Hello family,

My whole life, I was concerned with being too nice to people. I was one of those stereotypical nice guys who did everything to make the other person happy and always tried to be polite. I practiced this behavior so many times I managed to convince myself that I should always overlook my needs in regards to another.

I caught on this behavior and have been trying to change for a while but I couldn't figure out exactly how to do it. It took me more courage to muster up the courage to simply tell my roommate to turn down the music than it did for me to dance in front of a big crowd. (I am not the best dancer) It was only recently that I figured out a technique that seemed to work for me.

I recently became a teaching assistant for this course at a university. All the students are my age or older. Today while proctoring an exam, a student stayed a little later to make sure all of his files were in the proper order. I allowed him to make the necessary arrangements that he was making, but I was still a little hesitant that I was bending the rules for him. I then decided to tell him clearly that I would let him slide this time but the next time he would have to follow directions. I expected him to challenge me right there, something I am always afraid of (why I avoid confrontation). However, he simply acknowledged me because I was the one in charge and he knew that I possessed power. I realized that my ability to be assertive in a split second while spending a life being unassertive resided in my feeling of power.

I am not saying that you should go around acting like you're the king of the world and feel entitled to order people around. What you should do is instead find a way to convince yourself that the person you are interacting is on equal footing with you. If you are like I was and believe that this mindset is going to cause you to be selfish, don't worry. The fact that you are already worried will keep you from crossing far over the line.

Therefore go out and believe in yourself and your power. If you are interacting with someone who happens to have legitimate power over you (interviewer, professor, boss) then remember, their power is truly positional. What gives them this power is simply an assignment that they've been given to them because of their work. They may have some qualities that you have that you don't, but you also have a lot that you have that they would like to have. Remembering this will put you on equal footing.

TL;DR Think of each interaction as a relationship interaction in which you have as much power over the individual as they have on you.