上位 200 件のコメント表示する 500

[–]thinks_u_arent_done 955ポイント956ポイント  (34子コメント)

Stevie "Touches Kids'" Johnson

[–]Muppetude 384ポイント385ポイント  (19子コメント)

Sincerely,

Uncle Touchy, from his naked puzzle basement.

[–]___WE-ARE-GROOT___ 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

Signed Dean "Motherfucker" Jones.

[–]Doctor_Banjo 768ポイント769ポイント  (159子コメント)

The new "get off my lawn" old man.

[–]Danger-Tits 457ポイント458ポイント  (131子コメント)

Once you start paying and owning things, kids are your worst enemy.

[–]kevinhaze 311ポイント312ポイント  (84子コメント)

Especially when they're yours.

[–]peschelnet 241ポイント242ポイント  (56子コメント)

I have 3 young sons. I tell people who want to have kids to go home look at all of their stuff and then break half of it and try not to be angry. If you can do that you'll probably be okay to have kids.

[–]calebcom84 72ポイント73ポイント  (36子コメント)

My tv is surrently covered in crayon from my 2 year old, who was very proud of her art.

[–]Mortimer1234 31ポイント32ポイント  (4子コメント)

Weeelllll....? Is it a good drawing?

[–]KILLSBITCHES 39ポイント40ポイント  (0子コメント)

Of course it is. If I remember childhood correctly, the TV canvass is only reserved for masterpieces.

[–]MagmaiKH 19ポイント20ポイント  (3子コメント)

The first time my daughter wrote her name, she carved into the door panel of my new car with a rock.

[–]Midwester 13ポイント14ポイント  (1子コメント)

When my twins were little, the tv was a growth chart by how far up the finger prints went on the screen.

[–]madogvelkor 28ポイント29ポイント  (1子コメント)

Give a kid a coloring book and some crayons, and he will give you a colored table/floor/wall.

[–]Lynoctis 15ポイント16ポイント  (0子コメント)

Give them markers and you might as well burn the house down and start over.

[–]everyZig 7ポイント8ポイント  (2子コメント)

Dont forget about setting a 3 am alarm for a week first

[–]brx017 18ポイント19ポイント  (1子コメント)

more like a repeating alarm for every 87 minutes

[–]The_Martian_King 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

more like a repeating alarm for every 87 minutes

You got 87 minutes? Kids must be more generous these days.

[–]PIG20 105ポイント106ポイント  (21子コメント)

Yeah, my front yard seems to be the meeting point for the kids in the neighborhood (along with my own kids). Plus I have the only flat driveway with a basketball rim as well.

I want to replace my garage door but after I hear the basketball constantly slamming off the old one that I have, I'm just going to wait it out.

I also fished two wiffle balls off my roof last weekend.

It is what it is though. I personally don't give a fuck. One day the kids will be older and it will all stop.

I'm just enjoying the time seeing my kids and their friends having a good time.

[–]nlaprise 11ポイント12ポイント  (8子コメント)

Good man, we're kindred spirits

[–]PIG20 20ポイント21ポイント  (7子コメント)

My only "off limits" area is my basement. I used to let them down there every once in a while because I have a drum set down there and I used to let my kids and their friends play it.

But once I saw a friend of theirs playing my bass guitar and hitting the neck of it on the brick fireplace, I've cordoned off the the basement for the time being.

He wasn't purposely doing it. He just wasn't big enough to hold it and wasn't realizing that he was hitting it against the brick.

Plus they started throwing balls around and started playing with the liquor bottles behind the bar.

But they have full run of anywhere else so I think that's a fair trade off.

[–]nlaprise 11ポイント12ポイント  (6子コメント)

That's the point, you set limits and you enforce them. I don't hesitate to tell my neighbor's kid to stop when they're doing something idiotic,. Never had to resort to some convoluted master plan, I simply use the ancestral technique of talking to them.....

[–]PIG20 12ポイント13ポイント  (5子コメント)

Yeah, we're pretty close with our neighbors and a lot of that has to do with the fact that the kids are all around the same age. None of us have any problem whatsoever if we end up policing each others kids because we catch them doing something they shouldn't.

You know what they say. "It takes a village to raise a child".

[–]nlaprise 11ポイント12ポイント  (4子コメント)

I really started to get the saying when my oldest started school. You realize that your sweet little angel can be a manipulative bastard and it's quite a shock. If you don't start to listen to the school staff and try to cooperate with them discipline-wise, it can get ugly pretty quick (relatively speaking)

[–]PIG20 6ポイント7ポイント  (3子コメント)

My wife is a teacher so I have a leg up in the academic department. But I totally understand the manipulative part. My son is only 6 and he knows how to work the angles. He's what I consider the "payback" child for the shit I did to my parents.

