Hurting men’s feelings is not the same as life-threatening misogyny
One of the most common derisive taunts thrown at feminists – and one of the oldest – is “manhater”. It’s been around
since the days of suffrage, and still
gets used today, though its a pretty anodyne insult. Most feminists, like me, shun the label and work to convince people that despite the stereotypes feminists absolutely, without a doubt, do not hate men.
But so what if we did?
It’s not that I recommend hating men or think it a particularly wise use of one’s time, but to each her own. Straight white men still hold the majority of political, economic and social power in the world, and everyone else struggles to make their lives work with less. So if the worst thing that happens to a man is that a woman doesn’t like him ...well, he has it pretty damn good. It’s not as if we’re living in some sort of
Wicker Man-inspired dystopia, after all.
Besides, when women hate men, we hurt their feelings. When men hate women, they kill us:
mass shootings
have been attributed to misogyny, and sexual and domestic violence against women is often fuelled by a hatred for women.
That’s why it’s so hard to take seriously any claims that “misandry” is a tremendous problem – they’re based on the idea that merely insulting men is similar to the life-threatening misogyny women face worldwide. (Most recently, Newsday writer Cathy Young argued that men being called “mansplainers” or rape apologists is
akin to the rape and death threats
that women get online.)
But a younger generation of feminists has embraced what Slate writer Amanda Hess calls
“ironic misandry”. Hess wrote last year that the rise in popularity of “male tears” mugs and
man-hating inspired
shirts and crafts serves as a sort of fuck-you to the constant barrage of harassment that feminists often face: “On its most basic level, ironic misandry functions like a stuck-out tongue pointed at a playground bully.”
Guardian contributor Jess Zimmerman – and self-proclaimed “misandrist witch” – told Hess: “It’s inhabiting the most exaggerated, implausible distortion of your position, in order to show that it’s ridiculous.”
In other words, calling ourselves misandrists is both a way of reappropriating one of the most common insults feminists weather, and a way to blow off some steam after a long day of fighting the same battles we did 30 years ago. And honestly, if feminists really hated men we’d probably come up with a better way to hurt them than funny t-shirts that insist that their tears are delicious. (Men may have some very sensitive parts, but even the manhating-est among us doesn’t go around kicking them willy-nilly.)
Despite all the fun-loving, internet-in-joke misandry, the vast majority of women and feminists do not hate men. Many of us might hate
bad
men: the sexists, misogynists and all-around jerks. But our hatred is just a feeling, and not something that can impact men in any meaningful or oppressive way.
Men who claim to be genuinely worried about man-hating or “misandry” are grasping at straws, and searching for a victim status that simply doesn’t exist. Guys are still doing pretty well, so let us have our “man-hating” fun while you go on ruling the world.
But keep one eye open. (Just kidding ... sort of.)
