上位 200 件のコメント表示する 500

[–]_thats_not_me_ 1526ポイント1527ポイント  (46子コメント)

I love how they could just make them all carry heavy logs and such, but it wasn't embarrassing enough for the punishment, so they actually had someone sit down and paint a gigantic "iPhone."

[–]dwmfives 656ポイント657ポイント  (29子コメント)

I'm sure the people being punished had to make their wooden gun/cellphone/etc.

[–]_thats_not_me_ 412ポイント413ポイント  (26子コメント)

But then you'd end up with dozens of giant wooden iPhones with terrible service.

[–]dwmfives 173ポイント174ポイント  (20子コメント)

Well that depends on the skill of the builder. I'm sure some of them have great service.

[–]runningraleigh 266ポイント267ポイント  (18子コメント)

Russian wood phone is good. No problem.

[–]tschub 107ポイント108ポイント  (5子コメント)

Exactly. He clearly has four bars.

[–]CountPanda 21ポイント22ポイント  (4子コメント)

Four bars inside. Solid rebar--is good--no break. $100.

[–]KimJongIlSunglasses 103ポイント104ポイント  (2子コメント)

You should see Chinese army punishment.

.

Sent from my woodPhone.

[–]link_dead 67ポイント68ポイント  (0子コメント)

Haha yea they send them to Foxconn to build real iPhones.

[–]A_Privateer 9ポイント10ポイント  (0子コメント)

Nah, probably made by drunken NCO's who couldn't wait to make someone carry it around.

[–]perihelion9 72ポイント73ポイント  (3子コメント)

Military life is dull as shit. They probably jumped at the opportunity.

[–]Strideo 2585ポイント2586ポイント  (122子コメント)

For the bayonet one you get a big wooden sword.

Punishment, or reward?

[–]gangbangkang 1614ポイント1615ポイント  (80子コメント)

[–]SanguisFluens 565ポイント566ポイント  (33子コメント)

That's the wooden sword that The Mountain was taught to fight with.

[–]Makalol 326ポイント327ポイント  (10子コメント)

The Mountain followed Robbaz' guide for a fist-fighting warrior and showed his 'dental appointment' technique on Oberyn.

[–]twominitsturkish 66ポイント67ポイント  (18子コメント)

Also what he uses to pick little bits of Viper jerky out of his teeth.

[–]penguinattackforever 112ポイント113ポイント  (21子コメント)

woden

[–]Avatar_Of_Brodin 188ポイント189ポイント  (8子コメント)

Ah yes, Wöden; Ikea's brand of weaponry.

[–]Tuss 49ポイント50ポイント  (5子コメント)

Made from authentic particle board!

[–]KimJongIlSunglasses 27ポイント28ポイント  (2子コメント)

Easy assembly!

Connect hilt section bolt 3f to blade section B. Smelt ingot in forge at 1600 degrees. Pour molten iron into cast 7g.

[–]Nik_tortor 2986ポイント2987ポイント  (451子コメント)

I remember we got a new soldier and he lost his ID card on the first day so we made a huge cardboard cutout of an I'd card, put all his information on it and cut a hole for his face to go where his picture was and he had to hold it until he got his new one a week later.

Edit: Holy crap this blew up! ill try to find a picture of the guy tonight.

[–]sykora171 1410ポイント1411ポイント  (46子コメント)

I actually have a picture of who you are talking about with his CAC card cut out on, I don't know how to post it on Alien blue though

EDIT: Got it

http://imgur.com/VF642Q9

[–]NDNguitarguy 179ポイント180ポイント  (1子コメント)

Oh my god this is so much better than I imagined it!!!

[–]arcainic 29ポイント30ポイント  (2子コメント)

That's a pretty big security breach right there, if anyone can just walk in with a cardboard cutout.

[–]Coolest_UsernameEvar 2097ポイント2098ポイント  (238子コメント)

[–]gravesville 449ポイント450ポイント  (59子コメント)

[–]TheAlmightyConch 153ポイント154ポイント  (53子コメント)

Greatest movie of all time

[–]JRDN7 184ポイント185ポイント  (12子コメント)

Pay no attention to Wimp Lo, we purposely trained him wrong... as a joke.

