This Woman Set Up An Instagram To Show The Shocking Truth Of Being A Woman Online
The screenshots uploaded detail the abuse and harassment women face daily.
BuzzFeed News spoke to the creator of the account. posted on Nov. 3, 2014, at 10:23 a.m.
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1. Bye Felipe is an Instagram account set up by Alexandra Tweten where women can share screenshots of abuse on dating platforms.
2. In a blog for Ms. Magazine, the creator explained she made the account “in order to compile harassing and hostile messages men send to women after being rejected or ignored”.
Bye Felipe began “three weeks ago” after a friend posted a screenshot of a hostile message she received on OkCupid to Facebook. Tweten had to laugh, because she has recently received a similar message. As she wrote on her blog:
Comparing the two, one comes to the conclusion that women can’t win if they are not interested in certain men. Under their logic, we are supposed to entertain any man who is interested in conversation or a date just because we exist on a dating site. Which is completely ridiculous.
So Tweten decided to compile women’s experiences of harassment on dating sites online. She started the account, she said, with the purposes of:
A) Commiserating with other women (you can’t be a woman online and not get creepy messages from men);
B) Letting men know what it’s like to be a woman online (it’s not all cupcakes and rainbows!); and
C) To expose the problematic entitlement some men feel they need to exert over women in general.
She said that when asked what the solution to this sense of entitlement is, she struggles to answer, adding:
This is just a symptom of a larger problem. Censoring these messages may help in the short term, but the messages featured on Bye Felipe are like an immortalized version of the catcalls and threats women receive on the the street every day, just walking around and existing. Until we change the cultural atmosphere, women will continue to receive these hurtful messages online and in real life.
3. BuzzFeed News contacted the Tweten to ask her about the account.
Online dating is universally terrible for guys and women. Guys have to message lots of women to get maybe one response. Women get inundated with messages from guys who clearly did not read their profile. It leads to frustration. You can see the guys’ desperation in the messages that I post. However, that doesn’t mean that they have permission to make women feel bad.
She had one final message for men dating online:
To men: Don’t take it personally if we aren’t interested. Realize that we get these types of mean messages, so don’t contribute to it. Don’t feel entitled to a woman just because she’s on a dating site. Just move on to the next one if she’s not interested. I want people to be nicer to each other. As a whole though, I wanted to expose the social atmosphere that breeds these types of messages from misogynistic men. It’s really a symptom of a larger problem.
4. Below is just a sample of the screenshots uploaded to Bye Felipe.
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I know, right? And there’s more where that came from.
Totally! And there’s plenty more to love!
Broken hearted? Maybe you’ll like something over here instead?
I know, right? Will your friends agree?
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- .Tanya Rohatgi · Top CommenterRELEASE THE NAMES. SHIT LIKE THIS SHOULD NOT BE ANONYMOUS. IT'S HIGH TIME THERE WERE CONSEQUENCES TO CYBER ABUSE.
- .Vladimir Enlow · Top Commenter · Nashville, TennesseeAn alternate name for this site could be "1001 Dodged Bullets".
- .Kymberley 'Kraz' Jamieson · Top Commenter · Palmers CollegeDo these men honestly wonder why they're single? lol
- .Sharmela MMn · Top Commenter · Curtin BentleySome of these dudes are seriously loose in the head. You can write all your preferences in your profile, and yet, you'll get the 2-3 assholes who, despite not even matching what you've written, sending you a message.
I got a 22 year old, conservative. I told him he was too young. His reply? Didn't your mother teach you not to judge a book by its cover. Me: Didn't yours teach you not to play with fire. And I don't listen to my mother. So please.
And then there are those who want to get through immigration so they're looking to making it official, if you know what I mean. Uh NO!
Wish I'd taken screen shots of some of them. Usually I'm just to appalled and annoyed= delete!
- .Agratha Dinakaran · Top Commenter · Christ University · 1,876 followersWomen get swamped with tons of messages like these everyday, that when I get a message from a guy who pays me a genuine compliment, I thank him graciously and think of what a great guy he was.
Yeah. I'm thanking men for not being assholes and for not sending me abusive messages online. Those are my standards.- .Jordi Blythe · Top Commenter · Receptionist at Plastic SurgeonI just told a guy I wanted to be friends and he was surprisingly cool about it. I thanked him for not calling me a f**king c*nt. I feel your pain. It's ridiculous out there.
Unfortunately, same guy then began drunk calling and drunk texting me but hey. At least he never resorted to name calling. Just subtle harassment.
