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Dread while still being a good father? (self.marriedredpill)

Rowapray が 投稿

Any advice on dread for the cold wife without being an absent dad? Kind of need to get away from her while I self improve, but dont want to be a shitty dad. Edit: appreciating the advice, and sorry for the lack of detail in the original post. Much more below regarding reading sidebar materials, lifting and such.

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[–]Redneck001Unplugging 6ポイント7ポイント  (6子コメント)

Take the kids with you. Flirt with other women. Let kids tell you wife about your flirting. Profit.

[–]Rowapray[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (5子コメント)

I will try, but easier said than done. Absolutely get your point though, should probably man up and just take the kid to the park, tell her to go relax. If she wants to come with, I can simply say "male bonding, stay home"

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

should probably man up and just take the kid to the park

Do this all the fucking time. Otherwise, you are accepting her frame that She is the Decider of the kids. Never accept that, you are the leader. You delegate stuff to her, and part of that stuff can be the kids, but in the end, you are ultimately responsible.

It is a lot of work to spend time with kids. But part of the problems with society and why TRP exists is that kids lack male role models, and grow up seeking approval of women. It is your job to stop that with your son.

If years in the future TRP doesn't exist because a whole generation of kids grew to be real Men because they learned it from their fathers (instead of the internet), TRP was a success.

[–]mistaken4alpha [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

I will try, but easier said than done.

I found other women come onto me when I go out with the kid(s) without mom around. It's by far the best pick-up scenario I have.

I once told my wife of a woman throwing herself at me when I took our son to the playground one day. Flirting with unsupervised dads seems to happen a lot, but this interaction was really over the top. So much, that I found it creepy. I told my wife this as a funny story. It turns out my wife overlapped social circles with the woman and knew her. She was a former wild-and-crazy out-clubbing-every-weekend woman. Her overweight husband had been cheating on her recently. With that background info, my wife didn't find my funny story at all funny. A couple years later, she still asks me every few months when I've last run into the woman around town.

When I first found MRP, I got separated from my wife on a ski area shuttle bus. I was with our daughter and she was with our son. They went in the rear door and were sitting ~10 rows behind us. My wife had never noticed how over the top "helpful" and "friendly" lots of women are to dads out alone with their daughter.

Her - "Who were they?"

Me - "I dunno."

Her - "Did they know each other?"

Me - "Nah."

Her - "What were you talking about with them?"

Me - "Mostly skiing."

Her - "Why did it seem like both of them were coming on to you the entire ride?"

Me - "Ehhh, that's normal. Women just do that when I go out with the kids alone. I would have borrowed kids when I was younger if I'd known."

Guys rarely fawn over a mom out with her kids. Once wives open their eyes to how it worked for dads, simply taking the kids out for ice cream can be dread. Help open her eyes. :)

[–]thisisme0007Unplugging 2ポイント3ポイント  (2子コメント)

I will try, but easier said than done

Pussy.

[–]fatalbinoninja 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

That made me laugh way harder than it should have.

[–]thisisme0007Unplugging 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Can't have it not smelling like a locker room in here!

[–]theultmatecadMarried- HARD CORE RED 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

I had this issue. I would just vanish when kids went to bed. I'd lift, visit buddies, even go read in a coffee shop.

Key is your out of her sight and not picking up texts/calls so her hamster can spin.

Make sure you are lifting hard, dressing well and ..buy a few pair of really nice underwear. Let her find them when she does laundry.

[–]spexerMARRIED 3ポイント4ポイント  (2子コメント)

I would say that being with the kid, even at home, will work. She will see you playing with your children, being an entertaining guy and lots of fun, instead of being with her.

Or- take the kids out with you. See a movie, get ice cream, take them on a hike.

As long as some of the time you are also going out with the guys or by yourself.

[–]Rowapray[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

A very good point, me being a good dad in front of her is important as managing my relationship with her.

[–]stonepimpletilistsUnplugging 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

you being a good dad in front of her is important as managing my relationship with her Myself.

frame my friend. you are looking out for you, and your family. She is a passanger, until she gets on board and starts pulling her weight in every way... the bonus of this is that it gets most normal girls to start becoming good wives.

[–]airplaneskyUnplugging 3ポイント4ポイント  (2子コメント)

Depends on age of kids: the way I am doing it is by planning events and activities ahead of time with kids. Basically look to proactively and deliberately spend time with them on about half the time. If wife wants to join and she's sweet I won't stop her. But otherwise I can make myself unavailable on other 50% of time (if she's not fun to hang out with / bitchy). So it's almost like preparation for and as if being divorced and single parent.

