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Undeniable change...but, how? (self.RedPillWomen)

lostatsea93 が 投稿

Hi Ladies,

Heres something I have been wondering for quite some time.

The more I read about The Surrendered Wife / RPW, The more I hear women rave about how this has changed their relationships for the better and has transformed it to the dream relationship they have always wanted...

Great!

I can't help but wonder....How does it really work? Certainly, before swallowing the pill, I haven't always been so yielding, compassionate, understanding and overall supportive. And, yes, making these changes has improved my relationship.

But do SO's forget? Or just forgive and move on? I mean, more specifically, how does the relationship slate get wiped clean (or improved) when our SO remembers us a certain way?

Is this just a matter of time?

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[–]tintedlipbalm 26ポイント27ポイント  (4子コメント)

Men in general don't hold grudges like women do. That said, it may take a while for him to trust the "new you" if you used to be a total bitch (I think the book covered that at one point).

[–]vintagegirlgame 11ポイント12ポイント  (3子コメント)

Yes, women are famous for keeping lists. (Masculine) men don't hold lists. My SO has some trouble with feminized men in his life who will whip out a list of past transgressions and it drives him nuts.

Men do however value actions over words. So if your actions have always been unyielding, you will need to prove though many more actions that you are now yielding.

[–]cxj 1ポイント2ポイント  (2子コメント)

My SO has some trouble with feminized men in his life who will whip out a list of past transgressions

This is why we need to bring back bullying.

[–]kadykinns 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

I feel horrible for saying it but I truly feel bullying builds character. Ya sure there are some situations (sexuality) thats just wrong. But picking on the heavier kid was my biggest motivation

[–]cxj -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

Bullying is good as long as it isn't taken to extremes, which most of the time it isn't

[–]HannahFree 10ポイント11ポイント  (6子コメント)

It works because we give them the room to lead and take charge. We use the captain analogy a lot here, so let me put it like this: if the co-captain stops driving the boat and releases control of the wheel, the boat will lose momentum and coast naturally with the tides. Once the captain sees that the boat needs steering, he jumps in and corrects the course, taking control.

When you back off on what you expect from him and allow him to take the lead, it is very likely that he might be thrown off and untrusting at first. Patience is the key when transitioning to the supportive role! Stay consistent and he will see that this is his opportunity to perform as the leader. We may be the submissive role, but we have a lot of sway over the emotional climate of the relationship. It is important not to lose patience and get frustrated if he doesn't immediately act the way we think he should. This is not being submissive, but trying to "top from the bottom."

A good captain will always rise to the occasion.

[–]Hitman359 5ポイント6ポイント  (5子コメント)

True, but I think that many women, after hearing about all this, expect a near instantaneous change which just isn't going to happen unless you essentially "win the lottery" on your current mate selection. Since AMALT, you'd think that once you started to act submissive and declare him your captain the man would instantly start taking charge and "Alpha Up" like you'd really like him to do deep down but have not yet fully internalized that fact.

Modern society (in the west at least) has broken what ought not have ever been touched. It has successfully "fixed" what wasn't "broken" in the first place on both sides. That is to say, it broke both you and him and broke you both rather badly and harshly. This sad and tragic fact will thus, logically, take a good deal of time and effort to fix and heal. A glass shattered into many pieces will take delicate, careful, and extended work to piece back together as the perfectly workable and useful glass it once was and you'll probably get a cut or two out of the effort. Full restoration is likely impossible in most cases, for it would require melting down all the glass and reforging it back into the glass it once was. And I doubt most want to go through such a process as it would entail skirting the edges of total emotional breakdown and probably involve killing the person you currently are entirely memories and all. A prospect that is probably not a good idea.

Yet there is a beauty in all those cracks and imperfections you can still see when the light hits it right and makes them readily apparent. You need not be perfect, nor have always been perfect in your life. You both don't need to be virgins for that ideal romance to blossom. But that you're working towards that end as best you can... I can't help but see that as beautiful.

[–]HannahFree 1ポイント2ポイント  (4子コメント)

This exactly why I said patience is the key. And all men are not the same, it is awalt, not amalt... your comment was poetic, beautiful, and over complicating something so simple as back off and wait.

Fixing a broken relationship is less about going back and fitting all the pieces together, and more about picking up the pieces you have and moving forward. Maybe I did hit the lottery with my husband, but I think it had more to do with the fact that he loves me and wanted nothing more than to grow and heal with me to a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. A man in love will forgive. Women have been exploiting this fact for years. It's time we use our powers for the happiness of both partners.

[–]Hitman359 1ポイント2ポイント  (3子コメント)

Indeed. You are right about that, men tend to see the brighter side of a relationship sadly. We tend to see any silver lining and cling to it dearly once we've invested enough into a relationship. We want that "princess" far more than society says we do. We love women deep down, we love them more than they'll probably ever comprehend. And we like that deep down, for to be loved by a "true" woman is the ultimate validation of our manliness.

That's both a gift and a curse. The gift is giving a truly good girl the second chance she really deserves despite things like getting jelly because there's a dude who just bought "his" girl a bunch of designer shoes or because she's clinging to a dude who looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime or Bruce Lee and we don't.

The curse is giving a truly bad girl a third or more chance that the slutty whore most certainly does not deserve. Men are people too, we just want our SO to see that and love us for that. A pity, for the modern age says otherwise...

[–]vguertin88 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

I found this article extremely helpful getting my man to step up:http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2014/09/girl-game-encouraging-your-captain-to.html?m=1

[–]Hitman359 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Great article. I like how it encourages a woman to make a man "just get it" without cramming that red pill down his throat like they're subconsciously expecting it to be unknowingly thanks to society hiding the truth from them since the day they were born.

