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[Tough Love] I did something terrible this weekendRemorse (self.confession)

shameshameshame_ が 投稿

[Remorse]

I'm married but my husband moved out recently. We're getting a divorce but haven't filed papers or anything. We're very friendly.

I'm usually such a good girl. I went out this weekend and ended up doing an incredibly unsafe amount of cocaine and 3 guys ran a train on me a private room in their bar. Then I went home with them, did a shit load more blow, and let them use and abuse me all night.

It was rough and violent. They choked me, hit me, held me down. Filmed some of it. I only remember about 15 minutes of it but apparently it went on all night. I was so high I blacked out most of the night.

I feel awful. Ashamed. Dirty. I am in incredible pain now, my neck is killing me, I'm bruised everywhere. I haven't done cocaine in at least 5 years and I've never, ever done anything like that sexually before. I never would have if I wasn't blown out of my mind on coke.

I'm a horrible person and I hate myself. Can't admit this to anyone so I thought I'd let it out here.

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[–]miraflower 59ポイント60ポイント  (8子コメント)

You made some risky decisions, but you didn't hurt anyone but yourself, you're not a bad person because of this. But be a smart person: take a plan b pill, or if it's been too long (72 hours I think), talk to your ob/gyn about your options. Get tested for sti's and std's, and until you get the all clear disease wise, refrain from sex completely. Time will make you feel better.

[–]shameshameshame_[S] 5ポイント6ポイント  (7子コメント)

We used condoms, at the very least. But I'll still get tested. Thanks

[–]Raven14 23ポイント24ポイント  (6子コメント)

Seems weird to me that even though you only remember 15 minutes from a whole night of sex you are sure condoms were used the whole time?

[–][削除されました]  (3子コメント)

[deleted]

    [–]MagicGainbow 7ポイント8ポイント  (2子コメント)

    This, what tipped me off is the ''I'm usually such a good girl.'' disclaimer at the start.

    Followed later on by ''I haven't done cocaine in at least 5 years''.

    I'll say the soon to be ex-husband has dodged a massive bullet.

    [–]StarbossTechnology 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

    Yeah she went from husband moved out to gangbang pretty swiftly.

    [–]MagicGainbow 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I get the feeling husband is moving out for a reason, you don't risk divorce rape unless the home-front is really bad.

    [–]shameshameshame_[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

    well that's what they said and I saw the videos and boxes in the morning. I'm still going to get tested

    [–]nowedger 98ポイント99ポイント  (20子コメント)

    Going against the grain here I DO believe that you should be ashamed of yourself. That is risky behavior and you put yourself in a shitty situation. Not sure why Reddit has this need to try to make everyone feel better but you and I both know you made a poor decision and there are consequences for poor decisions. Whether they be mental, emotional, physical etc.

    But who knows I might be wrong, maybe getting violently gangfucked while high as a kite was a positive experience!

    Don't kid yourself.

    [–]alseye 10ポイント11ポイント  (6子コメント)

    Just hope the videos don't show up on the Interent

    [–]shameshameshame_[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (5子コメント)

    I deleted them in the morning off of their phones. I have tattoos so I'd be recognized right away.

    [–]LazySushi 10ポイント11ポイント  (4子コメント)

    Did you delete it from the deleted folder? On iOS the phone will keep deleted photos and videos for 30 days in a separate folder then delete them completely.

    [–]Pippafert 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

    You're not a horrible person. You're someone who made a bad decision. And if you feel bad about it, that it was not good for you. Is it horrible? I know some people who would think that was great sex. If you feel bad about it, you can say I will never do that again. But was it horrible? No. It was something you chose to do in the state that you're were in, you're not usually in that state, and it is something you're not interested in doing again. We all make choices that we might not do again. You're not a horrible person, you're someone who tried something and will not try it again.

    We all make mistakes. I'm 20 years past and I should not have fucked someone at 14. At that time I didn't think I had a choice. Now I think I'm stupid. The point is that everyone makes decisions at the time and they think that is the best decision for them at that time. In the future you may make different decisions and you would be happier with them, but at this time the decision was right for you at the time and you shouldnt regret it. There's a difference between regretting and doing it again.

    I hope you feel better. Histing yourself gets you nowhere. Hating your decision may make a difference in your future decisions. I've been there. As you get older, you get smarter, mostly. :-)

    [–]anthym29 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Alright, so you said 'tough love' so I'm going to accept that challenge.

    Alright, so you blacked out for the part they took you home, but you seemed to be fully aware when you were gang-banged at the bar.

    You can blame that shit on the cocaine, but that's an excuse. That was all you and you conveniently had cocaine to blame.

    Ideally, if you didn't want any of that to go down, you never would have let it go down. And i know people will say it all depends on the situation, you can't give proper consent when you're under the influence and all that bullshit. But here's the thing, you never said no. At any point. So it's not rape.

