Well I think there absolutely is a difference, it's not black and white, some statements are worse than others. It seems crazy to me to think that those two statements are equally offensive. I'm not saying either statement is correct to be clear.

To give an example, over Christmas I was hanging around with my aunts and uncles after dinner. One of my Aunts jokingly said something to the effect of "Well time for the women's job of cleaning up", everyone laughed of course. But you're saying that not only is that equally as offensive as saying "I fucking hate niggers", but that I should lose all respect for her?