So sorry that you had to go through that, anon. This is common and it happens to many of us. It’s important for us to share our stories so other women can know they are not alone.

I relate to you completely. My ex would do something similar. We lived together for four years and he made me have sex with him almost every day, unless I was on my period. I love my period. (Inserting read more because discussing abuse, and rape.)

He used to say, “But I’m a man! I have needs!” and accuse me of being abusive or manipulative if I “withheld sex” from him for more than a day. He would guilt trip me in to doing it. Sometimes I would trade him–if I agreed to do it, then I would be allowed to smoke a cigarette. He hated my smoking.

The worst part is, if I didn’t perform sex enthusiastically enough, he would complain, too. Sometimes he would get mad at me during the act for not being “in to it enough” when it was one of the times he had to guilt trip me or bargain me in to it. He would expect me to get horny instantly while he was yelling at me about how cold I am. He would yell at me for not taking initiative enough. He wanted to be the one who lay there while I did the work. 

If I didn’t like what he wanted to do to my body, there was something wrong with me. I hated the way he touched my breasts, and I still hate having my nipples touched because of him. He told me I was the only woman he had ever been with who complained about it and I needed to learn to like it. He was terrible with his hands and if I didn’t cum then it was my fault, not his. He never needed to work on or improve his skills, and it would have been insulting to him for me to suggest for him to do so.

He was a large man, over six feet tall and around 350 pounds. I am very short (5′2″) and of average weight. He would want to try these elaborate uncomfortable positions, and when it didn’t work out because of my height or the fact that his belly was in the way, he would yell at me and tell me I am not flexible enough. He would tell me that I am not working hard enough to please him sexually, that I was not doing my job as his girlfriend properly. 

Being a girlfriend is not a job, and I was not obligated to please him. It took me a very long time to learn that.