    You did the coke, you got gang-banged at the bar and probably with the promise of more coke, or hell for the promise of more attention, you went home with these guys.

    The important thing I'm reading in all of this is that you need help. You're getting out of a marriage. I don't know the history of your marriage but any marriage ending is sad and takes a toll on a person mentally and physically. So I think you should go to therapy. If for nothing else but to sort through your head right now. You don't have to be medicated. you don't have to talk about the gang-bangin' and coke blowout, but just talk to someone that could help you through the vulnerability, the low self-esteem, the need for validation. It can't hurt.

    And then maybe next time if you do coke, you'll think better of your situation.

    [–]dorilysaldaran 6ポイント7ポイント  (1子コメント)

    I think you were hurting emotionally, and decided to hurt yourself in a different way.

    Now you know how it feels afterwards..Now you can choose not to let it happen again.

    Sometimes we need to make mistakes to learn valuable lessons.

    Internet hug.

    [–]buttononmyback 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I think this is probably the best answer. There's been times where others have hurt me and I went and did a bunch of crazy, stupid things just so I could validate the hurt.

    [–]senorworldwide 8ポイント9ポイント  (9子コメント)

    pfft sounds like a fun weekend to me.

    [–]reagan2020 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Sounds like an average weekend for some people.

    [–]His_submissive_slut 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

    OP, you aren't a horrible person. Be nice to yourself and remember you are probably still coming down. Wrap an ice pack in a towel and place it on your bruises, get lots of water, take a nice Epsom salts bath, and get checked for sti's.

    Now, you are probably dealing with lots of emotions about your upcoming divorce as well as your weekend. All of those feelings are okay and valid. Maybe you should talk to a counsellor about them.

    If you want to talk or want a friend, feel free to pm me.

    [–]MyWittleSquishies 5ポイント6ポイント  (7子コメント)

    Hun, don't shame yourself! You'll never get over this! I know it seems incredibly stupid what you did, but it's not worth hating yourself - not as a whole. You're probably an amazing person. You just make a mistake. It happens. Drugs are bad in general. You're not in your right mind, and make risky, poor decisions when on them. Perhaps abstaining from drugs is a GREAT option. Then, you need to determine why they are so appealing to you in the first place. That's an issue for therapy. People don't just run out and get high. That's a separate problem. You also need to get checked for pregnancy, and also for disease. You'll be lucky to walk away from this with nothing. Let it stand as a lesson, but don't allow it take anything else. In time.... it will only be a bad memory. We all have them.

    [–]turdinabox 1ポイント2ポイント  (6子コメント)

    This was perfectly nice kind advice, cannot understand why this has been down voted.

    [–]Megaficial 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Because it is a judgemental post that is full of unwarranted assumptions. And the attitude throughout is very holier than thou.

    [–]WiWiWiWiWiWi 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

    Because SRS linked to the post, and they're not fans of rationale thought.

    [–]smell_my_thoughts 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

    Because reddit is full of sociopaths. Seriously, I think a good chunk of people on here don't have empathy

    [–]Keranu -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Nah it's just way too easy to not show it on here, I had more empathy on Facebook than I do this place

    [–]MyWittleSquishies 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    remember

    Me either! WTF....

    [–]Echo-01 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Sounds like you had a great weekend. Try not to dwell on it and just move on

    [–]IronMeltsinmyHands 1ポイント2ポイント  (2子コメント)

    Then I went home with them, did a shit load more blow, and let them use and abuse me all night.

    There's your consent right there. You might feel bad about it, you might want to rationalize it so that you come out the victim and you can hold a pity party with the world crying for you. But this is reality. You're an adult. You are allowed to regret it. But you are not allowed to call it rape, or say you were assaulted.

    Besides, you're getting divorced. the fact that you couldn't make your marriage work says so much about you and your inability to make tough decisions.

    [–]shameshameshame_[S] 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

    Wtf is wrong with you? I never said I was raped or that I'm a victim.

    [–]IronMeltsinmyHands 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Good. Now stop whining about it.

    [–]TotesMessenger 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

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    [–]khenziekaye -3ポイント-2ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I can understand how this happened. Getting out of your relationship, you needed a night of partying and those guys took advantage of that. I can also understand why you feel gross about it but you should understand that it wasn't your fault and what you can take away from this is a lesson. You need to not surround yourself with those kinds of people. You're better than that and temporary solitude is better than company with that crowd. I know this is tagged as tough love but to be honest, no one can really give you any since you didn't do anything wrong. Other than put yourself in a dangerous position, of course. But its going to be okay. Keep your chin up and find better friends.

    [–]paulpiercethetruth -4ポイント-3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I'm sorry, that is awful :( It sounds like they did not have your consent at all, I am so sorry they abused you like this. I don't want to put words into your mouth, but I would call that rape.

    [–][削除されました]  (1子コメント)

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