[–]tripptofan 65ポイント66ポイント  (2子コメント)

How did you like my-nuts-to-your-fist technique?

[–]GrammatonYHWH 10ポイント11ポイント  (0子コメント)

You can defeat him. You were trained in the old ways.

HAH! If he was trained in the new ways, he might've stood a chance

[–]atrociousxcracka 29ポイント30ポイント  (1子コメント)

"He's an outsider, even seen him before?"

"Nuh uh...well, twice"

[–]1994GTR 1156ポイント1157ポイント  (106子コメント)

Dude needs to share his toe workout. I'm mirin

[–]Rooonaldooo99 683ポイント684ポイント  (91子コメント)

He shoved a steel rod through his pants all the way to his chest and is leaning on it. Notice how he barely uses any strength even with his hands and the bulge at the back of his pants (Insert Lenny here)

[–]friday6700 46ポイント47ポイント  (10子コメント)

Oh. That seems like a neat trick I can pay on my nieces and nephew.

[–]Micalas 66ポイント67ポイント  (6子コメント)

That's what I thought too. Definitely fun making them think you're a wizard. Or a demon. If you rolled your eyes into the back of your head and started speaking in tongues, it could be fun too.

[–]friday6700 109ポイント110ポイント  (5子コメント)

Bite my tongue so blood pours out, start screaming gibberish while I crab walk towards them. I'll be known as the fun uncle before long!

[–]drummer1248 22ポイント23ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ok phew. I was getting a little worried for a second there.

[–]kyzfrintin 171ポイント172ポイント  (69子コメント)

If he's leaning on a steel rod, then how is he moving up and down?

[–]bvkallday 582ポイント583ポイント  (49子コメント)

metal bends bro

[–]justinponeill 574ポイント575ポイント  (36子コメント)

Jet fuel can't melt steel rods

Edit: My highest rated comment is now a shitty joke about a 9/11 conspiracy theory. Thanks America, this is why I love you.

TL;DR (sorry about the ad)

[–]VFTVMV1 287ポイント288ポイント  (22子コメント)

Mom's spaghetti can't melt ayy lmao

[–]Oenonaut 107ポイント108ポイント  (10子コメント)

meme density intensifies

Edit: There's always a relevant XKCD to a Reddit thread because so much of Reddit is influenced by XKCD.

[–]Nine10Eleven 15ポイント16ポイント  (0子コメント)

I suppose the rod is acting like a spring going up and down.

[–]Battletooth 70ポイント71ポイント  (5子コメント)

Come to my bedroom and I'll show you how to move up and down with a rod.

[–]twominitsturkish 45ポイント46ポイント  (1子コメント)

You just strap 50 pound bags of sand to each of your toes and walk around with them all day, then rehydrate with 7 gallons of water per digit in under ten minutes. I call it the large humpback ungulate toe workout.

[–]FPSXpert 44ポイント45ポイント  (0子コメント)

The Camel Toe Workout sounds so much better.

[–]gangbangkang 119ポイント120ポイント  (7子コメント)

Nick Papagiorgio, from Yuma.

[–]nickdaisy 47ポイント48ポイント  (1子コメント)

Security: "No corrective lenses tonight Mr Papagiorgio?"

Rusty: "No sir, I do not require them."

[–]BetterWithSteroids 29ポイント30ポイント  (0子コメント)

We're looking for a Mr. Papagorgio. "Yes hes over there, he also stole my wallet"

[–]JehovahsNutsack 58ポイント59ポイント  (112子コメント)

Serious question: what exactly would happen if he refused to hold it all day?

[–]SanguisFluens 275ポイント276ポイント  (29子コメント)

He would be directly refusing to follow an order. The military does not take that lightly.

