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TwoXChromosomes

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Welcome to TwoXChromosomes, a subreddit for both serious and silly content, and intended for women's perspectives.

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all 51 comments
Comments should contribute to the conversation. Report any comments that are rule-breaking.
[–]SuB2007 26 points27 points28 points  (9 children)
I fail to see how commenting that a shirt is huge equates to fat-shaming, since there was no person in it at the time to be shamed.
[–]actuallyanalien[S] comment score below threshold-25 points-24 points-23 points  (8 children)
I think the point is that shaming can be nuanced and subtle.
[–]SuB2007 33 points34 points35 points  (7 children)
Or that people can be extremely sensitive about things and see shaming where none exists.
[–]LtColonelSiren comment score below threshold-19 points-18 points-17 points  (6 children)
Or that people can see no shaming where it does exist.
[–]SuB2007 13 points14 points15 points  (3 children)
Nah, I like my answer better.
[–]LtColonelSiren comment score below threshold-15 points-14 points-13 points  (2 children)
My answer explains yours.
[–]SuB2007 4 points5 points6 points  (1 child)
And mine yours.
[–]LtColonelSiren 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Your answer explains "people can see no shaming where it does exist"? Explain how that computes.
[–]actuallyanalien[S] comment score below threshold-21 points-20 points-19 points  (1 child)
Exactly. Shaming can be unintentional.
[–]chromosomesurplus 21 points22 points23 points  (5 children)
So what is the solution? Never say anything that may hurt somebody's feelings? Even if it is within the context of a personal conversation? The lady is overweight and clearly embarrassed of her size, why should society have to cater to her feelings? I'm glad she is confident in her giant shirt. Hopefully next time she overhears someone inadvertently hurt her feelings, she will have enough confidence to ignore it. Ugh.
[–]actuallyanalien[S] comment score below threshold-18 points-17 points-16 points  (4 children)
I don't think she was asking to be catered to. She felt ashamed and she rose above it by posting her story and a picture of herself.
[–]ruey-soho 17 points18 points19 points  (3 children)
Who cares? This woman is insecure enough that other people's conversations not at all directed towards her are bringing her to tears. She obviously can't function as a normal human being, and instead of taking a selfie and looking for validation from random people online, she should be going to therapy.
[–]actuallyanalien[S] comment score below threshold-12 points-11 points-10 points  (2 children)
Obviously some people care or there wouldn't be an article about it.
[–]ruey-soho 11 points12 points13 points  (1 child)
Yes, other people that use being fat as an excuse to be hypersensitive and rage against "the man".
[–]actuallyanalien[S] comment score below threshold-13 points-12 points-11 points  (0 children)
You're so offbase.
[–]alex3omg 8 points9 points10 points  (11 children)
What would happen if she and a fat friend saw some size 3 pair of pants and commented on how tiny it was? "Wow these things are so small, like for a baby, i couldn't even fit my arm in there haha". And a skinny girl behind the bushes overhears this and starts bawling. And then somebody writes an article about how brave she is.
[–]LtColonelSiren comment score below threshold-8 points-7 points-6 points  (9 children)
The skinny girl would take a selfie and everyone would comment how brave she was and this thread would be about the evils of thin shaming.
[–]ThreeLittlePuigs 2 points3 points4 points  (8 children)
Really? Do you really believe that?
[–]LtColonelSiren -5 points-4 points-3 points  (7 children)
Do you really not believe that?
[–]ThreeLittlePuigs 6 points7 points8 points  (6 children)
Obviously. This woman overheard a conversation and posted a picture in a changing room to throw a pity party for herself and try and get positive attention. That's all this is.
[–]LtColonelSiren comment score below threshold-6 points-5 points-4 points  (5 children)
And I was merely pointing out that if the opposite were true, she would be showered with positive attention.
Is there a problem with seeking positive attention? Or just when women do it? Or just when women considered unattractive do it? This loaded language of "pity party" and attention-seeking reeks of sexism.
[–]fitstheseat 4 points5 points6 points  (1 child)
People, regardless of sex, should not get loads of positive attention for being fat and "overcoming" an overheard stranger's comment that had absolutely nothing to do with them but got to them because they're insecure. "You go girl for crying and then buying the big shirt!" why is any of that praiseworthy?
Skinny shaming is definitely a thing, and I think you'd find it difficult to successfully argue that people take it as seriously as actual fat shaming (not this lady getting worked up over something trivial) especially in the protected sphere of the "body positive" parts of the internet.
[–]ThreeLittlePuigs 3 points4 points5 points  (2 children)
How does my "loaded language" reek of sexism? How am I wrong in m analysis? You even admit she's seeking attention....
And you have literally 0 evidence to prove your point. This woman received a gift card and plenty of positive attention as well. Arguably without much merit.
[–]LtColonelSiren -3 points-2 points-1 points  (1 child)
It's laughable and the height of chutzpah both to consider a heavily loaded emotional interpretation of an event an "analysis," and to moan about a lack of "evidence." How about instead of complain about it as if you are playing some sort of instant-win chip, in the future you simply ask for the evidence you feel is lacking.
They can't be linked in this subreddit, but for ample evidence that when thin women post about thin shaming they (rightly) receive nothing but support, simply search Reddit for "thin shaming" and "skinny shaming." There are also ample examples on the web.
As for the "attention" business, I'm not a feminist, but this was the most concise explanation:
Attention whore is a slur and a sexist concept referring to a person, almost always a woman, who is perceived to be seeking attention in ways or for reasons that are considered unacceptable, especially if women are presenting femininity and/or sexuality. The standards for what is and isn't so-called "attention whoring" greatly differ depending on context. Women do not have to be presenting sexual traits, as the term is also used against women judged to be talking too much/too loudly, and even against victims who speak out against their perpetrators.
