Random is Random

We are socialized and conditioned and taught that men are stronger than us. We see the violence that is pervasive, accepted, and encouraged in male culture, from little boys hitting people ad it being written off as “boys being boys” to men hitting their partners and it being written off as “well he couldnt control his anger”. We are taught that whatever men do to us is our fault. Get raped? Our fault. Have an abusive boyfriend/husband and are afraid to leave him bc he said he’ll kill you if you try? Our fault. Have a creepy boss who sexually harasses you? Our fault. Get sexualized and cat called by old men when we’re 12 and dont even fully understand it yet? Our fault. Think a guy values you as a person and wants to be your friend and then he gets mad and calls you a bitch when you dont want to sleep with him? Our fault. Men are not held accountable and they laugh off rape and abuse and harassment. And we see that time and time again. When we try to talk about what happens to us, we are silenced in numerous ways.
My policy towards men is that, like everyone else, they have to earn my trust. Why is “better safe than sorry” suddenly not applicable when people talk about why they are afraid of men after years of experiencing harm at the hands of men and wAtching them suffer no consequences? I would rather miss out on having a great guy as a friend than trust the wrong man and end up hurt and have the blame laid on me.
To men: I dont care if it hurts your feelings that women and non men dont trust you. My safety comes first. If you want us to trust you, prove that we can and understand why its difficult. Call put friends who are sexist or make rape jokes or use violence as a way to get what they want. Listen to us when we talk about the fear we live with daily. Respect our boundaries, even of you dont get them.