My daughter is 9 and is way more like my wife. I'm just dreading the teen years as I can already see some of that attitude starting to pop up from time to time.

[–]elzeardbouffier 62ポイント63ポイント  (0子コメント)

Damn you and your cynicism...wait, you enjoy letting kids be kids and respond to their playfulness like a reasonable parent?...SEIZE HIM! SEIZE HIM! I'VE FOUND THE OUTSIDER! TO THE SALT MINES HE GOES!

[–]GreenStrong 18ポイント19ポイント  (0子コメント)

"Hey, you kids, get off my lawn!"

Dad, we live here.

Shit!

[–]The-Rev 38ポイント39ポイント  (34子コメント)

What's worse is an hoa that charges you for having dead spots in the lawn.

[–]SuperVillainPresiden 45ポイント46ポイント  (31子コメント)

Can't stand HOA's. Other than keeping the public areas mowed I've never seen one do anything with the money paid. I get the point of an HOA, but that is a security over freedom issue and I'd rather personally tell my neighbor, Hey time to mow your lawn instead of putting a lean on his house until he does.

[–]the_silkworm 30ポイント31ポイント  (15子コメント)

So that's how lien is pronounced I guess... English is weird.

[–]AugustusM 16ポイント17ポイント  (1子コメント)

Funny story with that word. There was an old case (like pre-acts of union) in the Court of Session (Scotland's civil court of appeal) in which the Lords Ordinary were hearing a case about a bunch of cattle that broke free and caused a lot of property damage. One of their Lordships had fallen asleep during the proceedings. Anyway, the case adjourned and the next case called before them. The Advocate for the reclaimer started by saying "My Lords this case involves a lien over property..."

At that point the sleeping Lord woke up and exclaimed, thinking he was still in the previous case. "Surely if there was a lion involved then it should have been in a cage?" One of the other Lords correct him saying "It was a lien not a lion."

Sleeping Lord: "Ah, I see, I'd always pronounced that <something, the transcripts don't help with pronunciation."

1st lord: "No its lien, it's French"

2nd lord: "Oh I thought it was Latin."

1st lord: "Why would you think that?"

2nd Lord "Well it has always been written in italics."

tl;dr It's French.

[–]SuperVillainPresiden 8ポイント9ポイント  (12子コメント)

English is weird. I've always heard it's the third hardest language to learn.

[–]daddy-dj 14ポイント15ポイント  (5子コメント)

I think it's one of the easiest to learn but most difficult to master... By that I mean grammatically it's a simple language to pick up, but the number of exceptions to rules we have make it hard to become truly proficient at for non-native speakers.

[–]the_silkworm 9ポイント10ポイント  (2子コメント)

Honestly, it wasn't that hard to me, but you run into stuff like this even after many years of proficiency, and you just go "wat... y... English pls stop..."

[–]Grooviemann1 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

I'm not sure about your proficiency after that last sentence ;)

[–]the_silkworm 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

Me fail English!? That's unpossible!

[–]20rakah 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

Depends on your 1st language

[–]thenichi 17ポイント18ポイント  (1子コメント)

They're also good for quickly identifying the biggest cunt(s) in the neighborhood.

President of an HOA? A cunt. I guarantee it.

[–]writinginger 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

Eh, I'm actually OK with mine: they're pretty reasonable...

(Except that the bylaws specifically prohibit farm animals... If I had some goats, though, the grass would always be cut! Sounds like a win-win to me...)

[–]hoosierstateofmind 10ポイント11ポイント  (0子コメント)

Depends what they're doing on said property. But, yes.

[–]CosmicVibrations 20ポイント21ポイント  (13子コメント)

Except people had the balls to say something back then, as opposed to trying to scare people saying there is a sex offender in the area.

[–]jodobrowo 15ポイント16ポイント  (9子コメント)

Though I'd say this is arguably more effective. How likely do you think it would be that the parents would just tell OP to fuck off? I'd say pretty likely.

[–]j0be 1635ポイント1636ポイント  (53子コメント)

Minor Mistake Melvin

  • SENDS A FAKE LETTER CLAIMING TO BE A SEXUAL OFFENDER IN ORDER TO GET NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS TO STOP PLAYING OUTSIDE UNSUPERVISED

  • ACCIDENTALLY USED REAL RETURN ADDRESS

These captions are stealing /u/Cationbot's job.

