Crippled guy on Grindr

shitsureishimasu · 1日前

You're entitled to like or dislike whatever features you come across but we really aren't going to make you feel better for shitting on a sweet guy in a wheelchair. The guilt you are feeling is your soul try to claw its own eyes out.

KelMage · 1日前

Well if it's a deal breaker then you should end it now and not lead him on. Don't be a dick and pity date the guy, that just makes you far worse than you would have been if you had just be honest with him.

At the same time I think you need to seriously consider how much of a shallow person you're being. Oh wait, 17, nevermind.

karmaranovermydogma · 1日前

i'm a 17 year old

and i use Grindr

Don't you have to be 18 or older according to the terms and conditions of Grindr?

jpw5x4 · 23時間前

So, not only are you violating Grindr's rules of service by being under 18, but you're also putting this guy (who we can assume is over 18) at risk of criminal prosecution for going this far with you. And since you say you live in a country where hookup apps are the only way to meet guys, I'm going to assume you don't live in one of those happy modern countries where gay people aren't stoned to death. Given the difficulties of living in a place like that, and given your attitude, it sounds like this guy needs and deserves someone better than you. If you can't handle a guy in a wheelchair, how the hell are you going to handle adult life in a country where Grindr is your only way of meeting guys?

TotesMessenger · 21時間前

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

[/r/drama] A 17 year old gay guy doesn't want to go on a Date with a crippled guy that he met on Grindr. People get pissed
[/r/gaybroscirclejerk] I don't want to be friends with crippled guys, help me feel better about myself

^{If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.} ^(Info ^/ ^Contact)

TheFlyingDorito · 23時間前

Im gonna give you more passes than John Stockton would, since you are only 17.

Do this. Tell him that you had time to think and that it isnt going to work out. Trust me he is in a wheelchair, chances are that guy is a ninja at handling disappointments. DO NOT LEAD HIM ON.

captainstardriver · 16時間前

Since you like everything else about him, it sounds like you are simply afraid of the disability so I urge you to challenge yourself and go on the date. You don't have to marry the guy. I have a lot of empathy for people who might be scared off by the idea of a wheelchair because in our brains things can be scary. In real life, a wheelchair is nothing to be afraid of.

Alex3M3TI8 · 1日前

This makes me very sad. As gay men, we already have a very limited number of people to choose from. Based upon the description of your country, you have even smaller of a pool. Why create "dealbreakers" that artificially decrease your chances at happiness even more?

Cosomo · 9時間前

Years before Grindr I met a guy online, really cute, we chatted for a bit and decided to meet, he pulled the same thing; "BTW I'm deaf" at the last moment. Wait, what? I didn't freak out, but I do admit my first instinct was NO, but felt like that would be a dick move to bail on someone because of that. I said okay, whatever lets meet... And yes, I was anxious as hell about it.

FF to when we met, I remember us hanging in my car talking (writing to each other via paper and pen.) No sparks, but he was mad cute and we fooled around, sucked each other off. That was the end of it, never saw/~~talked~~ typed to him again.

Point of this: I would have felt like an asshole had I turned him down for his disability, it was awkward at first, I'm sure he sensed that but I don't think he was there to make small talk. (lol sorry.)

Stepping outside of your comfort zone is a difficult thing to do, hell your 17, now is the time because as you get older it gets harder and harder to do. Your thinking way to much about this, it's not like you HAVE to exchange bodily fluids, you don't OW him anything.

The worst that can come of it is you meet a great friend who has access to awesome parking spots and gets you to the front of the line at amusement parks. ;)

Nightheaters · 1日前

Maybe I'm just a dick, but why should I be considered shallow if I don't want to date someone in a wheelchair? Yet, people on this sub say it isn't shallow to not date someone because of their race because it's "just a preference".

Well, maybe it's just OP's preference to not date guys in wheelchairs.

northfacing · 1日前

I seem to be in the minority, but I don't think OP is shallow, necessarily.

Obviously OP can't see himself with someone who is in a wheelchair, and that's his right. I do hope, however, that it's a logistical thing, and not a vanity thing. Logistically, you can't deny the fact that dating someone in a wheelchair would add a layer of difficulty and require a lot of adjustment. Not everyone is up for that change.

For instance, hiking is really important to me. I hike weekly, and it's something that I love to share with my man (when I have one). It would be hard for me to see myself with someone (able-bodied or not) who didn't/couldn't hike with me. I would be hesitant to get involved with someone if I knew right from the start that it was simply never going to be an option. That would require me to dramatically change my lifestyle in a way which would have a negative impact on my well-being.

That said, if a guy just wanted to hang out and fool around, and keep it casual, a wheelchair wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me.. Although, he would need to keep up in the bedroom, or else we could only be friends.

jay4812 · 21時間前

What do you have to lose by going on this date? Are you super busy that it would take the time away from another date? If not man, the dude is in a wheel chair, I don't see what's the problem on going on a "fun" date either. The worst that could happen is he's a dick and you never speak to him again. Other way, if you aren't sexually attracted to him, you'd walk away with a good friend and probably made his day. Now for a grindr "hookup" if he disclosed that right before meeting up for sex, then I would mention it then, but for a date?