[–]Rowapray[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Thank you, seems to make sense and be in line with what i have read so far.

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Kids are a great place to demonstrate your leadership. Planning stuff like this IS a lot of work, but leaders are the ones that must work the most anyway. So just Own It, and do it, and plan some fun stuff with the kids.

[–]FrozenSoil 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

You exit after the kids are asleep. We have a toddler who I don't get to see enough between work and sleep, so I make my dread after he goes to sleep if necessary...what impacts me is as my wife works overnights, I can't leave him there alone, nor will I impede my wife's ability to add to the family coffers, so my ability is limited.

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

You can do dread while spending time with your kids. Nothing like having a blast with my own son to demonstrate with actions my wife's crap won't get to us. I had posted this example before, I'm copying here because it is relevant.

My wife sometimes admits feels jealous of how much my son loves spending time with me. It is ridiculous, she should be pleased that I'm such a good father. Besides, it isn't THAT hard. I make sure to budget time to play with him regularly. Wife instead says she gets bored and doesn't know how to play with him. Guess who is the fun parent?

The other day my wife was trying to find something, anything, to fight with me. Meanwhile, my son and I were building the most amazing duplo airplane ever for the duplo cow and farmer. It was awesome and gigantic, with eyes and 4 wings. Nothing like having Son scream "COW PLANE" as Wife tries to pick a fight to really communicate that we don't give a fuck about her stupid crap.

She can be pissed off. We fly cow-planes.

Update: it just occurred to me screaming cowplane was my son's first Amused Mastery. I am so proud of him!

Depending on the situation and time of the day, Dread can be to take son to the park to kick a ball, then get some icecream together. Some other times Dread is me going out for beers, or just hanging out with friends.

The key is to understand is that Dread is not just making her jealous of other women. That is part of it, but not the whole thing. The key is to make her understand without words you got a wonderful life going for yourself in all areas, and she is lucky to be part of it. You have to demonstrate in all areas your amazing life.

Heck, I've done dread just going to the hardware store to choose materials for small home improvement projects. The key is to show her crap won't ruin her life, it only isolates her from your life.

[–]cholomite 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

You're over thinking this. You should be friendly and social with everyone, both men and women. It shouldn't be a chore or a task or an awkward process. Once you are confident with everyone you meet, including women, your wife will notice and you will have dread. Add or subtract more women from your social circle as nessecary for desired results.

[–]xmabden 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

One time my wife was on her way out for an overnight business trip. I guess she was feeling a little needy/insecure (I could hear it in her voice) when she asked what was I going to do while she was gone?

My response, "I figured I would throw the kids in the station wagon, drive around, and pick up women :)" Said in a matter of fact tone of voice and a short smile at the end.

The look on her face was precious (mixture of aghast and worry) as she could not tell if I was serious or not.

[–]RPAlternate42Unplugging -3ポイント-2ポイント  (10子コメント)

Down voted.

No history, no context, no anything.

[–]Rowapray[S] 2ポイント3ポイント  (7子コメント)

I literally just made this account as a throwaway. Im not going to plead with you for help but for christ sakes, why the paranoia?

[–]RPAlternate42Unplugging 4ポイント5ポイント  (5子コメント)

It's not paranoia.

We will usually treat throwaways like any other post. We even answer troll posts as if they were real. We do this because we have nothing to hide and we stand behind our notion that RP strategy improves marriages. It improves marriages because it improves men; and that's what we are really about.

Your post offers no context to the situation, no history of your situation, just some question about how to dread with kids.

  1. are you lifting?
  2. have you read the pre-requisites in the sidebar?
  3. Do you know the 12 levels of dread... because if you answered "no" to items 1 and 2, you shouldn't even be past dread level 3 yet.
  4. are you a quality of man where dread would even work?

We aren't going to want to entertain this post because it is so lacking, a proper response is a waste of our time. RP is about making sure men know that their time is valuable.

[–]Rowapray[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (3子コメント)

Fair enough. Yes lifting, but still not where I want to be. As mentioned below have read NMMNG, Rollo, Book of Pook and even some stuff by Marcus Aurelius and Ralph Waldo Emerson. Have drinks a few nights a week with her at dinner (so don't typically drive after), but not sure if I am actually enjoying it. Shes a SAHM, our toddler is awesome but a beast with a ton of energy, like his dad. I step in most nights, take the kid out to play or walk, give hime a bath, but not sure if its appreciated. Cant just dip out to the gym and bring him with me, so I typically workout during lunch or before they wake up. Edit: I may not be the quality of man I need to be yet and am trying to avoid her till I improve, but don't want to be an absent dad by getting wrapped up in work or going out a ton. Really do want to make things work with her.