[–]Suppafly 49ポイント50ポイント  (0子コメント)

These captions are stealing /u/Cationbot's job.

At least you're honest about it.

[–]ornothumper 18ポイント19ポイント  (0子コメント)

  • GETS PUT ON SEX OFFENDER LIST AS CITY THINKS THEY LOST A RECORD IN THEIR SEX OFFENDER DATABASE

[–]breakone9r 74ポイント75ポイント  (14子コメント)

I think you meant Dead Melvin. at least around here.

[–]AndySocial88 136ポイント137ポイント  (12子コメント)

Hey, wait a minute. You're not /u/Cationbot. You terk hiz jerb!! Terk hiz jeerrb!

[–]j0be 78ポイント79ポイント  (7子コメント)

It's an ongoing labor union dispute.

[–]hawaiikawika 12ポイント13ポイント  (4子コメント)

It's not a fair labor dispute when you are also the moderator in the dispute. We know what you really do here at /r/adviceanimals

P.S. I thought yours was more clever than most of the ones I have read from /u/CationBot

[–]j0be 57ポイント58ポイント  (3子コメント)

Superbad Jonah Hill

  • I LIKE TO COMMENT IN THE SUBREDDITS I MODERATE

  • FUCK ME, RIGHT?

These captions are stealing /u/Cationbot's job.

[–]wellyesofcourse 21ポイント22ポイント  (2子コメント)

well /u/Cationbot posts cations and you're posting captions...

it looks like he still has a niche market.

[–]dalr3th1n 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

Not content to denigrate /r/botsrights, now you're taking their jobs too? Terrible.

[–]Edrondol 499ポイント500ポイント  (115子コメント)

Am I the only one that doesn't give a shit when kids play in my yard? As long as they aren't destroying anything, they're fine.

I have a fairly large front yard and most of the yards in the neighborhood are either small or fenced in. So when the kids play soccer or whatever on my front lawn I just wave and go on my merry way. The Hispanic kids next door have kicked their ball onto the porch a few times and they have always looked scared to get it back. They know it's fine now and have always been respectful, so it's cool.

Now the little shirtless destructive redneck moron kids from across the street? Play in your own yard, you disrespectful little trolls.

[–]_Z_E_R_O 96ポイント97ポイント  (8子コメント)

Speak for yourself. There were some kids in my neighborhood growing up who would wait for my family to leave the house so they could bounce on our trampoline - we'd told them not to do that a dozen times because they were stupid and reckless and it was only a matter of time before one of them hurt themselves. They even tried to get into the house one day and messed with the windows and doors. They didn't do any damage, but my mom thought someone more serious had tried to break in. No one in the neighborhood could leave anything valuable outside because those kids would fuck with it. Their parents didn't give a flying fuck and were too preoccupied and dysfunctional to parent. It really soured my view of letting kids play in the yard even with permission because these kids abused the privilege.

I completely get where OP is coming from. I would probably have the same attitude as you, but all it takes is one person abusing the privilege to get it revoked everyone. Fuck little brats who don't respect other people's property.

[–]gogogadgetpants_ 26ポイント27ポイント  (2子コメント)

Right? I like kids, but my redneck neighbor kids are horrible. I find them hitting my dog with sticks, feeding her weird stuff, ripping up vegetables in my garden for play, leaving strange things on my porch, drawing graffiti on my car and one time even sneaking inside my house when I wasn't home ...leaving doors open and doing god knows what else. The really cruel part of me hopes they DO knock over one of my bee hives and get stung, because then maybe they'd be afraid to come back... but with my luck they'd be allergic to them, and I don't wish for them to die or get sick. Just hurt enough to remember my yard as not fun.

Thankfully I'm moving soon. The new house has good fence, and we all know what kind of neighbors good fences make!

[–]geodebug 235ポイント236ポイント  (61子コメント)

Just make sure you have umbrella insurance for when one of those kids gets hurt on your property. This is America after all.

[–]Gir77 128ポイント129ポイント  (52子コメント)

When i found out that you can get sued if someone breaks into your back yard and drowns blew my mind. I forget what they called it but i was in school talking to an insurance broker for class and he told us. I argued for quite a while that it didnt make sense but he pretty much summed it up like you did. This is America, we sue people for no real reason other that to get rich.

[–]calebcom84 88ポイント89ポイント  (21子コメント)

You can be used for anything, literally. Whether they can win the suit depends entirely on what state you're in. In Utah where I live for example, any suit for injuries suffered during the commission of a crime are auto thrown out.

