Fucking spirits, how does it work?

Awhile back on Tumblr I was asked how interplanar sex even works, and this is in fact not the first time I’ve been asked this question, so this is a post about the dynamics of spirit sex.  I’m putting this behind a “read more” cut for courtesy, so if you’re squicked/uncomfortable by frank talk about subjects like masturbation, this is not a post for you.

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So there are a few different ways I know of to have astral!sex.

The most common/frequent way that I have sex with non-corporeals is to masturbate while I astrally project/journey.  What I experience is kind of like a guided meditation only not pre-scripted and much more variable with what will happen, since it is in fact a real experience. (I have had some surprises in these experiences, things I was not expecting to go down [hurr hurr].)  Also when I do this, the veil between me and my partners is thinned enough that I can actually feel their touch, feel the fullness inside me (or the way they wrap around me), the weight of their body, and so on.  This is not to say that everyone who engages in this particular form of interplanar mating will experience “phantom” sensations (and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you don’t) but a fair number of us do.

This sort of spirit sex can be enhanced by consecrating a vibrator, dildo, or other sex toy and keeping it on one’s altar or in another sacred or magical place (such as a magical box hurr hurr). I have non-jokingly referred to my vibrator as “my other wand”. I know of at least one person who has bought dildos from Bad Dragon because non-human cocks (especially elven cocks) tend to be larger in size. It is, of course, also acceptable to use one’s hand/s!

I have known other people who do not masturbate but simply journey or astral project and have the sex purely in the etheric body without anchoring it to this one, but still experience physical sensations and sometimes even a release.  I have done this occasionally, most often when I want to give my astral partner an orgasm but I might be too tired to get off myself or I’m about to head out and there’s not enough time for me to come (as it takes awhile) but they can get off in that time frame.

I and other people have also experienced astral travel in sleep and engaging in consensual sex with deities or spirits while journeying in one’s sleep.  This actually started happening a lot more after I got together with D – while he and I are intimate while I’m awake bio-side, most nights after my bio-body goes to sleep, my astral body doesn’t, and I tend to remember what we were doing (waking up with a big smile on my face).

I have also known of some people who have had sex with an entity while that entity was being horsed by another person. This is less common, and is the sort of thing you have to be careful with; I know of at least one person who felt manipulated into having sex with someone who claimed to horse their god-spouse and felt violated afterwards. It takes a lot of trust and it’s the sort of thing that I personally have too many trust issues for, however if done well it can be a lovely experience from what I’ve heard from others, so.

I personally prefer the “masturbating while astral projecting and steering my etheric body in the sex act” method because the physical release “anchors” the experience energetically and makes it more potent (as I’ve tried just doing it astrally sans physical “anchoring”). This is not to say that my way is the best (and I’m certainly not complaining about being up all night to get lucky once my bio-self goes to sleep), only that I’ve found it to be the best for me. It has helped me also with sexual dysfunction issues, and I have had some beautiful experiences in the afterglow of lovemaking, as the orgasm chemicals do their work in my brain.

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As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, sex with gods and spirits is not necessarily going to be all Srs Bizness all the time. I have had sex with Clarence ritually, but I also have sex with him just to have sex. I don’t see anything wrong with this, and I also don’t see spirit!sex as being less sacred if it’s just boinking to boink. Particularly with elves, there is an energy exchange going on through sex – it’s physical, it’s carnal, there is lust and hunger and need, but there is also more than that, knowing and being known, healing, soothing, comforting, wholemaking. Even “casual” sex with an elven partner can be a beautiful experience, an act of hospitality and sharing.

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I will also say this because it needs to be said: you have the right to say no to an entity. You do not have to go along with them sexually just because they want it and they’re “bigger”. Even if you owe them a favor, you do not owe anyone sex.

Non-consensual spirit!sex tends to be less of a problem among Eshnahai. Clarence thinks consent is sexy, and would actually be turned off if someone didn’t want it; Clarence enjoys the psychology of desire and surrender, and thinks that someone wanting it is at least half of what makes good sex (technique being the other half). This seems to be a fairly common attitude among the Eshnahai. When you consider that so much of their mysteries are bound up in sex (while not all), it makes sense that they would want this to be an equal partnership, cooperating together, whether to feed the land and people or do some other magic, or just to weave bonds between people, a gift of pleasure and happiness.

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It should also be pointed out that if sex with gods/spirits is not your thing, that’s OK. You do not have to be a godspouse or boink spirits to “do it right”. There are other ways of connecting with the Powers. It doesn’t all have to look the same, and in fact it shouldn’t look the same. An ecosystem needs diversity to survive, and this is true of our relationships with the Otherworlds and the beings therein.

On the other hand if you are a godspouse or spirit-spouse or lover, you should not feel ashamed to enjoy your relationship or enjoy having sex with them. I will tell you from my own experience that I’ve got plenty of hate over the years, people thinking I “want to be special”, people who have tried to shame me and tell me that “I need help” for admitting to this being a part of my life. This used to bother me once upon a time but I am in a place now where I figure people must really have no lives to worry about what others are doing, and their need to hate and criticize me or others on this path does not take away from its sacredness.

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Whatever you do or don’t do, have fun.