[deleted] · 1日前

The one thing that most disabled people want is to be treated like everyone else. So do that. Even considering that being disabled is a deal breaker for you, keep the date. Who knows, you may find what you're looking for, but if your personalities don't match, or you can't get past the fact that he is disabled, you've at least tried. If it doesn't work out, don't feel bad because I'm sure you're not the first guy he's encountered that had a problem with his disability.

throwaghey2 · 20時間前

ITT: Self righteous Redditors pretending they wouldn't do the same exact thing if they were in the OP's position. Not buying it... Sorry, the guy lied to him by not letting him know about his disability, there's nothing wrong with it being a deal breaker.

throwagay2016 · 20時間前

he hid his disability/sprung it on you. he's smart enough to know not everybody is cool with it, but he led you on under the premise that he was an able bodied male. he probably hoped you'd be willing to look past his disability. minorities on grindr do this too sometimes because of how racist the grindr culture can be. despite this, it's still lying by withholding sensitive information. same kind of shit the government does to "protect" citizens. personally, i prefer open ended honesty and having that done to me is a deal breaker. people do the same kind of shit when they have STDs. having something sprung on me because it was assumed wouldn't be okay with it originally(even if i wouldn't be) = a 100% deal breaker.

if he knows that some people don't like it, he should just really just put it in his profile instead of inadvertently trapping guys into feeling like shit. that's really shitty on his part, even though i completely understand and respect why he does it or anybody hides things like that. it's awful that he's disabled but the plain and simple fact is not all guys are game for that shit. what he does with guys would never work if he wasn't good looking. this likely wouldn't even be a discussion if he wasn't good looking since grindr is a shallow place. most of these guys probably shoot down the fat/minority guys/girls whatever they're not attracted to without a second thought. if a wheelchair makes your dick soft, so be it.

personally, i'd never date a guy that couldn't fully take care of himself (barring a handful of special situations). if somebody becomes disabled, that's a different story. a disability from a logic standpoint is a giant red flag. if you end up in love with this person, you have to consider the potentially lifelong hassle that is being in a relationship with a disabled person. that's not the easiest thing to do, even if somebody is just deaf or blind. it requires giving a whole fucking lot of yourself. even considering and asking for advice on it shows a hell of a lot of maturity that a lot of people aren't capable of. ask each of the guys who had anything negative to say about your feelings on the matter what they do when guys are fat/minorities/trans/ugly. i'd bet most of them wouldn't be nearly as open minded as you are and that shows that you're probably a really good guy.

you're 17. i see comments trashing your grindr presence. i know there's 17 yo's on grindr. i'm adult enough to not gun for them. you're really too young to be concerned with relationships. or sex, IMO but i too had a hard dick at that age and boys will be boys. there isn't shit that happens between the day your age switches from 17 ---> 18 that magically makes you an adult/more sexually attractive. carry on doing what you're doing as long as you don't put anybody at risk (don't send or request the nudes).

tl;dr: don't feel too guilty. you shouldn't go on a date with him since you're not okay with it. if you can get past the awkward switch, you should hang out as friends if you actually have shit in common and think you'd enjoy his company but do not lead him on.

personally, i think you should give him a chance since he's attractive/sweet. maybe he looks great naked. who knows :D

fluffhoof · 1日前

Imo, you're already being a dick with having a wheelchair use as a dealbreaker, but whatever.

I think cancelling the date is the less dickish move (you don't lead him on, and you don't go on the date out of pity, and you treat him the same as anyone else that revealed a dealbreaker shortly before the first date) here.

somekook · 22時間前

You're a dick. Call the date off.

selfinflikted · 1日前

Stop being shallow, closed minded, and go on the date - that's what you should do.

lalocolin · 20時間前

In your shoes I'll go out with him, you're not compromised to be his psrtner or his boyfriend maybe you can do a good friendship, grindr is not an app where you are commited to formalize a relayionship. Gay friendships are important.

pinkdinosaurclub · 19時間前

If you're calling this a friendship then shouldn't you go meet him anyway? Things only can go as far as one allows. One date doesn't mean sex or marriage.

retepone · 18時間前

I'd go out with the guy, after all you enjoyed each other for the past few days and he's cute! He may become a real friend. Tell him you were a bit surprised, but wanted to meet anyhow. I wouldn't use the word crippled, but its ok to a bit uncomfortable. He may not be the guy your looking for, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy each other as friends. There's really nothing to loose. So he's added another fact about himself, I'd go for it. He may be real hot!

Steve2982 · 16時間前

So, I think I understand how you feel. He definitely sprung it on you at the last minute and it puts you in a difficult spot.

Certainly, some people have severe disabilities, and I would imagine they know that it's a lot to ask of a potential partner to sign up with a guy who can't get dressed without help.

On the other hand, some guys in wheelchairs play basketball, lift weights, and are fully functional sexually.

I don't know what this particular guy's situation is, but I think you owe it to yourself to find out. As you get older you may come to discover that everyone has their flaws and challenges, some are just harder to see than others.

Go on the date. Maybe you like him, maybe you become friends or lovers. Maybe there's no chemistry or he rejects you. In any event I think you'll feel better about yourself for giving him a shot.

WlTCH · 16時間前

Only go on a date if you're still interested in being friends with him. If you're not interested, tell him the truth. No need to apologize, both of you lost time with this, but be kind.

3headeddragn · 14時間前

Ok this is what you do. You go on a few dates with this guy, then just tell him you would prefer to be friends. Don't bring up the wheelchair thing at all, just tell him that he isn't what you are looking for to date but that you would like to remain friends.

blowhardV2 · 10時間前

Live your life - embrace your freedom - you are under no obligation whatsoever.

mikehipp · 22時間前

These people who are calling your shallow are wrong. The guy sprung the wheelchair on you after you agreed to a date.

Be up front, believe me he's probably heard it all before.

Having said all of that - I don't think you should be closed minded. Gay people are 3% of the population and women are 50% of the gay population. That means you have like 1.5% of the population from which to draw your dates - automatically shutting out anybody is a bad game strategy.

Chris-in-WA · 1日前

Why is it a dealbreaker?

askgaybros

調停者