[–]demalo 18ポイント19ポイント  (5子コメント)

Jokes on them, I'm poor!

[–]bpyazel 15ポイント16ポイント  (2子コメント)

But your insurance company isn't.

[–]Username_IV 32ポイント33ポイント  (0子コメント)

Joke on them, I don't have insurance!

[–]demalo 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

What insurance company?

[–]sarcasm_included 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

Kids shouldn't be playing with umbrellas in the first place.

[–]maria340 8ポイント9ポイント  (2子コメント)

I come from a nice, upper middle class, mostly white neighborhood. We have a private beach for members of the neighborhood. We had a lawsuit because a lady tripped down the stairs at the beach and broke her ankle. She didn't say a thing at the time it happened, so nobody even knew about it. But her husband is a lawyer, so somebody had to get sued. People don't let other kids play on their property because of this shit. One of those little shitheads will do something dumb and get hurt, and you'll be the one to pay for it.

[–]Chemistreee 27ポイント28ポイント  (13子コメント)

I used to be like you, I thought whats the harm in letting the neighbour kids play on my lawn?

Now I have a fucking desire path (shout out to /r/desirepath) running through the middle of my lawn, and all that landscaping we paid for is worth shit. The worst part is that once kids learn its ok to play on your lawn they won't stop, no matter what you do or say to their parents.

EDIT: I forgot to mention the lovely pieces of trash and random balls they leave scattered across our lawn. The parents don't see a problem with their children's behaviour.

[–]wtf_kittycat 12ポイント13ポイント  (9子コメント)

Desire path. So that's what they're called!! I have one too! Damn kids bike ride through my fucking yard. Assholes. I'm not ok with that. Bike on the damn road.

[–]Chemistreee 3ポイント4ポイント  (7子コメント)

They are the worst. We lay down sheets of grass every year to replace the damage our neighbours kids do, but it's all in vain because those little spawns of satan just get back to work on creating a new one.

[–]OmwToGallifrey 5ポイント6ポイント  (5子コメント)

If others want to allow kids on their land that's fine but I don't think it's wrong to not want people on your land without your permission.

I value my privacy and don't want people on my property. My entire property is surrounded by a living fence.

edit: it's a bamboo hedge contained with a rhizome barrier. that stuff grows so thick you can't see through it, let alone get through it.

[–]Edrondol 5ポイント6ポイント  (3子コメント)

living fence

I had to Google this. I pictured some sort of magical thing that would reach out & grab the kids who strayed too close.

[–]Nexant 17ポイント18ポイント  (0子コメント)

My problem is they never not destroy our gardens and pummel our cars with balls for half a block around because they can't catch for shit.

[–]kmj442 56ポイント57ポイント  (14子コメント)

The kids next door to me have absolutely NO social etiquette, which is entirely their TERRIBLE parents fault. When we were moving in, they walked into our house as we were carrying furniture and kept talking to us like we were friends...I was getting in my car the other day to leave and the kid (completely unsupervised) walked up to my car and put his mouth on my windows and started screaming through the window asking where I was going...they throw sticks into my backyard at my dogs when they are out playing (without us - its fenced in)...I've asked them numerous times about the throwing things into our yard yet the still do it...and their worthless parents - who are high (not weed, other substances) or drunk or gone wont help...I hate my fucking neighbors.

[–]Gastronomicus 48ポイント49ポイント  (1子コメント)

If the parents are seriously strung out you may want to make a call to children's services. It sounds like you'd be doing the kids a favour.

[–]SonOfTheNorthe 20ポイント21ポイント  (0子コメント)

I was adopted, can confirm.

[–]flyingwolf 17ポイント18ポイント  (6子コメント)

I am moving 2300 blessed miles away from my shitty neighbors this week.

It is glorious. I have a whole YouTube playlist of them being assholes.

[–]username112358 14ポイント15ポイント  (0子コメント)

Report the parents to child protective services. Parents aren't allowed to be high on all sorts of drugs with little kids around.

[–]Electroverted 23ポイント24ポイント  (7子コメント)

This is pretty much why my relatives filled in their pool when their kids moved out of the house. They wanted to prevent coming home one day to drowned neighbor kids on their property.

[–]Vzlashiryu 19ポイント20ポイント  (6子コメント)

So sad the kids ruined the pool for the actual owners of the property.

