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[–]confessionberry 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (36子コメント)

the fact that he was bothered by her dating white men

Okay, before I begin: I completely agree that the brother sounds like a complete asshole and the fiancé may have some issues as well.

That being said, I'm trying to put myself in the fiancé's shoes. I'm Indian too, and if I found out my girlfriend exclusively dated white guys for years and years before finding me... I dunno.

It's easy to think about it logically and say her priorities changed, she grew up, etc. But emotionally I would feel really conflicted. It's kind of hard to avoid thinking that maybe she wants you for your cultural value, a "proper" Indian boy to show to the parents, instead of liking you for who you are.

[–]Rum_Pirate_SCLady of the Rum 22 ポイント23 ポイント  (1子コメント)

But here's the thing.. If you read part of why the OP's brother is "looked up upon" is because he has a "Hot white girlfriend". So.. how come it's ok for Indian guys to date white women, but it's not ok for Indian women to date white guys? (Or also.. have a sex life prior to finding the one they want to marry?)

Now, I'm not saying you are guilty of say.. dating white women.. I don't know your dating history. Or the fiance's. But it always confused me how it's completely alright on the general sense for men to date who they want, but it's "slutty" and wrong for women to do the same thing.

Maybe this hypothetical girlfriend you bring up isn't "settling" for you, maybe she found you at the right time? Sure she might have dated nothing but white men.. but who cares? We fall in love with who we fall in love with.

[–]TheGhostOfAdamSmith 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

how come it's ok for Indian guys to date white women, but it's not ok for Indian women to date white guys? (Or also.. have a sex life prior to finding the one they want to marry?)

Male chauvinism.

[–]pusheen_the_cat 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Indian too, and if I found out my girlfriend exclusively dated white guys for years and years before finding me... I dunno.

See your insecurity is twisting a fact (she dated before and all were white) into something on purpose (she dated exclusively). There is nothing to know unless you talk to this hypothetical person, that she dated white guys on purpose. Dating is such a random, chaotic process. She could have easily ended up dating 3 black guys, or 3 chinese ones, or a mixture.

Some guys have this idea that women have a magical ol time with dating that it is sooooooo easy. When even pretty girls will have some standards and as a result you are facing a lot of nothing or an occasional crush.

But let's say it WAS on purpose. It would not be because of some superiority inferiority thing, or about dick size or whatever inseicurity stuff people think about.

Just try to imagine who you would date as a young woman. Who would be more likely to be accepting, from a don't give a fuck culture. Who doesn't fetishize virginity. Who shares a more western philosophy. Whose parents either don't give a fuck or they at the very least don't look at you as a disposable worthless temporary thing for their precious precious son.

It just so happens that many of those guys would be white. On top, there is attraction of the opposites which is a natural sentiment you most likely felt yourself. Not because it is white. But because it is different.

[–]ScrubTutorSpermjack Daniels 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (6子コメント)

if I found out my girlfriend exclusively dated white guys for years and years before finding me... I dunno

Get over your weird race insecurity. You sound like a white guy being nervous about black people with big dicks.

[–]Pterodactylism 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (2子コメント)

He's already said that he knows it's not logical but that he feels it anyway—that it's an emotion. When, in the history of humanity, has telling someone to "get over your weird insecurity" actually done anything to help that person get over a deep-seeded insecurity? Additionally, the colonization of beauty standards is a very real thing. Insecurities about one's partner preferring white people is something a lot of people of color—especially East Asian and South Asian men—have to deal with. Internalized race-based insecurities are serious shit, and you're being a bully. Please stop that.

[–]Transleithanianalpha fucks, beta bucks, gamma radiates via bremsstrahlung[🍰] 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Additionally, the colonization of beauty standards is a very real thing. Insecurities about one's partner preferring white people is something a lot of people of color—especially East Asian and South Asian men—have to deal with. Internalized race-based insecurities are serious shit, and you're being a bully. Please stop that.

Hahahaha, oh man, good luck trying to convince anyone here of that. I mean, it's true, and I really appreciate your saying so, but getting people to accept the facts of racism and colonialism on reddit is very much a Quixotic task.

[–]bibilemur 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Prejudice is prejudice. It doesn't stop being prejudice because you call it a feeling. Rape is a very real thing too but if I "feel" that all men are rapists I obviously need to fix that.

[–]Azurite222 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Get over your weird race insecurity

Come on. That's not fair.

People fetishize based on race all the time. White dudes do it to Asian women a lot, white women do it to black guys a lot. (I know a shit ton of guys who go nuts over Asian women because...Asian and two women who date exclusively black guys.)

Is it so hard to believe an Indian woman could have a race fetish on white guys? It's entirely possible, and the guy even said his fear isn't really logical. Sorry, but it is a bit weird this woman dated white men exclusively until she was ready to settle down and introduced an Indian man to the family. That definitely would raise eyebrows.

People, all races, all genders and all nationalities can be shitty.

[–]ohez 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

On top of insecurity, in this situation you don't know what her (Nikki's) social situation is like. For instance, I've pretty much exclusively only ever dated white women... however that's in large part due to the fact that most of my friends are white. Consequently, the probability of finding someone that I'm into - and who's into me - and them being white is high. It's nothing to do with any kind of preferences or fetish.

