So, in other words...

"Hey, Banks."

"Hey, Greece, what's up?"

"What is ever up, my main man? I need some dough."

"Sounds good, my lean Hellene, how much?"

"Eh, just enough to get a nice meal for my public sector. I'd say... slightly more than my GDP?"

"Aw, man, your public sector's just the cutest. Your GDP will get bigger when your economy grows, right?"

"Yeah, of course. I mean, what, is there going to be an unprecedented economic crisis the likes of which hasn't been seen since the 1930s?"

"Haha, that's why I like you Greece, you're hilarious. Here's your dough. Don't blow it all on one sinecure!"

---

"What the fuck Greece, where's my money?"

"No, what the fuck Banks, where's MY money? Actually, where's EVERYBODY'S money?"

"Hey, fuck you Greece. Shit happens. I owe a lot of money to a lot of people. I don't pay them back, we might as well not HAVE money."

"What the fuck do you want from me Banks? My economy isn't producing. Its GDP hasn't been this small since it was a pup. I can't pay what I don't got."

"Well, then I guess I'll have to—"

"You'll have to WHAT, tough guy, you gonna—"

"Good morning Greece, good morning Banks."

"Oh, um hi, Mrs. Troika."

"Good morning Mrs. Troika."

"Now what's this I hear about you having a spat about money?"

"It's his fault!"

"No, it's his fault!"

"QUIET! I will hear you one at a time. Greece, do you owe Banks money?"

"Yes Mrs. Troika."

"Banks, did you lend that same money to your friends? And more importantly, all my friends?"

"Yes Mrs. Troika. Sorry Mrs. Troika."

sigh "Now this is very serious, Banks. Very irresponsible. I'm very disappointed, and I want you to promise it won't happen again."

"I promise Mrs. Troika."

"Now Greece, I'm going to give you the money to pay back Banks. But you're going to have to be very careful with it. Very austere. You must only use that money to pay back Banks."

"But Mrs. Troika, I also need money to fix my economy! It's not well"

"And why, Greece, is your economy unwell in the first place?"

"It's Banks' fault!"

"And..."

"Because I overfed the public sector."

"Yes. Now I don't see why I should give you more money when you've already shown you can't use it responsibly. Pay back Banks, and I'm sure your economy will be right as rain in the morning! Right as rain!"

"But it's not fair! Why doesn't Banks get in trouble?"

"Oh, look at the time, I'm late for yoga. You kids play nice now!"

---

"Mrs. Troika?"

"Yes, Greece?"

"My economy isn't getting better. I think it's sick."

"Greece, have you been overfeeding its public sector again?"

"I haven't! I promise I haven't!"

"Hmm, well let me take a look at OH MY WORD! Its tax system has completely collapsed! It's got corruption ALL THROUGH its public sector! Greece, when you enrolled in the Eurozone you said your economy was HEALTHY!"

"I had to! If I didn't say that, you wouldn't have let me enroll!"

"Greece, did you lie to me?"

"Um, maybe, a little? But what about my economy? Can't you—"

"Greece, get out of my office, go to your room, and think about what you've done! And do so AUSTERELY!"

"Yes, Mrs. Troika."

---

"Good morning, Italy."

"Good morning, Mrrrs. Trrroika."

"Good morning, Spain."

"Good morning Mithuth Troika."

sigh "Good morning Greece."

"Mrs. Troika, austerity isn't working for me! I need you to—"

"Quiet! Now Italy, have you been austere, and is your economy any better?"

"Yes, Mrrs. Trroika. A little imprrrovement."

"Spain?"

"Yeth, Mithuth Troika. No improvement, but it'th not any worsthe."

"Greece?"

"I've been austere just like you said, but it's MUCH WORSE! Now it's got civil unrest, and sagging foreign investment, and youth unemployment! I think I need to stop austerity! I'm not like the other kids!"

"Mithuth Troika, can I stop austerity too? My economy has youth unemployment real bad."

"Mrrs. Trroika, me too? Mine has... um southerrnerrs, I think? And corruption at the highest levels?"

"QUIET! ALL of you. Austerity is perfectly good for all of you, and I will hear NO COMPLAINTS! Spain, go to your room and reform your banking system. Italy, you should know better than to talk about corruption in front of Greece. Go to your room and write me two pages on Entrenched Cronyism. Greece, see me in my office. Everyone else, DISMISSED!"

---

"Greece, I'm very disappointed in you. Why don't you listen when—"

"No, why don't YOU listen Mrs. Troika! You KNOW my economy isn't like the other kids'! You KNOW it's special! You KNOW austerity isn't working! Why won't you loan me more money so I can make it better?"

"Greece, if you had shown you could handle the money responsib—"

"Don't bother, I KNOW why! It's because of GERMANY! It's because Germany's economy is so energetic, and Germany is always talking about austerity, and you don't have any opinions of your own it's all GERMANY GERMANY GERMANY. Well if you love Germany so much, maybe you should marry—"

"GREECE HELLENIC REPUBLIC. I will NOT tolerate that kind of—"

"You know what, maybe I shouldn't be in the Eurozone at all! Things were better when I was on my own, and if my economy got sick, I could inject Drachma whenever I needed!"

"Now Greece, you don't mean that. And besides, those days are over! You can't go back to giving your economy Drachma now. Why, you don't even have any Drachma anymore. You'd have to give it something shoddy that you threw together. Ha! Why, it would be worse than giving it Lira!"

gasp "Mrs. Troika did you just say the L word?"

"Uh, now, Greece, in a historical context it's perfectly acceptable to—"

"TROIKA SAID LIRA, TROIKA SAID LIRA!"

"Whåt, did yöu say ä teacher såid the L wörd?"

"I, uh, ohmy Sweden, I thought you weren't visiting until next week?"

"Whåt is this äbout the L wörd? And why does thåt student's econömy have youth unemployment? What kind öf place is this? I cän't enroll here."

"TROIKA SAID LIRA, TROIKA SAID LIRA!"

"Greece, go to your room!"

"NO! I don't have to do anything you say! I'm dropping out of the Eurozone, and I'll make new Drachma, and inject them until my economy feels better again! Then its tourist sector will get healthy, and it'll grow bigger and stronger than all your economies! Even yours! Especially yours, Germany!"

whimper sputter cough

"I know it's hard, now, economy, but you'll see, we'll do better on our own! We'll do way better."

"Greece, this is your last chance..."

"Fuck you Mrs. Troika, fuck all the rest of you! ESPECIALLY YOU, GERMANY!"

slam

"You know, Mrs. Troika, this never happens where I'm from."

"Shut up, China."