[–]KDobias 279ポイント280ポイント  (50子コメント)

Sort of shitty. I remember being a kid and ran all over my neighborhood. Really a shame, it was great to have that much freedom as a kid.

[–]fadaw 58ポイント59ポイント  (6子コメント)

I grew up on a street that somehow had 25 kids collectively living on it. They ran around in a heard and sounded like they were being murdered half the time, and my brother would parade them through the house where they'd raid our kitchen. They were beyond annoying but you could tell they were having the time of their lives.

[–]Gastronomicus 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

Same, but we were respectful enough not to be on other people's properties unless they belonged to families with other kids that we were playing with. And if we weren't, our parents would make it clear how that was wrong. Ironically, it seems like the people most obsessed with their children's safety are the ones least likely to take responsiblity for their children's actions.

[–]Vzlashiryu 29ポイント30ポイント  (2子コメント)

Read some of the comments and beg to differ from most. You have every right to get trespassers off your property, regardless of their ages, especially since in some jurisdictions YOU are liable if they get hurt in your turf.

Chances are that if the parents weren't diligent enough to teach the kids to respect other's property, they were a) going to be offended you asked them to stay away (like most of the commenters), and b) not give a flying fuck about restraining their offspring because they are special snowflakes who NEED to play a outside or be traumatized for life (/sarcasm).

Lastly, it is the parents' responsibility to procure safe play environments for their kids, not impose on others and blame them for refusing. If you're gonna be an asshole either way, at least be a creative one.

I applaud your action, OP.

[–]delusionsoftrandeur[S] 19ポイント20ポイント  (1子コメント)

Exactly. In fact, when I told a mum (I left it out for brevity but there's actually at least two families of children that play together, I don't know where this one lives but it's not my street) her response was to tell me off for leaving cigarette butts outside my own front door where her kids could step in them...

[–]bloodzombie 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

Cover your whole yard in cigarette butts and bob's your uncle.

[–]Igotbutterfingers 29ポイント30ポイント  (1子コメント)

I see a lot of complaining about the supervision. Whether it's too much or too little. Here's the thing, if a kid is raised right they wouldn't need it. Me and my friends were raised to be cautious of strangers and also raised not to act like little twats running around other people's property and damaging stuff that wasn't ours. We would sometimes test the boundaries but if a neighbor asked us not to be on their lawn we stopped going on it. Not once from the age of 7 did any one have to supervise me or my friends. I won't deny the fact some places are very dangerous and kids should have supervision but most places don't.

[–]daddaman1 122ポイント123ポイント  (61子コメント)

To make sure you never have to deal with it again you should have thrown in that you noticed their kids running around and say "especially the one with (insert some description of one of the kids)"

I guarantee you that you'd never see them again!

[–]185139 261ポイント262ポイント  (59子コメント)

That's a good way to get the police involved

[–]Gothika_47 47ポイント48ポイント  (55子コメント)

And what would the police do exactly?

[–]Rabbidrabbit08 85ポイント86ポイント  (42子コメント)

Well I'm not a lawyer but I think sending a family a letter in which you claim to be a child sex offender in order to scare the family is probably SOME kind of illegal.

[–]Marswhalbaconattor 52ポイント53ポイント  (27子コメント)

I'm not a lawyer, but pretending to be a criminal is not a crime. I think!

Source: definitely not a lawyer. I think.

[–]piccini9 21ポイント22ポイント  (11子コメント)

I am a lawyer and pretending to be a lawyer is not illegal.

[–]smithsp86 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

You'd be surprised what falls under the heading of 'making terrorist threats.' Even if the charges don't stick you still end up in court.

[–]DouchebagSloth 13ポイント14ポイント  (0子コメント)

Have you ever though of pursuing a career to become a lawyer? You gave some really solid advice right there.

[–]Selpai 31ポイント32ポイント  (7子コメント)

Because that can't backfire in any way...

[–]running-shorts 266ポイント267ポイント  (26子コメント)

Fucking brilliant.

[–]AmplifiedHorsemen 192ポイント193ポイント  (17子コメント)

exactly. either they stop showing up your you get to diddle some kids. win win, right?

[–]hoorayb33r 257ポイント258ポイント  (40子コメント)

Wow, you totally turned that families ideals upside down. Sure, they shouldn't be on your lawn. But, very rare do we have parents these days allowing kids to have independence and not be helicopter parents.

All you had to do was talk to the neighbors as an adult. They most likely would have honored your wishes.

You created more cradled helicopter parents. For that I shake my head in shame.

[–]animuseternal 947ポイント948ポイント  (437子コメント)

Kids should be allowed to play outside unsupervised.

