評価の高い 200 コメント表示する 500

[–]Ayakura 1978 ポイント1979 ポイント  (47子コメント)

You don't have to talk about what you know, but you have to know what you're talking about.

[–]green_flash 696 ポイント697 ポイント  (22子コメント)

directly contradicts Cunningham's Law

The best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer.

[–]Marimba_Ani 3862 ポイント3863 ポイント  (268子コメント)

Leave things better than you found them.

[–]Tartalacame 653 ポイント654 ポイント  (25子コメント)

“Leave things better than you found them so when death will come, you can go and know that you had done your best while you were here.“ - Sir Robert Baden Powell

[–]BenFoldsFourLoko 1130 ポイント1131 ポイント  (125子コメント)

Boy Scout?

[–]treerabbit23 1362 ポイント1363 ポイント  (79子コメント)

Usually, it's called "Campground Rules".

And it mostly applies to ex lovers. :)

[–]jjohn6438 2053 ポイント2054 ポイント  (58子コメント)

Huh, my ex lovers played by the "Tornado Rules":

Fuck up lives and leave a path of destruction everywhere you go.

[–]Dead_Starks 1807 ポイント1808 ポイント  (41子コメント)

Mine must live by "Tornado rules Kansas style". They make sure and come back every year or so and fuck up everything you've rebuilt.

[–]PushingTheRope 2206 ポイント2207 ポイント  (73子コメント)

Speak about others as if they're in earshot.

[–]Doozin 2780 ポイント2781 ポイント  (39子コメント)

And I said biiiiiitch.

[–]ChrisBuccino 862 ポイント863 ポイント  (21子コメント)

You said that though?

[–]Type40BlueBox 946 ポイント947 ポイント  (15子コメント)

I said biiiiiiiitch.

[–]Ronald_Reagan_Reddit 432 ポイント433 ポイント  (14子コメント)

B-but you said that..right?

[–]DannTheHuman 262 ポイント263 ポイント  (7子コメント)

Hmm..? Ohhh. O-oh, oh yeah man. I looked this woman in her eye sockets and I laid it OUT

[–]RebelRaven94 199 ポイント200 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Man I looked into the windows of her soul.

[–]I_play_elin 3298 ポイント3299 ポイント  (260子コメント)

I always ask myself, "If everyone did things the way I'm doing them right now, what would it be like?"

[–]SirPeyton 2238 ポイント2239 ポイント  (147子コメント)

You grow when you step outside your comfort zone

[–]SnapbackYamaka 413 ポイント414 ポイント  (66子コメント)

I'm in a terrible mood today because I didn't ask out the girl I was planning on going for the past couple weeks in my one class, and today was my last day of college. Now I'm in a horrible point in my life where I was too affraid to go out of my comfort zone to ask out a girl, and I'm required to go outside of my comfort zone if I hope to get a job.

I thought I would be happy when I finished college, but today's the most depressed I've felt in years.

[–]SirPeyton 75 ポイント76 ポイント  (7子コメント)

I know exactly what you mean. I graduated back in May and just took the lsat last week so I have a lot up in the air. I've had plenty of time to think of the woulda coulda shouldas. The real world sucks, so that's why I'm going back to school haha.

I'm a social guy, but damn when there is a girl you're really into and you miss that opportunity to talk to her it flat out sucks. And all guys know the feeling we're discussing. Just makes that time when you get it right though, and it clicks and you really get to know a cool girl. Makes it all worthwhile.

[–]mellowmonk 409 ポイント410 ポイント  (32子コメント)

This explains why my fortysomething friends who have spent their entire lives inside their comfort zone still act like 12-year-olds.

[–]Miohmioh 171 ポイント172 ポイント  (17子コメント)

Not entirely. I spent the last 6 years of my life pretty far from my comfort zone and I still act like a 12 year old.

[–]headspreader 129 ポイント130 ポイント  (12子コメント)

maybe you were using the comfort zone of a 6 year old?

[–]GMDynamo 2236 ポイント2237 ポイント  (81子コメント)

You see everyone you climbed over to get to where you are on the way down.

[–]dicklemytick 1776 ポイント1777 ポイント  (60子コメント)

Turned into a rule to live by:

Don't step on people on the way up unless you're sure you wont fall back down.

[–]DyingBreed5FDP 1857 ポイント1858 ポイント  (67子コメント)

A long time ago I was on 4chan, of all places. I was completely baffled by one of the comments. I don't remember the context, or anything about the person that said this or the thread at all. But I'll never forget what I read that night, and I swear it'll stay with me until the day I die.

I live for finding out what happens at the end. My story doesn't end with me crying, sitting in a tub with a fistful of oxy. It doesn't end aspirating on my own vomit from drinking a bottle of grain alcohol. Somewhere out there, someone is writing a story that needs another protagonist, an endearing character, and a fitting ending. I want to be around to do that. It's so selfish to live any other way.

