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Fixed DB by adding sugar to wife's prescription. Feel terrible. (self.DeadBedrooms)

RedSugarPills が 投稿

I've (M,34) posted here over the years with the frustration of my wife (33) refusing to get off birth control and her anti-depressant. Since introducing the hormone-drug cocktail early in our 8 yr marriage, we've been a once every 3-6 month couple (that only after massive pressure, coddling, seducing from me)

After having a vasectomy this year and months of arguing she finally agreed to stop her birth control. Things didn't get much better due to her SSNRI. She was on it for anxiety due to a very brief stressful period at a horrible job 7 years ago. She quit the job, anxiety stopped but she wanted to continue Cymbalta. It had become a nuclear issue ever since.

Cymbalta killed her sex drive overnight when she started. She denied it, showed me internet posts that Cymbalta doesn't effect libido. Her gynecologist who gave her the script pushed back about the libido issues as well. It was "all in my head" and a relationship issue I "had to work out". This in the face of endless posts on the internet of girls losing their drive sometimes even permanently altered due to the changes in the brain.

8 years of this, at the end of my rope I made a late night wine-infused decision to wean her off of Cymbalta by adding sugar to her capsules.

After two weeks of weaning off, within her first week of 100% sugar pills, something magically changed: I caught her masturbating.

She claimed it was the first time in 4 years. She didn't know what had gotten into herself lately - all she's "been thinking about is sex". Next night, she wants it. She starts showing more physical affection, hugging me, groping me. A few nights later she mentions that she wants to order her first dildo. She's never owned a sex toy in her 33 yr life.

The sex is passionate from her end and not the typical starfish dead lay I was used to. Things have changed so quick that it's almost been difficult to comprehend and adjust to. She talks about how things are so much better in our relationship. She feels trust. She feels connected. She loves her job. She talks about how good things are lately.

I seemingly got everything I wanted and I feel terrible about it. The last thing I want to do now is break the truth to her and destroy the amazing positive momentum we have going. Am I going to really be adding sugar to her pills for the rest of our lives?

What she doesn't know doesn't hurt her?

What would you guys do in this situation?

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[–]DBlurker2015 7ポイント8ポイント  (3子コメント)

This is great and horrible.

[–]Malone_00 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Agreed! I'm a bit shocked.

[–]DBlurker2015 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

and just to clarify - i think this qualifies as one of those things where when you have been pushed and tried everything you can do that is reasonable - you start to make unreasonable choices.

I am in no way agreeing people should do this.

But how many times have we thought of something that would violate the trust of our partner to try and help them (and us)? If your partner is not willing to take the steps to better themselves people usually prescribe tough love.

Adults are the worst at digging into horrible stupid standpoints and defending them to their own detriment.

Again not agreeing with his actions but people in general make choices that hurt themselves and the ones they love because DOCTORS and SOCIETY ENABLES THEIR SHITTY BEHAVIOR.

[–]shipoffoolssails -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

Approval.

[–]godplaysdice_ 4ポイント5ポイント  (4子コメント)

Holy shit dude, going off of SSNRIs cold turkey is not a good idea.

[–]RedSugarPills[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (3子コメント)

I'm well aware. I weaned her off 50% one week. 25% next week; the same process her Dr. prescribed when she had to come off to have our 2nd son.

She wanted sex throughout that pregnancy and for 2 months after the baby. Then the Cymbalta argument exploded again and led to another sexless marriage.

[–]Optizzle 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

You think it takes two weeks to ween someone off medication they have been on for 8 years safely? Bravo.

[–]RedSugarPills[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Currently only one year since she last stopped for a year.

She weaned off in two weeks after being on for 5 with no withdrawal effects whatsoever at her doctor's advise.

[–]Iwillpixiecutyou 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

She's going to notice her depression and anxiety are back.

Jesus Christ you need to stop believing everything you read about the placebo effect.

That's a huge huge huge violation of boundaries. Most people who would do that have other issues with recognizing boundaries.

