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21 Romantic Poems For Misandrists

All your favourite poetry, but with more misandry.
posted on Feb. 11, 2015, at 11:50 p.m.
Hannah Jewell
Hannah Jewell
BuzzFeed Staff
Daniel Dalton
Daniel Dalton
BuzzFeed Staff
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Daniel Dalton / BuzzFeed / Thinkstock

1. The Red Wheelbarrow by William Carlos Williams


so much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow
glazed with male
tears
beside the white
chickens

2. [i carry your heart with me(i carry it in] by E. E. Cummings


i carry your heart with me (ban men)
i am never without it (ban men)
i fear
no fate (ban men) i want
no world (ban men)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(ban men)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (ban men)

3. Sonnet 18 by William Shakespeare

Daniel Dalton / BuzzFeed / Thinkstock

4. How Do I Love Thee? by Elizabeth Barrett Browning


How do I hate men? Let me count the ways.
I hate men to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I hate men to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I hate men freely, as men strive for Right;
I hate men purely, as they turn from Praise.
I hate men with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I hate men with a hate I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, — I hate men with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but hate men better after death.

5. I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud by William Wordsworth


I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden fuckboys;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

6. Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost

Daniel Dalton / BuzzFeed / Thinkstock

7. A Red, Red Rose by Robert Burns


O my misandry’s like a red, red rose,
That’s newly sprung in June:
O my misandry’s like the melodie,
That’s sweetly play’d in tune.
As fair art men, my bonie lads,
So deeply do I hate them;
And I will hate them still, my dear,
Till a’ the seas gang dry.
Till a’ the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt wi’ the sun;
And I will hate them still, my dear,
While the sands o’ life shall run.
And fare-thee-weel, all my men!
And fare-thee-weel, a while!
And I will hunt you all, my men,
Tho’ ‘twere ten thousand mile!

8. There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly by Rose Bonne


Poor old lady, she swallowed a fly.
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly.
Poor old lady, all men must die.

9. She Walks in Beauty by Lord Byron

Daniel Dalton / BuzzFeed / Thinkstock

10. The Tyger by William Blake


Tyger Tyger, burning bright,
In the forests of the night;
What immortal hand or eye,
Could enslave all men tho? lol.
amirite?

11. Sonnet 130 by William Shakespeare


My misandrist eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than my lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then my breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on my head.
I have seen men bow before me, every night,
And many think they’re worthy of my gaze;
But in their tears I find a pure delight;
And banning men does set my soul ablaze.
I love to hear men cry, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a good man go;
Such pity ‘tis that all men must be drowned.
And yet, by heaven, I think we can agree
That every man must cower before me.

12. Funeral Blues by W.H. Auden

Daniel Dalton / BuzzFeed / Thinkstock

13. Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll


“And, hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
He chortled in his joy,
and then he added,
“it’s actually about ethics in games journalism.”

14. If– by Rudyard Kipling


If you can talk with women and keep your virtue,
And unlike beta males, not give in to them,
If neither feminist nor SJWs can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but not all men;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of explanation,
Yours is the comments section and everything that’s in it,
And — which is more — you’ll be a meninist, my son!

15. Hope is the Thing with Feathers by Emily Dickinson

Daniel Dalton / BuzzFeed / Thinkstock

16. Oh Beloved by Rumi


Oh Beloved,
take away what I want.
Take away what I do.
Take away what I need.
Take away everything
that takes me from you.
And also while you’re at it,
take away men.

17. Invictus by William Ernest Henley


It matters not how strait the (gamer)gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Doxx me fuckers.

18. Answer to a Child’s Question by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Daniel Dalton / BuzzFeed / Thinkstock

19. Love is a Thing to Become by Sri Chinmoy


Misandry is not a thing to understand.
Misandry is not a thing to feel.
Misandry is not a thing to give and receive.
Misandry is a thing only to become
And eternally be.

20. The Hollow Men by T.S. Eliot


This is the way the patriarchy ends
This is the way the patriarchy ends
This is the way the patriarchy ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

21. Anonymous

Daniel Dalton / BuzzFeed / Thinkstock
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    • Stephanie Traylor · Top Commenter · Union University TN
      Since when is hating men all right? If these poems were written for misogynists, the world would be in an uproar. This is ridiculous. Getting real tired of your misandry, Buzzfeed, even in the name of satire.
      • Daniel Dalton · Top Commenter · Staff writer at BuzzFeed · 1,656 followers
        lol
        Reply · Like
        · 16 · February 11 at 4:31pm
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      • Ericka Schwering · Loyola Marymount
        Agreed. As a feminist, we believe men and women should be equals. I know this is supposed to be a joke but it's a bit pathetic, don't you think....
        Reply · Like
        · 16 · February 11 at 5:11pm
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      • Sarah JM Williams · Top Commenter
        If it were about women, it would just be sad...it wouldn't be funny. It's a hot topic and the meninists are easy to make fun of. So put some salve on your butthurt and laugh a little.
        Reply · Like
        · 8 · February 11 at 9:13pm
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    • Caspa Misandry Pouncey · Top Commenter · Boss at Misanthropy
      So thankful for all the chill girls who took time out of their busy schedules to defend men's feelings and give them a voice in a society that so patently doesn't listen to theirs. No man should suffer due to satire and misandry kills guys, it's more than just hurt feelings, honest.
      • Eric Turner · Top Commenter · Lorain County Community College
        Okay, agreed, you will never take men's issues seriously, and I will never take women's issues seriously. Have a good day.
        Reply · Like
        · 1 · 21 hours ago
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      • Matthew Standfast · Top Commenter · Bluevale Collegiate Institute
        Women`s issues are men`s issues and men`s issues are women`s issues. Sooner we all figure that out we can work together on this.
        Reply · Like
        · 6 · 19 hours ago
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    • Dana Cavanaugh · Top Commenter · Hollister, California
      I'm just done with Buzzfeed. If you aren't a person of color, gay, or female, or Beyoncé, then you're shit as far as this site is concerned. I've had it up to my ass. Racism, sexism, and any other ism will never be solved by this sort of shit.
       