Edit: Thanks for helping me share this guys. I've felt for a while that it's not just futile but nearly detrimental to hold onto my youth's naive romanticism. I didn't think it'd have a place in my adult life. But now I can see how wrong I was. Each of us deserves a story, even if we have nothing to prove. It just feels right, like the perfect song, or the perfect movie.

But just remember friends, if you're on a ledge, even if you don't need to be talked off of one, the best stories are told from one's own perspective. If you aren't around to tell others your story, who will?

[–]Bladelink 161 ポイント162 ポイント  (7子コメント)

Ha, I like the playful attitude of "I need to stick around to help the plot development."

[–]KRAy_Z_n1nja 3634 ポイント3635 ポイント  (291子コメント)

Bend, don't break.

Basically if something upsets you, don't let it destroy you from the inside out, it's okay to feel upset, but don't let it get you down too much.

[–]ohmygord 1886 ポイント1887 ポイント  (110子コメント)

You've bent the knee to Robert Baratheon, and Ned Stark has forcibly taken your last son and heir as ward. But you're still the Iron King, goddammit.

[–]I_play_elin 808 ポイント809 ポイント  (61子コメント)

Feels good to finally be able to read GoT comments without squinting for fear of spoilers.

[–]SageOfSkyrim 301 ポイント302 ポイント  (13子コメント)

No Hypeless Man may sit the Seastone Chair

[–]ero13 236 ポイント237 ポイント  (56子コメント)

This also goes with letting anger bottle up inside you. If something gets you angry or sad try to focus on the best solution to the problem, not the problem itself.

[–]mike9941 340 ポイント341 ポイント  (45子コメント)

That's easy enough to do with some things, others, not so much. I was medically Retired from the Navy due to PSTD from a major accident that happened at one of my commands. On the way out the door I was told that I was what was wrong with the navy, I had been trained and was getting out because I "couldn't man up"

I was 11 years in, I was planning to retire, but could no longer do my job because when put in certain situations I would have massive panic attacks, debilitating fear, and sometimes black out all together.

a year after I was medically retired, the Navy evaluated me and told me I was no longer suffering from PTSD, although I certainly was, and still am.

it has affected my social life, my professional life, and my family. It affects them every day.

this is not an anger or sadness that can be easily let go. My life was hell for 5 years after leaving the military, I had people that I thought were friends turn their backs on me because I was "weak".

I had my career pulled out from under me, I had me retirement pulled out from under me, I had my life pulled out from under me.

I have tried to curb that anger, it doesn't work, it hasn't worked, and at this point I have very little faith that it will work.

Fuck them, fuck them all, I will never be who I was. And I liked who I was.

I'm still trying to like who I am.

[–]Nicholas-Rage 953 ポイント954 ポイント  (23子コメント)

"Just for today"

I was travelling in Canada (I'm from England) and stopped to buy a drink at a little grocery store, an oldish looking guy followed me out and asked if I had a cigarette, I gave him a cigarette and lit one up and he started asking about the tattoos on my arms, I told him the stories behind them all and noticed he only had one on his forearm, in a small, nondescript font it said "Just for today" I asked him the story behind it and what followed was a tale of him doing every hard drug and every loose woman that came his way for 30 years, he had been clean and sober for 12 months at this point after joining a 12 step program, he explained how just for today was one of the steps and it meant that no matter how bad the cravings or the withdrawals, just focus on getting through today because tomorrow is a new fight. He told me I will come across people in this world who will be toxic, and not to let them lead me astray (as he did) to continue on the path I was on, live within my means and no matter what live just for today.

That was 4 years ago, I'll never forget the lessons he taught me in the time it took to smoke a cigarette, I've travelled extensively in the last 4 years and have met many interesting people, he changed my life with the story of his life and I don't even remember his name, wherever you are, I hope you are still on the wagon my friend.

EDIT: Thank you, fellow Redditor for the Gold, when I am done getting tattoo's and I am ready to finish this chapter in my own story I plan to "sign off" by getting "just for today" somewhere on my arm as a tribute to an amazing individual I once shared a cigarette with.

[–]Castleprince 929 ポイント930 ポイント  (61子コメント)

If you can do something about it, do it. If not, then don't worry about it.

[–]livelyraisins 184 ポイント185 ポイント  (30子コメント)

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." - Someone

[–]zidanetribal 1125 ポイント1126 ポイント  (55子コメント)

When I moved around for work a lot I would make sure my house was east of work. This way the sun was never in my eyes on my commute.

[–]almost_an_engineer 654 ポイント655 ポイント  (90子コメント)

Mental health comes first. Going to college, I've seen people break down and have a wide range of emotional reactions due to grades or other things. I never let that happen because I consider my mental state more important than grades and whatnot.

[–]BeardedForHerPleasur 2646 ポイント2647 ポイント  (164子コメント)

Never follow a hippy to a second location.

[–]dubflip 228 ポイント229 ポイント  (1子コメント)

One time we followed a hippy home from a club in Hollywood only to learn when we got there that he had been evicted, but had forgotten.