[–]pidgeondoubletake 96ポイント97ポイント  (31子コメント)

Yelled at and smoked. If he still refuses to do anything he's ordered to he could face administrative punishment (paperwork citing an infraction) which can add extra duty, take pay and rank, or limit your freedoms like drinking or whatever.

If he still refused to obey orders, like the extra duty or listen to NCOs, he could face UCMJ punishment for failing to obey lawful orders. This could lead to any sort of discharge, but the worst case scenario is a Dishonorable Discharge with time in the Disciplinary Barracks at Leavenworth, but you'd have to straight up commit a felony in the military for that to happen. Refusing to hold up a giant ID card? If it snowballed enough where he was refusing anything command told him, he could get away with an administrative discharge, like "General" or "Other Than Honorable". Dishonorables are for serious infractions.

[–]aalabrash 44ポイント45ポイント  (28子コメント)

Dishonorable fucks you over for life too, right?

[–]MistakerPointerOuter 44ポイント45ポイント  (14子コメント)

Dishonorable discharge is equivalent to a felony in the civilian world, since it can only by given by a court-martial for a serious crime. It can't be given out administratively or for less serious crimes.

[–]Try_Another_NO 43ポイント44ポイント  (12子コメント)

Anything other than honorable can really screw you over, too. Every job application I've ever seen has a question similar to:

"Have you ever been convicted of a felony OR received anything but an honorable discharge from the military?"

Which is basically the same as asking "Should this application go in the trash bin? Yes or No?"

[–]pidgeondoubletake 52ポイント53ポイント  (8子コメント)

I'd compare it to declaring bankruptcy in terms of how you'd have to deal financially. It also has a huge stigma attached to it, which makes it very hard to get a job that isn't fast food.

[–]Charod48 154ポイント155ポイント  (11子コメント)

Now all I can think of is a soldier running into battle with this on, and the confusion it would cause amongst the other side.

And then he becomes the hero of the battle, charging through the lines, enemies fleeing and surrendering. He 's awarded the medal of honour shortly later, still wearing the thing. Portraits are taken, children 10 years later study this guy in text books. Everyone's confused. That would be great.

[–]SanguisFluens 62ポイント63ポイント  (7子コメント)

And now the entire world knows his name, address, social security number, etc.

[–]ti_lol 29ポイント30ポイント  (0子コメント)

I dont think the address is a problem sine he lived on military base

[–]liberterrorism 458ポイント459ポイント  (7子コメント)

The guy at the end gets an iPhone 7? Doesn't seem like much of a punishment.

[–]DontPromoteIgnorance 87ポイント88ポイント  (1子コメント)

If the battery will last as long as my brick phone's did I would use it.

[–]nutmac 32ポイント33ポイント  (0子コメント)

Look at the battery meter! It probably lasts for a month.

[–]SanguisFluens 26ポイント27ポイント  (2子コメント)

Yeah but it doesn't have a case so it's not going to last very long in battle.

[–]Danceswithchocobos 1064ポイント1065ポイント  (55子コメント)

There was a story posted on reddit a long time ago about a guy who was keeping skittles in his locker (which I'm assuming was not allowed).

His punishment? He had to plant every skittle in the bag into the ground. When he'd go to water the hole he had to scream: "TASTE THE RAINBOW!".

[–]acog 202ポイント203ポイント  (5子コメント)

I think I found it. It's missing your tag line though, which is the best part of your version.

[–]BetterWithSteroids 306ポイント307ポイント  (1子コメント)

I wouldn't even be mad

[–]Clumpy 83ポイント84ポイント  (0子コメント)

Hell, by that point you're so used to being treated like a wayward kindergartner who needs dehumanization and correction that you'd probably be amused if anything.

[–]Ariakkas10 170ポイント171ポイント  (40子コメント)

In Air Force boot camp they give you a very specific statement you have to recite anytime someone speaks to you for any reason(except other trainees).

Sir/ma'am, trainee (your last name) reports as ordered.

If you flub this line up in any way shape or form you're fucked.

