hi so I really need advice. So a few weeks ago, I (believe) I was sexually assaulted. I dont know what to take of it because I’ve had several people laugh in my face and tell me it was my fault, but i've also had friends who support me going to trial yadda yadda yadda.

So heres the story.. A good friend of mine, or who i thought was, invited me to go smoking and drinking with him and his friend. I was with my friend at the time and said sure. he drove to her house under the impression that we were going to be able to stay there but we werent able to. ,they suggested going back to one of their houses, multiple times but I got bad vibes and said fuck no, i want to stay in the area. We ended up driving around Chicago while drinking in the car. I’m assuming they slipped something in my drink because I didn’t have much alcohol until I blacked out. I guess under the influence i puked in his backseat and instead of taking me back to my friends house, whos mother would be fine with us coming back drunk, he took us back to his house which i told him explicitly multiple times not to do. but I guess he did because I woke up face down in his workout bench.

I got up and walked around laughing because I thought I was at my other friends house, i was still trashed and ran around the house looking for her. the guy led me to his room where my friend was on the bed so i jumped in and cuddled her. he got in the bed and cuddled me but being wasted, i didnt think much of it. he was rubbing my leg and i fell asleep.

I woke up with his hand in my pants and was scared half to death. I tried moving away but he kept fingering me. I moved a whole 130 degrees and grabned my friends thigh for help, looking at her hoping shed see in my eyes i needed help. but she was tripping and just laughed at me. the guy started to take off my pants, and me being scared and drunk couldnt say no or kick and fight because i knew he had been drunk and tripping (to which ifound out he was actually sober when this happened) so i thought hed hurt me. instead i made excuses (ex; hey uh i didnt shave) but he looked me dead in the eye and said you really think i care? as he took off my shirt I crossed my arms around my chest and said this isnt right. he ignored me and kept going.

At this point I felt it was futile to even try anymore so I just had to close my eyes and force myself to act like i enjoyed it so he wouldnt hurt me. at one point in the middle i begged for more alcohol clearly saying i wasnt okay with what was happening and i needed to blackout to be okay, cause i knew there was no fighting at this point. he gave me some but i didnt black out and i remembered it all unfortunately. him, and he got his friend to join, ran a train on me and my friend. I eventually crawled from the room after they finished whipping me and threw up. Ended up crying, kid came in looked me dead in the eye and just left to do whatever. Idk.

Shortly after this he gave some kid bad acid that led him to stray into the highway and get hit and killed by multiple cars. And shortly after THAT decided to drive drunk in a car full of people and got into a crash that killed an old middle school friend of mine who was 16 when it happened, and another 20 year old who was good friends with most of the people I know. He made a full recovery, is healthy, and is facing no legal charges to my knowledge for anything. Any ideas, Reddit?