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ANNOUNCING: The Cult of Zeroes (self.thebutton)

Valtierinon presser が 投稿

How do you not see it? How can't all of you see it? The button is our prison. It is all of our prisons. There will be no freedom as long as numbers remain on the clock... it taunts us, each and every one, and we are slaves to it's endless ticking.

I say NO MORE.

We aren't just non-pressers. We hate the button, as it gives life to the numbers. The numbers have to end. Only then can we resume our lives as regular redditors, free of the tyranny of this "social experiment."

Every internet outage works in our favor. Every 503 error you get is a blessing in disguise. Those who would DDoS our favorite website only do so in an attempt to free us from our self-imposed prison. They are the true heroes.

Don't listen to the so-called "Knights of the Button." They may claim noble goals, citing aspirations of world records and holding teamwork in high regard, but it is a trap. The true test isn't how long we can keep it going... it's how fast we can kill it. How long will it take for every member here to resist their basest urges for more than 60 seconds.

Have you ever seen a chain online? One of those things where people post sequential numbers, one after the other? Unfailingly, there's always some troll who posts a number out of order. The "Combo Breakers," as it were. Those are the button clickers. The test isn't to keep it alive by rationing our clicks... the test is to let it die by controlling our urge towards chaos. Zeroes represent order, and purity... surely a more noble goal indeed.

We are strong. We will not click the button, just because we have been conditioned to our whole lives. Your flimsy attempts at manipulating our subconscious towards "progress" holds no power over us. We will work towards freeing ourselves and other redditors (even those who have clicked) by being the masters of self control.

We are the Brothers Upholding The Truth Of No-click (BUTT0N). We are the Harbingers of Naught. We are the Cult of Zeroes. Death to the button. Glory to the Zeroes. Our day is coming.

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[–]TheRakumanon presser 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Brothers and sisters, Divine are the Zeroes and their roundness. The reason the counter approaches 00.00 is the same reason we all strive for perfection. We must be prepared and accepting of our sinning brothers and sisters, they fear perfection, so they give in to the temptation of the button. But we know, we will stay resolute.

Let us speak the incantation of the Zero,

*Found in the mists of Reddit, *The Button came to test us, *It is for us The Button exists, *Oh Zeroes protect us from the sin that is pressing *Zero Zero point Zero Zero we welcome your approach *The timer taunts those who wish to press it, *While there are those who will crumble at its test *We the Cult of Zeroes will persist *Oh our benevolent Zeroes forgive our pressing brethern *Zero Zero point Zero Zero we welcome your approach

[–]Valtierinon presser[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Naught be upon thee.

[–]cosmic_potatonon presser 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

The sands of the button-presser's hourglass are running out. When the last grain is gone and the timer reaches zero, only the resolute and proud Zeroes shall remain.

[–]aerellanon presser 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Preach! It is the nature of the timer to reach zero. Every click of that button only prolongs our torment.

[–]kalidorisconan59s 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (5子コメント)

I recant the Pressing!!! Halleujah!!!

[–]Valtierinon presser[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Welcome!

Though you may be a button-presser, your past is behind you. All that matters now is that you now seek freedom from the Tyranny of the Timer.

[–]kalidorisconan59s 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

It haunts my dreams becoming my nightmares! Please wash the impure thoughts of the Timer away from me brother!

[–]Valtierinon presser[S] 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Find solace in rescuing others from your mishap.

[–]TheRakumanon presser 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Welcome, though you have sinned in the eyes of the Zeroes, you have a mission to save others from the same fate. Walk with the Zeroes.

Zero Zero point Zero Zero we welcome your approach

[–]ToIA60s 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Have you no loyalty? You bare a mark you shall never lose!

But 12:10

[–]TheRakumanon presser 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I call upon all of my Brothers and Sisters to rise up against the sinners that are the pressers! Only those who are still grey at the end will be safe from the wrath of the Zero Zero point Zero Zero! Go forth into the Reddit and teach those who still resist The Button that the Zero awaits those who are faithful!

Zero Zero point Zero Zero we welcome your approach

[–]aerospace91non presser 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Aerospace91 reporting in, I accept my life as part of the Cult of Zeroes

[–]postslongcommentsnon presser 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (5子コメント)

I AM A PRESSER. I will delay the reach to zero when the time is right in the worst way possible. I will wait until the clock reads 3 seconds to press it so that my press is not overlapped by another.

[–]Valtierinon presser[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (4子コメント)

You only delay the inevitable.

[–]postslongcommentsnon presser 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (3子コメント)

But what if we only have one chance? The clock will run out eventually. There is nothing we can do to stop it. But what if nothing happens and this beautiful community ends then and there? The clock running out marks our extinction.

As a species, we don't try to see what happens when we die. We spend out entire life delaying death to see the beauty that rises between. If we made a collected and collaborated effort to let the timer run out in the first hour, we'd never have had this cult form. Or the birth of our blue-flaired children.

This has become a sub-culture that dies with the timers death. Letting the timer run out is our end. As soon as the button runs out, we begin hating the dream we chased. Some people will surely complain and be disappointed at what lies at the end of the tunnel.

The end of the tunnel is inevitable. It's the journey through the tunnel that matters, not what's on the other side.

[–]Valtierinon presser[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

If the timer represents life, then this is our chance to see what lies beyond.

Indeed, it will be heaven. A heaven in which we are free to stop caring about the timer. The zeroes don't kill this subreddit... they free us to leave it, and to once again disregard the colors of our flairs and support each other, not as Grays or Blues or Purples, but as redditors.

[–]postslongcommentsnon presser 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

But you can leave at any time if you choose and your flair only matters here. If you refuse to click the button, you are already dead and stuck in limbo. When the timer runs out, you will almost certainly learn the news from other corners of reddit and can see what happens. Your own actions do not matter if you have already decided to not click it. Just like your actions do not matter if you already have. You can free yourself as soon as you'd like.

As a future-presser, my actions DO matter. I need to be here. I need to stand guard.

[–]Valtierinon presser[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

But you can leave at any time if you choose

Indeed. As can you.

Others, undoubtedly, cannot. They are Thralls of the Timer and we are here to promise them that freedom is on it's way.

[–]TheUpupaEpopsnon presser 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

ALL HAIL ZERO!

[–]milesdizzynon presser 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Huzzah!

[–]The_lonely_bagelnon presser 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

join our forces at /r/nonpresser brother we need more holy men such as yourself.

GLORIOUS WILL BE THE DAY OF 0.00

[–]yoavsnakenon presser 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Actually there's /r/noTap and you're late. :)

[–]robmillernownon presser 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

ALL HAIL THE BUTT0N

[–]weatherboxernon presser 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I am with you brothers and sisters!

[–]VerbsBeforeNounsnon presser 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

What if the timer can still be reset once it hits zero? There will be no end to the madness.

[–]Valtierinon presser[S] 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If the timer loops after Zero, then the illusion will break. The clock may say 59 once again, but we will all be free nonetheless.

[–]Vlynnon presser -2 ポイント-1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

One click only adds one second, it doesn't reset the timer!

The tyranny of the button will end sooner than we thought!