Alright, this is going to be a long post. Often, like me, you might find yourself not paying much attention to the words you are using. Especially when casually just hanging out with friends. Some of you may have banished all these words from your vocabulary. Some of you may have only analysed the use of some of them. You may use all of them as a form of reclamation. Or just have never contemplated the meaning or connotations behind any of them.

Speaking of reclamation, to clarify for everyone: The wonderful Kory Stamper says it better than I ever could.

Language has power, and slurs are a remarkably tidy way of asserting that power. They are not simply neutral descriptors for a person or a group of people (“she’s a lexicographer”), nor are they merely expressive terms used as a vent for the speaker’s emotions and which could be used of any person in any group (“she’s a rotten fucker”). Slurs are descriptors that target one characteristic or aspect of a group and denigrate a member of that group (or the whole group) on the basis of that one aspect (“she’s a spic”). They are cruelly ingenious: because they are often taboo, never to be spoken and never to be discussed, they are prone to gathering around them ancillary attitudes and stereotypes about the slurred. Someone called an “uppity nigger” or a “castrating bitch” or a “flamboyant faggot” can only ignore the comment and feel the mottle of rage and misplaced shame creep up their back: to turn around and call out the speaker only confirms the stereotype they were just slammed with.

But people who are denied the dignity of an honest response, over and over again, will get wily. Language belongs to everyone, oppressed and oppressor alike. And so those at the sharp end of those words have sometimes snatched them out of the hands of their attackers and owned them as labels. It’s effective: as Kweli notes, “Why wouldn’t you want to embody that which most scares your oppressor and change its meaning?”

The most important thing to remember about reclamation is this: Only the oppressed group should use the word! To use a slur when it has never been hurled against you is to again take the power away from the people who are trying to gain it back. 

So here is is, a list of words you should think hard about your use of and possibly about banishing.

Bitch - To start with one of the most common. Used by both men and women, bitch is a misogynistic slur who’s meaning can change depending on the gender of the person who is being called it. When a man is being called a bitch it is generally because they want to call him weak-willed, sensitive, inept. “He was crying like a little bitch.” But when a woman is being called a bitch it is because she is being too forceful, fierce, bossy, opinionated, even rude. 

In other words, she is acting less like the cookie-cutter stereotype of the soft delicate female and must be punished for it. And vice versa, a man who dared step out of the assigned role of the manliest man who ever walked the earth has to be slammed with the worst thing humanity can think of calling a man -a woman.

I also object to the idea that it’s appropriate to call anyone a female dog.

Pussy - This should be fairly easy to see why you shouldn’t call a woman a pussy. Considering it refers to her vulva and vagina when you call a woman a pussy you are boiling down her entire identity to her genitalia. However, pussy is actually fairly male-specific and refers to any male who, like with bitch, is not acting masculine enough for society and must be punished for it … by calling him in anyway feminine. Because that’s the most offensive thing you can call a man. Pussy, strangely enough, has the exact same meaning as the word Cunt, but for some reason the latter is regarded as being one of the most offensive words in the English language and pussy as being at the other end of the spectrum entirely.

There is another issue with using the word pussy and that’s that it draws a straight line between genitalia and gender. Which we know to not be true, and that assumption can be extremely hurtful to transgender people.

Slut - Female-specific this time. Slut links into many other words such as Whore, Skank, Hoe, Hussy, and the list goes on. All of these words mean the same thing and aim to achieve the same thing. It means a woman who has “too much” sex, acts in a way that is “too promiscuous”. They’re used to coerce women into restricting their own sexuality into a pre-approved vision of feminine modesty and restraint. What seems to baffle people is how quickly someone can go from being perfect and wonderful to being a “frigid bitch” and then to being a “fucking slut”. This is because these words aren’t adjectives - they’re nouns. Women are not real people to those who use these words against them. A woman is a frigid bitch when she refuses to give a strange man in a bar her phone number. She’s a slut when you’re arguing and you use the term to control her and demean and nullify her argument. Women are there for sex and the pleasure of those who use these words against them. Nothing more.

Crazy - This is my personal most hated for many reasons. One is that it’s shockingly offensive to those with mental illnesses. To demean and control women by flinging a word at them that equates with having a mental illness is to undermine all the millions of people worldwide who actually suffer from mental illnesses. I deal with this problem in more depth under “Insane” below.

I’m sure all women here have experienced it. You’re trying to explain feminism, gender roles and what life is like for a female. How ashamed, unsafe and helpless cat-calling and slut-shaming make you feel. You’re even just trying to talk about your feelings - especially when it’s his behaviour that’s making you feel offended, angry, or sad. 

And then you hear it. Maybe not spoken aloud but certainly thought by the men you’re talking to - “Irrational” or “She’s PMSing” it doesn’t really matter which term they use because now your feelings and emotions are invalid and you are a “Crazy Bitch”. 

Then it’s gone. You’re entire argument of well thought out and relevant points are in the gutter because he always has an ace up his sleeve and it’s “crazy”.

Insane - I’m going to tackle Insane, Psycho, Whack Job and Crazy all in one because they’re problems all linked together very closely. Use of trivialising terms such as these only serves to further ostracise people with mental disabilities, making it very difficult for them to seek help. Words like these other them and through frequent use make everyone involved feel as though people with disabilities are “other” or “abnormal”. Considering the stigma and erasure that happens to people with mental, psychiatric, physical, mobility, intellectual and developmental disabilities this is a terrifying trend that makes it very difficult for them.

Retarded - I dealing with this separately from the ones above simply to emphasise how offensive it is. This is a word used as a form of abuse against people with intellectual or developmental disabilities as well as neurotypical people. This is a particularly derogatory word used to abuse disabled people most often hurled at non-disabled people. Just never use it.

Tranny - Many transgender people embrace the term “Tranny” as a form of self-identification. But, it should not be used by cisgender people. Privileged people cannot set the stage for what words or labels are acceptable to an oppressed minority. Other unacceptable words, terms, slurs etc. are he-she, it, shemale, transvestite, man in a dress, hermaphrodite, and freak. Not even kidding. It’s also very important to remember that the word Trans* is not a noun the way gay and lesbian sometimes can be. It is an adjective, the respectful way to refer to them is “a transgender person”, or “a Trans* person”, “a person who is Trans*”.

Faggot/ Dyke - The original definition of “Faggot” is a bundle of sticks for firewood leading into the connotation that gay men were burned at the stake into the 20th Century. It is an incredibly offensive term for a gay man as it the shortened version of “Fag”. Dyke is a word used to refer to a lesbian or a masculine female - reinforcing the stereotype that all lesbians are somehow less of a woman or “butch”. Both of these terms are in the process of reclamation but the LGBTQIA+ community which makes it even more imperative that the word is not used by straight people. The term “Queer” can be difficult when gauging if it is acceptable. Many LGBTQIA+ use it as a statement of pride whereas others still see it as being very offensive. If you’re unsure of the views of the company you’re in, it’s best to steer clear of it.

Note - if I have left any words out or if I have come across as inoffensive in any way, please let me know. Sometimes things slip by even me. If that happens I am very sorry and will change it immediately.