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Me [22 F] is tired of my boyfriend [25 M] of 1 year sharing a cat with his ex, how do I tolerate this?Relationships (self.relationships)

submitted by Jellyfishpuff

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[–]41145and6 -6 ポイント-5 ポイント

Some of us view our cats as members of the family.

You not feeling the same way doesn't change our emotional attachment to our animals. My fiancée and I have three dogs and three cats. If we ever split up we'd absolutely share custody.

Edit for the retards downvoting my relevant comment: Fuck yourselves.

[–]Jellyfishpuff[S] 9 ポイント10 ポイント

The situation doesn't change how I feel about it, despite what is said. I'm not comfortable with it, and I have to know my limits in this as well. That's fair, right?

As is is sharing custody of the cat-it made sense to him. It's a situation of what we're willing to put up with, and I don't think I can put up with this situation anymore.

[–]Buddahrific 3 ポイント4 ポイント

Tell him that. If it's truly a dealbreaker for you, issuing an ultimatum is fair.

[–]41145and6 0 ポイント1 ポイント

Have you considered just being honest?

[–]Jellyfishpuff[S] 3 ポイント4 ポイント

Yep. We've talked about this so many times...but we never come to a resolution, it's pretty much a...I have to suck up and deal with it situation.

[–]41145and6 -1 ポイント0 ポイント

Well, either break up with him or quit bitching about it.

[–]katzukis -1 ポイント0 ポイント

Honestly, if someone im dating makes me choose between him or keep seeing my cat I would choose the cat without thinking. If you feel so uncomfortable with this and he is not willing to change the situation, you'll have to end your relationship.

[–]Jellyfishpuff[S] 3 ポイント4 ポイント

It's not so unreasonable on his end, but it is on mine. I'm allowed to feel the way do as is he. It's not the cat, he legally owns it. It's this interaction

[–]katzukis -4 ポイント-3 ポイント

You are allowed to feel however you want to but I dont think is fair to ask him to stop this arrangement because you are not ok with it.

Idk, thats how I view relationships, I dont believe on having to ask the other person to change something im not ok with, I rather look for someone who has the same views as me.

[–]Jellyfishpuff[S] 6 ポイント7 ポイント

Then you're going to have trouble in your relationships. You will never find someone exactly like you or who views things exactly the same way. We've both had to compromise and change things for the relationship, but he will not compromise in this situation or bring resolution to it. I will not compromise either, so we're at a crossroads.

[–]katzukis -4 ポイント-3 ポイント

Well I rather be alone than feeling entitled enough to ask someone I supposedly love to give up on something they love just because im so insecure I cant deal with it.

[–]Jellyfishpuff[S] 3 ポイント4 ポイント

He owns the cat legally, she was the one that fucked up the relationship and she can honestly get another cat. I don't understand why he can't just take the cat and be done with it.

[–]OddTurtle89 4 ポイント5 ポイント

If you love your pets you should do what's best for them, and for cats it's not to be dragged around to different homes every week.

[–]41145and6 -2 ポイント-1 ポイント

That's weird, because I actually read the OP and it says the cat lives with the ex over the summer only, not every other week.

That's not going to hurt the cat like you seem to think.

[–]OddTurtle89 1 ポイント2 ポイント

And I actually read the op and the comments and she says he goes over with the cat every two months... Btw I was talking about your situation in that comment and not the op's.

[–]superiorolive 0 ポイント1 ポイント

I'm sorry you're getting downvoted. I don't know what is up with all this macho "MAN UP IT'S JUST A CAAAAAT" sentiment.

It's ok if you don't consider animals a family member. But practice empathy, try to put yourselves in the shoes of someone who does think like that. The idea of sharing custody of a cat is not an illogical conclusion when you're in this paradigm.

[–]Jellyfishpuff[S] 4 ポイント5 ポイント

I understand both of them love the cat, but it's not healthy for her or me to have this situation. It makes me anxious and it prevents her from emotionally moving on.

It's not really healthy for the cat either, to be switched back and forth every couple of months. He is usually stressed for a couple of days each time there's a location switch. I'm sorry, I'd understand if they'd been married and the pets were much older-but they got this cat towards the end of the relationship, he didn't view this long-term, and they have now been sharing custody of this cat longer than they even dated.

It's just not acceptable to me and it's not good for anyone involved.

[–]41145and6 0 ポイント1 ポイント

Again, break up with him or quit bitching.

[–]MistressFey[🍰] 4 ポイント5 ポイント

The idea of sharing custody of a cat is not an illogical conclusion

It kind-of is if you actually care about the cat. Cat's are territorial creatures. Constantly uprooting them it bad for their health and not recommended.

Plus what happens when one person gets a new job and has to move? Do they now send the cat to each other on a plane? Do they drive hours just to switch the cat?

Not to mention the issues that come up when one of them is going to be out of town for an extended trip, when the cat gets sick (who pays, etc), or even when there's an accident and the cat is hurt and needs medical attention.

Joint custody of a pet just isn't healthy for anyone. It's hard enough on children, why do it to an animal who can't understand what's happening. I love my cats too much to put them through that.