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Tips for being single (self.dating_advice)

rdrptr が 投稿

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[–]iwantedtovote 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (23子コメント)

Really? the 21-22 year olds don't want to date a 24 year old? How are they finding out your age anyways? Do you look older than you are?

Frankly you are in a dating goldmine. I need more honest details as to why you can't find anyone to date.

[–]rdrptr[S] -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (22子コメント)

It's funny. I have actually been called hot before. But there are some mitigating circumstances.

For one I'm very tall, this serves to magnify the age difference. People often think I'm a lot older than I am. I've also been wearing a lot of ties lately in an attempt to impress my current employer, who's considering me for a marketing analytics gig after I graduate, and it only magnifies it further. I'm a fish out of water, essentially. One of these things is not like the other.

I live in a high rent area and my parents have divorced, so needless to say they can't help me with rent anymore like so many other kids have their parents do. I live with my mom and there's quite a stigma associated with that.

I'm hyper-rational. People say they like honesty and hate lies. In reality this is not the case.

I'm socially kind of dumb. My best friend has taken to briefing me on the people we hang out with just so I don't stumble into doing something really dumb. This helps a crap ton, I love that guy. We're Abed and Troy level. I'm Abed, in case you haven't already guessed.

[–]truth_hertz 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (21子コメント)

I'm hyper-rational. People say they like honesty and hate lies. In reality this is not the case.

People don't like being lied to, but they also don't like honesty when it means making them feel bad about themselves, even if it's true. Rule #1 is "Be kind" - if you don't feel like you can do that then you're probably something worse than "hyper-rational" because a rational person should know that there's a line where honesty goes into brutality.

[–]rdrptr[S] -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (20子コメント)

It's funny. I have trouble holding back if I think someone has something to gain from it.

Like this lovely redheaded pansexual girl I keep bumping into. She chopped all her hair off to get one of these newfangled hip butch haircuts and it just looks...awful. And if you're reading this and you have a butch hair cut...I'm sorry. They look terrible. I tried putting it nicely. I told her her hair looked better before. She flipped shit.

My last ex once told me a story of how she'd done something unnecessary and mean to a guy, kind of jokingly, in a bragging fashion (can't remember, but it was quite rude). Utterly flummoxed by her behavior towards this person, I looked her right in the eyes and I told her, "You're a bitch." She thought about it for a sec and she actually kinda agreed (such was the nature of her rude behavior). Needless to say, the relationship did not last.

I have a hard time holding back when I think someone has something to gain by the absolute, unvarnished, no holds barred truth. People need to look at the world that way more. We need to consider things more objectively, especially things like frivolous celebrity culture and social politics.

In the same token, if I think someone's doing something correctly or exhibits a lot of taste, I am very generous with praise.

[–]truth_hertz 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (19子コメント)

I have a hard time holding back when I think someone has something to gain by the absolute, unvarnished, no holds barred truth. People need to look at the world that way more. We need to consider things more objectively, especially things like frivolous celebrity culture and social politics.

Thing is, that's not your call. You don't get to decide that I, your friend, or that random dude over there "needs" to do anything. How the rest of us choose to live and function is none of your business unless we ask you for your opinion. Thinking that you owe the world the divine blessing of your golden opinion is just going to get you a whole lot of former friends and exes and a large swath of the population that just wants to avoid you.

If that's what you want,, then by all means, more power to you. If not, then I suggest working to acquire something called Tact and something else called Empathy. Best of luck.

[–]rdrptr[S] -4 ポイント-3 ポイント  (18子コメント)

That's putting it a little harshly. I don't owe the world the blessing of my divine opinion, as you say. I just have a bad filter. I see something, good or bad, and I speak my mind about it. I couldn't care less about how people see me. If I've said something critical, 80% of the time I wouldn't want to know that person anyway.

I understand that honesty and objectivity can be hurtful. I just don't see the benefit of filtering them out.

[–]truth_hertz 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (17子コメント)

You don't see the benefit of not being hurtful?

If that's the case, why call me out for being harsh? I'm being honest. I don't see the point in pulling punches with you since you would not be so good to do so even with people you claim to actually like (e.g., your former girlfriend.) You come off as a cold, mean person who cares little about others' feelings. You seem to actually be proud of this trait in yourself, leading me to the point where I would not be at all surprised if there were a touch of the sociopath in you.

