You Could Rob All These Rich People's Houses During the Oscars
At the Oscars last night, several celebrities admirably used their time on stage to speak about issues like equality, discrimination, and poverty. This would have been a good time to rob their houses.
Think about it: during the Oscars, all these famous people are at the Oscars (not at home). Their houses are full of fancy things they can easily afford to replace. There is no better time to rob them.
The morning after a big awards show like this, there is always a very shallow debate over whether it is "good" or "bad" for big celebrities to speak out about political issues on stage at the big awards show. This is not the important issue. I guess on the grand spectrum of "good" to "bad" in this world of ours, "bad" would be "The Academy Awards are held and no one speaks out about politics because it is all about opulence," and "good" would be "The Academy Awards are not held." If the Academy Awards
are
going to be held, might as well use them to some small societal benefit, by robbing the people's houses.
All of these people are very rich.
It is nice that, for example, Patricia Arquette supports wage equality. It is certainly better than publicly declaring that she does not support wage equality. (That would be rude.) But when everyone wakes up Monday morning, that declaration does not do all that much to contribute to wage equality. You know what would contribute to wage equality? The cars parked in the unattended driveways of every Hollywood movie star last night, sold off to chop shops.
They can replace them very easily.
On balance, it is better that wealthy Hollywood stars have good politics, rather than bad politics. On balance, it is better that they support equality than oppose it. Declaring one's support for social equality while standing on stage at the Oscars is a little like declaring your pacifism while wildly firing a machine gun, but sure, it's better than nothing. It is good that this sector of the nation's economic elite understands and supports the need for America's coming class war. It should make them much less likely to get mad about the fact that members of the working class robbed their palatial houses during the Oscars. This does not mean that the class war should be confined to Los Angeles, or to movie stars, or should only touch those who profess to support its political aims. It is just a neat coincidence that works for everyone: Hollywood stars get to publicly profess their support for equality, and, while they are doing so, regular people are thereby afforded the opportunity to rob their houses. That is what I call synergy.
This would have been more useful if I had thought to say it yesterday, but there's always next year.
[Photo: AP]