[–]aaa801 372ポイント373ポイント  (176子コメント)

I think the issue is more so the other peoples property bit

[–]iamfrankfrank 10ポイント11ポイント  (3子コメント)

I'm thinking this is correct. If someone gets injured on your property, YOU are liable whether they have your permission to be there or not. I'm guessing if it weren't for that bit, the OP wouldn't care.

[–]Jim_Nills_Mustache 10ポイント11ポイント  (2子コメント)

Exactly, kids get hurt, and we live in an over litigious country (the U.S. At least). It's ridiculous how easily you can get sued because some dumb kid fell and broke his arm playing tag on your lawn.

[–]Bruce_Wayne_AMA 252ポイント253ポイント  (155子コメント)

Then stop hiding in your house and go out and say something to the parents. Why the fuck would you send a letter claiming to be a sex offender when you could easily just go knock on the neighbors door and ask them to keep their kids off your shit?

[–]insomniaczombiex 295ポイント296ポイント  (75子コメント)

There are a lot of parents out there that use the "kids will be kids" excuse and not discipline their kids. It's not that easy because some parents just don't give a shit.

[–]estranho 57ポイント58ポイント  (9子コメント)

Yeah... I tried that this past weekend when the neighborhood kids were playing basketball in the street at 12:30 AM. I asked them to stop bouncing the ball, and went back inside, then I heard 4 balls bouncing. I went back out and the drunk father was out there bouncing the balls. I asked him to stop and he gets in my face, screaming, telling me to go fuck myself.

Unfortunately, most people aren't reasonable, especially when it comes to their kids.

[–]elljaysa 11ポイント12ポイント  (1子コメント)

There are a lot of parents out there that use the "kids will be kids"

Indeed, there's a load in this thread coming out with this shit.

[–]insomniaczombiex 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's the biggest load of crap. When people say that to me as an excuse for their or another child's behavior I have a response.

"You're right, kids will be kids, which is why it's a parent's responsibility to teach them."

[–]calebcom84 20ポイント21ポイント  (3子コメント)

These are my neighbors, their kids come steal my kids stuff constantly, the mother is too busy being a hooker to watch her 6 kids by 6 different daddies to bother watching her kids at all. The oldest (looks about 10-11) is left being mother to the other 5 younger siblings.

[–]GooglesYourShit 20ポイント21ポイント  (4子コメント)

They say "kids will be kids", you say "I can call the cops and have them removed from my property if I need to, so you pick the best option for you."

Ta-daaa! They may hate you as a neighbor though. Actually, probably best to email them, so you documentation of the conversation.

[–]flimsy_evidence 73ポイント74ポイント  (9子コメント)

Why the fuck would you send a letter claiming to be a sex offender when you could easily just go knock on the neighbors door and ask them to keep their kids off your shit?

Because stupid, shitty people (and there are lots of stupid, shitty people) are liable to take stuff like that as an aggressive challenge rather than as a friendly and reasonable request. Instead of perhaps agreeing that their kids shouldn't be on your lawn and fucking up your things, they might instead decide that you are sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong (how they raise their kids), that you should leave their kids alone (as if you had bothered them), and that you need a good ass-kicking. If you talk to the wife, she complains to the husband and he decides you are bothering his dear wife, who now must be avenged. So now you have the stupid, shitty kids and their stupid, shitty parents to worry about. Right next door. Forever. And the kids only get bigger and shittier as the years go by, and you're the neighbor they don't like.

Not that I quite believe the sex offender story ever happened, but I can see the appeal of such a tactic. Frighten the idiots into changing without risking your own neck.

[–]toolatealreadyfapped 11ポイント12ポイント  (1子コメント)

You're quite correct. Neighbors can be terrifying, because you never know just how unstable or irrational they might be, especially when certain common decencies have already been competent disregarded.

In the house next to me, there's a few teens/very young adults. They sit on their porch smoking all the time, and flick their butts over the fence into my bank yard. Like, WTF, who does that? At first, I quietly would clean it up and hope it would stop. It got worse. I made attempts to talk, but they refused to answer the door, despite it being obvious that everyone was home. I wrote a letter, being as extremely polite as I could be. This whole time, I am genuinely scared of the response. Not because I am socially inept or nonconfrontational, but because they have already displayed that they are rude, and rules of social interaction don't apply to them. So what's going to stop them from deciding I've insulted their honor and it's time to go to war? Key my car or slash my tires in the driveway at night? Salt my yard? Smash windows? Graffiti the walls? Rip up the flower bed? Or worse, harass my wife while I was working out of town.

