The Place Inside The Blizzard

Feminism is a house.

A house built by women, all the things in it were made or bought by women, women pay the gas and electricity bills, they stock the fridge, they do the cooking and the cleaning and the washing. If the roof leaks or a tap drips it is fixed by a woman and the people who live there are all women.

As a man and a Feminist or Feminist Ally, you are a guest.

It is not your house, you did not build it or buy it, nothing in it was bought or made by you or for you. You do not pay the bills and you do not run the household.

Sure being there has lots of good things for you, you are enjoying it’s hospitality, using it’s towels and shower, getting fed.

But it isn’t yours.

And as a guest you should behave with respect towards the house and its owners. You don’t critique the decor or complain about the food.

And as a guest, you are there out of the kindness and generosity of your hosts, and you can be asked to leave at any time, even for a reason which you don’t agree with, because it is their house, and you are a guest.

What men in Feminism so often do is treat it like it is their house. You walk in the door and start complaining that none of the post is addressed to you and that none of the shoes left by the door fit you. You insist that everyone watches your TV shows and demand that the owners make space on the shelves for you books and DVD’s. You tell the owners that the kitchen should be painted white instead of yellow, and then get out the paint and brushes and start re-decorating without asking permission. And then you ring up the utilities supplier and try to get them to change the name on the account to yours.

And then women stop you and say “This is our house, treat it and us with respect”.

And then you tell us that we should be grateful that you are here in our house, sleeping in our guest bed, eating our food and sitting on our sofa.

And sometimes you storm off and out of the house, slamming the door on the way, and then stand outside throwing mud at the windows, because how dare we decide what goes on in our own house and who inhabits it?

You are a guest in a house built by and for women. Remember that.

Treat us and our movement with respect, do not demand entry to it, any more than you would demand entry to someone else’s home. 

This house that we have built is the only place that we can be safe.

You have the whole world outside.