[–]4benny2lava0 323 ポイント324 ポイント  (28子コメント)

Is this like drug deal advice? Or am I missing the point?

[–]GetchaGrubbOn[🍰] 493 ポイント494 ポイント  (5子コメント)

30 Rock quote. But also sound advice.

[–]Waddupp 300 ポイント301 ポイント  (15子コメント)

if you're at a bar/club/whatever and someone (even maybe someone you know) says you should follow them to a different bar/club/whatever, it'll usually be shite even tho they say it's much better

[–]FourHeffersAlone 1375 ポイント1376 ポイント  (82子コメント)

Yeah... I did this once. We asked the hippy in question "They have drinks at this place?" He responds "Sure, it's a venue!"... 50 minute walk through the city later and it turns out it's a kombucha bar.

Freakin' San Francisco....

[–]Chaseism 4072 ポイント4073 ポイント  (305子コメント)

"I've got nothing better to do..."

Went to Bonnaroo this past year and saw Jack White perform. Before he started "Steady As She Goes" he said this...

“I was driving home in Detroit one day and Brenden Benson, who is a singer in this band, asked me to stop by after lunch and see if I could help him with this song. I said okay because I had nothing better to do. This is a warning to anyone who has something better to do. The great actor, Johnny Depp, once drove his friend to an audition. His friend did not get the part, but the director said what are you doing? And Johnny Depp starred in A Nightmare On Elm Street. Well, I’m glad he didn’t have something better to do. Albert Einstein was a Swiss patent clerk who was expected to crunch numbers all day. In his spare time…well I guess he just explained to you why you’re here. I’m glad he didn’t have something better to do…”

That stayed with me. Every time someone asks me to do something when all I want to do is stay home and zone out...I think "Well, I've got nothing better to do" and I go. I've had some incredible experiences with my friends because Jack White told that story.

[–]danperson1 2063 ポイント2064 ポイント  (163子コメント)

This vaguely reminds me of the movie "Yes man"

[–]Sirthatal 2033 ポイント2034 ポイント x2 (139子コメント)

That's exactly it! Don't be a passenger, drive the fucking car. Carpe Diem! Be a human doing, not a human being. Every shot you don't take is a miss. A ship is safe in harbour, but that is not what ships are for. Etc, etc. The point is you have a finite amount of time availablte to you, for Christ's sake use it.

Edit: woohoo, my first gold! SeriouslyI know this is getting a bit of hate and I understand everyone's situation is different but find something that makes you happy and do it! If it's climbing Everest, then great, if your thing is gaming, then great! It's your life, do what you enjoy!

[–]SirDooble 682 ポイント683 ポイント  (20子コメント)

Instead of being a human doing, can I do a human being?

[–]ImBillBraasky 38 ポイント39 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Eh, alright, I don't have anything better to do

[–]ImCompletelyAverage 1394 ポイント1395 ポイント  (36子コメント)

be a human doing

oh, that was probably autocorrect on mobile.

not a human being

damn.

[–]CargoCulture 1520 ポイント1521 ポイント  (45子コメント)

Every day, do one thing that makes someone else's life a little bit easier.

[–]manual_mode 1217 ポイント1218 ポイント  (128子コメント)

Even if its a small task, do it properly!

My grandfather always told me that when you're done shitting, always clean your ass properly. Its a small task to clean your ass but if youre too lazy and dont clean it properly, the shit gets stuck in there, festers and you can die from blood infection and so on. Till today i give my best to every small task.

edit: grammar

[–]PM_ME_Y0UR_BUM 648 ポイント649 ポイント  (87子コメント)

i don't think you die from a blood infection if you don't wipe properly

[–]manual_mode 128 ポイント129 ポイント  (26子コメント)

I never researched it :P I was still young so he probably wanted to scare me

[–]poolwater 1065 ポイント1066 ポイント  (59子コメント)

If your having trouble making a decision between a or b; flip a coin. If you have to flip it again you know what you really want to do.

[–]backpackersunion 98 ポイント99 ポイント  (8子コメント)

haha, I believe in this too. I found after time, if I flipped knowing this was my objective, it wouldn't help. So, I amended it into; I have to honor the coins result. So, either decided in advance or let the coin decided. This led to the conclusion that the decision doesn't matter, what matters was my attitudes towards the decision.

[–]Capnshepard 2055 ポイント2056 ポイント  (257子コメント)

If there's a pull through parking space, take it.

[–]PerverseHyperbole 927 ポイント928 ポイント  (195子コメント)

I did this in March. Turned out the spaces were head in only. $50 ticket.

[–]Dominion_Prime 1509 ポイント1510 ポイント  (35子コメント)

My wife got one of those except the sign was worded "don't back into spot" or something like that. She disputed it saying she didn't back in since she pulled through. Amazingly it got dropped.

[–]ILovePotALot 667 ポイント668 ポイント  (83子コメント)

What? I've seriously never heard of a law that governs which way your car points in a parking space. What's the justification for this?