One guy said "sir, trainee Johnson reporting as ordered" he got ripped up one side and down the other about how he doesn't look like Tom Brokaw and why was he trying to impersonate him, and then was ordered to go outside and give a weather report. Sure enough, few minutes later he comes back in and tells us it's sunny and clear.

Lol poor bastard

[–]Red_Swingline_ 68ポイント69ポイント  (1子コメント)

I think the hard part would be delivering said weather report with a straight face.

[–]King_Kross 90ポイント91ポイント  (19子コメント)

USAF boot camp is a joke more than anything.

MTI's go through training just to make jokes during basic.

"WHY IS YOUR HAND IN YOUR POCKET TRAINEE? ARE YOU RELATED TO CRISS ANGEL? YOU TRYING TO CAST A SPELL ON ME TRAINEE?"

Another one of my MTIs had boots that he could rub on the floor to make farting noises. So whenever you reported to his office he would get mad at you for farting whilst reporting.

[–]minimalisto 202ポイント203ポイント  (13子コメント)

The Canadian military's basic training has something similar to the phone prank.

They made people carry around an old rotary phone if they were caught with their cellphone.

The trick is, any staff could say 'ring ring ring', and you would have to answer the phone like there is someone on the other side.

No matter where you were, what you were doing.

Keep in mind during basic training you essentially have zero time for anything. So having to answer your 'phone' three times before you can eat your meal is actually a huge pain.

[–]Kadaj2302 238ポイント239ポイント  (22子コメント)

Let's be fair, that sword is definitely not a punishment. Everyone laughs at him but they really just wish they had a sword too.

[–]Pickup-Styx 159ポイント160ポイント  (21子コメント)

I imagine it's significantly less fun after a five mile run

[–]theonewhocouldtalk 35ポイント36ポイント  (15子コメント)

They don't use miles Pickup-Styx, they use kilometers (or clicks).

[–]megacookie 76ポイント77ポイント  (12子コメント)

I imagine it's significantly less fun after an 8.04672 kilometer rundamn commies

[–]amoyer55 125ポイント126ポイント  (6子コメント)

During our ruck marches, if someone's ruck was under the weight limit they had to carry Pebble - a 35 lb rock. Saw Pebble once, people learned real quick. Good times.

[–]jimblob32 34ポイント35ポイント  (1子コメント)

I love that it had a name

[–]aznsk8s87 26ポイント27ポイント  (0子コメント)

Recruit! Your bag is 2 ounces too light! Looks like Pebble is getting a piggyback ride after all!

[–]dekenfrost 158ポイント159ポイント  (55子コメント)

When I was in German "boot camp" one of the recruits had heard that you can get out of military service (without having to do the compensation work) when you tell them that you are "unable/unwilling to use a gun because of moral issues".

He did this, but it didn't work out quite as he had hoped. He still had to finish boot camp, but he wasn't allowed to use guns, so he always had a wooden replacement that he was carrying around (it was not as big as these ones though, more like the real thing)

There were many ways to get out of German military honestly, but you had to have some luck. Of course, since 2011 military service isn't required in Germany any more.

[–]Hayes231 73ポイント74ポイント  (41子コメント)

required

Sometimes I take living in America for granted. I totally did not realize that military service is required in some countries.

[–]OrSpeeder 21ポイント22ポイント  (0子コメント)

It could be worse.

In Brazil military is required, but because the government is short on money sometimes what they do is just tag you as reservist and don't even give the option to serve.

It screws both people that don't want to serve (depending on where they live they will have to serve anyway) and those that do want to serve (since they might live in a city where you are not allowed to serve for bugdet reasons).

[–]DannyFilming 72ポイント73ポイント  (3子コメント)

I live in Norway and I get friggin PAID to camp out in the woods and fire an MG-3 for 4 days a year!

[–]SenseiSwag 11ポイント12ポイント  (3子コメント)

It's not required in Germany anymore. First it was two years of service during the cold war but before it was completely abolished it was gradually reduced to nine months in which you learned the basics.

[–]Feroshnikop 578ポイント579ポイント  (45子コメント)

This person must've been caught masturbating on duty

[–]clownyfish 253ポイント254ポイント  (24子コメント)

Really impressive detail on all those veins.

