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How To Drive Your Man Wild! (thepigeongazette.tumblr.com)

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[–]bootresha 73 ポイント74 ポイント  (68子コメント)

Jesus. See, this is why people are afraid of talking to people they are interested in (me included).

I mean, it takes a lot of courage to talk to person you are interested in. Calling them "ew gross" is just unfair.

But then again, if the person who initiates the communication is acting all-mighty or dickish (or just plain creepy, not to be confused with nervous/anxious), maybe they do deserve to be called "gross".

[–]warped655 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (1子コメント)

(or just plain creepy, not to be confused with nervous/anxious)

That's what being nervous and anxious almost always gets confused with. Being creepy and/or weird. This applies to both genders, though mostly men, as they are assumed to be "in control" and confident so when they act weird its interpreted as "on purpose".

And this doesn't only apply to sex appeal encounters. There are people socially inept enough that they'll act stupid even around a potential platonic friend.

[–]NES_SNES_N64 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is what happens to me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or how I'm supposed to handle certain situations. It's like the brain equivalent of, "What do I do with my hands?"

So I end up doing whatever my brain has cooked up (if it managed to think of anything at all) and I just end up coming off as creepy or clingy.

So, as with OP's comic, the thing that gets me in the least trouble is to not do anything and hope a girl talks to me. This has clearly worked out great as I haven't had a girlfriend in 6 years.

[–]Khanthulhu -4 ポイント-3 ポイント  (7子コメント)

One of the unintended side effects of shaming street harassers is that people who never learned healthy ways to approach or talk to the opposite sex are too afraid to try and learn.

My other point was that if you want to get a behavior to stop occurring, it is more effective to inform the person what they should be doing instead of only telling them what not to do, especially if the behaviors they should be doing replace the behaviors that are bad.

EDIT: Rephrased to remove confusion.

[–]egotripping 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (6子コメント)

So it's up to the victims being harassed to teach those men how they should approach women?

[–]Khanthulhu 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (4子コメント)

No, I would recommend those shaming the harassers to also recommend acceptable alternative behaviors.

[–]egotripping 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (3子コメント)

To the person harassing them? Like, directly to them right after being harassed?

[–]Khanthulhu 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I am referring to shame they receive on the internet. If you write a post about how bad street harassment is, you should include acceptable alternative behaviors. They are harassing for a reason, probably to meet someone, then there are socially acceptable ways to do that. Your shame will be more effective if you include these acceptable ways.

That is, of course, if the point of the shame was to decrease the street harassment.

[–]friendlyfire 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Are you seriously that dense?

[–]egotripping 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I assumed that Khanthulhu was referring to the women being harassed. Their initial post was unclear and they have since edited it. Are you seriously an asshole or are you just having a bad day?

[–]All_Tan_Everything -4 ポイント-3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well if they want to help solve the problem and make some dingus out there realize why cat calling isn't a good way to go about hitting on women, then yes. Just saying "ew gross" might give them the idea that that only that particular woman isn't into them. I'm not saying victims of harassment have to be nice, I'm just saying it could help if they were constructive with their rejections.

[–]crosszilla -5 ポイント-4 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Jesus. See, this is why people are afraid of talking to people they are interested in (me included).

I never understood this attitude. Do you not play video games for fear you might lose the first time you play it? Who cares if you get rejected? Your lack of confidence implies you have something to lose, as if talking to this woman and getting rejected would prevent you from talking to future women - yet you don't talk to her anyway so really what could you have lost?

At the inverse, what is there to gain? If you talk to her, maybe it's painfully awkward. Maybe she's into that sort of thing. But maybe it's an all out disaster. So? You'll probably never see this woman again so you'll be the only person who knows about it. You will gain experience from having the balls to talk to her, and you can learn from it so that next time you are a little more confident. And who knows, after a year or two of failing maybe you'll finally get the girl.

[–]bootresha 19 ポイント20 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Alright, I'm going to answer your reply as if you were actually asking real question instead of rhetorical questions.

Do you not play video games for fear you might lose the first time you play it?

No, I play video game because it's a game. If I lose, so what? I can retry again. I can see you are trying to relate this to your next question, which I'll answer after I quote it.

Who cares if you get rejected?

I bloody care. Unlike video game, if I screw up something, the effect is REAL. If I messed up. then I lost the chance to get to know someone (most likely) forever. THIS, is the main difference between game and real life.

yet you don't talk to her anyway so really what could you have lost?

If I talked to her and failed, then I lost the chance of getting to know her, like I said in previous question.