[–]PerverseHyperbole 121 ポイント122 ポイント  (1子コメント)

It's permitted parking and little sticker that goes on your car has to go on your rear bumper or they ticket you for that too...

[–]runninggun44 195 ポイント196 ポイント  (22子コメント)

Unless its diagonal. Don't fucking pull through on diagonal parking.

[–]fletcheros 1253 ポイント1254 ポイント  (86子コメント)

Don't shit where you eat.

[–]becerro 560 ポイント561 ポイント  (50子コメント)

I have a rule about asking people to come out and do something with me (get drinks, go to a show, etc). If I ask twice unsuccessfully (i.e. if they turn me down twice, for whatever reason), I don't ask a third time. I wait for them to ask me before asking them again. I do this because I don't like being the only one doing work to keep the relationship going. I have never regretted losing touch with someone as a result of this rule.

[–]hablomuchoingles 3971 ポイント3972 ポイント  (265子コメント)

Do not attribute to malice what can be explained to simple human stupidity.

[–]montywoodpeg 855 ポイント856 ポイント  (14子コメント)

Although that is apparently the correct version of Hanlon's Razor, I prefer the slightly different version:

Do not attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence.

I find the distinction significant for circumstances where the person in question may simply be unfamiliar with their task or environment. A world-renowned scientist can still be a bad driver; they may not be stupid, however they are not good at that task.

Another example, someone working at checkout may make an error when processing your sale, doesn't make them stupid, they may be new at the job or used to working another department

Removes the inherent superiority issue and encourage you to see the other person as a real person with flaws.

[–]ibanez5150 65 ポイント66 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I like this one:

"Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice"

[–]PJKenobi 1910 ポイント1911 ポイント  (91子コメント)

Now this, I need to learn. I always assume people are selfish and evil. I bet they're just stupid as fuck though.

[–]hablomuchoingles 959 ポイント960 ポイント  (52子コメント)

I find it helps with road rage. I've made a lot of similar dumb mistakes while driving. It's not like I've never accidentally cut someone off.

[–]Let_me_research_that 365 ポイント366 ポイント  (9子コメント)

Just imagine how many people thought we were selfish assholes and we still have no idea.

[–]BeatrixSlaughter 93 ポイント94 ポイント  (9子コメント)

I pretend people who are driving too slow must have a vat of soup in the car and people driving too fast have some sort of emergency.

[–]call_catter 983 ポイント984 ポイント  (107子コメント)

I live a quarter-mile at a time.

[–]CaptainPsychoPunch 4345 ポイント4346 ポイント x2 (486子コメント)

"Everybody has something,"

I worked in a dietary office at a hospital for a while, and there was this old Filipino lady who had a knee so bad she could barely walk. One day I was stretching in my chair, and she just sort of curiously noted it outloud to me, and I responded with, "Haha yeah, my back is bad so I like to stretch it out once in a while,"

Without blinking or missing a beat she cheerfully said, "Ohhh, see. I have my knee, you have your back. Everybody has something,"

This kind of caught me off guard. The lady said it in a way that she was sympathising with me-- a young and spry 20-year-old at the time with minor back problems, while she had a knee that made her unable to walk properly. She put our problems on the same level, regardless, and said Everyone has something they're dealing with.

For some reason this really stuck with me. You have a problem? So does someone else. Everyone has something. She didn't excuse herself from having a problem, or tell me to suck mine up because she was dealing with something worse... But rather we each have problems, and we get over them how we can.

Man I suck at explaining this, but I still recite this to myself to this day.

EDIT: Oh my goodness, I definitley didn't expect this to blow up. Thank you kindly for the gold!

EDIT: Filipino, I get it.

[–]Brake_L8 920 ポイント921 ポイント  (58子コメント)

I like this and it's similar to how I view things most days. Everyone you meet has something. They all have a story to tell or a reason why they're doing what they do, whether it's the job they work, the degree they earned, or the way they act in a relationship. There is a backstory that has been written over the years, and you probably don't know all of it - so give 'em the benefit of the doubt.

[–]flooft 616 ポイント617 ポイント  (38子コメント)

Everyone you pass by daily that seems minuscule to you has their own life as intricate as your own.

That's powerful to me.

[–]CaptainJeff 3185 ポイント3186 ポイント  (175子コメント)

Plato: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle that you know nothing about."

Damn.

[–]praisetehbrd 624 ポイント625 ポイント  (46子コメント)

I don't think that was actually Plato

[–]Pete_Lag 1625 ポイント1626 ポイント  (68子コメント)

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle that you know nothing about

Thats not from Plato but have an upvote for the effort :)

[–]derete 42 ポイント43 ポイント  (37子コメント)

Now I'm curious. Who?

[–]southern_boy 37 ポイント38 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Good question!

Here is a good summation of the best answer. That I've found, at any rate...