[–]Dwelven 96ポイント97ポイント  (22子コメント)

I don't know... It kind of makes it look like a biceps.

[–]a_small_goat 310ポイント311ポイント  (214子コメント)

One of my squadmates got caught by the MSG with a lip full of dip while in formation. The MSG made him dump out his ruck, turn out all his pockets and then eat both cans of wintergreen Kodiak he had on him. Not only was he sick as a dog afterwards, but he gave up tobacco entirely - and mint chewing gum, and he had to use kids' bubblegum toothpaste for months afterwards. Although it was kind of hilarious to have someone barfing mint everywhere during our ruck march.

One other person actually answered a phonecall while on a patrol scenario during the same FTX and was made to carry a brick around, pressed against the side of her head like a phone for the rest of the weekend. I didn't see it personally, but I know who it was, so it really wasn't that surprising.

[–]The_Real_Slack 223ポイント224ポイント  (146子コメント)

I'm all for hilarious and rough punishments, but eating 2 cans of dip? That's not cool man.

[–]JeefyPants 241ポイント242ポイント  (37子コメント)

Army don't care about your civilian feelings

[–]turhajatka 80ポイント81ポイント  (21子コメント)

That could actually cause a terrible ulcer and nicotine poisoning so it's not just feelings, it's physical health too.

[–]NL_Cereal 146ポイント147ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well he wasn't going to do it again, welcome to the army.

[–]i_am_bromega 10ポイント11ポイント  (10子コメント)

Our fraternity made you put in a whole can "double horseshoe" style and do calisthenics until you puked if you were caught dipping as a pledge

[–]Thrall_So_Hard 65ポイント66ポイント  (18子コメント)

Couldn't eating both cans literally kill you from a nicotine overdose?

[–]hardohardon 36ポイント37ポイント  (2子コメント)

Probably why his body reacted the way it did. Induced vomiting to purge what it could from his system.

[–]AdmiralZassman 16ポイント17ポイント  (0子コメント)

Probably why the dude kept throwing up

[–]a_small_goat 15ポイント16ポイント  (1子コメント)

Probably, had he kept it down. He threw up halfway into the first can, but had to keep going. Not sure if any of it actually stayed down or if both cans were full. I tried not to watch because it made me sick just standing there.

[–]Pretend_Sanity 84ポイント85ポイント  (24子コメント)

I had a negligent discharge on deployment when I was in the US Army. Thankfully no one was hurt and no property was damaged.

My punishment was that the .50 cal machine gun had to be within arms reach of me for two weeks. I had to carry it with me when I went to eat, when I went to the latrine, I did PT with it and I slept with it right beside my cot (dummy corded to my wrist so it would be harder for someone to take it).

I'm actually very thankful that they decided to punish me that way Instead of making it official.

[–]sarjint 51ポイント52ポイント  (4子コメント)

I'm actually very thankful that they decided to punish me that way Instead of making it official.

This is the exact reason that we go along with embarrassing or ridiculous punishments.

I'd much rather flip rocks over to "help them tan evenly" or brasso galvanized trash cans than get an official punishment.

Well, that and the fact that it'll make a good story some day on down the line!

[–]zhv 29ポイント30ポイント  (1子コメント)

I'd much rather flip rocks over to "help them tan evenly"

That's the best shit ever

[–]sbd104 9ポイント10ポイント  (7子コメント)

Negligent Discharges can have very bad repercussions. But a badly maintained weapon could accidentally have one. Specially an open bolt.

[–]Suicidal-Ghost666 206ポイント207ポイント  (37子コメント)

Damn, so what if your caught with a cigarette in your mouth a cellphone in your hand, without your gun or bayonet. I wonder what would happen.

[–]nothingtoworryabout 27ポイント28ポイント  (2子コメント)

Do laps around the perimeter with full gear until your sergeant is exhausted from watching you do that.