- .Andy Pryor-Jones · Office Executive at Interactive Healthcare TrainingFor the love of God...what the fuck is up with some guys. How is a rational person's reaction to being rejected, to kill or mutilate the person rejecting them?! I think the use of the word entitlement is 100% correct; these children have never been told no and the first time it happens this is their reaction. Add to that the bullshit idea that every woman is basically supposed to instantly say yes no matter how creepy or weird a dude is and this is what you get. I truly do not understand the logic behind this sort of reaction and it's ridiculous that this happens every day to women. Men, grow the fuck up.
- .Drew St John · School of Hard Knocks, The University of LifeI'm right there with ya, Andy. These are boys, not men. Men don't treat people - especially women - this way. Lashing out with such hostility is a compensation tactic - instead of confronting their own shortcomings, these douches go on the offensive. This is NOT the behavior of a real man. FFS.
- .Dustin Romero · Top Commenter · UMiami AlumAs a gay guy, I've never ever encountered this hostility from other gay men. Not once. Now that's not to say it doesn't exist within queer culture. But I just think straight men are much more prone to hostile behavior such as this bc when rejected by a woman it makes them feel demasculated and they don't have the tools to effectively deal with that. Like, at all. So what do they do? They resort to this kind of behavior as a way to protect their egos. It's no excuse whatsoever to treat other people like that though. Their vitriol towards females who "reject" them is disgusting for sure. But again, when you don't know how to deal with your emotions you suffer for it. As gross as that behavior is, I do feel kind of bad for people- not just guys- who don't know how to process and confront their feelings in a healthy way. PS you can't be rejected by someone who doesn't know you. When a potential romantic interest turns you down, they're not rejecting YOU. They're turning down the proposition. They don't know you at all. How can they reject someone they don't know?
- .Sara Katherine Johnstone · Top Commenter · Nashoba Regional High School · 136 followersYou're lucky. What doesn't make sense to me is that men should understand WOMEN are the pickers. I actually know a guy who said this "Men do their little song and dance, and women decide if he's suitable enough". Maybe if guys actually took the time to stop hitting on every type of girl, we'd feel appreciated. Gay guys actually tend to be attractive looking because they go all out. I've seen gay guys I thought were straight and got disappointed when I realized they were gay. Straight men, are just blehhhh. They don't pluck their eyebrows (when they are really shaggy looking).. they dress like hobo's and a lot of them don't realize just how ugly they are. A lot of men want this perfect Megan Fox and yet they are they are the same guys who are a 1/10. It's ridiculous. I actually give credit to the dudes who go to the gym everyday and take care of their bodies like I do, but a lot of men I know don't do that stuff and think "Well, girls go for personality" ..and it's like "Um yeahhhhh. Because 99% of you tools are ugly as fuck and I'm into men not women, so I need to settle for something" Lmao.
- .Denica Alleyne · Top Commenter · UCAI had to stop using dating sites because if I had one more guy of the opposite race call me "chocolate" or "ebony" I was going to scream!
- .Mici Barkström · Top Commenter · Figure Skating Coach at Partille KKIt is astonishing to me how these people think it's ok to call women cunts, whores and bitches just because they don't reply to their tinder message. And most of them only wait like ten minutes before they decide that the woman in question is a heartless ugly bitch. Astonishing.
This is why I don't do online dating.- .Amy Rorke · Top CommenterAmy Gilder I don't want to hear such lame ass excuses. "Not raised to handle rejection"? Ahh... what? You mean those adults that have to go to work and be part of society where they are able to be protected and mollycoddled by their bosses and the law?
Pathetic reasoning. - .Amy Gilder · Top Commenter · Cosmetics at Macy'sThat wasn't an excuse at all I think that makes it all the more pathetic. Hey guys news flash- life doesn't work out how you want it to and girls have the right to say no! Like every guy online acts like he's offering you the privilege to sleep with him and acts like you stabbed his mother for politely declining.
- .Róisín Nic Giolla Rua · Top Commenter · Clonbern, Galway, IrelandThat Josh guy appears to feature twice on this list. How much of an absolute fucker do you have to be to feature once, let alone twice?
- .Mark Waldron · SUNY PurchaseI'm definitely not defending Josh, but since he is featured there multiple times, it seems like they are carrying on dialogue over a period of weeks. We have no clue what kind of shit they are talking about in between. Doesn't give him the right to be a dick, just seems weird.
- .Josh Thompson · Top Commenter · Mcintosh High SchoolUsing Tinder and not expecting to get scummy messages? Its a HOOKUP APP. What type of people do you think use it?
- .Josh Thompson · Top Commenter · Mcintosh High SchoolStephanie Roberman Ewell Calm down. Merely saying when you use an app 1). designed with the intention of users to meet to have casual sex and 2). realize that the subset of men/manchildren who would use such an app are exactly the type of people you expect them to be, its not entirely surprising to see these results. No where did I say anyone deserved to receive shitty messages online; that point is preposterous.
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