[–]thisisme0007Unplugging -1ポイント0ポイント  (2子コメント)

I have yet to see anything that indicates you have read about the 12 levels of dread in the wiki. We want to help but it doesn't do either of us any good if we are spoon feeding you.

[–]Rowapray[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Refreshed myself on it, so maybe dread is the incorrect word, I am talking about a need to get away from my wife (Sahm, always tired, always complaining) while not pulling away from my toddler son. I realize that I am responsible for all of this. Happy hour and evening gym is not an option if I want to be there for my kid.

[–]thisisme0007Unplugging 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

What time does your kid go to bed?

Do they stay in bed when put down?

What time do they wake up?

What time do you wake up?

What hobby exactly do you find yourself unable to do without being an absent dad?

What are your other hobbies?

Wait a minute!

don't want to be an absent dad by getting wrapped up in work or going out a ton.

How much of WISNIFG have you read? Did "absent dad" come from your lips or hers? Are you letting someone else judge you?

[–]stonepimpletilistsUnplugging 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's because of the mod post last week... I'm sure you've read it.

No context, no flair, no posting history here... will be looked at with skeptisism, and very stringently moderated. Theres been instances of TRP machismo coming in here, BP guys trolling and SJW baiting (we aren't going to get banned)

so yeah... if you haven't read a lot of stuff here, just be aware

[–]thisisme0007Unplugging -3ポイント-2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Has anyone coined the term "Starfish Posting" yet?

[–]Rowapray[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Wishing you all the best, you need not contribute any more time here.

[–]thisisme0007Unplugging -4ポイント-3ポイント  (9子コメント)

Hello zero karma no context (troll?). The only level of dread that could possibly have a negative impact on a child is 9+.

[–]CzechBookUnplugging 7ポイント8ポイント  (6子コメント)

Eh. I think I get what he's asking. We've got an infant in the house. If my wife misbehaves at 5pm, I'm not simply going to walk out until midnight and therefore not see my kid the whole day other than right at breakfast. There's lots of advice saying "Just leave" or "go to the gym from 8pm to 12am" but lots of shit needs to be done with there's children involved. And I actually really enjoy spending time with my kid. In a few years, I can take said kid OUT for ice cream in the evening or whatever, but current bath time, earlier bed time, etc., doesn't allow that for dads with young kids.

[–]Rowapray[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

You get it, thank you. At times, I need to be the captain at 3am and tell the kid to go back to sleep so his mom can stay in bed. Really intolerant of my wife right now while in the process of unplugging (and aware that in many ways this is my fault) and dont want to mess up the kid in the meanwhile.

[–]thisisme0007Unplugging 0ポイント1ポイント  (4子コメント)

I think I get what he's asking.

I don't understand how you think you get what he is asking from that post

wife misbehaves at 5pm, I'm not simply going to walk out until midnight

Then don't use a nuke for your level 1 dread

lots of shit needs to be done with there's children involved.

I agree, I have 2.

[–]CzechBookUnplugging 4ポイント5ポイント  (3子コメント)

Then don't use a nuke for your level 1 dread

That's a nuke? "Leave and go to the gym" seems to be the first piece of advice offered on this sub.

Edit: Seems to be dread level 4 according to the BPP 12 levels.

[–]thisisme0007Unplugging 3ポイント4ポイント  (2子コメント)

Going to the gym is level 2, part of your MAP.

Leaving when the wife is misbehaving is not dread, it is a response to the wife's misbehavior therefore it is an answer to a shit test. I believe there is a reason "just leave" doesn't appear in the wiki for shit tests. This is difficult to do without appearing butthurt, and I have screwed it up at least once since starting with TRP.

Edit: nuke is probably not the correct word. I suppose "don't act butthurt" would be more accurate.

[–]CzechBookUnplugging 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

I interpreted it as "Dread Level 4: Begin conditioning your availability to your wife with her treatment of you." I agree that it appears butthurt to leave, but the advice is handed out here frequently, which is why OP made his shitpost to begin with.

[–]thisisme0007Unplugging 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

There was a nice discussion not to long ago about "lifting is not a hobby" and I agree with that. I don't think it was unanimous though.

I am definitely going to see if I can get "starfish posting" in the wiki or faq.

[–]Rowapray[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Throwaway, not trolling. Not being home for the kid on weeknights and weekends seems pretty shitty, and all of the Rollo and NMMNG material doesnt cover kids. Would you care to offer some clarification?

[–]thisisme0007Unplugging -5ポイント-4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Would you care to offer some clarification?

Would you care to offer some clarification?