Maybe she just hung out with a largely white social group.

[–]Transleithanianalpha fucks, beta bucks, gamma radiates via bremsstrahlung[🍰] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Because racism in dating preferences don't real.

In fact, racism in general don't real. Not in America, land of the "imprison more black people by population percentage than apartheid South Africa", home of the brave.

[–]PostNationalism/r/postnationalist 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (23子コメント)

that's just life man.. TRP people need to get that the 'guys to fuck' and the 'guys to marry' are different guys.. it's not about being alpha or beta as much as it is about being marriage material vs sex material.. mmm..

[–]3200math 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (0子コメント)

TRP basically exclusively has this opinion, especially when it comes to "how women see it". It's wildly misygonistic. You can cherry pick hyperbole's where it's true, especially for younger people, but it's not that black and white. Especially because few people now have a clear point where they say, "okay I'm done dating for sex, now I only care about marriage". Relationships happen organically with people you're compatible with over a spectrum of reasons.

[–]DeputyMayorSnowWhite 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (7子コメント)

It's really funny that a group of men who have extensive doctrine on what makes a girl a "plate" vs. "LTR material" can't seem to understand that women might also prize different things in someone to fuck for one night and someone to marry. And, wouldn't shared culture be something that might make the guys to marry list? I mean, they have such idiotic qualifications as "no gay friends" and "never traveled to Europe" on their damn LTR list and that's A-OK.... But for a girl to want to marry a man of her same ethnicity is some horrible sin.

No. Fuck that. It's stupid, immature, and insecure and that's it. There is no "harsh truth" behind it... except the "harsh truth" that you're stupid, immature, and insecure if you believe it.

[–]Zelda_F 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (1子コメント)

It would be funny, but their double standards is very explicit and they justify it as "Evolution, man! biotruths!" Terpers condemn girls having casual sex before marriage, the "cock carousel" and all that. They go on and on about how only virgins deserve their alfalfa commitment. One would have to be that inexperienced to fall for their bullshit.

[–]hardtolove 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

One would have to be that inexperienced to fall for their bullshit.

Bingo. And also very young and naive as well.

[–]pusheen_the_cat 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Wait wat?

Why is having gay friends and traveling to Europe bad? I mean, I know they are nuts but what is the logic here?

[–]GbyeGirl 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

They don't like educated women who can see through their bullshit. I think the no gay friends thing is about too many cocks in the kitchen, even if the cock wants another cock

[–]MmmVariousEggsHB9 3/4 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Because they believe that having gay friends mean that when you go to the bar and suck off some random dude in the bathroom (which totally happens you sloot) all your sassy gay friends will be all like "You go girl"! As for travel they seem to think that the only reason anyone would want to do it is for sexual tourism purposes. If she went to Europe you just know she was banging 5 dudes a night brah! So essentially: a lot of assumptions and insecurities on their part.

[–]pusheen_the_cat 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Hahahahaha!

I guess as a European woman in a highly gay-friendly european city I am the devil incarnate.

[–]breadfollowsmeirrelevant gonads 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

One of my qualifications for someone to be a close friend is that they value my marriage. I don't know a single gay person who would encourage me to cheat on my husband. I don't spend time with people who would encourage me to cheat on my husband. Gay or straight.

[–]confessionberry 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (9子コメント)

That makes me feel even worse.

[–]Transleithanianalpha fucks, beta bucks, gamma radiates via bremsstrahlung[🍰] 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (0子コメント)

In this thread, everyone loses.

[–]monster_baiter 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

don't know if this helps but i for one am physically attracted to a wide range of different types of men of all ethnicities. i don't know how it is anywhere else but where i am the 'indian community' is very tight, i have a good indian friend and she tells me if she were to casually date indian guys she would run de risk of being slut shamed really badly in her community. she says if she starts dating an indian guy she wants it to be serious (as in getting married serious). i'm not saying it's fair or that you specifically would shame anyone for having casual sex.. just saying if i know a group of people is likely to give me shit for having sex i'm obviously not gonna do it with any of them. no matter how physically attracted i am to that person. imo the only thing you can do as an indian guy is being very open about casual sex and not shame anyone for it and maybe even distance yourself from people who do. to me at least being bitter or judgmental is one of the least attractive things you can do.

[–]DeputyMayorSnowWhite 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Look, don't hold yourself to the idea that you can only date Indian girls either if your goal is just to fuck people. Just go out and talk to girls. Set a goal, like to talk to one girl a day, or one girl every time you go to campus, or two girls every time you go out drinking. Whatever. It will be scary at first then it will get really easy, and you won't be able to believe you ever didn't do it. And don't just talk to the "hot girls" who are all decked out in a pound of fake hair and makeup. I mean, do talk to her, she's a person too, but also talk to... all sorts of girls! Talk to girls you don't even find immediately attractive, because you never know what personality trait might end up being really sexy. Be friendly. Talk to them like people, then, at some point within the very early staged of knowing them make a non-creepy move like leaning in for a kiss or asking her out on a date. If she declines move on. Don't "be friends" if you're not looking for friends. Just move on and try with another girl. That's it. All there is to it.

