When bored, one of the best things you can probably do for amusement is visit tumblr. This is part one of a hopefully long-running series where we bring you bits and pieces from that strange hive of humanity. This time we try to answer the question: who needs feminism?

Just as a side note: not much cherry-picking going on here. Results were ordered by “most recent” and only those posts were selected, which I had something to say about.

First up, it’s a woman who has been denied health care, safety, and education due to her gender. She would also like the right to make decisions for herself.

Unfortunately she does not specify who has denied her access to these things due to her gender. Nor does she specify what sort of decisions she is unable to make due to her gender.

It would be great if she could publish the name and photo of whoever has denied her these things, because such denial is blatantly illegal. Without further information, we can’t really help her.

Well, your potential future husband might have an issue with you not wanting kids. You can’t just say “I want to marry you, but I don’t want to give you what you want” and still expect to get married.

And how is feminism going to solve this issue? Is it going to make your future husband not want to have kids? Because that might actually work. Lots of guys are choosing to not have kids just because they don’t want to risk divorce, alimony, and child support. Which are largely things that feminists have fought for. So, good job, feminism!

I do sincerely hope you find someone who shares your dream of getting married, but does not want kids.

The actual percentage is currently 5.2%. Here’s a full list. Let’s look at the top five.

Consensus on the internet seems to be that Mary Barra, CEO of General Motors is not a feminist. Feminists refuse to support Meg Whitman, CEO of Hewlett-Packard. There doesn’t seem to be any information on whether Virgina Rometty (IBM) considers herself to be a feminist. Patricia A. Woertz (ADM) doesn’t seem to have taken a position on whether she’s a feminist or not. And Indra K. Nooyi recently angered a bunch of feminists with a rather depressing reality-check.

How is feminism going to help that percentage grow?

The only text I can make out on her body is “equal pay for equal work”. And she’s posing for a photo. Hmmm…

Even Jezebel, that bastion of crazy-ass feminism, wrote about male models earning way less than female models. Top male model: $1.5M per year. Top female model: $42M per year.

You are complaining about not getting equal pay for equal work while engaging in an activity where people of your gender earn many times more.

You are either a brilliant troll or remarkably stupid.

*slow clap*

The next time your girlfriend tells you that you should be wearing nail polish, you just tell her “no”. And if she persists, just tell her that “no means no”. If she doesn’t take the hint, she’s nail-raping you.

I would like to also direct you to an informative website about the dangers of huffing nail polish remover.

So you’re a man who wants to become a woman. And people tell you that if you go through with this, you won’t be “a disposable man” anymore. And you think that men being considered disposable is a bad thing.

Sonny, you need the men’s rights movement if you think that men being disposable is bad.

89.9% of the homicide victims in Baltimore were male and just 10.1% of the victims were female back in 2012. What you observed is a statistical anomaly.

But, yeah, who gives a shit about almost 90% of Baltimore homicide victims when we can focus on the 10%.

You need feminism, because women’s magazines, which are run and staffed mostly by women, don’t glamorize hairy armpits?

Could it be because people don’t find that attractive and therefore wouldn’t buy these magazines?

You seem to be under the impression that magazines somehow program people into finding something attractive. While in reality magazines tend to cater to whatever people find attractive. You can’t just force the general population to start thinking that hairy armpits on women are cool.

Oh, by the way, if you’ve never seen hairy armpits glamorized, then you probably don’t watch a lot of porn. Hairy women are a popular porn subculture and quite glamorized there.

I have no issue with this. I, too, would like people celebrated for their achievements.

However, I do not see how feminism will get you there. Maybe you can enlighten me in the comments.

By the way, how do feminists stand on shaming shirts, rather than celebrating achievements?

Oh.

Oh, come on. This is not true. I’ve come across plenty of amputee porn on the internet.

Unk need big stick b/c too much mammoth. Unk need fire. Unk cook mammoth.

Mammoth good.

Now, if you can’t read that too good, it says that she’s handy with tools and cars and that shouldn’t be looked down on. And that she should, instead, be praised.

It is definitely unusual to see women working with tools and cars. As it is unusal to see women working as CEOs. Seeing as how feminists have tried to solve the CEO issue with gender quotas, I’m pretty sure the only thing feminists can help you with would be gender quotas for car mechanics.

And that would be hilarious.

I’ve yet to see feminism make someone less crazy. The usual effect it has on people is quite the opposite.

I don’t get it. How are your “friends” taking away your value as a woman?

I thought that feminism was about ending gender roles. So your “value as a woman” shouldn’t even be there, because that’s a gender role thing.

How would feminism help you?

There are higher crime numbers in big cities because there are more people living there.

And is feminism going to solve this issue by teaching you mathematics?

For those that can’t read it: she’s a stripper and supports sex workers. And she’s upset that voluntary sex work is often confused with human trafficking. So she needs feminism, because feminism will fix that.

Which is strange, because the only people I’ve seen conflate voluntary sex work with sex trafficking are feminists. So, um, she actually needs less feminism.

It seems to me that you are not so much objecting to being insulted, but rather to that specific word.

So it would be helpful if you could provide a list of acceptable alternative insults that people could use against you. That you would be okay with.

This is a legitimate concern.

You shouldn’t be publicly shaming your boyfriend just because he’s worried about your mental health.

Feminism — working for women’s right to bear arms.

Wait. Let me get this straight.

You need feminism, because there are women, who do not like feminism?

Are you aware that there are muslims, who do not like terrorists?

Do you need any good bomb recipes or are you a strong, independent terrorist who can figure it out herself?

So, basically, you need feminism, because there are men who also have similar issues, but you refuse to believe that problems can be gender-neutral and you want to make it all about women?

Also, you quoting made up statistics (1 out of 5 women are NOT sexually assaulted) is probably a good reason why you should step away from feminism.

Wat.

I think you need peopleism.

What happens when someone says “no” to your vision of the future?

You need feminism, because you don’t feel important enough?

Feminism — approved by narcissists everywhere!

I’m sorry, but having a family and being a housewife is a choice that was eliminated by feminism. Men don’t earn enough money anymore for you to be a middle-class housewife and raise kids all day long.

Feminism eliminated your choice. Now it’s an expectation that you, too, will be working. All your life. While raising kids.

Have fun.

You are on the internet. The greatest communication platform ever built. Where anyone can talk to anyone and instantly broadcast to billions of people for free.

Who exactly is silencing you?

You need feminism to control what men can talk about.

Well, at least you’re honest about it.

I actually saw a female video game player being mocked last night. For real. The person mocking her was a woman. And I’m pretty sure she was a feminist.

She compared my female friend to “a 13 year old boy” for playing video games. You know what my friend did? She told her to go fuck herself and went back to playing video games.

She’s awesome.

I’m sorry you are being oppressed by fashion magazines, which are run and staffed by women, who often identify as feminists.

I’m sure if you accept feminism into your heart, they will let you join their ranks, so you can be the bully and not the victim.

Well, this is an unfortunate situation, but how is feminism going to help you?

Would you like feminism to take away the man’s sex drive? Would you like feminism to take away his right to do whatever he wants with his penis? Is feminism about controlling men’s bodies?

Relationships can be messy as fuck. We have to learn to navigate them. Feminism ain’t gonna help you here.

It’s kinda like Jesus. Accepting him into your heart might make you feel better, but Jesus ain’t gonna stop your boyfriend from cheating.