Men expect force subconsciously, they expect to have fights, to prove their "alpha male" status by having to beat the shit out of or otherwise "kill" someone either physically or mentally. Everyone loves it when the "villain" gets his/her just rewards somehow by someone who really does "get it" without spelling it out for the audience.

Especially liked the don't criticize him too much on his failures part. Good men KNOW they fucked up somehow when it happens, and they're beating themselves up over it enough as it is (if he's a real "good guy" that is). Add in HIS woman beating him over the bush for it and well... of course he just gives up on it all then and goes full Beta/PUA/MGTOW/whatever it is you do NOT want him to be.

It's too much, women don't seem to get how hard men are on themselves when they fail to live up to everyone elses (and ESPECIALLY their own) expectations. We're told that "real" men don't fail (just like how they don't cry), yet every single human does at some point. A woman who has seen their man fail miserably at a task they put their all into and doesn't emasculate them somehow for that and instead offers warm and loving support and gentle advice on how to get better?

Wife tingles. That will set them off HARD! And as any good RPW would probably agree, that's your end goal. Give him the wife tingles, and he will MAKE you happy no matter what. He sees it as both his joy and his duty to do so. He'll even put a ring on your finger. Probably not before you agree to that pre-nup and parenting plan, for until men are no longer seen as disposable they will take any and all actions they can to avoid the dreaded "divorce rape" they rightfully think is waiting at the other end of that walk down the isle. The modern age has robbed us of this "true romance" and we must accept and deal with it. I'm sorry that this is how it is, but it is.

But please, don't suck his soul out with this powerful knowledge. A girl with maximized "girl game" can get most any man to agree that "real couples don't get a pre-nup" and thus leave themselves vulnerable. Don't be a succubus ladies, be women, and you'll find that one thing your other female friends and AFC's probably never will. Love and happiness in the arms (and beds) of your beloved.

[–]vguertin88 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I really love Ian Ironwood. I think most of his articles are more geared toward men but his wife chimes in from time to time and occasionally they will be geared towards women. He's great.

[–]Temuzjin 15ポイント16ポイント  (1子コメント)

Men love women the way women love children.

Would you hold a grudge towards your child for making a mistake a year ago?

[–]TRP_Metamorphosis 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's a close comparison, but not the same. A beta man will forgive a woman a lot more than an alpha man by their nature. In addition, A man who thinks he can't get a better woman will be one hundred times more lenient than a man who knows he has options.

[–]Y--Z 13ポイント14ポイント  (1子コメント)

How does it really work?

men are genetically programmed to want to protect & provide for women.

if you let your man know that without him your life would suffer greatly and treat him accordingly, that will make him feel amazing, and in turn he'll want to work harder to provide for and make you happy.

simple.

[–]TA_2985_A6E1_9FC3 -5ポイント-4ポイント  (0子コメント)

By itself, this is manipulative and mean spirited. It fails on its face.

Edit your post. Add some real RedPillWoman things you do in your relationship.

[M40-ish]

[–]TempestTcup10 Endorsed Contributor 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

It took about a year for my husband to trust that I was making a permanent change, and it took about that long before I had internalized the change to where it was automatic. I don't think they forget immediately, but they are so relieved that you aren't fighting them and nagging them that the changes can be seen really quickly.

I do believe that over time the bad memories will fade and be replaced by the new, good memories until he just thinks of it as a rocky patch the two of you were going through.

[–]theladygourmet 2ポイント3ポイント  (2子コメント)

I only just found RPW this week but I essentially came to a similar conclusion about relationships about 8 years ago after being dumped by a great guy who couldn't deal with my crap anymore.

I started really slowly in order of my most harmful behaviors, for me:

  1. anger
  2. manipulation
  3. lying
  4. mental instability
  5. lack of satisfaction in self so projecting on others (jealousy, etc.)

Since I was single when I really started working on myself I didn't have a big talk about it with anyone. Maybe other RPW disagree but I think if you just make the changes and make them in a permanent way things will naturally evolve around you.

[–]Hitman359 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Found out about this place a few weeks ago and so far I can attest to the truth of that. At first my relationships suffered though. When you truly change after swallowing the pill people will either get angry, suspicious, or scared (all the above in my case), for you are not acting like you used to at all.

But now, after some time has passed and they've seen I'm serious, they're getting better than they were before. Not just people I know, but people in general smile around me more. It's like everyone is slowly getting happier because I've decided to be happy.

Granted, it could just be me making it all up in my head (for I'm happy when other people are happy) or something but that's the impression I'm getting. Many people, sadly, have decided to be miserable and are quite stubborn about that. I pity them.

[–]ayvyns 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Do you mind sharing some of the things you did to overcome? I have all of those problems except 2 and 3

[–]RedPillSailor 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

currently single now, due to 10-month deployment, but i can tell you that when any SO i had with just changed into a more positive and supportive nature, with no catalyst, i'd initially be skeptical. i'd simply wait for the facade to fall.

you've established a firm pattern, and we all know: long-established patterns rarely ever shift, let alone change drastically. you gotta keep doin what you're doin until it becomes how your lives together just ARE. he will better fulfill that role of "Captain" because you've made yourself a very kickass his "XO."

i'm pretty much MGTOW now, but i wish everyone else all the best in any relatiohsnips they engage in. i hope the changes you both make lead to a better and stronger union.

[–]Nazrath2112 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Time.

It takes 2 months to form new habits on average, up to 6 months. So you might be ahead of the game and have new habits 2 in months but the dude needs to get used to the new dynamic and then he can form he habits. Depending how much he needs to unlearn it might take up to a year.