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    • Shelby Burns · Dovahkiin at Skyrim
      This whole thing was worth it for the line "A host of golden fuckboys."
         
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      • Danica Maxwell · Top Commenter · Cal Poly
        A poem for whatever idiot wrote this piece:
        Shut the fuck up
        Shut the fuck up
        Shut the fuck up
        and die
         
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      • Kirstie Holden · Top Commenter
        I wish someone would tell the feminists on BuzzFeed that satire is supposed to be funny.
           
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        • Ruby Johnson · Top Commenter · Works at Panera Bread
          If it's not okay to say these things about women, it shouldn't be okay to say them about men either. That's the point of feminism--to bring about equality for the sexes. I get that it was supposed to be satire, but it's not very funny and it IS kind of insulting to women AND men.
          • Alasdair Murray · Top Commenter · City University London
            Who does say these things about women, though? I can't deny there's plenty of sexism against women on the Internet, but I don't think I've actually seen 'all women must die'. I haven't seen an awful lot of misogynist poetry either. It only works as satire if there's something that's actually being mocked.
            Reply · Like
            · 1 · 23 hours ago
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          • Jenny Michele · Top Commenter · PPCC
            Elliot Rogers' manifesto and shooting spree, female journalists being driven from their homes by death threats, that tool who killed his girlfriend and posted pics of her corpse on 4Chan.. seriously.. have you actually spent any time on the internet???
            Reply · Like
            · 17 hours ago
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        • Felicia Gomez
          This is why I can't take Extreme Feminists seriously. You all cry about women's rights when it should be equal rights for everyone. You all cry and rage when men bash women, even though Radical Feminists bash men all the time. Have equal respect for everyone until they give you a reason to NOT respect that particular person. And for God's sake stop perpetuating misandrist garbage (even though most, if not all, of these poets/writers are wonderful in their own right).
           
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        • Helen Dainton · Top Commenter · Lab Assistant at IU department of psychiatry
          Yep. because treating people exactly how you don't want to be treated is always the best way to get respect in life.
          • Betty P Wiggins · Top Commenter
            Women are worried about being battered to death and raped while men claim to be oppressed on the axis of sex, it's a far stretch to claim the "treatment" is the same.
            Reply · Like
            · 3 · February 11 at 9:59pm
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          • Ipek Fargo Birced · Top Commenter · Dundee
            Betty P Wiggins Does making offensive statements about men in general solve this? Wouldn't it be more to like... HMmm... Educate people? So hypocritical.
            Reply · Like
            · 8 · Yesterday at 12:39am
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          • Betty P Wiggins · Top Commenter
            Ipek Fargo Birced

            Yes, let's "educate" them out of being rapists and murderers of women. That sounds like an excellent organizational strategy, begging: "Please stop sticking your dicks in seven year olds and oh yeah please stop gang-raping women and setting them on fire and oh yeah please shut down orangutan brothels. Please please please, can't you see it's bad?"

            As for the "offensive statements about men", it's called SATIRE. Women don't have the power to 'ban men', we don't even have the power to make sure rapists stay in jail.

            So while you're worrying about male feelings about a Buzzfeed article, some of us feel women are perfectly justified to write 'misandrist' poetry, AND THEN SOME.

            Problem?
            Reply · Like
            · 2 · Edited · Yesterday at 1:36pm
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        • Sarah JM Williams · Top Commenter
          Does no one get the meaning of "satire"? Methinks ya'll need a literature refresher course.
          • Calum King · Top Commenter
            So claiming 'satire' is now the way that people cover themselves when they're just blatantly looking to piss people off?
            Reply · Like
            · 11 · February 11 at 9:55pm
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          • Ipek Fargo Birced · Top Commenter · Dundee
            Calum King Exactly, if I were a man I would feel offended by this. There are misandrist jokes as there are misogynistic ones and they are equally bad.
            Reply · Like
            · 9 · Yesterday at 12:38am
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          • Linda Fingerson · Norwood, Massachusetts
            I wasn't angered by the post in the least. And the jokes weren't great, but they weren't awful either. More jokes!
            Reply · Like
            · Yesterday at 3:54am
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