2
3

Frame is buckling, advice sought (self.marriedredpill)

The_LitzUnplugging が 投稿

So my wife's family pitched up on thursday. Sister, kid and parents. This was not really discussed with me and I did let her know about it.

Passed that shit/comfort test by telling her they are welcome to stay but she needs to discus it with me beforehand.

Fast forward to friday night. I am struggling to keep frame with a house full of kids, half senile bluepill father in law and the sisters. I don't want to go out as I am working saturday and am bushed from the past week.

Go to bed, find wife in the room. Earlier I had told her I am looking forward to tonight with her. She dodges out of the room to avoid me.

Fuck that, I am butthurt and lose frame. I don't say a word and I lock the door so she can't get in. Around 01h00 I hear someone trying to get in but ignore her. She doesn't make a noise because then her whole family would like to know whats up.

Find her sleeping on the couch this morning on the way to work. She is cold and aloof towards me and wants to know why I locked the door. By her tone and posture I can see she is primed for battle.

I answer her with a laugh "I forgot to unlock it after I was done" (masturbating)

She looked deflated, there was no fight!

I think I handled this morning correctly, but how do I maintain frame for the rest of the weekend? I must go home now but don't feel like it. The castle has been over run by peasants!

全 14 件のコメント
並べ替え:
ベスト
トップ新着論争中古い順Q&A

[–]thisisme0007Unplugging 4ポイント5ポイント  (2子コメント)

I believe frames don't buckle, aren't lost, broken or maintained. See this copy paste below on how I view frame and how that helps me stay in mine.

After /u/whinemoreplease straightened me out on what frame is, I don't like the phrase "hold frame". It's like I am holding on to a frame for dear life while someone tries to pull me out. I also don't like maintain frame, break frame, lose frame as they all don't capture what frame is.

Since frame is my reality, I can choose to stand in my frame or step out of it into someone elses. And no one can push me out of where i stand because I am 40 fucking feet tall.

Now that I think of it this way, I find it very easy to stay in my frame, no matter what shit is being thrown at me. And I get a lot of shit thrown.

Edit:

What you experienced with the in laws is the solipsistic side of AWALT. Of course she invited them over without discussion first.

[–]The_LitzUnplugging[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I actually read that post this morning. I like it, either you are in your frame or in someone elses.

We also talk of form over here, as in sport. If you are in good form you will do well, if you lost form you struggle to get your game together. More mental than physical.

[–]marxistbaconLTR 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I remember reading this comment a couple days back. Struck me as deep. It's the perfect way to explain it.

[–]IanIronwoodMarried- MRP MODERATOR 4ポイント5ポイント  (3子コメント)

When the castle is overrun by peasants, that's when it is time for the lord of the manor to take control. You were quite right to castigate your wife over not informing you, but you should further hold her to account about not getting your positive assent before she brought such a disruption to the domain.

That being said, play it off. Be a good host. Don't let them see any overt sign of acrimony between you and your wife from you, and act like the whole thing was your idea. If nothing else that will cause your wife's reaction to spiral off into confusion, which will be socially awkward for her to explain to her kin - something women hate. You can season your cheerful responses to her and her family with some good passive Dread, too: "I'm sure my next wife will be more considerate," etc.

You handled the sex issue well. Amused Mastery is an essential in Married Game. And getting rejected like that, even passively, is a serious blow to a woman, guaranteed to start the hamster spinning.

I would suggest that when your inlaws finally leave you sit your wife down for a post mortem of the experience: "What do you think was wrong with that situation? And what can we do to correct it?" Hold her to account but avoid an argument. If necessary, state your future expectations - politely but firmly - and leave her with " . . . and that is how things will be from now on." Then leave the room and go cheerfully about your business.

Good luck!

[–]The_LitzUnplugging[S] 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

Sofar I am handling the inlaws ok. Her sister is the main problem. It is her older sister and she is always looking up to her for validation or whatever it is that girls do, so when I was fully bluepill I sought SIL approval, hoping it would filter down to my wife.

I also became aware a few months ago of sabotage from SIL. Was not sure how to handle her actually being here, but when they got here and she enquired about my new beard I just grabbed her in greeting and nuzzled her neck with the beard. Turned bright red with embarrasment.

[–]IanIronwoodMarried- MRP MODERATOR 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well done. For extra points, practice gaming your SIL in front of your wife. That kind of sisterly competition can be golden.

[–]theultmatecadMarried- HARD CORE RED 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Good advice. I have done similar in my life and now am.always asked if her family may visit.

When I say no and she complains I tell her if they arrive that I will be leaving.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

I answer her with a laugh "I forgot to unlock it after I was done" (masturbating).....She looked deflated, there was no fight!

Ha! The important thing is you laughed and were not affected by her whinings and accusations. Further, you answered her in a way that shows you don't need her. Good show.

Now be sure to stay that way when she brings it up again.

TLRD: Outcome Independence after sexual denial is the hardest part of MRP.

[–]uxl 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Still just an RP apprentice (albeit an immediately successful one, though I'm beginning to suspect that's just the magic that is RP reality), but I think your move is to forget any of this shit happened, be unphased, enjoy your life with independent activities and busy-ness, and if she brings it up just be honest with extremely few words and no emotion beyond humor (genuine humor, not mocking/sarcastic humor). Let it go. Be the rock. Be above it. Be at peace.

[–]marvelousmorgUnplugging 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Do something important like read a book or hit the gym. Get really into it and dismiss trivial distractions. This is you time and it's important.

[–]The_LitzUnplugging[S] 3ポイント4ポイント  (2子コメント)

Update: I stayed at work later than expected, got a text.

Her: When are you coming home?

Me:Soon

Me: Whats for lunch?

Her get something on the way home for hourself, we had lunch at xyz

Me: what happend to the lasagne?

Her:I will make you a sub for lunch

I walk into the house and my sub just came out of the oven with a cup of tea. All smiles.

Staying in my frame this morning did the trick.

Will be a suave host this afternoon, catch some sport this afternoon with FIL and if I feel like it take the girls out for a drink and let their parents babysit.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

What? No blowjob?

[–]stonepimpletilistsUnplugging 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

The gold standard of "is this working?"

[–]Sepean 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I answer her with a laugh "I forgot to unlock it after I was done" (masturbating)

Ha good save!