[–]raoulAcosta 22ポイント23ポイント  (1子コメント)

Breaking News: Apple sues Russia for IP infringement

[–]ChazoftheWasteland 42ポイント43ポイント  (2子コメント)

That's a goddam Kent cigarette, too. When I lived in Romania, we would pay our housekeeper twice a month in the near worthless local paper money, the Lei IIRC, and once a month with a bag of groceries and two cartons of Kent cigarettes purchased at our commissary. The black market base currency was packs of Kents.

If you saw somebody smoking Kents, you knew they were rich, and probably high up in the Party.

[–]Meunderwears 361ポイント362ポイント  (78子コメント)

The Ukrainians should develop a massive army of termites.

[–]nebbie13 54ポイント55ポイント  (8子コメント)

We do similar things in the US Army. When someone loses their ID card, it's common to create a giant one.

[–]Not_Wearing_Briefs 26ポイント27ポイント  (3子コメント)

I would bet there is a lot of "setting someone up to fuck up so that this happens" going on

[–]tzenrick 9ポイント10ポイント  (1子コメント)

That's why you always secure everything. So your "buddies" don't get to use you for entertainment.

[–]straydog1980 192ポイント193ポイント  (8子コメント)

And all three guys burst out laughing when Recruit Ivan lost his standard issue butt plug.

[–]DaSpawn 55ポイント56ポイント  (12子コメント)

Caught smoking on duty.

oh man, I wish this was the case in the ARMY and was the only reason I had to start smoking. Everyone in my squad would take a smoke break every hour, while I had to stay there in the 100+ degree heat inside a metal box (M577) and keep working

tried faking it for a bit just to catch a break, but they soon realized this and gladly let me sit there and kill my lungs instead

[–]F0xtr0tUnif0rm 68ポイント69ポイント  (2子コメント)

Once one of my team was caught smoking next to a very flammable building. The first sergeant, after smoking him, looked at me and just said, "take care of him." I went to home fuckin depot, got spray paint and pvc pipe, filled it with quick dry cement, and made a ~40lb cigarette for him to hold over his head for the week.

[–]Never_relaxx 43ポイント44ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeah I heard this was a problem in the army.

I reckon you should have not smoked. Those people will pay for the time they take off working by taking time off their lives in their old age.

I also always like to remind people that it doesn't just kill you, it just makes the time you have here shittier.

[–]CutsLikeABuffalo333 30ポイント31ポイント  (0子コメント)

"Some one put a nice varnish or something on it... Better write them a thank you note... Actually, here's a rape whistle; if you get into trouble some one with a real gun will come and help"-The other guys (some what)

[–]Ytubrute 19ポイント20ポイント  (0子コメント)

Interesting; that Nokia in the last image seems to have an Apple logo on it...

[–]AcOolNamE 9ポイント10ポイント  (1子コメント)

A little late for the party, but here goes:

I have a similar story from the Norwegian Army, where one of my friends was in the "Boat platoon" in Skjold (we call it mordor, because of the remote location, and generally hell-ish conditions). As the name says, they operated on the water, in harsh conditions. One late february night they came home after a 12 hour mission, and forgot to secure the boat when they went to shore. One of the sergeants on camp noticed this, and quickly swam out to get the boat. The next morning they woke up with an inflatable boat outside their room, with the instructions to carry this around at all times. Weeks passed, and wherever they went, the boat went with them, until one day when they forgot to secure the boat outside the canteen (note: this was not close to the water). The sergeants drove the boat to the top of a mountain, and told the privates that the boat "floated" away because they forgot to secure it.

[–]Tr0user 8ポイント9ポイント  (1子コメント)

I'd hate to be on the receiving end of the punishment for being caught carrying a large wooden log.

[–]Justworkhere 64ポイント65ポイント  (1子コメント)

"Why does Alexi carry such big cellular phone?"

"Alexi could not be getting signal with other phone. Commissar Jobski issued him Apple Tree Touch."

"Alexi is Capitalist pig"

[–]hurdur1 17ポイント18ポイント  (0子コメント)

The cell phone one. Classic!