Sure, sure, plenty of fish on the seas. Easier said than done though. If you can do it, kudos to you and I applaud you for being brave and having "idgaf" attitude (in a positive way). My brain is rather stubborn and somewhat old-fashioned in this kind of thing.

Also, let's take a look at the target audience. If you are like me, an introvert person that doesn't enjoy going out much (especially to place like bars), then most of your targets are friends from school/college or workplace. If I screwed up, I'm going to lose much more compared to an outgoing person that just met a girl in a bar.

At the inverse, what is there to gain?

I concede my point to you on this question. I can't think of any.

You will gain experience from having the balls to talk to her, and you can learn from it so that next time you are a little more confident

Fair enough. Point taken.

Basically, it usually boils down to me having a mental warfare with my brain whenever I want to try and talk to someone. I'm being too careful and not wanting to lose chances, because my chances are much less, since I don't enjoy going outside to places with too many social interactions. (No, work does not count as "too many social interactions, so at least I don't mind going out to work)

Answering your questions sure made me think about my thought process though, so thanks for that.

Edit: Wow people, no need to downvote him. He's just expressing himself.

[–]crosszilla 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Like anything else in life, if you want to get good at meeting women you have to practice. Do you start shooting arrows off of people's heads the first time you pick up a bow? Nah, you don't do that until you're a master. What I'm getting at here is that you should try to meet new women where the consequences don't really matter as much and there is less outside social pressure dictating your actions. It's a completely different game if you just met and have nothing to lose. You'll learn a lot about yourself and what you want in the process, and may even look back in life surprised at the women who used to interest you because you only exposed yourself to women in your immediate vicinity. I speak from experience. Best of luck.

[–]macamatic42 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If I talked to her and failed, then I lost the chance of getting to know her, like I said in previous question.

The flaw in this argument is that this isn't a net loss. Look at this from a game theory perspective. If you do not talk to her, there is basically a 100% chance you will not get to know her. That means that your chances of getting to know her can literally only go up. Maybe you get rejected, but aside from your wounded pride you haven't lost anything.

I get it. I'm pretty shy myself and rarely talk to women in public out of concern that I'll come off as "creepy." But the truth is that this simply isn't logical, and it makes no sense to try to create a logical defense for it.

Ultimately, you "just" have to focus on two things. The first (and this applies to all interactions, not just women) is that meeting you is a positive experience. You want everyone you meet to be glad they met you, even if for just a moment. It helps to have some go-to lines (my dad has a few that are almost reflexive at this point) but you really need to have that desire or it feels forced and weird. This is a crucial element of what we think of as "charm."

The second is just what I said earlier - you understand that you have nothing to lose. Most likely, you will never see this girl again, and if you do it'll probably long after your encounter has been forgotten. If you're polite and engaging, and don't objectify or sexualize her, there's almost no chance she'll say something like "ew, gross." If she does, then you can pretty safely say she's kind of a bitch and you probably don't want to date her anyway. And yes, you can be a little selective.

[–]Zifnab25 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (7子コメント)

Jesus. See, this is why people are afraid of talking to people they are interested in (me included).

There's the other side of the coin. Some people are just endlessly bothered by would-be romantic interests. When 90% of one gender is chasing after 10% of the population of the other, it's not surprising that they get the same reactions - "Gah! Another one! GO THE FUCK AWAY!" You'd be amazed the kind of positive reaction you can get from a person who isn't dressed in fuck-me pumps and a muscle shirt.

[–]Tommy_Taylor 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (5子コメント)

When 90% of one gender is chasing after 10% of the population of the other

I don't get what you mean by this. Which gender is chasing after 10% of the other?

[–]Zifnab25 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (4子コメント)

It isn't about one gender. The best looking people tend to get the most attention. When you hit on the bottle blonde in the high heels or the surfer dude with the six-pack, you're one in a crowd and most likely seen as a pest. Be less superficial and you'll find more people willing to interact with you.

[–]StandardToaster895 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Do you really think the people in the above comments are going after the 10/10 knockout studs and hotties?

[–]Zifnab25 -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think many of the people who get rejected have focused their attention on others who already receiving a high degree of attention.

Case in point

[–]OnlyRev0lutions -2 ポイント-1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Seriously people need to learn to aim around their own level. If you're a 6 you know god damn well you're a 6. Don't go gunning for a 9.

[–]Zifnab25 -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's not even that. It's simple overexposure of attention. You can be Brad Pitt and if you're hitting on a girl that's just been hit on six times in the last hour, she may not want your attention.

Sometimes people go out in public without looking for a date.

[–]Draco6slayer 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

The numbers, based on dating sites, are actually closer to 60% of one population targeting 30% of the other.