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Harassed on the streets of Seattle (self.TwoXChromosomes)

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[–]too_clever_username -3 ポイント-2 ポイント  (37子コメント)

Finally I turn to the nice gentleman that was chatting with us before, who looks so bewildered and has no idea how talking to two hunnies went bad so quickly, and tell him to just engage the guy.

Ahh, casual sexism. It's not a man's job to protect women.

[–]blessyousharkie 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (21子コメント)

Not OP but I suspect she phrased that badly. Of course it's not his job but as a fellow male he was in the best position to convince the guy to go away as he clearly didn't respect the women in the situation enough to respect their wishes to be left alone. The nice guy is not their fighting machine to order around, just their best hope of calming the strange man down.

[–]AxeApollo 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (17子コメント)

Actually, getting the guy involved could have actually easily escalated the situation.

[–]blessyousharkie -3 ポイント-2 ポイント  (12子コメント)

It depends on the nice guy, some people are good at diffusing a tense situation and others could antagonize the stranger and turn it violent. Either way the nice guy's words would likely carry more weight to someone like the stranger.

[–]mascota 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (3子コメント)

"Carrying more weight" is not always a good thing. It can easily be seen as a challenge requiring escalation to save face.

[–]blessyousharkie -4 ポイント-3 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Please check my other comments about "assessing the situation". I've already agreed that there were risks involved and it appears the nice guy was smart enough to determine whether he should involve himself. I don't at all agree that the nice guy must intervene, only that if he saw he could help, he should've.

[–]mascota 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

the nice guy was smart enough to determine whether he should involve himself.

Or did he do it out of a sense of obligation?

[–]blessyousharkie [非表示スコア]  (0子コメント)

Seems It's not really known to us how he acted or whether he felt endangered, so yeah that's what determines whether he felt forced to or not.

[–]AxeApollo 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (7子コメント)

You sound very sure of that, a drunk guy mouthing off to girls could take it out on a guy who stepped in. It could really go either way so I'm not sure why you keep asserting that it was the best choice.

[–]blessyousharkie -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (6子コメント)

If you check my other comment in this section I accounted for the fact that it could go either way and that the nice guy should be free to assess the situation and make his own decision. I never said or meant 'he must engage', only that, if the stranger in this situation was able to be placated (based on assessment), he would be more likely to respect the words of a fellow male. And look, that's exactly what happened in this particular scenario.

[–]AxeApollo 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Her asking him to get involved puts him in an awkward position. A potentially more dangerous one, if he got involved of his own accord I would see it as different. Her having an argument with a guy then getting the guy involved is the behavior that I do not think is sensible.

[–]blessyousharkie [非表示スコア]  (3子コメント)

I agree with you and personally given the same situation I wouldn't have asked someone to help me take care of a potentially dangerous person. There is however no way to know what he was thinking. Maybe he didn't want to engage out of self-preservation, maybe his typical response to conflict is 'freeze', maybe he didn't want to interfere so as not to make it look like OP couldn't handle herself, etc. We can't assume what his feelings were/that he did it against his will, and then come at OP with accusatory pitchforks. I agree, however, that OP didn't make it sound very voluntary and it wasn't phrased fairly at all, but surely we're intelligent enough to realize that we can't assume we know how the guy felt.

[–]mascota [非表示スコア]  (2子コメント)

Did you notice how she apologized to her friend for putting her in danger, yet not a word from her about the danger she put this man in?

Her post shows a very entitled attitude, and no concern whatsoever for the man she placed in danger by her more than usual amount of aggressiveness (OPs own words).

[–]blessyousharkie [非表示スコア]  (1子コメント)

If we knew to a degree of certainty that this guy was a danger, then I'd agree with you no questions asked. She should not be putting another person in harm's way. While some men would be aggressive and dangerous in this scenario, others would just be a bother to women but not to men (e.g. They want to cop a feel or try to sleep with them when they want to be left alone), judging by the fact that this guy "stumbled" away and listened to the nice guy, it seems that they determined this pervy character was a danger to the women in the group and not the men.