[–]sockmonkey16 141 ポイント142 ポイント  (4子コメント)

That quote is actually from John Watson (writing under the pseudonym Ian MacLaren), and the full version is much more powerful:

This man beside us also has a hard fight with an unfavouring world, with strong temptations, with doubts and fears, with wounds of the past which have skinned over, but which smart when they are touched. It is a fact, however surprising. And when this occurs to us we are moved to deal kindly with him, to bid him be of good cheer, to let him understand that we are also fighting a battle; we are bound not to irritate him, nor press hardly upon him nor help his lower self.

[–]IllegitimateRoyalty 58 ポイント59 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I won't set myself on fire to keep others warm.

[–]BammaLamb 2276 ポイント2277 ポイント  (107子コメント)

Don't be an asshole

[–]nomad2585 1267 ポイント1268 ポイント  (80子コメント)

Be the dick.

[–]JohnnyLaces 793 ポイント794 ポイント  (62子コメント)

Dicks fuck assholes

[–]owningmclovin 724 ポイント725 ポイント  (53子コメント)

But dicks also fuck pussies.

[–]birdboy2000 1002 ポイント1003 ポイント  (19子コメント)

If I meet another trainers' eyes, we have to battle.

[–]walkman01 165 ポイント166 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Or if you walk into their line of vision at all. They can see through the goddamn curvature of the Earth to tell you about their shorts and beat up your pets.

[–]immortal_joe 1074 ポイント1075 ポイント  (49子コメント)

Imagine you have a mortal enemy, someone who wishes for your absolute destruction, for everything to be as bad as possible for you at all times. Think about what that enemy, watching your life, would want you to do. Do what they wouldn't want you to do.

[–]japppasta 319 ポイント320 ポイント  (31子コメント)

"Am I happy?"

Every once in a while I just sort of stop, usually in strange mundane situations, and I just basically ask my self if I'm happy with how my life is at the moment, if I'm not I make a change. It's honestly been the catalyst for most of the big decisions in my life.

  • "Am I happy?" No - left my shitty girl friend, moved in with friends and had a great time.

  • "Am I happy?" No - took a semester out of grad school, worked my ass off and went on a motorbike trip across Asia

  • "Am I happy?" Yes - about to return home to grad school with a lot of new experiences under my belt.

What's the point in anything if your not happy?

[–]jus10beare 2442 ポイント2443 ポイント  (426子コメント)

STFP. Shoot the fucking puck. Don't be scared to take a chance on anything or anyone. You might score big! You might get a rebound. You might get some slop. If you don't shoot you always lose.
edit: Sorry guys, I'm not Canadian. I live in Indiana and I feel I may be the only hockey fan in the entire state. This advice is true wherever you are. I think hockey makes for the best analogy of anything can happen when you put a puck on net.

[–]SUSAN_IS_A_BITCH 2369 ポイント2370 ポイント  (103子コメント)

What if the fucking puck is a late-night text to your ex saying you miss her?

Don't shoot that puck, kids.

Just don't.

[–]Triforceman555 1427 ポイント1428 ポイント  (37子コメント)

I'm guessing Susan is your ex?

[–]DasBarenJager 128 ポイント129 ポイント  (15子コメント)

That is basically how me an my girlfriend (now wife) got back together. We dated for a year then separated for a few months. We were both unhappy and lonely without each other and I hadn't talked to her in a couple of weeks so I just sent out a text asking how she was, we ended up hanging out again a few days later and found out there was still a spark between us.

The separation was a good thing for us because we realized we were making stupid mistakes and we then laid down an open line of communication that has sense led us to have a very strong relationship.

[–]SchrodingersCatPics 956 ポイント957 ポイント  (135子コメント)

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

[–]The_Rampant_Goat 183 ポイント184 ポイント  (31子コメント)

You miss 90% of the shots you take

[–]birdboy2000 173 ポイント174 ポイント  (7子コメント)

but a goalie with .900 save percentage gets benched. It's worth it.

[–]ZenRage 522 ポイント523 ポイント  (12子コメント)

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." -Jack Daniels

[–]tazydrex 4450 ポイント4451 ポイント  (1746子コメント)

If I'm considering buying something expensive, I take a look at it based on price per use.

New mp3 player is $250 dollars? I will use it more than 250 times, and a dollar per use is alright with me.

New dress is $80? I'll probably wear it four or fives times, and each experience will be worth 15-20 dollars each time.

New shoes are $250? If I'm only going to wear them a few times I doubt they'll be worth $75 per wear, rejected.

Edit: Thank you!

[–]b_z 2898 ポイント2899 ポイント  (421子コメント)

Another one is how long you had to work for the item. Work a full day for a dress shirt? Work a week for an xbox?

Depending on your pay-rate of course.

[–]MIDItheKID 486 ポイント487 ポイント  (43子コメント)

I compare completely different items sometimes. I bought a game on Steam the other night for $6, and I played it for maybe 2 hours and uninstalled it, not very interested. But I don't see it as a loss because I've paid more money for less than 2 hours of entertainment at a movie theater. Shit, I paid the same amount of money for a pint of beer at the bar, and that lasted me about 15minutes.