I spent my young adulthood in a very image conscious big city, and not a single one of the dozen or so chicks I hung out with had anything against Indian guys. In fact, most of them dated one at some point or other. The all acknowledged hottest guy in my high school was Indian. An Indian guy I knew in college had two girlfriends at once most times. Another was always in LTRs. The whole "no one wants to have sex with an Indian guy" thing is a myth. It's a lie you tell yourself that holds you back.

So don't be jealous of women having casual sex you think you can't have... If you want it, go have some. If you don't want it, that's totally cool, and you have the prerogative to seek out a woman who also doesn't want and didn't have it. That's it. The end. No need for the angst.

[–]pusheen_the_cat 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Whoa whoa whoa, talk to women like they are people? And befriend women of all looks because you never know what non-physical stuff you might end up crushing on?

Get out of here with this avantgarde stuff!

[–]kahrismaticMisandry Managed 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

How? Isn't someone wanting to spend the rest of their life with you far more flattering than someone wanting to spend one night with you?

[–]Bluefell -3 ポイント-2 ポイント  (3子コメント)

'Sex material' in this case meaning you can be an asshole, but only your capability to fuck and look good matters. 'Marriage material' meaning you have to look good, fuck good, but not be an asshole and must share the same beliefs, or can't be any other number of dealbreakers.

Feel better now?

[–]Rah-Rah-Replica 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (2子コメント)

That's fucking horrible dude just stop

[–]TomHicks -5 ポイント-4 ポイント  (1子コメント)

This is hilarious.

[–]Transleithanianalpha fucks, beta bucks, gamma radiates via bremsstrahlung[🍰] 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Not as funny as The Red Pill, though.

[–]pusheen_the_cat 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

that's just life man.. TRP people need to get that the 'guys to fuck' and the 'guys to marry' are different guys.. it's not about being alpha or beta as much as it is about being marriage material vs sex material.. mmm..

That is now how many women think, and even many men. Most people end up meeting someone, they click and take it from there. There is no evaluation and a fucking 5 year plan for a person you JUST started dating. You are in the moment. Above all it is a getting to know process. And for many people is a getting to know oneself process too - what they actually want in a relationship, what they are comfortable with, their likes and dislikes. How could you possibly just look at a guy and evaluate him as marriage or not marriage material. Compatibility takes months and years to see.

I think if a lot of people managed to find a very compatible person from the get go, and if they were themselves mature enough to handle a relationship they would end up looking at that person as marriage material.

But as reality is never perfect, you get girls and guys dating several times until they find a more compatible person and until they themselves become marriage material (more mature, know what they want, personal growth and independence). And sometimes they date, it fizzles and they walk away after a brief affair because that os who they are at the moment. Chasing a crush feeling, superficial. But even that can occasionally grow into something serious. There is no clear, rigid fuck guys and marry guys. People are not so ridiculpusly simple.

TRP is full of twisted up fuckedupness and there is no need to get contaminated by them and think like them in such cold, laboratory like way.

[–]Thraxzer 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I lost my highschool sweetheart wife of 12 years to one of these red pill guys, maybe they're right?

I saw this shit at work on my wife, we talk(ed) about everything including this asshole, I even made her aware of it of (the red pill and specific things he had done that were clearly from there) and she even agreed at the time, but somehow it still worked, she ended up leaving me.

[–]PostNationalism/r/postnationalist 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

talking about how your wife is attracted to another man is not the answer, not that i have a solution

unfortunately i kind of feel a bunch of LTRs end this way, you'll just never provide the feelings of excitement and attraction after a while compared to a 'new' man

[–]breadfollowsmeirrelevant gonads -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

So lets pretend for a minute that they're right and that being an asshole to women gets you sex. Is that the person you want to be? In TRP, the ultimate goal is to get sex... as much of it as you can. It's why they call it, "sexual strategy." At least in my opinion, they've seriously mixed up their priorities. I'd prefer to be a virgin and a decent person to someone rolling in lots of hot sex and an asshole.

Lastly, I will tell you that RP tactics would absolutely not work on me. I know because they've been tried. Women with healthy boundaries won't put up with that shit. Healthy boundaries are an anathema to RPers.

[–]RobotPartsCorpTESTABLE HYPOTHESES IS HARD :'( :'( :'( -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It is really hard to not date white people when that is who you are mostly surrounded by. It is one thing to SEEK out to ONLY date white people but do you see a difference when they are living in America and well, there are a lot of white people here?

[–]breadfollowsmeirrelevant gonads -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Question to ask: "What do you like about me? What is unique about me from the people that you have dated that you want to marry me?"

The thing is, most people wind up marrying someone very close to what they saw modeled for them. If their family values their race and culture, then most people will wind up wanting to marry someone with similar values. So ultimately, it very well might be your race. But it doesn't mean that she's "settling". It means that she found the person who best represents the expression of values that she sees as "normal" in marriage.