Skittlr is a LGBT and MOGAI exclusive social network, designed for all-ages and a variety of identities. We want to create a safe, supporting community that helps people connect with others who have shared similar experiences in the LGBT and MOGAI communities.

A part of creating a safe space for LGBT and MOGAI people is making decisions that we believe will benefit the community. As a result, Skittlr is LGBT / MOGAI only – allies and “dycishet” (dyadic, cisgender, hetero-romantic/sexual) individuals are not allowed to join. This is not because we want to foster hatred or exclude people – we want to protect our members and we do this the best way we know how. There is a a couple of reasons that influenced our decision in this, and we have summarized them below.

LGBT / MOGAI People Want Safe Spaces

A large portion of the LGBT and MOGAI community has been requesting spaces exclusivskittlr.netades. We call these “safe spaces”, and they generally take the form of meetings or buildings where only LGBT and MOGAI people go and attend. Unfortunately, we often don’t end up getting these spaces for a variety of reasons; a lot of the time it is because allies (supporters of the LGBT / MOGAI community) feel they are a part of our community and deserve to be included. As a result, we almost never get that 100% LGBT / MOGAI only space. It is not a lot to ask to let us have one space to ourselves when so many LGBT / MOGAI spaces already let allies in.

People Don’t Want Negative Reminders

It is well-known that LGBT and MOGAI people are often abused, victimized and harassed; we have a high rate of mental health issues and bad experiences amongst our members, and a large part – not all, but most – of this is from experiences involve “dycishet” people (those who are dyadic, cisgender, heteroromantic and heterosexual all at once, and not LGBT / MOGAI at all). Some of our users are abuse survivors, victims of the system, runaways and kicked-out teens, or activists, youth and those subjected to acephobia, biphobia, homophobia and transphobia. They know that not everyone is bad, but during that recovery period, many want to be left alone, and dycishet people may make them feel unsafe or uncomfortable. It is unlikely that most allies or dycishet people mean any harm, but the reminding experience can be painful and our own members’ comfort comes first.

LGBT / MOGAI Only Spaces Create Independence

Most of the LGBT / MOGAI community is forced to rely on dycishet people and allies for government assistance, medical services, therapy, education of LGBT or MOGAI issues and help, and support. Many of our members don’t have access to other LGBT or MOGAI people; they can’t talk to people going through the same things or get resources created by our own members. LGBT / MOGAI people don’t really want to rely on people who will never go through their experiences telling them how to deal with it. This whole experience creates a sense of dependence that makes LGBT / MOGAI people feel awful; we are capable of standing on our own, we can support our own community. Which doesn’t mean that ally support is not meaningful, just not needed for intra-community support.

LGBT / MOGAI Experiences Are Very Unique

The experiences of the LGBT / MOGAI community are entirely unique – there is no comparable experience to a trans person who is transitioning, for example. While there are many similar things that people go through, LGBT and MOGAI people feel best supported by connecting to others who have gone through the same things. Allies and dycishet people don’t know these experiences; they can’t support LGBT / MOGAI people the same way that other LGBT / MOGAI people can. And that’s okay, but in this situation, we wanted to make a community that is just for those unique experiences.

LGBT / MOGAI Spaces are Valuable

One thing we see with Skittlr’s promotion is that LGBT and MOGAI people place high value in their communities and spaces. It means a lot to them to have those places, and an unfortunate common theme we also saw was that allies or dycishet people just thought the idea was cool. While there is nothing wrong with valuing things different, this is an example that Skittlr means different things to different people, and if Skittlr is not something alllies need, then it should be left to those who do need it.

There Are Many Ally-Friendly Space

There are many, many LGBT and MOGAI spaces that allow allies and dycishet people to join or enter; if allies wish to join one, they can make an effort to seek out communities that are okay with this. Skittlr is not a space that is built for this, and overall, one community that allies and dycishet people can’t join is not going to mean that much, especially when Skittlr is vastly outnumbered by spaces that allow allies.

Our Resources Don’t Apply to Dycishet Situations

LGBT and MOGAI resources don’t really apply to dycishet peoples and allies. What we’ve made, written and set up does not help or benefit non-LGBT / MOGAI people. Allies have no need to use our resources or community space; in fact, by using them, allies can take or steal resources that LGBT / MOGAI people actually needed.

LGBT / MOGAI Spaces Are Treated Differently

A prevalent issue with the LGBT / MOGAI community is that it is treated differently then other communities; most people don’t purposely go into or use community spaces for other minorities or marginalized people. As an example would be that a Christian person would not go into a Jewish Synagogue to pray. They know that isn’t their space, and part of being tolerant of other religions would be to respect their spaces and stay out of it. In another example, a white person would not go to a First Nations / Native American community centre; the resources offered there don’t apply to them, and that is not their cultural space. The LGBT / MOGAI community is still a culture, still a minority, still a community and it is not respected in the same manner. Furthermore, most supporters of racial equality and religious tolerance know that they are not considered members of those communities they are supporting; they are supporters and allies only. The LGBT / MOGAI community is no different in this regard; allies are not members of the community.

We’re Not Here to Educate

Generally speaking, but especially on Skittlr, the LGBT / MOGAI community does not exist to educate allies – the vast majority of LGBT and MOGAI people will not sit down and hold someone’s hand while they walk that someone through decades of culture and hundreds of years worth of history. Which does not mean that we don’t want people to be educated – however, the LGBT / MOGAI community has many, many resources and if an ally is to observe or research what people are talking about, they can learn everything they need to know. LGBT / MOGAI culture is not a tutoring session; its a lecture hall. Take notes. Research. Observe. Skittlr isn’t here to teach allies – its here to support our culture.

Allies Should Support

An ally of the LGBT and MOGAI community should be supporting our goals by helping amplify our voices and standing by our decisions. A good ally is here to help us, not talk over us or make decisions for us. While not all allies may understand why we have chosen to make Skittlr LGBT / MOGAI only, that was a choice we decided to make, and you can help us best by supporting us in this decision and respecting our choices.