[–]Grimsterr 1820 ポイント1821 ポイント  (309子コメント)

Turn things into an hourly rate and decide accordingly, especially if it's something don't like to do.

Cutting grass for instance, I can spend 3 hours doing it myself or I can work 3 hours, make ~$100 after taxes and pay the guy $70 who cuts my lawn and have $30 left for beer, and the added benefit of no hay fever attacks.

[–]DJWhyYou 1791 ポイント1792 ポイント  (156子コメント)

I hope you live on an acreage because 3 hours to mow the lawn is just ridiculous.

Edit: Thanks, everyone, for telling me how long it takes you to mow your lawn.

[–]IranianGenius 2178 ポイント2179 ポイント  (26子コメント)

He uses scissors; he is actually very efficient with the tool he is given.

[–]Blarty97 677 ポイント678 ポイント  (10子コメント)

Very cost effective @ 0.0000000000000000000000000003pence a snip.

[–]zamfire 70 ポイント71 ポイント  (6子コメント)

No way dude. Even if there is only one blade of grass per "snip" that is almost no money at all. To expaaaand:

There are an average 47 blades of grass per square inch. 144 inches in a square foot, and 43,560 square feet in ONE acre. So, that is 6768 blades of grass in ONE square foot, OR, 295 million blades of grass in on acre! (294,814,080 blades of grass, to be exact)

Now, you said pence, so I'm going to assume you are using The Queen's currency, making the job to cut one acre: 0.00000000000000000088444224th of a pound.

Edit: If you are looking to give a more fair price, then you should charge 0.00001017590476th of a pence.

[–]Grimsterr 383 ポイント384 ポイント  (78子コメント)

2 acres, lotsa trees and flower beds, etc.

[–]Ledges 206 ポイント207 ポイント  (69子コメント)

My 2 acres used to take 4 hours to mow - now with the zero turn it's been reduced to just over 2 hours.

[–]Grimsterr 318 ポイント319 ポイント  (56子コメント)

For $4k (the cost of the last Zero turn I looked at) I can pay this fella to cut my yard for like 3 or 4 years.

[–]TK81337 49 ポイント50 ポイント  (4子コメント)

That's how I rationalized hiring a maid.

[–]StarbossTechnology 70 ポイント71 ポイント  (9子コメント)

I'm the same way. Last year I outsourced the ironing of my work clothes.

[–]lordcooper 78 ポイント79 ポイント  (4子コメント)

I outsourced leaving the house. Some guy in China stays outside 24/6 so I can just sit here redditing.

[–]raymond8505 255 ポイント256 ポイント  (25子コメント)

Its called an opportunity cost

[–]neums08 4098 ポイント4099 ポイント  (456子コメント)

I have a similar scale, but it is based on burritos. I have no problem paying for a $6 burrito at a burrito chain. So I break down the purchase by how many burritos I could get for the same money.

Steam sale hits and I can get 7 games for 2 burritos. Hell yeah I'm getting those games.

COD AW costs TEN BURRITOS? Hell no.

Edit: I don't know if post-gilding edits are tacky or not. Now I'm in a very uncomfortable position, and I don't like it.

[–]tazydrex 3553 ポイント3554 ポイント  (140子コメント)

Burrito for scale. I like it.

Edit: Wow! Thanks!

[–]Fakeittillumakeit 3198 ポイント3199 ポイント  (111子コメント)

Your comment was worth 2/3 of a burrito to somebody.

Edit: This comment is definitely not worth 2/3 of a burrito. Whoever gilded it must have had rice on hand.

[–]SuperSaiyanNoob 339 ポイント340 ポイント  (77子コメント)

Yup. I don't mind paying 1500$ $1500 for a laptop when I'll use it multiple hours a day for at least two years. Same with a good phone which is maybe 200$ $200.

[–]crimsonandred88 1274 ポイント1275 ポイント  (229子コメント)

New shoes are $250? I'm only going to wear them a few times and I doubt they'll be worth $75 per wear, rejected

Please explain this to my wife...

[–]tazydrex 799 ポイント800 ポイント  (198子コメント)

It could just be that she does think they're worth $75 per wear. I've seen shoes that if I had the money and if they were comfortable, I would have bought just for a few wears despite them being expensive.

[–]Apsis 621 ポイント622 ポイント  (181子コメント)

Guy here: why only wear them a few times?

[–]pinkyellow 638 ポイント639 ポイント  (107子コメント)

Sometimes the shoes really only apply to certain situations, outfits, crowds, etc. so buying those beautiful and unique 4 inch stilettos may have been really fantastic for your gaudy cousins glamorously themed wedding reception, and that boss' over the top holiday party in which his dress code specifically stated "dress to impress," but they may be less than fantastic for the company's executive-led meeting or your church outing.

But for those 2, 3, 4 events in which they'll be worn to... You'll feel damn good rocking those bad boys in the crowd, getting glances and comments.

