thanks for sharing your story. I think even when it sounds nice and like a compliment it’s still fetishistic and racist, you know? we get treated like exotic playthings and white people are fed those messages about us that we internalized, and then white people somehow think it’s a nice thing to say!

I’m glad that you eventually got out of that toxic relationship though. Sometimes you just have to cut people off, even if it hurts. The problem is that a lot of time white partners won’t even confront that racism in their own families and all that does is perpetuate it.

My last partner’s family was completely racist — their sister asked me if my mom could make her tacos and then fetishized our whole race by saying gross things about being with a latino, and their parents not only banned them from saying the word “racist” in their house (no fucking joke) but basically said that they wouldn’t tolerate mixed-race children. and my partner just didn’t really fight it enough, in the end.

I think you’re good so this is just a general reminder to everyone: get out of toxic and racist relationships ASAP.