You're completely right that they could've been faced with a dangerous man but I am not assuming the worst of these three people, and I think they were smart enough to judge the nature of the situation themselves. If you're hating entirely on OP for her actions then you've gotta realize that you're assuming the nice guy is some pushover with no say or judgement in the matter. He had every right to not intervene but he judged and decided that it was okay to step in.

[–]tulsatechie [非表示スコア]  (3子コメント)

Actually, you use the word actually too often. You actually do.

For all the times I've said "I'm armed" it has never once not immediately de-escalated. No need to brandish or even show a weapon. Just look them straight in the eye and say "I'm armed" and let your eyes say "I'm ready to die tonight, are you? Walk away." Thugs don't wanna die. Not the sober ones, not the drunk ones.

[–]too_clever_username [非表示スコア]  (0子コメント)

There's nothing about the guy in question carrying. What are you talking about?

[–]AxeApollo [非表示スコア]  (1子コメント)

Where does it say the guy was armed?

oh and... Watch out...

[–]tulsatechie [非表示スコア]  (0子コメント)

Where does it say the guy was armed?

No one said any guy guy was armed. Dude. You're high. Congrats!

[–]lumaga 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (1子コメント)

The second man is more likely to physically attack the first man. This could have ended very poorly.

[–]blessyousharkie -3 ポイント-2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's up to the judgement of the nice guy to assess the situation, but if he could have helped someone in need then he should've. Clearly this guy was wise enough to determine whether or not he should have intervened (he did and the guy stumbled away), but I've already mentioned that it should be his choice to do so and not an expectation that he would step in regardless of risks and danger.

[–]sruzz -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I also think it's moreso a bystander deal. He was right there and they were engaged in conversation beforehand. Wasn't there and don't have a clue what I'm talking about, though, so take that for what it's worth.

[–]Ma1eficent 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (14子コメント)

It is the job of all of those who are decent people to stand up for others, regardless of gender.

[–]Istartedanaccount [非表示スコア]  (8子コメント)

Yeah... You don't get to dictate whether people should have to put themselves in harms way for strangers in order to be classed as decent. Sounds like shaming to me!

[–]Ma1eficent [非表示スコア]  (3子コメント)

Call it what you want. We are not islands, and how we relate to each other in society matters.

[–]Istartedanaccount [非表示スコア]  (2子コメント)

Why do you pride yourself on being extremely idealistic, rather than having a rational view of the real world? Does it give you a sense of superiority? Because to people that understand how the world really works you look quite silly and naive.

[–]Ma1eficent [非表示スコア]  (1子コメント)

Because people like you would be happy to hide away while predators attack the weak. And some of us have to fight for something better.

[–]Istartedanaccount [非表示スコア]  (0子コメント)

Except you're not fighting for something better. You are shaming people into putting themselves in dangerous situations which may have been not escalated had they not gotten involved. You're literally behind a keyboard, doing nothing, trying to make it sound like you are doing something. You are tumblr. You are the human incarnation of tumblr.

[–]pipkin227 [非表示スコア]  (3子コメント)

She asked. He complied. Why is that dictating whether people should put themselves in harms way.

[–]Istartedanaccount [非表示スコア]  (2子コメント)

This person above me declared it is everybody's job if you are a decent person to get involved. That's dictating.

[–]pipkin227 [非表示スコア]  (1子コメント)

Fair. I thought you meant OP.

[–]Istartedanaccount [非表示スコア]  (0子コメント)

No worries :)

[–]AxeApollo 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (4子コメント)

If they choose to, they should not feel obligated to put themselves in danger, especially if it could escalate the situation.

[–]Ma1eficent [非表示スコア]  (3子コメント)

They should, actually. We are a society, not a collection of assholes letting other people get injured because we don't want to assume any risk. When more people get involved, things de-escalate, unless someone also comes to the aid of the drunken asshole.

[–][削除されました]  (2子コメント)

[deleted]

    [–]pipkin227 [非表示スコア]  (1子コメント)

    .... I'm struggling to see the application