My first post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2xmwi6/my_fil_in_reference_to_my_husband_m37and_im25/

I told my Husband about this this earlier this morning. I did it carefully, making sure to tell him that I didn't know exactly who was there other than a few names, and insuring that he knew a few specific people were definitely not there.

My Husband is a very deliberative person. He sat and listened to everything I had to say, without showing any emotion. It's hard to talk to him sometimes about difficult things because of this but I got through it.

He asked me a few questions, making sure that I was completely sure on every detail. Then he told me to fetch his phone and I did. He made several calls. He called various people and over the next 30 minutes three of my family members lost their jobs. Two lost their apartments, or will be losing them as soon as the law allows. He only punished people who were guaranteed to be at the dinner party or directly related to those who were, though. He did not punish my big sister, who I was worried about the most or people who couldn't have been involved.

Afterwards he told me that he would not tell me to cut contact with my family, but that he will not be seeing them until we receive a written apology from everyone who was at the party. He said I can handle my family as I like. I thanked him and told him that I would not be seeing them either until that happened.

Whilst I was helping my Husband dress for work, my mother called, but my Husband waved it off and told me to keep her waiting, because she will call again. He said I don't owe her promptness and keeping her waiting shows her that I have the power. She called many times in succession afterwards, but I only answered after my Husband was dressed and I had seen him to the car.

She told me in a frantic voice that personA had lost his job and wondered what happened or if there was anything my Husband could do. I'm glad my Husband had me wait because I had a formulated response. I told her that my Husband had personA, B and C fired. I didn't tell her why. She went silent for a bit, and finally asked why in an odd tone. I just told her that I heard what my stepdad said at the party. I told her that my Husband and I expect written apologies from everyone at the dinner party. A long silence followed, so long that I nearly hung up, but my mother did it first. This was a confusing reaction. I think she was too ashamed to speak, but it could also be that she doesn't care...

I will wait. The need to reach out to us with an apology if they are interested in continuing our family ties. I thought this was going to be harder and feel worse than it does. I am at peace about this.

tl;dr: My Husband took judicious action after I told him. My mother called me and I asked for apologies from all at the party. She hung up, either too ashamed to speak or signalling that she doesn't care about me.