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I won’t be sharing my life story here, you’ll just have a glimpse of what it’s like to have two different personalities.

My other personality is depressive,and feels guilty about being attracted to babies (we’ll call him Ned). He seeks a damn THERAPIST of all things, and it’s my job to undo the steps he took to get closer to therapy and other sissified things in life. I have to answer calls from therapists and the people who work for them sometimes to let them know that there has been a mistake. (without letting them know why that is of course!) Therapy is for the weak and the inferior, and I am shamelessly attracted to babies. Ned listens to pop and classical music, which I despise. I make sure to make my internet passwords hard for him to guess, so that he can’t fuck things up for me.

If it was possible to fight him in a death match, I would. He leaves notes for me to try and make me feel guilty about my ways. That doesn’t work, but it is fucking annoying. We do happen to have one self interest, however: keeping this body alive and well, as we both incidentally have to share it.

Thankfully, Ned knows that there are consequences if he chose to take psychiatric medications (which I would unfairly have to suffer the consequences of if he did.) Whenever it’s “my turn to be” (which is mostly everyday, our “share” is about equal) I make sure to have a drink, to try and make it unlikely that he would.