Source: female with too many shoes she can't find any more appropriate events for.

[–]CMarlowe 1715 ポイント1716 ポイント  (90子コメント)

Treat people who work in service industry jobs with some dignity. I’ve worked in it before, hated it, and it was always nice when someone treated you like an actual human being.

Add: Thanks for the gold!

[–]IAmNotScottBakula 575 ポイント576 ポイント  (33子コメント)

On ravioli night there are only two options: go big or go home.

[–]izallgood 204 ポイント205 ポイント  (32子コメント)

Live as if lying later is not an option. It's actually incredibly freeing, and I am one of the most trustworthy people my family, friends, coworkers know. I just got into the habit of telling the truth and stuck with it.

[–]_iPood_ 2260 ポイント2261 ポイント  (246子コメント)

Don't get caught.

[–]BackWithAVengance 1821 ポイント1822 ポイント  (134子コメント)

That's the ol' "Don't break two laws at once" rule.

[–]littleocelot20 892 ポイント893 ポイント  (103子コメント)

Tons of criminals are found because they ran a red light, had a light out, or were speeding.

[–]TheMisterFlux 871 ポイント872 ポイント  (79子コメント)

I work in the court system. It's incredible how many drug dealers get caught with tens of thousands of dollars worth of drugs because they decided to smoke a joint while speeding.

Cop pulls you over for speeding? That's fine. Just be cool and he'll go away. Cop pulls you over for speeding and smells pot? He's going to search your car.

[–]austin78705 148 ポイント149 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Motherfuckin words to live by

[–]Prazoid 212 ポイント213 ポイント  (38子コメント)

Destroy evidence - always

[–]RadiantSun 285 ポイント286 ポイント  (32子コメント)

Deny everything, admit nothing.

[–]maddwarfmatt 34 ポイント35 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Admit nothing, deny everything, make counter-accusations.

[–]PolutroposUHC 581 ポイント582 ポイント  (27子コメント)

Be excellent to each other.

[–]flodnak 544 ポイント545 ポイント  (43子コメント)

If you don't want to know the answer to a question, do not ask it.

[–]VaginalVentriloquist 322 ポイント323 ポイント  (15子コメント)

No alcohol until I've finished my coffee.

Edit: Irish coffee is okay after I drink my nonalcoholic coffee.

[–]realslacker 1828 ポイント1829 ポイント  (152子コメント)

  1. The majority of people are inherently good
  2. Good people sometimes do bad things
  3. Two unreturned texts or calls means she's not interested
  4. Do not abide a cheater
  5. Everyone deserves to be happy
  6. Do what you want

[–]JFBeaver 318 ポイント319 ポイント  (10子コメント)

If you're going to be a dick, you better have the balls to back it up.

[–]dude_icus 1320 ポイント1321 ポイント  (62子コメント)

Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle

[–]BigOak1669 80 ポイント81 ポイント  (3子コメント)

If you tell one person, you've told everyone.

[–]C477um04 2276 ポイント2277 ポイント  (42子コメント)

If internet explorer is brave enough to ask to be my default browser, I am brave enough to ask that girl out.

[–]natufian 540 ポイント541 ポイント  (6子コメント)

If she says yes, it'll quickly be followed by "could you drive me to Firefox's place?"

[–]Sciencequeen16 94 ポイント95 ポイント  (13子コメント)

I keep it as my secondary browser mostly because I feel kind of sorry for it. That and it was kind enough to download Chrome for me, even knowing I would hardly ever use it again after that.

[–]LieutenantDanzig 322 ポイント323 ポイント  (18子コメント)

Marry someone who looks sexy when disappointed.

[–]jarannis 687 ポイント688 ポイント  (58子コメント)

Although the topic is referencing a singular rule, I believe these three together constitute my "Tread lightly, but firmly" overarching rule:

1: Use words carefully. The economy of language taught in schools pertains to more than papers. Taking the time to thoughtfully compose your words to be concise and meaningful will make you not only better represent your true intelligence, but will also reveal to you more about your own opinion on a topic.

2: Don't talk about things you know nothing about. Your own experience is the only pertinent thing you can bring to a conversation. If you don't know anything about what people are talking about, it is best to express your own lack of knowledge as your contribution over attempting to fit in by making up facts and figures to support your own uneducated opinion. There is a time and place for a hypothetical argument for purposes of learning, and that is when both parties agree to have an argument for that reason.

3: Love everyone. The best thing that you can do for the people around you regardless of relationship is to love them. Love them for who they are. Love them regardless of how much they've hurt you. Love them because they probably have as little idea what they're doing with their lives as you do. Love them because they're right. Love them if you think they're wrong.

[–]Sometimeseyewonder 63 ポイント64 ポイント  (9子コメント)

The second one is a rule I definitely live by. People love talking about what they're interested in, and often love the opportunity to pass their knowledge of the subject onto others. When I don't know about things, watching people light up to explain to me what it is is always a great feeling.