What finally broke it was that I'd just throw all of the butts right back over the fence. Y'all can clean it's you go, or litter your own damn yard. Still took months of that before it sunk in. I held my breath every time, waiting for repercussions.

[–]LasciviousSycophant 25ポイント26ポイント  (1子コメント)

you could easily just go knock on the neighbors door and ask them to keep their kids off your shit?

In my experience, the sort of parents who are not inclined to prevent their kids from messing with others' shit are not the sort who respond well to a polite request for them to prevent their kids from messing with others' shit.

[–]flee_market 46ポイント47ポイント  (15子コメント)

Because sending a letter is more effective and doesn't set you up for retaliation like letting the air out of your tires/etc.

Trashy people can't be negotiated with. They're trashy.

[–]RigorMortia 9ポイント10ポイント  (0子コメント)

Exactly. Finally, someone gets it.

[–]AnorexicManatee 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

I used to live in a row home (read: shared walls). One night the guy threw his gf against the wall so forcefully that it woke me up. I heard her screaming so I called the police and reported it. When I woke up the next morning my tires were slashed. So yea. Trashy. And violent.

[–]KinkyBurrito 52ポイント53ポイント  (10子コメント)

If you took 5 seconds to actually read what OP is saying, you'd realise he's already tried talking to them along with the rest of his neighbourhood AND he sent it saying there was A sex offender, in other words anonymously.

[–]pinto1633 999ポイント1000ポイント  (227子コメント)

In other people's properties (which was stated on the meme)?

[–]Shaxinater 41ポイント42ポイント  (2子コメント)

Yep, my burn out neighbors kids play on our lawn all the time. In fact they broke our window and their parents refused to take the blame as kids will be kids. Don't forget when their kid ran into my car with their bike and did $2k worth of damage. Think they took responsibility for that one? Nope. A police report and insurance claim later I am finally getting it fixed. Shitty parents can make for shitty kids, I shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to protect my property from damage so some kids can have fun.

[–]ImmortalMetroid 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Kids will be kids, ya know! HAR HAR HAR I AM A TERRIBLE PARENT.

[–]Newcliche 272ポイント273ポイント  (78子コメント)

When I was a kid, my dad would CONSTANTLY look out the family room window (where the TV was, so he wasn't just waiting for it to happen) and tell kids to get off of his property. It was embarrassing.

I'm a homeowner now and have vowed to not do the same thing. That's my choice as an individual homeowner.

When I have kids, though, they will be told to NOT go on someone's property without permission. I don't want them playing with other kids' toys or messing with other people's stuff without permission, so why let them on another person's property just because it's made to be walked on?

Kids will be kids. My kids just won't be on your lawn without permission because parenting.

[–]alphasquid 45ポイント46ポイント  (11子コメント)

When I was a child, this neighbor kid went into our backyard to play on our jungle gym/slide or whatever and broke his arm while no one was home. We gave him no permission to be there. My parents were sued and found liable for his medical bills.

This was in California.

[–]worldDev 324ポイント325ポイント  (42子コメント)

Just so you know, if those kids get hurt on your property, you will be liable. Most cases you are probably fine, but if you have a pool, trampoline, swing set, or garden of knives, it would be a good idea to at least know what kind of parents the kids on your property have.

[–]showard01 249ポイント250ポイント  (5子コメント)

garden of knives

I told my wife that was a bad idea

[–]fareven 108ポイント109ポイント  (14子コメント)

it would be a good idea to at least know what kind of parents the kids on your property have.

The parents you say "Hello" to on your street won't be the same kind of person if their kid is in the hospital and they're looking for someone to help pay the tens of thousands in medical bills.

[–]jasondickson 14ポイント15ポイント  (0子コメント)

19 seasons of Judge Judy confirms this.

[–]super_jambo 12ポイント13ポイント  (2子コメント)

tens of thousands in medical bills.

Ah The Great America Nightmare.

[–]GetMeOffReddit 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

One of the major downsides of this pretty decent country.

[–]black_fire 35ポイント36ポイント  (3子コメント)

Garden of Knives could be a pretty cool band name

[–]Indiggy57 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

Do you have any knife gardening tips? Like how do I get that nice, tetanus-y, patina of rust while still keeping the blades razor sharp?

[–]Fuck_the_admins 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

A light sanding may help to remove some of the passivation layer, allowing better oxidation. After that, be sure to mist them with salt water every night.