TLDR: Attention isn't a finite resource and you aren't the judge of who deserves it.
[–]ThreeLittlePuigs 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
So now we can't identify a behavioral pattern that is literally linked to DSM disorders and childhood behavior because it's "sexist?" What a brave new world you live in....
Also, skinny and fat shaming does exist, that wasn't the discussion. All the link you posted proved was that its a thing. This woman overheard a conversation NOT ABOUT HER and took it on herself because of her baggage and her need to be told she's a good person, despite her own self image. This does not equate to fat shaming.
[–]GreasyOldMan 15 points16 points17 points  (0 children)
This was not "fat shaming".
She may have felt bad upon hearing it, but there was nothing malicious in what they said.
[–]brkd 21 points22 points23 points  (0 children)
This is a bit ridiculous and exemplifies my problem with the whole shaming thing.
There's no excuse for being wilfully nasty and deliberately insensitive but it's also unreasonable to declare your feelings sacrosanct and expect the world to respect that. If we are to argue that shaming is bad and any comment which hurts someone's feelings is apparently shaming then where do we stop? Are everyone's feelings about anything sacred? What happens when you get two conflicting ideologies? What happens when emotionless realities upset people?
I'm sympathetic and I appreciate that size can be a sensitive subject but that comment might not necessarily have been malicious (though it certainly could have been) - sometimes clothes are just surprisingly big. Like there might be surprisingly small or surprisingly sparkly. If you're a dick, you can make it a judgement about the kind of person inside it but it needn't go there.
[–]konficker 18 points19 points20 points  (1 child)
Well maybe this should be an indication to take your health a little more seriously. It wasn't like they attacked you personally. I would be lying if I sat here and said I never picked up an XXL shirt and was like holy shit this thing is huge.
[–]curtains12 14 points15 points16 points  (1 child)
"I couldn't help it; I started crying," she wrote. "I guess the girl and her mom walked away. I have no idea. My husband walked me out of the store to the car. I sat in the car crying for a long time but eventually went back inside to finish my shopping."
This is really sad. A trip to Old Navy should take 15 minutes and your mind should be occupied by other things while you get clothes and leave. This person can barely function in day to day life.
[–]ruey-soho 8 points9 points10 points  (0 children)
So she projected her insecurity into someone else's private conversation and then took a selfie. Groundbreaking stuff here, folks, let's write an article about it.
[–]peachesoda 5 points6 points7 points  (1 child)
It's not fat shaming to think about how giant a shirt would look on you, and to laugh at the image. Irregularly sized things are funny, and it was irregularly sized for those two girls.
That is all that happened here. Everything else is projection.
Maybe, due to her insecurity, this woman felt bad upon hearing this. However, that is entirely her problem. Feeling bad about something =\= That thing being shaming.
[–]sciencemeetsartnc 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
I was thinking the same thing - I've picked up shirts in my size in different styles before and have stated how 'huge' or awkward they look.
[–][deleted]  (3 children)
[deleted]
    [–]female_ama comment score below threshold-8 points-7 points-6 points  (2 children)
    I just can't stand it when people blame complete strangers for their own problems.
    She wasn't blaming them for her weight, was she? Pretty sure.
    What she was blaming them for was their judgemental and hurtful joke. That's a societal problem, not hers.
    [–]LikeASchnook 8 points9 points10 points  (1 child)
    That's what I said, their comments say more about them than her. You're right, she's not literally blaming them for her weight. But when you get that offended by something a complete stranger said, you're probably way too sensitive about it and don't actually feel that good about yourself. People are going to judge you no matter what you are or how you look. I know it's a cynical viewpoint to take but it's true, this girl's selfie isn't going to end fat-shaming and there will always be assholes in this world. It's up to her to say fuck the haters and do what she wants.
    [–]female_ama 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
    Gotcha. Thanks for responding.
    [–][deleted]  (1 child)
    [deleted]
      [–]LikeASchnook 14 points15 points16 points  (0 children)
      When it gets to a point that we're commending people for "overcoming" an off-color joke by a complete stranger that wasn't directed at her or anyone in particular, we as a society are getting way too sensitive.
      [–]actuallyanalien[S] comment score below threshold-18 points-17 points-16 points  (7 children)
      y'all are mean.
      [–]Sallad3 -2 points-1 points0 points  (3 children)
      Downvoting all replies to like -20? Reddiquette right there.
      [–]ThreeLittlePuigs 2 points3 points4 points  (2 children)
      I don't think any one person can do that, and to be fair, "y'all are mean" is a shitpost.
      [–]Sallad3 -2 points-1 points0 points  (1 child)
      I don't think any one person can do that
      I don't understand, where does anyone say this is about one person? OP even explicitly wrote about multiple people.
      and to be fair, "y'all are mean" is a shitpost.
      In the context of having every reply your making downvoted to oblivion? No. If the replies made was not relevant to the discussion, sure, but this is about people downvoting an opinion.
      [–]ThreeLittlePuigs 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
      In the context of having every reply your making downvoted to oblivion? No.
      Reddit is a democratic voting system. People thought OP's points were garbage so OP got downvoted.
      [–]Sallad3 -3 points-2 points-1 points  (1 child)
      People still upset about FPH ban and downvote anything related to not shaming fat people. There's better smaller subs for this, sorry to see you so heavily down voted :/
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