[–]Alex4921 174 ポイント175 ポイント  (9子コメント)

If you are ever presented with two options,pick the one that makes for a better story

[–]ultrasupermegatron 313 ポイント314 ポイント  (20子コメント)

Never piss off the people that handle your food.

[–]kaos78414 3828 ポイント3829 ポイント  (419子コメント)

If you never expect anything, you'll always be pleasantly surprised.

EDIT: Thanks for the gold stranger! That's so pleasant of you :)

EDIT 2: So it seems like some people are construing this as a way to be pessimistic, or as if I am not happy because of this outlook. It's not like that at all. I have goals and I strive for them, and I have a career I am proud of and I try to advance in it and work hard. It's not some apathetic point of view; it's about taking the negative things in life in stride, and doing your best not to let them drag you down. At least, that's what I got from it when this was told to me. I've been told I have an "overly sunny" disposition :)

[–]crazyei8hts 1659 ポイント1660 ポイント  (66子コメント)

Hmm. I didn't expect that.

[–]SchrodingersCatPics 569 ポイント570 ポイント  (56子コメント)

On a scale of one to ten, how pleasant was your surprise?

[–]Skootchy 433 ポイント434 ポイント  (11子コメント)

POCKET SAND! SHA SHA SHA

[–]Turfie146 533 ポイント534 ポイント  (98子コメント)

Expect everything to go wrong, you'll never be disappointed.

[–]fartsbeuponyou 209 ポイント210 ポイント  (58子コメント)

This version actually makes sense. Or put another way, if you always expect the worst, you can only ever be pleasantly surprised.

[–]spiffyclip 445 ポイント446 ポイント  (47子コメント)

Your mental health might take a hit though from constantly walking around in a constant state of dread.

[–]napoleon_blown_apart 64 ポイント65 ポイント  (5子コメント)

NEVER get in the trunk!

[–]adairtd 1665 ポイント1666 ポイント  (96子コメント)

Be professional, be polite, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

A rule to live by from General James Mattis, from my days in the Marine Corps.

[–]triumphantcookie 522 ポイント523 ポイント  (24子コメント)

-- Sniper

[–]filthymahfk 26 ポイント27 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Do I need a seperate plan for every person, or can I just have one plan that i can tweak according to the individual?

[–]hellnofvckno 2795 ポイント2796 ポイント  (158子コメント)

34

[–]cornbread0524 1370 ポイント1371 ポイント  (88子コメント)

Is rule #34 to enjoy the little things from Zombieland?

[–]Cpt_Tripps 745 ポイント746 ポイント  (44子コメント)

yes.

[–]Scolez[🍰] 552 ポイント553 ポイント  (32子コメント)

I am pleasantly surprised by your answer.

[–]thatkid_lui 745 ポイント746 ポイント  (6子コメント)

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[–]epicman107 274 ポイント275 ポイント  (40子コメント)

oh, well I didn't expect someone to say that

[–]Salle_de_Bains 549 ポイント550 ポイント  (39子コメント)

How pleasantly surprised were you?

[–]DParren 525 ポイント526 ポイント  (34子コメント)

Never let stress or anger show.

Generally the world at large is just trying to annoy you.

[–]SchrodingersCatPics 231 ポイント232 ポイント  (12子コメント)

Oh, this really just pisses me off man, here you are trying to tell me how to live my life, telling me how to be. It just gets me so BURNED UP, man, come on! AARRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!

[–]yathern 80 ポイント81 ポイント  (5子コメント)

You have now evolved into your full form; Zach dela Rocha.

[–]jrlii 1307 ポイント1308 ポイント  (121子コメント)

If an idiot would do it, then I do NOT do that thing

[–]RudegarWithFunnyHat 992 ポイント993 ポイント  (49子コメント)

Breathing?

[–]frettingtime 651 ポイント652 ポイント  (40子コメント)

checkmate /u/jrlii ... your move.

[–]Phycoz 553 ポイント554 ポイント  (26子コメント)

/u/jrlii, he said it's your move. Hey, wake up, why aren't you moving bro?

[–]LoveBurstsLP 187 ポイント188 ポイント  (19子コメント)

To be fair, an idiot would do a lot of things regular people might do. Like drive

[–]IHateTheLetterF 212 ポイント213 ポイント  (40子コメント)

Don't murder people with axes.

[–]IAmAtWork_AMA 578 ポイント579 ポイント  (16子コメント)

Yeah, it's usually easier if they don't have an ax.

[–]Ted_Denslow 305 ポイント306 ポイント  (120子コメント)

The Golden Rule.

[–]ayylmao13 791 ポイント792 ポイント  (40子コメント)

It's not gay if it's in a 3 way?

[–]Thehealeroftri 246 ポイント247 ポイント  (18子コメント)

It's only gay if the balls touch!

That's why I refuse to play pinball with the multiball option.

[–]Asterix1806 305 ポイント306 ポイント  (29子コメント)

1 : (1-√5)/2

Oh wait, wrong golden thing.