You're an adult. There is no excuse for that.

[–]DeadFoyerM 30s 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

Uh... well, shit.

[–]stuckinaclam 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

this cant end well....

[–]rhinosoaring 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

Loss of libido is a published side effect of Cymbalta, at least according to http://www.drugs.com/sfx/cymbalta-side-effects.html

I'd be hesitant to mess with anyone's medication without talking to a knowledgeable doctor or pharmacist. There could be withdrawal issues, interactions with other medications or other effects.

If I were your wife, I'd react very negatively, but that's just me. Is there any way to convince her to cut back as a test or to find another doctor or something?

One problem is that she might use her current attitude as proof Cymbalta is not a problem.

[–]oicu81shoe 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

..............

opens mouth to speak but closes it

........................

DUDE. You have dug yourself into a tricky situation. I'd suggest you tell her ASAP. The longer a lie continues the worse it becomes. Talk to your wife, tell her the you just wanted her to want you again and through in some heartfelt words. Maybe even a few tears. But you need to talk to her before this goes on any longer.

[–]RedSugarPills[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's what my heart is screaming.

[–]matthews1977 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

If your wife were laid up in a coma somewhere it would be your duty to make her final medical decisions barring some order she prepared. You took control of her medical treatment at a time you felt neither she nor her doctor was making the right decisions for her health.

If these results are accurate, you made the best choice. However you did so risking your future with her and undermining her trust. How would she know you won't decide to feed her battery corrosion in her pills one day? You need to drive it home that your commitment includes her health and well being regardless of cost and you take that seriously.

Except, your decision was based selfishly... My what a wicked web we weave.

[–]VanCardboardbox 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

You have made a terribly selfish choice here and it will end poorly for all. You felt justified because you are unhappy and because you were sure you were right. Well, now you can congratulate yourself on being right, but when your wife finds out (she will) she must leave you instantly. Anyone who would fuck with their partner's SSRI medication in order to a) prove themselves right, and b) get laid can not be a trusted parter. Doesn't matter one bit if you were right.

Tell her and let the chips fall.

[–]kitkatsacon 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Usually I'm all for honesty and I'd say changing someone's script is dangerous and shitty. Especially without them knowing.

But if everything you say is true and you're not fabricating, exaggerating, or inferring any of your own wants from your wife's actual feelings...... good job and just zip your lip. Sometimes secrets really are for the better.

[–]Subdued231 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Uhh...

[–]doublenut 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

To be honest, I'm a little incredulous. I mean, ultimately, what do you mean "What would I do?" This isn't a moral dilemma: you can't screw with someone's medicine without them knowing. And now that you have, you have to tell her. I mean, I would have an extremely hard time being manipulated like that, but then I would have tried changing my medication when my partner sincerely asked.

[–]shipoffoolssails 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Great Troll Post.

I think the moderators need to remove this post because this course of action is extremely dangerous and should not be encouraged and approved of like it is in the responses

[–]godplaysdice_ -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm not seeing any approval in here...

[–]shaky-little-life 0ポイント1ポイント  (3子コメント)

That's naughty of you but it does provide some anecdotal evidence that these "antidepressants" don't work much better than a sugar pill anyway.

[–]DeadFoyerM 30s 6ポイント7ポイント  (2子コメント)

For someone who doesn't need them. There's a difference.

[–]godplaysdice_ 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

As someone who was on them for several years, I tend to agree that they really don't do much. There is also evidence to suggest that they really do offer little benefit above that offered by placebo, maybe not even enough benefit to justify dealing with the side-effects.

I think this article provides a pretty balanced perspective, although you can certainly find many more like it by just doing a google search: http://www.pvmhmr.org/5-depression/article/14707-antidepressants-no-better-than-placebo-says-a-new-study-but-its-really-more-complicated-than-that

[–]doublenut 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

There was another major survey that used novel statistical techniques to show a little more improvement for some, but in a significant minority of cases actively made depression worse.

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