"

sto-ifics42 · 3日前

Relevant XKCD.

Hollywoodbnd86 · 3日前

Planet-arium

Artifex75 · 3日前

I don't know, the Pluto flyby is happening on my birthday in a few days. That has to mean something! The chances of that are astronomical!

Or, 1 in 365... But still, it's nifty.

mysecretonlinealias · 3日前

Planit.............Arium.

2muchmonehandass · 3日前

That's why asylums hire extra staff with certain moon cycles...

PR3CiSiON · 3日前

Except for the fact that some people will believe they do, which will affect how that act that day, and if they interact with you, it could be different depending on the horoscope they received.

ExitMusic_ · 3日前

Libra: A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented than you. Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week.

Enlightnd · 3日前

That's actually false.

If a star close enough to us goes supernova, it'll seriously fuck up our lives.

kaiouti12 · 3日前

FORECAST??? DENIED!

CkeynStark · 3日前

So that's why nothing is happening in my life. Oh well

coolshifts · 3日前

My theory is that the date you are born does have an impact. Mainly due to the weather. There must be some difference between a baby born in the winter and spending the first few months indoors and one born in the spring and getting lots of trips to the park for example. I'm not saying any particular date or season is better, but surely it has an impact. It may even lead to specific personality traits.

angrygolfer1 · 3日前

I don't find that sort of petty snark either funny or becoming of an institution of science/learning.

PolybiusNightmare · 3日前

Apparently this planetarium is setting the bar pretty low for how much impact learning about the stars and planets will have on your life.

BlindMaphisto · 3日前

The stars and planets are the reason they went to the planetarium today. Irony.

autmnleighhh · 3日前

So what you're saying is life is meaningless and we should quit while we still think we are ahead?

buckygrad · 3日前

I'm pretty sure the star closest to Earth has a profound effect on how I live my life.


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