[–]fuckatt 17ポイント18ポイント  (5子コメント)

What happens when one of those little twats breaks a leg on your property and you get sued?

[–]Kalthios 32ポイント33ポイント  (24子コメント)

There was a long tradition in the USA of allowing the public to use private land, obviously in a non-destructive way. It is only recently that people have become such isolationists. I allow children and dogs to play in my yard. If I had woodland I'd allow hikers and hunters as well.

[–]impreziv__ 34ポイント35ポイント  (13子コメント)

Why does everyone keep assuming this person is from the U.S.? We don't usually spell neighbor with a "u". I'd say, based on that, this person is likely from some other English speaking country.

[–]HotTyre 16ポイント17ポイント  (6子コメント)

Because this sex offender obligation to manifest themselves seem to be very American, haven't heard of it in another country.

[–]soulstonedomg 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

But not on my property.

[–]bobsp 14ポイント15ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yes, but they shouldn't be on anyone's property but their own.

[–]_____FRESH_____ 18ポイント19ポイント  (0子コメント)

I completely agree, but not in my yard or on my property. They can go wherever they want.

[–]hollander93 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

Not if it's on my property. I sure as shit aint letting kids ruin my yard that I pay for. The "kids will be kids" doesn't pay to have windows fixed, the chances of getting sued if one of those little bastards gets hurt or my damaged property replaced. And let's not forget the screaming. Oh god the screaming. Keep your kids quiet and away from my property and i wont even care what happens to them.

[–]n3gr0_am1g0 21ポイント22ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm pretty sure this is insanity wolf.

[–]d_smogh 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Evil but genius. I just hope it is not traced to you.

[–]LasagnaPawner 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

the only thing reddit hates more than helicopter parents? unsupervised children.

[–]SirChumpton 72ポイント73ポイント  (27子コメント)

Kill two birds with one stone and address the letter from that guy's address, you know, the one who plays his music just a little too loud and always mows his lawn at 5am (or whatever he does to piss you off). You'll start a blood feud between said neighbour and that guy. Then just relax and watch the fireworks from a chair on your oik-free front lawn.

[–]delusionsoftrandeur[S] 59ポイント60ポイント  (19子コメント)

Ah, I do have a that guy, but he's literally next door, so it would have been pushing my luck with regards to remaining incognito.

[–]Joshatcart 142ポイント143ポイント  (7子コメント)

Not to mention it would be incredibly fucked up to portray an "annoying" neighbor as a sex offender.

[–]Vik1ng 51ポイント52ポイント  (5子コメント)

Nah that's fine on Reddit, especially if he lives in Boston. I just hope he isn't fat because that would go too far.

[–]spanxxxy 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

It takes a lot of noise to penetrate my entire house, the distance to the neighbor's house, and then penetrate my neighbor's entire house. That's pretty fucked up to be such an inconsiderate person towards someone stuck in a 20-30 year loan to play music so load that they can hear and/or feel it, especially on a regular basis. I've lived in my house for over 5 years now and have never once heard any neighbor's TV/radio..other than when it's super nice out and my neighbor's window is open, and if I also happen to be outside, then I can hear a faint TV. People move into homes to get away from shared apartment walls, so to have to deal with the same shit is unacceptable. It's also a trait that doesn't usually change. Teens grow out of it once they become self aware, but adults who remain self absorbed tend to continue to do so. No amount of polite action has ever worked from my years in an apartment. Still, I'd never portray the person as a sex offender..just sayin'.

[–]Reverserer 13ポイント14ポイント  (2子コメント)

I had a neighbor kid throw rocks at my cats in my backyard - i took a rock and threw it back at him - it mom saw, came over and said 'now that didn't feel so good did it?'

Parenting done right.

ps...i didn't huck a rock at the kid i threw it hard enough to hit him and he felt it but not hard enough to hurt him...and i aimed for his legs - though i would of liked to get him right in the fucking eye.

[–]JRPGFan 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

No, parenting done right would have been the mother stopping the kid throwing rocks on her own, not condoning an adult throwing rocks at her kid.

[–]amikez 21ポイント22ポイント  (0子コメント)

Taking the grumpy old man, 'Get off my lawn' syndrome to the next level I see.

[–]quickclickz 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

For every moron who lives in the United States and thinks it's okay to have kids on your lawn: Read

It's not a clear cut answer which means a lawyer can haggle you in court forever before you settle... i.e. it's going to cost you regardless.

[–]justablur 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

Do you want your property values to go down? Because that's how you get your property values to go down!