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TIFU by shaving my beard... (self.tifu)

hotelcharlie22 が 投稿

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[–]douchefacemcquack 64 ポイント65 ポイント  (22子コメント)

Are you just being full of shit on reddit, or do you actually live this douchy of a life? I mean don't get me wrong man, props to you if everything you've said here is true. But christ, let's take a tally:

  • Started more than one sentence with "Well,"
  • More than one mention of "my better half"
  • Barber "had a glass of my preferred bourbon waiting for me"
  • Dog named Diesel
  • Insanely excessive use of commas
  • Mention of dog "knowing full well I'm the alpha in the house"

And on to the comments:

  • "I go to a very high end barbershop"
  • "barbershop"
  • "Barbershop" is called a "Man Spa"
  • Which is a "local shop downtown" (you've probably never heard of it)
  • Mention of "lady person"
  • "presentable when around with my gorgeous girlfriend"

Let's be honest, this post basically reads like "TIFU by having a super awesome life that is so much better than yours and my girlfriend is hot and my barber has bourbon".

TL;DR - you are me.

[–]FakesBeingItalian 40 ポイント41 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Also the MMA gym he takes his girlfriend too. Reads like it's fucking Dan Blizerian typing this.

[–]Simify 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (2子コメント)

And surprisingly enough the MMA gym didn't bother to teach her any MMA, but rather hilarious (and inappropriate combat) sitcom tactics of kicking people in the balls.

[–]DanielSan_BJJ 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

To be honest any self-defense class will recommend women to kick an aggressor in the balls. It's probably the most effective thing anyone can do, when faced with a size disadvantage, which is often the case with women.

[–]Tex_Mex_Hex 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That particular passage gave me pause. She kicks him in the nuts and that's because of or resultant of going to an MMA gym? Huh.

[–]thejadefalcon 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Started more than one sentence with "Well,"

Hardly an issue.

More than one mention of "my better half"

Common phrasing in a lot of places around the world. Non-issue.

Insanely excessive use of commas

Comma usage is correct.

Mention of dog "knowing full well I'm the alpha in the house"

What do dogs have? Packs. What do packs have? Leaders. What is the leader of a pack of dogs called? Durr...

[–]gamergirl118 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I laughed out loud at "durr..." caught me off guard :)

[–]hotelcharlie22[S] 22 ポイント23 ポイント  (8子コメント)

It's all true, and if you take issue with my diction, I suppose I'm just the product of my education. And this wasn't a humblebrag. It was a legit relaying of my shot to the pills because I scared my girlfriend. Laughing about it afterwards, I thought y'all might get a laugh at my moment of misfortune.

[–]douchefacemcquack 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (4子コメント)

touche, seemingly-douchy-but-maybe-not-that-douchy stranger

[–]hotelcharlie22[S] 26 ポイント27 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Hey now. I never said I wasn't a douche.

[–]lyingtattooist 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Next time please dummy down your life so you can appeal to the lowest common denominator. Suggestions include, but aren't limited to, changing the "high end barbershop" to Super Cuts or the hair cut place at the super Walmart. Instead of mentioning your favorite bourbon just say you brought your own bottle of Mountain Dew and a bag of Doritos. Instead of "my better half" say your mother, whose basement you live in. Change it from a dog to a cat because the internet loves cats. And I guess don't use so many commas because logically structuring your sentences now seems to be a faux pas.

[–]whisker_hanz 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I think you're a cool guy, OP. Don't let the mean men bully you.

[–]hotelcharlie22[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Bully? I'm laughing at the butthurt. I feel like the butthurt is strong with some of them...

"Give in to your butthurt. With each passing moment, you make yourself more my servant." - Emperor Prostate-tine

[–]oldmanslippers 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

And he conveniently mentions he does MMA.

[–]chjmor 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

TL;DR - you are me.

Didn't see that coming. You've earned this upvote.

[–]Khorib 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

"Alpha" is only OK to use in the context of actual dogs... so he's cool on that point.

[–]chrisduhfurr 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Relevant username?

[–]Pulp_Ficti0n 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

OP does sound like an elitist pussy

[–]polvb 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeah, OP sounds like a big douche.