My husband is a bit older than me (9 years) and while I know that he is a lot more experienced than me and has a great deal of wisdom that comes with just living life, he never makes me feel inferior at all and has a gentle way of helping me to improve myself without ever resorting to condescension or ruthlessness and he treats everyone with respect - even those he may not particularly care for. Perhaps I have too high of expectations for people based on those with whom I choose to surround myself, but I doubt it.

[–]rdrptr[S] -3 ポイント-2 ポイント  (16子コメント)

Harshly meaning a little far from the truth.

I'm certainly not going to deny that I'm a little different from most people. It would make sense to me, I've seen some whacked shit. My dad abused my mom and me until I got old enough to defend her and myself. He had some lee-way when I was in university and that really tore me up inside. But I managed to put a scare in him enough to make him move to the opposite side of the country. My parents are divorced now so things are alright. I've also lived with a violent drug dealer, a friend of a friend, who attacked me a few times in my own apartment. Thankfully he was a shitty fighter and lost literally every single time, including to me. So yeah.

I might not be a sack full of kittens like your husband, but when I find I've got respect for someone, which is often, they know it, and the same thing that makes me ruthless makes me even more capable of explaining exactly why I do. I surprise people with my compliments. I don't just say shit, whatever I say, it reaches in deep and affects you.

That's the part of me I take pride in. I can see behind the veils people put up in front of themselves.

Edit: typo

[–]truth_hertz 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (15子コメント)

Therapy, dude. Get some. Get lots.

I can only go by what you say here, which could be a steaming pile of lies for all I know, but my personal interpretation is that you are a STEMmer type who has never had a romantic relationship longer than a couple of months (maybe as brief as several weeks)' who believes that since you've had it a bit rough that it excuses your shitty interpersonal skills, and that you have a few close friends that, while they like you, wouldn't ask you to be their best man at their wedding because they continually have to apologize on your behalf ("I'm sorry, Kelly, he's actually a great guy once you get to know him, he's just like that, you get used to it I guess. Sorry.")

You believe you're high-confidence and because you're one of the better-looking guys in your sciency-related field/major that actually works - for a while. You probably get a fair amount of dates but after a lot of conversation girls start to recognize the faint scent of desperation and/or you really put your old trademark foot in your mouth as you are wont to do and you set her creep-meter right off and she does a rapid fade.

Seen it a thousand times. That's because I feel like I know you. Not personally, but I want to school with guys who sounded just like you. These days, I work with a couple dozen lonely, single guys that sound just like you. They make far more money than they know what to do with, they take advantage of their new-found wealth to get haircuts and clothes and cars and gym memberships and yet they still wonder why they're still perpetually single - but nothing really changed, did it? They're still just horny awkward boys who don't know how to relate to other human beings. So they talk amongst themselves about how brilliant they are and how the women of the world are so irritating and undeserving, and secretly wish they could just write code that would get them sex.

If you actually want to know how to make the next several years turn around for you in the relationship department, start developing a healthy desire to become a better person and get professional help in the form of a psychologist or therapist. Otherwise plan to use your high earning potential for that other kind of professional help - escorts. They can assist you with that high libido of yours without you needing to resort to being the nice guy you're not.

[–]rdrptr[S] -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (14子コメント)

You're still extrapolating far too much but the advice is sound.

I'm not from a hard science STEM background. I'm not one of the better looking guys in my department...nor am I the worst. I am under no impression that I'm guaranteed an SO after graduation but I think it should be obvious, given my circumstances as a big fish in a small pond currently, that my chances will be significantly improved.

I come from a low income, rural background. I'm not into comic books. I used to be really into sci fi but lately I only have a tacit interest. I work, and I support myself within my meager means as best as I can. I'm mature, and that's not just me talking, many people have told me this. I've been abused as a child, and what I've told you is but a small sample of the whacked shit I've experienced since. This has all forced me to grow up well in advance of my age. I may not be owed an SO but I am owed some consideration from you given my mental condition, frame of mind, experiences, and circumstances. These other freaking people you're talking about aren't me, you're projecting their intentions onto me and I find that VERY rude. You're using a VERY limited view to stereotype me and you should be FUCKING ashamed of yourself for doing that. When I, at least, make internal judgements about other people, I at least make sure they have a concrete foundation gathered from actual facts and wild shit like that. Your only guide has been wild extrapolation.

I've been to therapy many times. I carry a lot of demons with me. At the end of the day we're all people trying to make the best out of our circumstances.

Edit: more details