OPEN LETTER TO THE WORLD

(note: this essay started out as an application for a panel at Arisia, a big sci-fi con in Boston.   The panel will be called “Bullying In Fandom.”  It’s long, but it encapsulates all of my feelings about GG, and why bullying is a problem in geekspace.)

(TW: bullying, harassment, sexual assault.)

Let’s pretend you’re a straight white male geek.  And let’s pretend you got bullied for it.  

In school. Outside school. At home. They used to prank call you. Maybe you got threatening e-mails and Photoshopped pictures of yourself in humiliating situations. You couldn’t go to the bathroom at school. You couldn’t walk down the hall because someone would push you into the wall, block your way, take your lunch, punch you in the gut, kick you, throw you into a trashcan - you didn’t know. If you really, really crossed the bullies, they might do something really serious. Something life threatening.

They took the books you loved away from you. They hated you because you didn’t like the right things. And the teachers never seemed to catch them, or care, because sometimes the bullies were also the straight-A students, or sports gods.

Let’s break this down:

• They took away your right to feel physically and emotionally safe, even at home.
• They took away your right to your possessions.
• They took away your right to a good education.
• They took away your agency.

They hurt you because they were bigger and because they could and that’s how power works. And, because you were a kid, that *was* your world. You had no clue things would ever get better.

And imagine if, when you - a straight, white, male geek - told the authorities about your abuse, all you heard was “you brought it on yourself." What if all you heard was "suck it up and be a man.” What if all you heard was “oh, that happens to everyone…"  Over and over and over again.

And what if you started to believe it?

Now, what if the only people who “got it” were other geeks, like you? You probably didn’t talk about your actual feelings much - after all, for nerdy guys, emotions only bring shame and broken noses - but you sort of got that these guys understood you.  And what if the only place you felt safe was at the comic book store, or playing Xbox with your friends? What if those were the only spaces where you were “allowed” to have “the feels?”

Now, pretend that you’re that same geeky kid, all grown-up now, and you hear that an outspoken female game developer is getting harassed by an angry, anonymous mob. Pretend that you see a person from a racial minority complaining about their representation in the media. Pretend that you hear about someone getting assaulted when they were walking down “the wrong street” wearing “the wrong thing.”

How would you react? Would you react with empathy, or with your internalized self-hatred manifest in the words the grown-ups taught you? “Well, they brought it on themselves?" Or "suck it up and deal?” Or “It happens to everybody?”

Maybe, maybe not. Maybe your days being kicked around, gave you a sense of empathy towards those who were also being kicked around; people for whom the kicking didn’t stop after graduation.

Or, maybe you had the empathy beaten out of you.

And now, you see that guy who’s complaining about racial stereotypes in comics, and it feels like an assault on a thing you like. Maybe the only time you ever had to think about sexism was when Mom threw away your copy of Dead Or Alive Xtreme 2 and she *totally* didn’t get it, so what’s this Sarkeesian lady even talking about? And regarding that rape survivor: hey - you stopped wearing Star Trek shirts to school after you got beat up for it - so while no one deserves it… maybe you find yourself thinking something like “didn’t you see what she was wearing?”

I was that bullied straight white geeky kid. Luckily, I wound up on the side of empathy, which (for me) means “when someone tells me something hurts, I figure it hurts.” I studied theater and mass communications, so I understand the difference between criticism and critique. This is how i came to the stunning realization that Anita Sarkeesian was not, in fact, coming to take away my toys.  

But, yeah, I can *totally* see how nerds can become bullies. I can *totally* see how geeks (male geeks in particular) develop an anti-empathy shield, especially when it comes to problematic elements in the games, and movies, and communities that made *us* feel safe when we were the downtrodden. It’s because, when *we* were the victims of violence, we were told that it was *our* fault, and that we should get over it.

Here’s the “no Duh” statement of the year: Geekspace should be a safe space for all geeks, not just straight, white male geeks.  

For example:

1. A woman who cosplays *every* Princess Leia costume, but can’t name all the planets in the Empire, is *not* a “fake geek girl” just because her Star Wars obsession doesn’t look like yours
2. Honestly, let’s stop making girls and women pass some kind of “nerd” test, or belittling fandoms that trend female (except Twilight. I have no patience for Twilight.)
3. Being “gay” means “attracted to someone of the same gender,” not “on the opposite PvPteam,” so let’s stop conflating the two.
4. Also, there are so many wonderful insults out there - why must we always use the few that pertain to sexual orientation?  Whatever happened to a good old “sockdologizing old man trap?” Or “ham-fisted bun vendor?” 
5. Rape jokes are generally frowned upon in mixed company, for the same reason that telling an Auschwitz joke in a room that’s 1/5th full of Holocaust survivors is considered a bit tacky..
6. "The Big Bang Theory" is not ‘nerd-face’, because ultimately we choose our professions and pop cultural obsessions; however, the fact that we’re supposed to laugh at Sheldon is kind of messed up, because that guy is probably on the spectrum.
7. Let Furries be Furries. You’ve done some strange stuff in your life, too, admit it, and - really - is portraying your inner fox or squirrel any weirder than LARPing a half-werewolf, half-vampire Malkavian all weekend?

And - finally, and most pertinently - Gamergate.

Ohhhhh dear.  Ok, guys, I’m not gonna mince words here…

From what I can tell, #notyourshield might as well be called #notracistbecauseihaveablackfriend, and while you’re really good at talking tough about tactics and “the movement,” I can’t help but notice that you’re actually really bad at finding examples of corruption in games journalism.

I also can’t help but notice that the few examples you *have* found are less “EA bribed Gamespot with oodles of money that they stole from an orphanage!” and more “Some part-time blogger mentioned her friend’s indie game on her Twitter feed!” so - let’s just say the *level* of anger, as well as where said anger is directed, is somewhat alarming to me.

If you were this concerned about ethics, you wouldn’t spend all of your time beating up freelance journalists and indie developers.

If you really cared this much about journalism, you’d know the difference between a think-piece, a review, a feature, and an article.

If you cared about ethics in gaming, your movement would have started because of something like Doritosgate, not because Zoe Quinn’s boyfriend aired his dirty laundry.

And when the death threats started, you didn’t shut the whole thing down and start over, because even though people were getting scared out of their homes, threatened, doxxed, and harassed *in your name*, it was waaay more important to keep waving that Gamergate flag. Death threats are a small price to pay, so long as Call Of Duty (starring Kevin Spacey) gets an unbiased review!

That’s the “anti-empathy shield” of Geekdom.  It’s the big force field you put up to protect yourself from a world that never understood you. It’s the voices saying “Everyone gets bullied.” “You brought it on yourself.” And, when someone calls you on it, “*You’re* the one attacking *me*.”

And it gets worse.  That bubbling hot cauldron of nerd-rage is very easy to tap into, and it makes for a fine weapon.  And in the hands of the cynical and callous, this weapon slays not the bullies, but the bullied. After all,   no one cared when you got hurt.  Why should you care if this woman gets hurt?  She wants to take away the one thing that’s holding you up and making you strong. Attack. Dodge. Thrust. Repeat.

Because in Gamergate-World, your enemies aren’t the ones pulling the strings, they’re the ones desperately clutching the left-handed safety scissors with the screw that always pops out; the ones pointing out, through bitter tears and clenched teeth, that it isn’t a fair fight, all the while doing everything they can to make it one.  

You had that same pair of scissors once, back in school.  It was broken even back then, and you hated it.  You asked for a new pair, and they told you to shut up and quit whining.  

So, you better not listen to her  - or else.  After all, she might take your strings away.